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I am in Dilemma?!

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  • kp2000in
    Dear All, I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life. I was in luv with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally adicted to him and my whole world
    Message 1 of 15 , Dec 1, 2005
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      Dear All,

      I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life. I was in luv
      with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally adicted to him and
      my whole world was revolving around him. Later, his family raised
      some issues for us to get marry. When he told me that and asked me
      to wait for some more time, I was shocked and shouted him back. I
      didn't support him at that time. After that, we fought with each
      other very badly and broke up even before his family say a word
      against it. I was too involved in that relation and couldn't bear
      the break up. Got admitted in the hospital for severe depression and
      I was totally gone. We completely stopped communicating and I have
      anounced the breakup to my family & friends.

      After 2 months, he called me one day & spoke to me for 2 hrs. After
      our broke up, he went into another relation and the girl left him.
      Now, he is also in depression. He is having a heart problem and now
      he wants to return to me. One way, I am feeling sympathy towards him
      and ready to sacrifice my life. But, basically we don't have
      compatibility in characters & value systems. There was a lack of
      mutual respect, freedom from his side. It was painful for me to act
      according to his wishes and I felt more freedom & happiness after I
      broke up with him. But, still I feel some affection towards him &
      ready to accept him. However, I feel sympathy is not a good reason
      to get into a bad relation. I could foresee that even if I get marry
      to him, I will not be able to live the life on my own way as he is
      damn dominating. At the same time, I am not able to leave him when
      he is suffering and move on with my own life.

      Please advice
    • Barb E.
      That is a tough situation , but sounds like you do realize that this is not going to work out. Not now anyway. Pray about it...for him and for you to have the
      Message 2 of 15 , Dec 1, 2005
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        That is a tough situation , but sounds like you do realize that this
        is not going to work out. Not now anyway. Pray about it...for him and
        for you to have the strength to be strong in this and just let God
        sort this out for you.



        --- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, "kp2000in"
        <kp2000in@y...> wrote:
        >
        > Dear All,
        >
        > I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life. I was in luv
        > with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally adicted to him and
        > my whole world was revolving around him. Later, his family raised
        > some issues for us to get marry. When he told me that and asked me
        > to wait for some more time, I was shocked and shouted him back. I
        > didn't support him at that time. After that, we fought with each
        > other very badly and broke up even before his family say a word
        > against it. I was too involved in that relation and couldn't bear
        > the break up. Got admitted in the hospital for severe depression
        and
        > I was totally gone. We completely stopped communicating and I have
        > anounced the breakup to my family & friends.
        >
        > After 2 months, he called me one day & spoke to me for 2 hrs. After
        > our broke up, he went into another relation and the girl left him.
        > Now, he is also in depression. He is having a heart problem and now
        > he wants to return to me. One way, I am feeling sympathy towards
        him
        > and ready to sacrifice my life. But, basically we don't have
        > compatibility in characters & value systems. There was a lack of
        > mutual respect, freedom from his side. It was painful for me to act
        > according to his wishes and I felt more freedom & happiness after I
        > broke up with him. But, still I feel some affection towards him &
        > ready to accept him. However, I feel sympathy is not a good reason
        > to get into a bad relation. I could foresee that even if I get
        marry
        > to him, I will not be able to live the life on my own way as he is
        > damn dominating. At the same time, I am not able to leave him when
        > he is suffering and move on with my own life.
        >
        > Please advice
        >
      • Candice Olson
        I can somewhat relate. I was in a relationship with a guy(who I was engaged to) who was controlling and my world was revolved around him. I did everything he
        Message 3 of 15 , Dec 1, 2005
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          I can somewhat relate. I was in a relationship with a guy(who I was engaged to) who was controlling and my world was revolved around him. I did everything he told me to do, I started to drift away from my family and friends and I lost a dear friend in the process. I finally "woke up" one day when I was writing a letter to my mother. I broke it off with him (for the 3rd attempt) and left, I went back home. He called my phone 35 times within an hour, called my mother's house phone 20 times, he threatened to kill himself to my sister and my current boyfriend and then he got on the phone with me and said "please, meet me somewhere, I need you, just as a friend right now, I am going to kill myself." It took all of my strength to just say no and hang up the phone. Obviously, he didn't kill himself but he tried so much for the next week to get me to go back. He has a heart problem as well and has been diagnosed a severly depressed and he tried using that against me but I didn't let it fool
          me. His entire family is like that, his mom, sister, brother, his brother's fiance, his cousin...all of them were calling me trying to give me a guilt trip one way or another. You just have to be strong and keep in mind how you felt throughout the last relationship and how you felt after you got out of it. You don't want to put yourself through all of that again. I will keep you in my prayers and pray to God that he gives you the strength and courage you need to get through this and to make the right decision for yourself.

