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Re: [ACWDYG ] need advice

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  • Donna Canchola
    there are tons of ways to handle this..but you aren t dealing with a sober mind..there are meeting for the family of alcoholics...I would suggest you go to
    Message 1 of 16 , Sep 30, 2007
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      there are tons of ways to handle this..but you aren't dealing with a sober mind..there are meeting for the family of alcoholics...I would suggest you go to meetings..then when you look inside of yourself the answers will come..try and concentrate on yourself..take it one day at a time..go to meetings...

      jazzyfolks <jazzyfolks@...> wrote: my fiance John B will ask me wants wrong If I say nothing he says yes
      there is,whats wrong and if I tell him I just wanta be held or cuddled
      he gets mad and says we spent the day together that's not good enough I
      watched him work on one of our vehicles and then we went to a church
      event i wanted to go to then to walmart. he had not held me or kissed
      me all day. I love him but I can't talk to him or he says I am putting
      demands on him. How should I handle talking to him?I love to be showed
      affection and I do love him even tho he's started drinking, please pray
      he gets saved and for me and our relationship and if you have any
      advice I'd really appreciate it
      thanks alot
      Pauline









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    • Naveen Naveen
      Hi Pauline, If you want hold him,hug him, cuddle him etc., do it.....Don t expect him to do all those things untill he really feels like doing.....Love is like
      Message 2 of 16 , Sep 30, 2007
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        Hi Pauline,
        If you want hold him,hug him, cuddle him etc., do it.....Don't expect him to do all those things untill he really feels like doing.....Love is like a butterfly, try hard to catch it and it keeps flying off......leave it alone,it will come and sit on your shoulder.....Be engaged in some activities, excerices, friends.....everything will be fine.Have a nice time.

        Regards
        Naveen

        jazzyfolks <jazzyfolks@...> wrote:
        my fiance John B will ask me wants wromg If I say nothing he says yes
        there is,whats wrong and if I tell him I just wanta be held or cuddled
        he gets mad and says we spent the day together that's not good enough I
        watched him work on one of our vehicles and then we went to a church
        event i wanted to go to then to walmart. he had not held me or kissed
        me all day. I love him but I can't talk to him or he says I am putting
        demands on him. How should I handle talking to him?I love to be showed
        affection and I do love him even tho he's started drinking, please pray
        he gets saved and for me and our relationship and if you have any
        advice I'd really appreciate it
        thanks alot
        Pauline






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        [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
      • stoutc@wilkshire.net
        Be careful! Sometimes situations like this turns a drunk man into a control freak! Life turns ugly real fast! John wants to be in control by knowingwhat
        Message 3 of 16 , Oct 1, 2007
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          Be careful! Sometimes situations like this turns a drunk man into a
          control freak! Life turns ugly real fast! John wants to be in
          control by knowing

          what is wrong when nothing is. Is this the type of life you dreamed
          of? Better think BEFORE going any further in this relationship. YES
          God can

          change people and save people but people have to be willing. God
          will NOT force himself on anyone. We have choices. Sit down with
          John and

          have him write out 10 facts about his family or self and you do the
          same. Play hide and go seek with these items and when one is found
          then

          you two have to sit down and "talk" about them. Then have a nice
          meal.
          On Mon, 01 Oct 2007 01:18:37 -0000, "jazzyfolks" wrote:

          my fiance John B will ask me wants wromg If I say nothing he says
          yes
          there is,whats wrong and if I tell him I just wanta be held or
          cuddled
          he gets mad and says we spent the day together that's not good
          enough I
          watched him work on one of our vehicles
          and then we went to a church

          event i wanted to go to then to walmart. he had not held me or
          kissed
          me all day. I love him but I can't talk to him or he says I am
          putting
          demands on him. How should I handle talking to him?I love to be
          showed
          affection and I do love him even tho he's started drinking, please
          pray
          he gets saved and for me and our relationship and if you have any
          advice I'd really appreciate it
          thanks alot
          Pauline



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        • Bethel
          If he won t talk to you now, I hate to think what it will be like after you are married. If there is no communication, it can be pretty lonely. Put that with
          Message 4 of 16 , Oct 1, 2007
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            If he won't talk to you now, I hate to think what it will be like after you
            are married. If there is no communication, it can be pretty lonely. Put
            that with alcohol, and you could have your hands full. He could turn ugly.
            Pray long and hard before you enter into a closer relationship. Remember,
            lonelieness is not the worst thing....wishing you were is the worst....and
            I've been there!

