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Re: [ACWDYG ] Re: True Stories

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  • Jennifer Thomas
    Then truly you do not have a good therapist. It is one thing to help a person see and recognize what they are doing to themselves but it is another to put a
    Message 1 of 16 , Feb 29, 2008
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      Then truly you do not have a good therapist. It is one thing to help a person see and recognize what they are doing to themselves but it is another to put a negative or hurtful spin on it and make the person feel bad about themselves. Just a thought, not to be critical by any means, is it your perception of her reaction or is it real? Sometimes things are said in a way that it can be construed differently depending on who looks at it. Just a thought.

      Dianne <writingsbydianne@...> wrote: Yes Jennifer I have heard others say things like you just did that if
      your ex did not do the things he did you would not be with the
      current man you are with.

      I guess I am looking at this from "my perspective" and although I
      think I was headed toward positive things somehow I feel a shift took
      place and I am more negative again. The way that counselor reacted
      to me had a very big impact on me. I think that is mainly because
      more than just me knew of the negative thoughts now.

      D.

      --- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, Jennifer Thomas
      <kookie123427@...> wrote:
      >
      > Dianne - if my ex had not done some of the horrible things he had,
      I would not be with the man I'm with now. Some things happen for a
      reason. And I'm learning that some men treat a woman with respect
      and without control or anger.
      >
      > Dianne <writingsbydianne@...> wrote: So even the bad
      things that we go through are for a reason. Hummm...
      > so I can consider what I am going through as there being a reason?
      I
      > think you are right. There was some lesson I was suppose to learn.
      >
      > D.
      >
      > --- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, "Leonard Rubino"
      <lmr@>
      > wrote:
      > >
      > > Teddybear, Thanks I really enjoyed those stories and believe that
      > nothing happens by accident. Len
      > >
      > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
      > >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      > ---------------------------------
      > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!
      Search.
      >
      > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
      >






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    • Michael traster
      Dianne, I would like to suggest that you give this perspective some consideration as a possible part of what happened between you and your therapist. You
      Message 2 of 16 , Mar 3, 2008
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        Dianne,

        I would like to suggest that you give this perspective some consideration as a possible part of what happened between you and your therapist.

        You became very comfortable with them, and often felt a great deal of acceptance and approval from them, which you came to value and perhaps depend upon.

        When they withdrew agreement ( approval?) you felt abandoned to some degree and that brought up old feelings of powerlessness, or abandonment/betrayal, so you once again felt as though you were standing on wet sand instead of on firm ground.

        When something like this happens and our comfort is gained and "lost" we may well feel like fleeing becaues "IT" is happening once again.

        Perhaps it's worth considering for a while rather than immediately to see if there is some value here.

        .....
        M




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      • Dianne
        Michael thank you for your comments. I have more value to learn than I want to think about. That is the problem though. Everytime I think I am through
        Message 3 of 16 , Mar 3, 2008
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          Michael thank you for your comments. I have more value to learn than
          I want to think about. That is the problem though. Everytime I
          think I am through something another side or dimension seems to rear
          its head. I wish I could get into more detail with all of this
          because it would truly be interesting to share more and hear more
          comments but the situation is one that is abit private but it has all
          the issues people can struggle with. Self esteem, guilt, shame.

          Yes she was usually positive with me. She really didn't say all that
          much other than saying I should move forward but I felt I was
          becoming very positive in my life and it was almost like she didn't
          even notice it? I mean the issues themselves can be very deep and
          confusing at times so to have her have this approach took me truly by
          surprise and I really didn't and don't know what to do about it.

          I am just leaving it up to God for now but it effected how I related
          to some of those around me. I obviously have some trust issues tied
          up in all this. It is important for me to put the problem away so I
          can get down to those feelings that lie underneath.

          Your last paragraph are you saying I should think about this alittle
          to learn something? Is that what you are saying?

          D.

          --- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, Michael traster
          <michaelpault@...> wrote:
          >
          >
          >
          > Dianne,
          >
          > I would like to suggest that you give this perspective some
          consideration as a possible part of what happened between you and
          your therapist.
          >
          > You became very comfortable with them, and often felt a great
          deal of acceptance and approval from them, which you came to value
          and perhaps depend upon.
          >
          > When they withdrew agreement ( approval?) you felt abandoned to
          some degree and that brought up old feelings of powerlessness, or
          abandonment/betrayal, so you once again felt as though you were
          standing on wet sand instead of on firm ground.
          >
          > When something like this happens and our comfort is gained
          and "lost" we may well feel like fleeing becaues "IT" is happening
          once again.
          >
          > Perhaps it's worth considering for a while rather than
          immediately to see if there is some value here.
          >
          > .....
          > M
          >
          >
          >
          >
          > ---------------------------------
          > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
          >
          > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          >
        • Dianne
          Also Michael, considering what you said, what should be the lesson someone should learn? Lets say you do trust and then that trust is taken away suddenly .
          Message 4 of 16 , Mar 3, 2008
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            Also Michael, considering what you said, what should be the lesson
            someone should learn? Lets say you do trust and then that trust is
            taken away "suddenly". What does that leave someone to think?