          kp2000in <kp2000in@...> wrote:
          Dear All,

          I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life. I was in luv
          with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally adicted to him and
          my whole world was revolving around him. Later, his family raised
          some issues for us to get marry. When he told me that and asked me
          to wait for some more time, I was shocked and shouted him back. I
          didn't support him at that time. After that, we fought with each
          other very badly and broke up even before his family say a word
          against it. I was too involved in that relation and couldn't bear
          the break up. Got admitted in the hospital for severe depression and
          I was totally gone. We completely stopped communicating and I have
          anounced the breakup to my family & friends.

          After 2 months, he called me one day & spoke to me for 2 hrs. After
          our broke up, he went into another relation and the girl left him.
          Now, he is also in depression. He is having a heart problem and now
          he wants to return to me. One way, I am feeling sympathy towards him
          and ready to sacrifice my life. But, basically we don't have
          compatibility in characters & value systems. There was a lack of
          mutual respect, freedom from his side. It was painful for me to act
          according to his wishes and I felt more freedom & happiness after I
          broke up with him. But, still I feel some affection towards him &
          ready to accept him. However, I feel sympathy is not a good reason
          to get into a bad relation. I could foresee that even if I get marry
          to him, I will not be able to live the life on my own way as he is
          damn dominating. At the same time, I am not able to leave him when
          he is suffering and move on with my own life.

          Please advice









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        • Bethel
          I would advise you to turn away from this person. He will make it even as you did. He is playing on your sympathy...and once he gets you back, he again will be
          Message 4 of 15 , Dec 1, 2005
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            I would advise you to turn away from this person. He will make it even as you did. He is playing on your sympathy...and once he gets you back, he again will be very dominating. If he will be dominating before you are married, it more than likely will be even more miserable afterwards.
            ----- Original Message -----
            From: kp2000in
            To: achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com
            Sent: Thursday, December 01, 2005 6:08 AM
            Subject: [ACWDYG ] I am in Dilemma?!


            Dear All,

            I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life. I was in luv
            with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally adicted to him and
            my whole world was revolving around him. Later, his family raised
            some issues for us to get marry. When he told me that and asked me
            to wait for some more time, I was shocked and shouted him back. I
            didn't support him at that time. After that, we fought with each
            other very badly and broke up even before his family say a word
            against it. I was too involved in that relation and couldn't bear
            the break up. Got admitted in the hospital for severe depression and
            I was totally gone. We completely stopped communicating and I have
            anounced the breakup to my family & friends.

            After 2 months, he called me one day & spoke to me for 2 hrs. After
            our broke up, he went into another relation and the girl left him.
            Now, he is also in depression. He is having a heart problem and now
            he wants to return to me. One way, I am feeling sympathy towards him
            and ready to sacrifice my life. But, basically we don't have
            compatibility in characters & value systems. There was a lack of
            mutual respect, freedom from his side. It was painful for me to act
            according to his wishes and I felt more freedom & happiness after I
            broke up with him. But, still I feel some affection towards him &
            ready to accept him. However, I feel sympathy is not a good reason
            to get into a bad relation. I could foresee that even if I get marry
            to him, I will not be able to live the life on my own way as he is
            damn dominating. At the same time, I am not able to leave him when
            he is suffering and move on with my own life.

            Please advice









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            [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          • fio clermont
            Hi, If you can imagine yourself and him married with kids, you can take him back. If not, make it clear to him that you are not interested in a relationship
            Message 5 of 15 , Dec 1, 2005
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              Hi,

              If you can imagine yourself and him married with kids, you can take him back. If not, make it clear to him that you are not interested in a relationship and will be there for him as a friend only.

