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Aim: To raise the status of the adjective alcoholic until is on a par with the word energetic.

"Drunk young men getting into fights account for almost half of those requiring facial surgery and are costing taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars a year."

"Scotland's youngest mum was taken back into care by police after going on the run for two days. The 12-year-old from Armadale, West Lothian vanished during a shopping trip on Saturday and later spent hours downing cans of lager."

"On May 25, 1995, it was reported that Harding claimed she was being stalked by professional golfers driving a white Lincoln Town Car, resulting in a car chase involving Harding, her ex-husband Gillooly, and the police."

"Britney Spears is said to have booted her wastrel husband, Kevin Federline, out of their Malibu mansion. We hear the couple had a blazing row Wednesday night in which the pop princess banished the skeevy dancer to the Beverly Hills Hotel. Word is Brit lost it when a pot-packing pal of Federline's showed up at their house."

Patron Saint of Alcoholic Folk: Eric Stanton

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