            Love,
            Bethel
            ----- Original Message -----
            From: "jazzyfolks" <jazzyfolks@...>
            To: <achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com>
            Sent: Sunday, September 30, 2007 8:18 PM
            Subject: [ACWDYG ] need advice


            > my fiance John B will ask me wants wromg If I say nothing he says yes
            > there is,whats wrong and if I tell him I just wanta be held or cuddled
            > he gets mad and says we spent the day together that's not good enough I
            > watched him work on one of our vehicles and then we went to a church
            > event i wanted to go to then to walmart. he had not held me or kissed
            > me all day. I love him but I can't talk to him or he says I am putting
            > demands on him. How should I handle talking to him?I love to be showed
            > affection and I do love him even tho he's started drinking, please pray
            > he gets saved and for me and our relationship and if you have any
            > advice I'd really appreciate it
            > thanks alot
            > Pauline
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            > Yahoo! Groups Links
            >
            >
            >
          • Julie Blodgett
            I try not to give others advice...but I will share my experience. I myself evaluate a relationship according to the good and bad of it-perhaps a little too
            Message 5 of 16 , Oct 2, 2007
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              I try not to give others advice...but I will share my experience. I myself evaluate a relationship according to the good and bad of it-perhaps a little too much and that is why I am 33 years old and still single. LOL

              Anyway...I weigh the good and bad about a person...and decide if I am willing to continue that situation or not. (And I am sure the guys I have dated have done the same-been in a lot of relationships where the guy and me were mostly good friends, but not serious...by the way.)

              I am personally still waiting to meet a guy who has the capability to connect with me-on my terms. If I meet that guy that is the one I would marry. That's about all I can really say for now.

              Also, that I have been engaged before...perhaps got engaged too soon...and then realized maybe that person was not the one for me. Needless to say, I did not end up marrying that person.

              I sincerely hope that anyone considering marriage knows for sure they will be happy for the long term. I myself will never marry a person unless I know for sure that I will be truly happy with that person for the rest of my life.

              I know myself well enough to know otherwise what could happen if I was not truly happy with that person. I have never been married before, but...well...I am human...and have a weakness...I would probably end up straying emotionally away from my husband if my emotional needs were not met.

              Just being honest. So, I hope that women everywhere think twice about who they marry. That's the main reason why I am not married now.

              Julie

              Naveen Naveen <ariesnaveen@...> wrote:
              Hi Pauline,
              If you want hold him,hug him, cuddle him etc., do it.....Don't expect him to do all those things untill he really feels like doing.....Love is like a butterfly, try hard to catch it and it keeps flying off......leave it alone,it will come and sit on your shoulder.....Be engaged in some activities, excerices, friends.....everything will be fine.Have a nice time.

              Regards
              Naveen

              jazzyfolks <jazzyfolks@...> wrote:
              my fiance John B will ask me wants wromg If I say nothing he says yes
              there is,whats wrong and if I tell him I just wanta be held or cuddled
              he gets mad and says we spent the day together that's not good enough I
              watched him work on one of our vehicles and then we went to a church
              event i wanted to go to then to walmart. he had not held me or kissed
              me all day. I love him but I can't talk to him or he says I am putting
              demands on him. How should I handle talking to him?I love to be showed
              affection and I do love him even tho he's started drinking, please pray
              he gets saved and for me and our relationship and if you have any
              advice I'd really appreciate it
              thanks alot
              Pauline

              ---------------------------------
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            • IVy Graham
              Get the book called Five love languages . Sounds like you feel and express love in physical intimacy, and he feels and expresses love through service. Both
              Message 6 of 16 , Oct 2, 2007
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                Get the book called "Five love languages". Sounds like you feel and express love in physical intimacy, and he feels and expresses love through service. Both are valid (and ther are 3 other categories), and they can even work together. This book will just help you sort out each others "love language". It really really helped my marriage!