              It's obvious that you are not in love and got over him, no sense going back in a relationship with him cause you're feeling guilty. If you don't move on, you'll be stuck with him out of guilt for a long time...

              Fio



              kp2000in <kp2000in@...> wrote:
              Dear All,

              I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life. I was in luv
              with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally adicted to him and
              my whole world was revolving around him. Later, his family raised
              some issues for us to get marry. When he told me that and asked me
              to wait for some more time, I was shocked and shouted him back. I
              didn't support him at that time. After that, we fought with each
              other very badly and broke up even before his family say a word
              against it. I was too involved in that relation and couldn't bear
              the break up. Got admitted in the hospital for severe depression and
              I was totally gone. We completely stopped communicating and I have
              anounced the breakup to my family & friends.

              After 2 months, he called me one day & spoke to me for 2 hrs. After
              our broke up, he went into another relation and the girl left him.
              Now, he is also in depression. He is having a heart problem and now
              he wants to return to me. One way, I am feeling sympathy towards him
              and ready to sacrifice my life. But, basically we don't have
              compatibility in characters & value systems. There was a lack of
              mutual respect, freedom from his side. It was painful for me to act
              according to his wishes and I felt more freedom & happiness after I
              broke up with him. But, still I feel some affection towards him &
              ready to accept him. However, I feel sympathy is not a good reason
              to get into a bad relation. I could foresee that even if I get marry
              to him, I will not be able to live the life on my own way as he is
              damn dominating. At the same time, I am not able to leave him when
              he is suffering and move on with my own life.

              Please advice







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              [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            • rudybirch2000
              I think you already know the answer...That A Change Will Do You Good and that you are already changing your way of thinking. Lots of good advice from others
              Message 6 of 15 , Dec 1, 2005
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                I think you already know the answer...That "A Change Will Do You Good"
                and that you are already changing your way of thinking. Lots of good
                advice from others here...I agree, pray about it.

                Blessings,

                Joanne
              • Sheila
                Run.............very fast......in the opposite direction. kp2000in wrote: Dear All, I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life.
                Message 7 of 15 , Dec 1, 2005
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                  Run.............very fast......in the opposite direction.

                  kp2000in <kp2000in@...> wrote: Dear All,

                  I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life. I was in luv
                  with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally adicted to him and
                  my whole world was revolving around him. Later, his family raised
                  some issues for us to get marry. When he told me that and asked me
                  to wait for some more time, I was shocked and shouted him back. I
                  didn't support him at that time. After that, we fought with each
                  other very badly and broke up even before his family say a word
                  against it. I was too involved in that relation and couldn't bear
                  the break up. Got admitted in the hospital for severe depression and
                  I was totally gone. We completely stopped communicating and I have
                  anounced the breakup to my family & friends.

                  After 2 months, he called me one day & spoke to me for 2 hrs. After
                  our broke up, he went into another relation and the girl left him.
                  Now, he is also in depression. He is having a heart problem and now
                  he wants to return to me. One way, I am feeling sympathy towards him
                  and ready to sacrifice my life. But, basically we don't have
                  compatibility in characters & value systems. There was a lack of
                  mutual respect, freedom from his side. It was painful for me to act
                  according to his wishes and I felt more freedom & happiness after I
                  broke up with him. But, still I feel some affection towards him &
                  ready to accept him. However, I feel sympathy is not a good reason
                  to get into a bad relation. I could foresee that even if I get marry
                  to him, I will not be able to live the life on my own way as he is
                  damn dominating. At the same time, I am not able to leave him when
                  he is suffering and move on with my own life.

                  Please advice









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                • k p
                  Dear All, Thanks a lot for your quick replies which carries really valuable suggestions. Yes, I need to move on. But, somewhere in my heart still I have the
                  Message 8 of 15 , Dec 2, 2005
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                    Dear All,

                    Thanks a lot for your quick replies which carries really valuable suggestions. Yes, I need to move on. But, somewhere in my heart still I have the feeling of getting back to the relation and make everything OK for his life. I know, it's a foolish thought as I will be ruining my life completely in the process of helping him out. I am thinking of being friendly with him and empathize him to come out of it. Once he is OK, I can move on with my life without any guilt or sympathy for him and at the same time I could have a life of my own without including him in mine.