            I think that is a very good question for you.

            Can you say what sort of "value" you would be talking about?

            D.

            --- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, Michael traster
            <michaelpault@...> wrote:
            >
            >
            >
            > Dianne,
            >
            > I would like to suggest that you give this perspective some
            consideration as a possible part of what happened between you and
            your therapist.
            >
            > You became very comfortable with them, and often felt a great
            deal of acceptance and approval from them, which you came to value
            and perhaps depend upon.
            >
            > When they withdrew agreement ( approval?) you felt abandoned to
            some degree and that brought up old feelings of powerlessness, or
            abandonment/betrayal, so you once again felt as though you were
            standing on wet sand instead of on firm ground.
            >
            > When something like this happens and our comfort is gained
            and "lost" we may well feel like fleeing becaues "IT" is happening
            once again.
            >
            > Perhaps it's worth considering for a while rather than
            immediately to see if there is some value here.
            >
            > .....
            > M
            >
            >
            >
            >
            > ---------------------------------
            > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
            >
            > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            >
          • Jennifer Thomas
            did you speak with her about this or are you holding it all in? Get it off of your chest and be upfront about her intentions/comments/meaning. Dianne
            Message 5 of 16 , Mar 4, 2008
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              did you speak with her about this or are you holding it all in? Get it off of your chest and be upfront about her intentions/comments/meaning.

              Dianne <writingsbydianne@...> wrote: Michael thank you for your comments. I have more value to learn than
              I want to think about. That is the problem though. Everytime I
              think I am through something another side or dimension seems to rear
              its head. I wish I could get into more detail with all of this
              because it would truly be interesting to share more and hear more
              comments but the situation is one that is abit private but it has all
              the issues people can struggle with. Self esteem, guilt, shame.

              Yes she was usually positive with me. She really didn't say all that
              much other than saying I should move forward but I felt I was
              becoming very positive in my life and it was almost like she didn't
              even notice it? I mean the issues themselves can be very deep and
              confusing at times so to have her have this approach took me truly by
              surprise and I really didn't and don't know what to do about it.

              I am just leaving it up to God for now but it effected how I related
              to some of those around me. I obviously have some trust issues tied
              up in all this. It is important for me to put the problem away so I
              can get down to those feelings that lie underneath.

              Your last paragraph are you saying I should think about this alittle
              to learn something? Is that what you are saying?

              D.

              --- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, Michael traster
              <michaelpault@...> wrote:
              >
              >
              >
              > Dianne,
              >
              > I would like to suggest that you give this perspective some
              consideration as a possible part of what happened between you and
              your therapist.
              >
              > You became very comfortable with them, and often felt a great
              deal of acceptance and approval from them, which you came to value
              and perhaps depend upon.
              >
              > When they withdrew agreement ( approval?) you felt abandoned to
              some degree and that brought up old feelings of powerlessness, or
              abandonment/betrayal, so you once again felt as though you were
              standing on wet sand instead of on firm ground.
              >
              > When something like this happens and our comfort is gained
              and "lost" we may well feel like fleeing becaues "IT" is happening
              once again.
              >
              > Perhaps it's worth considering for a while rather than
              immediately to see if there is some value here.
              >
              > .....
              > M
              >
              >
              >
              >
              > ---------------------------------
              > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
              >
              > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
              >






              ---------------------------------
              Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

              [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            • Michael traster
              Dianne, I was suggesting that you consider my words as they are about something you feel very sensitive about. That way postponing a potential negative
              Message 6 of 16 , Mar 4, 2008
              • 0 Attachment
                Dianne,

                I was suggesting that you consider my words as they are about something you feel very sensitive about. That way postponing a potential negative response to my thought might enable you to consider it dispassionately to see it's worth.

                I think it's worthy to consider that the shrink was giving you criticism BECAUSE IN PART she saw that you were becoming more resilient and your skin wasn't as thin as it once was.

                Still thin skinned ? probably on some things.. Less thin skinned... probably...