                Julie Blodgett <fishtail1776@...> wrote: I try not to give others advice...but I will share my experience. I myself evaluate a relationship according to the good and bad of it-perhaps a little too much and that is why I am 33 years old and still single. LOL

                Anyway...I weigh the good and bad about a person...and decide if I am willing to continue that situation or not. (And I am sure the guys I have dated have done the same-been in a lot of relationships where the guy and me were mostly good friends, but not serious...by the way.)

                I am personally still waiting to meet a guy who has the capability to connect with me-on my terms. If I meet that guy that is the one I would marry. That's about all I can really say for now.

                Also, that I have been engaged before...perhaps got engaged too soon...and then realized maybe that person was not the one for me. Needless to say, I did not end up marrying that person.

                I sincerely hope that anyone considering marriage knows for sure they will be happy for the long term. I myself will never marry a person unless I know for sure that I will be truly happy with that person for the rest of my life.

                I know myself well enough to know otherwise what could happen if I was not truly happy with that person. I have never been married before, but...well...I am human...and have a weakness...I would probably end up straying emotionally away from my husband if my emotional needs were not met.

                Just being honest. So, I hope that women everywhere think twice about who they marry. That's the main reason why I am not married now.

                Julie

                Naveen Naveen <ariesnaveen@...> wrote:
                Hi Pauline,
                If you want hold him,hug him, cuddle him etc., do it.....Don't expect him to do all those things untill he really feels like doing.....Love is like a butterfly, try hard to catch it and it keeps flying off......leave it alone,it will come and sit on your shoulder.....Be engaged in some activities, excerices, friends.....everything will be fine.Have a nice time.

                Regards
                Naveen

                jazzyfolks <jazzyfolks@...> wrote:
                my fiance John B will ask me wants wromg If I say nothing he says yes
                there is,whats wrong and if I tell him I just wanta be held or cuddled
                he gets mad and says we spent the day together that's not good enough I
                watched him work on one of our vehicles and then we went to a church
                event i wanted to go to then to walmart. he had not held me or kissed
                me all day. I love him but I can't talk to him or he says I am putting
                demands on him. How should I handle talking to him?I love to be showed
                affection and I do love him even tho he's started drinking, please pray
                he gets saved and for me and our relationship and if you have any
                advice I'd really appreciate it
                thanks alot
                Pauline

                ---------------------------------
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              • Leonard Rubino
                Julie, sorry but the reason you are not married is your terms are all one sided. Marriage is a union of two people who are willing to change and have a lot of
                Message 7 of 16 , Oct 3, 2007
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                  Julie, sorry but the reason you are not married is your terms are all one sided. Marriage is a union of two people who are willing to change and have a lot of patience. My wife and I have been married for 47 years. Look for the beauty in a person not someone who will meet your rules.Here are five rules for a long and happy marriage.
                  Happiness is trust
                  Happiness is Love
                  Happiness is sharing
                  Happiness is having children
                  Happiness is the real reason you were born.
                  Len Rubino

                  [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                • Bethel
                  And what if one cannot have children..... Happiness is having children . I think this implies that one cannot be happy if they don t have children.. ...
                  Message 8 of 16 , Oct 3, 2007
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                    And what if one cannot have children....."Happiness is having children". I
                    think this implies that one cannot be happy if they don't have children..
                    ----- Original Message -----
                    From: "Leonard Rubino" <lmr@...>
                    To: <achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com>
                    Sent: Wednesday, October 03, 2007 9:23 AM
                    Subject: [ACWDYG ] Re: To Pauline: my story, no advice:)


                    > Julie, sorry but the reason you are not married is your terms are all one
                    > sided. Marriage is a union of two people who are willing to change and
                    > have a lot of patience. My wife and I have been married for 47 years. Look
                    > for the beauty in a person not someone who will meet your rules.Here are
                    > five rules for a long and happy marriage.
                    > Happiness is trust
                    > Happiness is Love
                    > Happiness is sharing
                    > Happiness is having children
                    > Happiness is the real reason you were born.
                    > Len Rubino
                    >
                    > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                    >
                    >
                    >
                    >
                    > Yahoo! Groups Links
                    >
                    >
                    >
                  • Fishtail1776 (Julie)
                    My apologies to Leanord for my harsher ealier e-mail. I have though things through a little more and have realized I reacted to quickly. I will work things out
                    Message 9 of 16 , Oct 3, 2007
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                      My apologies to Leanord for my harsher ealier e-mail. I have though things through a little more and have realized I reacted to quickly.