                    Your thoughts please.........

                    Sheila <cheetatude@...> wrote:
                    Run.............very fast......in the opposite direction.

                    kp2000in <kp2000in@...> wrote: Dear All,

                    I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life. I was in luv
                    with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally adicted to him and
                    my whole world was revolving around him. Later, his family raised
                    some issues for us to get marry. When he told me that and asked me
                    to wait for some more time, I was shocked and shouted him back. I
                    didn't support him at that time. After that, we fought with each
                    other very badly and broke up even before his family say a word
                    against it. I was too involved in that relation and couldn't bear
                    the break up. Got admitted in the hospital for severe depression and
                    I was totally gone. We completely stopped communicating and I have
                    anounced the breakup to my family & friends.

                    After 2 months, he called me one day & spoke to me for 2 hrs. After
                    our broke up, he went into another relation and the girl left him.
                    Now, he is also in depression. He is having a heart problem and now
                    he wants to return to me. One way, I am feeling sympathy towards him
                    and ready to sacrifice my life. But, basically we don't have
                    compatibility in characters & value systems. There was a lack of
                    mutual respect, freedom from his side. It was painful for me to act
                    according to his wishes and I felt more freedom & happiness after I
                    broke up with him. But, still I feel some affection towards him &
                    ready to accept him. However, I feel sympathy is not a good reason
                    to get into a bad relation. I could foresee that even if I get marry
                    to him, I will not be able to live the life on my own way as he is
                    damn dominating. At the same time, I am not able to leave him when
                    he is suffering and move on with my own life.

                    Please advice









                    SPONSORED LINKS
                    Article health wellness Center for health and wellness Health and wellness Health and wellness program Health wellness product Health and wellness job

                    ---------------------------------
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                    Visit your group "achangewilldoyougood" on the web.

                    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
                    achangewilldoyougood-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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                  • fio clermont
                    Hi, You can try and see what happens, to learn. Just watch out. He might be nice and make you beleived he changed in the begining, to trap you, and when it
                    Message 9 of 15 , Dec 3, 2005
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                      Hi,

                      You can try and see what happens, to learn. Just watch out. He might be nice and make you beleived he changed in the begining, to trap you, and when it will be too late, come back to his old self again, usually after marriage...

                      Fio

                      k p <kp2000in@...> wrote:
                      Dear All,

                      Thanks a lot for your quick replies which carries really valuable suggestions. Yes, I need to move on. But, somewhere in my heart still I have the feeling of getting back to the relation and make everything OK for his life. I know, it's a foolish thought as I will be ruining my life completely in the process of helping him out. I am thinking of being friendly with him and empathize him to come out of it. Once he is OK, I can move on with my life without any guilt or sympathy for him and at the same time I could have a life of my own without including him in mine.

                      Your thoughts please.........

                      Sheila <cheetatude@...> wrote:
                      Run.............very fast......in the opposite direction.

                      kp2000in <kp2000in@...> wrote: Dear All,

                      I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life. I was in luv
                      with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally adicted to him and
                      my whole world was revolving around him. Later, his family raised
                      some issues for us to get marry. When he told me that and asked me
                      to wait for some more time, I was shocked and shouted him back. I
                      didn't support him at that time. After that, we fought with each
                      other very badly and broke up even before his family say a word
                      against it. I was too involved in that relation and couldn't bear
                      the break up. Got admitted in the hospital for severe depression and
                      I was totally gone. We completely stopped communicating and I have
                      anounced the breakup to my family & friends.

                      After 2 months, he called me one day & spoke to me for 2 hrs. After
                      our broke up, he went into another relation and the girl left him.
                      Now, he is also in depression. He is having a heart problem and now
                      he wants to return to me. One way, I am feeling sympathy towards him
                      and ready to sacrifice my life. But, basically we don't have
                      compatibility in characters & value systems. There was a lack of
                      mutual respect, freedom from his side. It was painful for me to act
                      according to his wishes and I felt more freedom & happiness after I
                      broke up with him. But, still I feel some affection towards him &
                      ready to accept him. However, I feel sympathy is not a good reason
                      to get into a bad relation. I could foresee that even if I get marry
                      to him, I will not be able to live the life on my own way as he is
                      damn dominating. At the same time, I am not able to leave him when
                      he is suffering and move on with my own life.