                Mike

                Jennifer Thomas <kookie123427@...> wrote:
                did you speak with her about this or are you holding it all in? Get it off of your chest and be upfront about her intentions/comments/meaning.

                Dianne <writingsbydianne@...> wrote: Michael thank you for your comments. I have more value to learn than
                I want to think about. That is the problem though. Everytime I
                think I am through something another side or dimension seems to rear
                its head. I wish I could get into more detail with all of this
                because it would truly be interesting to share more and hear more
                comments but the situation is one that is abit private but it has all
                the issues people can struggle with. Self esteem, guilt, shame.

                Yes she was usually positive with me. She really didn't say all that
                much other than saying I should move forward but I felt I was
                becoming very positive in my life and it was almost like she didn't
                even notice it? I mean the issues themselves can be very deep and
                confusing at times so to have her have this approach took me truly by
                surprise and I really didn't and don't know what to do about it.

                I am just leaving it up to God for now but it effected how I related
                to some of those around me. I obviously have some trust issues tied
                up in all this. It is important for me to put the problem away so I
                can get down to those feelings that lie underneath.

                Your last paragraph are you saying I should think about this alittle
                to learn something? Is that what you are saying?

                D.

                --- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, Michael traster
                <michaelpault@...> wrote:
                >
                >
                >
                > Dianne,
                >
                > I would like to suggest that you give this perspective some
                consideration as a possible part of what happened between you and
                your therapist.
                >
                > You became very comfortable with them, and often felt a great
                deal of acceptance and approval from them, which you came to value
                and perhaps depend upon.
                >
                > When they withdrew agreement ( approval?) you felt abandoned to
                some degree and that brought up old feelings of powerlessness, or
                abandonment/betrayal, so you once again felt as though you were
                standing on wet sand instead of on firm ground.
                >
                > When something like this happens and our comfort is gained
                and "lost" we may well feel like fleeing becaues "IT" is happening
                once again.
                >
                > Perhaps it's worth considering for a while rather than
                immediately to see if there is some value here.
                >
                > .....
                > M
                >
                >
                >
                >
                > ---------------------------------
                > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
                >
                > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                >

                ---------------------------------
                Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

                [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






                ---------------------------------
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                [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
              • Michael traster
                Dianne, Trust is a relative thing rather than an absolute thing. We learn over time to trust different people with different things. to be able to keep a
                Message 7 of 16 , Mar 4, 2008
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                  Dianne,

                  Trust is a relative thing rather than an absolute thing.

                  We learn over time to trust different people with different things.

                  to be able to keep a confidence

                  to keep ones word

                  to not scam on ones relationship

                  to be trustworthy with ones belongings and reputation

                  to speak and act in a safe and sensible manner.


                  etc...

                  I think that we all have friends who we would rate differently on each of these issues.. because of their Maturity, self control, courage, etc

                  In terms of my using the word "value" I simply meant that perhaps my thoughts would have some value to you... and you might best weigh them over a bit of time rather than reacting to them quickly.

                  When we don't trust we pick up on one word and phrase that may light up our survival mechanism/defensiveness and may in fact miss much of what is being said as we are too focused on one small part of it.

                  Dianne <writingsbydianne@...> wrote:
                  Also Michael, considering what you said, what should be the lesson
                  someone should learn? Lets say you do trust and then that trust is
                  taken away "suddenly". What does that leave someone to think?

                  I think that is a very good question for you.

                  Can you say what sort of "value" you would be talking about?

                  D.

                  --- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, Michael traster
                  <michaelpault@...> wrote:
                  >
                  >
                  >
                  > Dianne,
                  >
                  > I would like to suggest that you give this perspective some
                  consideration as a possible part of what happened between you and
                  your therapist.
                  >
                  > You became very comfortable with them, and often felt a great
                  deal of acceptance and approval from them, which you came to value
                  and perhaps depend upon.
                  >
                  > When they withdrew agreement ( approval?) you felt abandoned to
                  some degree and that brought up old feelings of powerlessness, or
                  abandonment/betrayal, so you once again felt as though you were
                  standing on wet sand instead of on firm ground.
                  >
                  > When something like this happens and our comfort is gained
                  and "lost" we may well feel like fleeing becaues "IT" is happening
                  once again.
                  >
                  > Perhaps it's worth considering for a while rather than
                  immediately to see if there is some value here.
                  >
                  > .....
                  > M
                  >
                  >
                  >
                  >
                  > ---------------------------------
                  > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
                  >
                  > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                  >








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