                      I will work things out privately with the appropriate persons as well. Thank you.

                      Julie



                      Leonard Rubino <lmr@...> wrote:
                      Julie, sorry but the reason you are not married is your terms are all one sided. Marriage is a union of two people who are willing to change and have a lot of patience. My wife and I have been married for 47 years. Look for the beauty in a person not someone who will meet your rules.Here are five rules for a long and happy marriage.
                      Happiness is trust
                      Happiness is Love
                      Happiness is sharing
                      Happiness is having children
                      Happiness is the real reason you were born.
                      Len Rubino

                      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






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                      Feature Clips and Article Samples:
                      http://briefcase.yahoo.com/fishtail1776
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                    • Davina Sowell
                      Please stop appologizing. You are entiled to your opinion Julie. There is nothing wrong being cautious and waiting. It s way better than going through a
                      Message 10 of 16 , Oct 3, 2007
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                        Please stop appologizing. You are entiled to your opinion Julie. There is nothing wrong being cautious and waiting. It's way better than going through a divorce FOR SURE. At least when you are single you do not have to deal with things that people put you through you only have to deal with yourself. And even the people who are married have there problems with the other half don't let these people tell you that's its all a fairy tail because EVERYONE goes through things rather single or married. I do not live in a fantasy world because reality will hit. I am glad you posted your thoughts and stand strong behind them. There's only one you.


                        ----- Original Message ----
                        From: Fishtail1776 (Julie) <fishtail1776@...>
                        To: achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com
                        Sent: Wednesday, October 3, 2007 9:19:49 AM
                        Subject: Re: [ACWDYG ] General response

                        My hats off to those who think that the five love languages will help their relationship. Maybe some day if I am happily married and want to improve that relationship that would be something I would use. (never been married before)

                        However, a person first needs...in my opinion to make sure they know for him or herself that he/she is in a healthy relationship to begin with.

                        Otherwise no amount of "fixing" is going to work. That is what I am learning myself. Which is part of the reason I refuse to get married-till I am ready and know for sure I am with the right person.

                        Julie

                        IVy Graham <ivy_graham2001@ yahoo.com> wrote:
                        Get the book called "Five love languages". Sounds like you feel and express love in physical intimacy, and he feels and expresses love through service. Both are valid (and ther are 3 other categories), and they can even work together. This book will just help you sort out each others "love language". It really really helped my marriage!

                        Julie Blodgett <fishtail1776@ yahoo.com> wrote: I try not to give others advice...but I will share my experience. I myself evaluate a relationship according to the good and bad of it-perhaps a little too much and that is why I am 33 years old and still single. LOL

                        Anyway...I weigh the good and bad about a person...and decide if I am willing to continue that situation or not. (And I am sure the guys I have dated have done the same-been in a lot of relationships where the guy and me were mostly good friends, but not serious...by the way.)

                        I am personally still waiting to meet a guy who has the capability to connect with me-on my terms. If I meet that guy that is the one I would marry. That's about all I can really say for now.

                        Also, that I have been engaged before...perhaps got engaged too soon...and then realized maybe that person was not the one for me. Needless to say, I did not end up marrying that person.

                        I sincerely hope that anyone considering marriage knows for sure they will be happy for the long term. I myself will never marry a person unless I know for sure that I will be truly happy with that person for the rest of my life.

                        I know myself well enough to know otherwise what could happen if I was not truly happy with that person. I have never been married before, but...well.. .I am human...and have a weakness...I would probably end up straying emotionally away from my husband if my emotional needs were not met.

                        Just being honest. So, I hope that women everywhere think twice about who they marry. That's the main reason why I am not married now.