                      Please advice









                      SPONSORED LINKS
                      Article health wellness Center for health and wellness Health and wellness Health and wellness program Health wellness product Health and wellness job

                      ---------------------------------
                      YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS


                      Visit your group "achangewilldoyougood" on the web.

                      To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
                      achangewilldoyougood-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

                      Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.


                      ---------------------------------






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                      Lots of someones, actually. Yahoo! Personals

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                      Single? There's someone we'd like you to meet.
                      Lots of someones, actually. Try Yahoo! Personals

                      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






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                    • eileen
                      Please dont go back to him.I have waisted alot of yrs thinking it was love that drew me back to my ex. It wasnt,, it was an addiction.There are so many kinds
                      Message 10 of 15 , Dec 3, 2005
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                        Please dont go back to him.I have waisted alot of yrs thinking it was love that drew me back to my ex. It wasnt,, it was an addiction.There are so many kinds of addiction. mine was love and the needing to help someone that can not be helped. It has been yrs since he has been gone and even though I am still living alone I am the happiest I have ever been. I raised my kids and they are now on there own. the problem is with what my kids saw is how they think relationships should be and so because of my way of thinking it hurt them... I am trying now to help them not go through what I did... I hope you do the same. You broke up for a reason do not go backwards move forward in you life.. trust me the outcome will be slow but rewarding... Eileen in NY

                        fio clermont <fio12002@...> wrote: Hi,

                        You can try and see what happens, to learn. Just watch out. He might be nice and make you beleived he changed in the begining, to trap you, and when it will be too late, come back to his old self again, usually after marriage...

                        Fio

                        k p <kp2000in@...> wrote:
                        Dear All,

                        Thanks a lot for your quick replies which carries really valuable suggestions. Yes, I need to move on. But, somewhere in my heart still I have the feeling of getting back to the relation and make everything OK for his life. I know, it's a foolish thought as I will be ruining my life completely in the process of helping him out. I am thinking of being friendly with him and empathize him to come out of it. Once he is OK, I can move on with my life without any guilt or sympathy for him and at the same time I could have a life of my own without including him in mine.

                        Your thoughts please.........

                        Sheila <cheetatude@...> wrote:
                        Run.............very fast......in the opposite direction.

                        kp2000in <kp2000in@...> wrote: Dear All,

                        I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life. I was in luv
                        with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally adicted to him and
                        my whole world was revolving around him. Later, his family raised
                        some issues for us to get marry. When he told me that and asked me
                        to wait for some more time, I was shocked and shouted him back. I
                        didn't support him at that time. After that, we fought with each
                        other very badly and broke up even before his family say a word
                        against it. I was too involved in that relation and couldn't bear
                        the break up. Got admitted in the hospital for severe depression and
                        I was totally gone. We completely stopped communicating and I have
                        anounced the breakup to my family & friends.

                        After 2 months, he called me one day & spoke to me for 2 hrs. After
                        our broke up, he went into another relation and the girl left him.
                        Now, he is also in depression. He is having a heart problem and now
                        he wants to return to me. One way, I am feeling sympathy towards him
                        and ready to sacrifice my life. But, basically we don't have
                        compatibility in characters & value systems. There was a lack of
                        mutual respect, freedom from his side. It was painful for me to act
                        according to his wishes and I felt more freedom & happiness after I
                        broke up with him. But, still I feel some affection towards him &
                        ready to accept him. However, I feel sympathy is not a good reason
                        to get into a bad relation. I could foresee that even if I get marry
                        to him, I will not be able to live the life on my own way as he is
                        damn dominating. At the same time, I am not able to leave him when
                        he is suffering and move on with my own life.

                        Please advice









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                      • nina Chao
                        Hi, fio Clermont, I can appreciate your situation and your dillema. It s not easy to be in love with somone for a year and a half and not help him when he is
                        Message 11 of 15 , Dec 5, 2005
                        • 0 Attachment
                          Hi, fio Clermont,
                          I can appreciate your situation and your dillema.
                          It's not easy to be in love with somone for a year and
                          a half and not help him when he is going through a
                          difficult time. At the same time, you mentioned that
                          you will leave him when you help him become okay. The
                          dillema here is can you help him be okay? How do you
                          know when he will be okay? And what standards are you
                          using to measure his well being? I think that's a gray
                          area that you need to think clearly about. Also, do
                          you know if he is still in love with the girl that
                          dump him? Could this be a rebond relationship? My
                          advice is don't help him unless you can strickly see
                          him as a friend. And that's obviously difficult to do,
                          so, I think you should focuse on healing your heart
                          and investing your time on someone who is in love with
                          you and who wishes in marrying you. I don't know the
                          whole details of this relationship, but it sounds like
                          he's not ready to marry you. The dillema is ultimatly
                          up to you, because whatever you decide, you are going
                          to have to live with it. So, just take some time to
                          think it over and eventually your true desire will be
                          revealed.

                          --- fio clermont <fio12002@...> wrote:

                          > Hi,
                          >
                          > You can try and see what happens, to learn. Just
                          > watch out. He might be nice and make you beleived he
                          > changed in the begining, to trap you, and when it
                          > will be too late, come back to his old self again,
                          > usually after marriage...
                          >
                          > Fio
                          >
                          > k p <kp2000in@...> wrote:
                          > Dear All,
                          >
                          > Thanks a lot for your quick replies which carries
                          > really valuable suggestions. Yes, I need to move on.
                          > But, somewhere in my heart still I have the feeling
                          > of getting back to the relation and make everything
                          > OK for his life. I know, it's a foolish thought as I
                          > will be ruining my life completely in the process of
                          > helping him out. I am thinking of being friendly
                          > with him and empathize him to come out of it. Once
                          > he is OK, I can move on with my life without any
                          > guilt or sympathy for him and at the same time I
                          > could have a life of my own without including him in
                          > mine.
                          >
                          > Your thoughts please.........
                          >
                          > Sheila <cheetatude@...> wrote:
                          > Run.............very fast......in the opposite
                          > direction.
                          >
                          > kp2000in <kp2000in@...> wrote: Dear All,
                          >
                          > I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my
                          > life. I was in luv
                          > with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally
                          > adicted to him and
                          > my whole world was revolving around him. Later, his
                          > family raised
                          > some issues for us to get marry. When he told me
                          > that and asked me
                          > to wait for some more time, I was shocked and
                          > shouted him back. I
                          > didn't support him at that time. After that, we
                          > fought with each
                          > other very badly and broke up even before his family
                          > say a word
                          > against it. I was too involved in that relation and
                          > couldn't bear
                          > the break up. Got admitted in the hospital for
                          > severe depression and
                          > I was totally gone. We completely stopped
                          > communicating and I have
                          > anounced the breakup to my family & friends.
                          >
                          > After 2 months, he called me one day & spoke to me
                          > for 2 hrs. After
                          > our broke up, he went into another relation and the
                          > girl left him.
                          > Now, he is also in depression. He is having a heart
                          > problem and now
                          > he wants to return to me. One way, I am feeling
                          > sympathy towards him
                          > and ready to sacrifice my life. But, basically we
                          > don't have
                          > compatibility in characters & value systems. There
                          > was a lack of
                          > mutual respect, freedom from his side. It was
                          > painful for me to act
                          > according to his wishes and I felt more freedom &
                          > happiness after I
                          > broke up with him. But, still I feel some affection
                          > towards him &
                          > ready to accept him. However, I feel sympathy is not
                          > a good reason
                          > to get into a bad relation. I could foresee that
                          > even if I get marry
                          > to him, I will not be able to live the life on my
                          > own way as he is
                          > damn dominating. At the same time, I am not able to
                          > leave him when
                          > he is suffering and move on with my own life.
                          >
                          > Please advice
                          >
                          >
                          >
                          >
                          >
                          >
                          >
                          >
                          >
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                        • k p
                          Deal All, Thanks again for your responses. YES, I decided to move forward. He has no place in my life anymore, not even as a friend. As this breakup created a
                          Message 12 of 15 , Dec 5, 2005
                          • 0 Attachment
                            Deal All,

                            Thanks again for your responses. YES, I decided to move forward. He has no place in my life anymore, not even as a friend.