                        Julie

                        Naveen Naveen <ariesnaveen@ yahoo.co. in> wrote:
                        Hi Pauline,
                        If you want hold him,hug him, cuddle him etc., do it.....Don't expect him to do all those things untill he really feels like doing.....Love is like a butterfly, try hard to catch it and it keeps flying off......leave it alone,it will come and sit on your shoulder.... .Be engaged in some activities, excerices, friends..... everything will be fine.Have a nice time.

                        Regards
                        Naveen

                        jazzyfolks <jazzyfolks@yahoo. com> wrote:
                        my fiance John B will ask me wants wromg If I say nothing he says yes
                        there is,whats wrong and if I tell him I just wanta be held or cuddled
                        he gets mad and says we spent the day together that's not good enough I
                        watched him work on one of our vehicles and then we went to a church
                        event i wanted to go to then to walmart. he had not held me or kissed
                        me all day. I love him but I can't talk to him or he says I am putting
                        demands on him. How should I handle talking to him?I love to be showed
                        affection and I do love him even tho he's started drinking, please pray
                        he gets saved and for me and our relationship and if you have any
                        advice I'd really appreciate it
                        thanks alot
                        Pauline

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                      • Leonard Rubino
                        To the group here are my 5 rules to a happy relationship or marriage. my wife and I have been married over 47 years so this works. 1. Never, never try to
                        Message 11 of 16 , Oct 4, 2007
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                          To the group here are my 5 rules to a happy relationship or marriage. my wife and I have been married over 47 years so this works.
                          1. Never, never try to change your spouse or partner.Any attempt to do this will result in a marital war. If you see a flaw that would seriously effect your life style or your idea of a perfect mate,then do not marry that person. This is your subconscious mind giving you a warning. Anytime you do not heed a warning from you Subconscious Mind you are headed for trouble.
                          2. Give up the need to be right all the time. Having the need to be right all the time might win you some battles but will lose you your marriage or relationship.It's up to you to back away from an argument
                          3. Give your partner some space. No one wants to be pushed into a corner.
                          4. Give your partner some time to be alone. We all need time to think, dream or just relax.
                          5. Never ridicule or put down any dream or hobby your partner comes up with no matter how ridiculous it may sound to you
                          Happiness is the goal to a successful relationship. Strive for it and eliminate those activities that would jeopardize it.
                          Len Rubino

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                        • Leonard Rubino
                          Julie, In order to get respect you must first give it. Your taking this way too personal. This information is for the group and not directed solely to you.
                          Message 12 of 16 , Oct 4, 2007
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                            Julie, In order to get respect you must first give it. Your taking this way too personal. This information is for the group and not directed solely to you. here is the process. First you must love yourself and be happy who you are.
                            Second If you don't then you will accept anyone who comes along.
                            Third you end up giving off vibes that say I am desperate. You then attract men who think I can get away with anything with this girl so why not. It then becomes a viscous cycle and you blame yourself more. When this happens you are no longer attractive to the type of men you are looking for so the world seems full of rotten guys. Hard to accept I know but this group is about change and we must change the way we see ourselves and then your world will change. Love is what makes you happy start loving you. We do.
                            Len Rubino

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                          • Fishtail1776 (Julie)
                            I already apologized for reacting so quickly, and I also deleted my harsh post. That should be one sign that I have respect for people. Now I would just like
                            Message 13 of 16 , Oct 4, 2007
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                              I already apologized for reacting so quickly, and I also deleted my harsh post. That should be one sign that I have respect for people. Now I would just like to ask for one thing from you please...

                              If you don't want me to take things personally then to please stop addressing me by name. Also, if you want to know if I have made any positive steps in my life all you have to do is ask. In fact, I have.

                              I have gotten out of a bad situation. I have begun to go back to the life I lived before I started making dumb choices. I am not desparate. I have respect for myself-enough respect to know to set boundaries with people.

                              I would prefer if you want to address me specificially by name to do so in private. Not in front of everyone that is embarrassing...especially when you say things that may not even be true.