                            As this breakup created a vaccum in me, I have a desperate need for getting into another relationship, however I am aware that these kind of re-bound relationship is not good at this point of time. Can anyone suggest me, how could I be stop being so desperate and go in a slow & steady manner?

                            Have a great day!


                            eileen <sunshinenfny@...> wrote:
                            Please dont go back to him.I have waisted alot of yrs thinking it was love that drew me back to my ex. It wasnt,, it was an addiction.There are so many kinds of addiction. mine was love and the needing to help someone that can not be helped. It has been yrs since he has been gone and even though I am still living alone I am the happiest I have ever been. I raised my kids and they are now on there own. the problem is with what my kids saw is how they think relationships should be and so because of my way of thinking it hurt them... I am trying now to help them not go through what I did... I hope you do the same. You broke up for a reason do not go backwards move forward in you life.. trust me the outcome will be slow but rewarding... Eileen in NY

                            fio clermont <fio12002@...> wrote: Hi,

                            You can try and see what happens, to learn. Just watch out. He might be nice and make you beleived he changed in the begining, to trap you, and when it will be too late, come back to his old self again, usually after marriage...

                            Fio

                            k p <kp2000in@...> wrote:
                            Dear All,

                            Thanks a lot for your quick replies which carries really valuable suggestions. Yes, I need to move on. But, somewhere in my heart still I have the feeling of getting back to the relation and make everything OK for his life. I know, it's a foolish thought as I will be ruining my life completely in the process of helping him out. I am thinking of being friendly with him and empathize him to come out of it. Once he is OK, I can move on with my life without any guilt or sympathy for him and at the same time I could have a life of my own without including him in mine.

                            Your thoughts please.........

                            Sheila <cheetatude@...> wrote:
                            Run.............very fast......in the opposite direction.

                            kp2000in <kp2000in@...> wrote: Dear All,

                            I am in a deadlock situation at this part of my life. I was in luv
                            with a guy for the past 18 months. I was totally adicted to him and
                            my whole world was revolving around him. Later, his family raised
                            some issues for us to get marry. When he told me that and asked me
                            to wait for some more time, I was shocked and shouted him back. I
                            didn't support him at that time. After that, we fought with each
                            other very badly and broke up even before his family say a word
                            against it. I was too involved in that relation and couldn't bear
                            the break up. Got admitted in the hospital for severe depression and
                            I was totally gone. We completely stopped communicating and I have
                            anounced the breakup to my family & friends.

                            After 2 months, he called me one day & spoke to me for 2 hrs. After
                            our broke up, he went into another relation and the girl left him.
                            Now, he is also in depression. He is having a heart problem and now
                            he wants to return to me. One way, I am feeling sympathy towards him
                            and ready to sacrifice my life. But, basically we don't have
                            compatibility in characters & value systems. There was a lack of
                            mutual respect, freedom from his side. It was painful for me to act
                            according to his wishes and I felt more freedom & happiness after I
                            broke up with him. But, still I feel some affection towards him &
                            ready to accept him. However, I feel sympathy is not a good reason
                            to get into a bad relation. I could foresee that even if I get marry
                            to him, I will not be able to live the life on my own way as he is
                            damn dominating. At the same time, I am not able to leave him when
                            he is suffering and move on with my own life.

                            Please advice









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                          • Aditi S Ray
                            Dear KP Why do you say that getting into a new relationship is your desperate need? Why ARE you so desperate? Please think carefully. Is it because you
                            Message 13 of 15 , Dec 8, 2005
                            • 0 Attachment
                              Dear KP

                              Why do you say that "getting into a new relationship" is
                              your 'desperate' need? Why ARE you so desperate? Please think
                              carefully. Is it because you perhaps subconsciously connect being
                              into a relationship as some kind of vindication of your intrinsic
                              worth/self esteem as a person? Please...it is not so. If you are not
                              into a relationship, so be it...till it happens, and naturally.There
                              are many things that life offers other than a 'relationship'....
                              taking up a hobby, travelling....