                              Julie



                              Leonard Rubino <lmr@...> wrote:
                              Julie, In order to get respect you must first give it. Your taking this way too personal. This information is for the group and not directed solely to you. here is the process. First you must love yourself and be happy who you are.
                              Second If you don't then you will accept anyone who comes along.
                              Third you end up giving off vibes that say I am desperate. You then attract men who think I can get away with anything with this girl so why not. It then becomes a viscous cycle and you blame yourself more. When this happens you are no longer attractive to the type of men you are looking for so the world seems full of rotten guys. Hard to accept I know but this group is about change and we must change the way we see ourselves and then your world will change. Love is what makes you happy start loving you. We do.
                              Len Rubino

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                            • Naveen Naveen
                              Dear Julie, You need not explain anything to anybody....especially to people who are judgemental........you are a wonderful person the way you are and we all
                              Message 14 of 16 , Oct 4, 2007
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                                Dear Julie,
                                You need not explain anything to anybody....especially to people who are judgemental........you are a wonderful person the way you are and we all love you for that......Have a nice time,enjoy.

                                Regards
                                Naveen

                                "Fishtail1776 (Julie)" <fishtail1776@...> wrote:
                                I already apologized for reacting so quickly, and I also deleted my harsh post. That should be one sign that I have respect for people. Now I would just like to ask for one thing from you please...

                                If you don't want me to take things personally then to please stop addressing me by name. Also, if you want to know if I have made any positive steps in my life all you have to do is ask. In fact, I have.

                                I have gotten out of a bad situation. I have begun to go back to the life I lived before I started making dumb choices. I am not desparate. I have respect for myself-enough respect to know to set boundaries with people.

                                I would prefer if you want to address me specificially by name to do so in private. Not in front of everyone that is embarrassing...especially when you say things that may not even be true.

                                Julie



                                Leonard Rubino <lmr@...> wrote:
                                Julie, In order to get respect you must first give it. Your taking this way too personal. This information is for the group and not directed solely to you. here is the process. First you must love yourself and be happy who you are.
                                Second If you don't then you will accept anyone who comes along.
                                Third you end up giving off vibes that say I am desperate. You then attract men who think I can get away with anything with this girl so why not. It then becomes a viscous cycle and you blame yourself more. When this happens you are no longer attractive to the type of men you are looking for so the world seems full of rotten guys. Hard to accept I know but this group is about change and we must change the way we see ourselves and then your world will change. Love is what makes you happy start loving you. We do.
                                Len Rubino

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                              • caryn valdes
                                I married an alcoholic at the time I didnt know it and it has wrecked my life he also beat me .Donot marry this person if you have youre own issues to deal
                                Message 15 of 16 , Oct 11, 2007
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                                  I married an alcoholic at the time I didnt know it and it has wrecked my life he also beat me .Donot marry this person if you have youre own issues to deal with I was a codependant person it didnot help my marriage.Now I have my own interests and am working on my own personal problems.Fix you first then look for a meaningful relationship that will bring you up not tear or put you down.


                                  To: achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.comFrom: 4444bmg@...: Mon, 1 Oct 2007 05:31:13 -0500Subject: Re: [ACWDYG ] need advice




                                  If he won't talk to you now, I hate to think what it will be like after you are married. If there is no communication, it can be pretty lonely. Put that with alcohol, and you could have your hands full. He could turn ugly. Pray long and hard before you enter into a closer relationship. Remember, lonelieness is not the worst thing....wishing you were is the worst....and I've been there!Love,Bethel----- Original Message ----- From: "jazzyfolks" <jazzyfolks@...>To: <achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com>Sent: Sunday, September 30, 2007 8:18 PMSubject: [ACWDYG ] need advice> my fiance John B will ask me wants wromg If I say nothing he says yes> there is,whats wrong and if I tell him I just wanta be held or cuddled> he gets mad and says we spent the day together that's not good enough I> watched him work on one of our vehicles and then we went to a church> event i wanted to go to then to walmart. he had not held me or kissed> me all day. I love him but I can't talk to him or he says I am putting> demands on him. How should I handle talking to him?I love to be showed> affection and I do love him even tho he's started drinking, please pray> he gets saved and for me and our relationship and if you have any> advice I'd really appreciate it> thanks alot> Pauline>>>>>> Yahoo! Groups Links>>>






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