                              Love and peace.

                              Aditi



                              --- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, k p <kp2000in@y...>
                              wrote:
                              >
                              > Deal All,
                              >
                              > Thanks again for your responses. YES, I decided to move forward.
                              He has no place in my life anymore, not even as a friend.
                              >
                              > As this breakup created a vaccum in me, I have a desperate need
                              for getting into another relationship, however I am aware that these
                              kind of re-bound relationship is not good at this point of time. Can
                              anyone suggest me, how could I be stop being so desperate and go in
                              a slow & steady manner?
                              >
                              > Have a great day!
                              >
                            • eileen
                              yes, please just sit back and think on what you want in a relationship. find out who you are.. as a person your needs and wants not somebody else..I have
                              Message 14 of 15 , Dec 8, 2005
                              • 0 Attachment
                                yes, please just sit back and think on what you want in a relationship. find
                                out who you are.. as a person your needs and wants not somebody else..I have
                                always gotten into a new relationship right after another and non of them
                                lasted because i did it for the wrong reasons. I have been on my own now for
                                five yrs and i am happy. I am finding out who I am which is something i
                                never took time to do..dont get me wrong i date but i wont let anyone
                                completely in my life till i am sure it is for the right reason.I know now
                                what I am looking for in a relationship. If he is out there then it will
                                happen, If not I am so happy with myself it does not matter and it feels
                                good..so please just take your time and do things you never did before but
                                always wanted to..live for you.everything else will fall in place.

                                -------Original Message-------

                                From: Aditi S Ray
                                Date: 12/08/05 15:40:38
                                To: achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com
                                Subject: Re: [ACWDYG ] I am in Dilemma?!

                                Dear KP

                                Why do you say that "getting into a new relationship" is
                                your 'desperate' need? Why ARE you so desperate? Please think
                                carefully. Is it because you perhaps subconsciously connect being
                                into a relationship as some kind of vindication of your intrinsic
                                worth/self esteem as a person? Please...it is not so. If you are not
                                into a relationship, so be it...till it happens, and naturally.There
                                are many things that life offers other than a 'relationship'....
                                taking up a hobby, travelling....

                                Love and peace.

                                Aditi



                                --- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, k p <kp2000in@y...>
                                wrote:
                                >
                                > Deal All,
                                >
                                > Thanks again for your responses. YES, I decided to move forward.
                                He has no place in my life anymore, not even as a friend.
                                >
                                > As this breakup created a vaccum in me, I have a desperate need
                                for getting into another relationship, however I am aware that these
                                kind of re-bound relationship is not good at this point of time. Can
                                anyone suggest me, how could I be stop being so desperate and go in
                                a slow & steady manner?
                                >
                                > Have a great day!
                                >








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                                [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                              • becky jenkins
                                I had two long relationships.It s been almost three years since ive been alone LOVE IT I have never been happier with that part of my life.Dont jump back in
                                Message 15 of 15 , Dec 10, 2005
                                • 0 Attachment
                                  I had two long relationships.It's been almost three years since ive been "alone" LOVE IT I have never been happier with that part of my life.Dont jump back in explore yourself

                                  eileen <sunshinenfny@...> wrote: yes, please just sit back and think on what you want in a relationship. find
                                  out who you are.. as a person your needs and wants not somebody else..I have
                                  always gotten into a new relationship right after another and non of them
                                  lasted because i did it for the wrong reasons. I have been on my own now for
                                  five yrs and i am happy. I am finding out who I am which is something i
                                  never took time to do..dont get me wrong i date but i wont let anyone
                                  completely in my life till i am sure it is for the right reason.I know now
                                  what I am looking for in a relationship. If he is out there then it will
                                  happen, If not I am so happy with myself it does not matter and it feels
                                  good..so please just take your time and do things you never did before but
                                  always wanted to..live for you.everything else will fall in place.

                                  -------Original Message-------

                                  From: Aditi S Ray
                                  Date: 12/08/05 15:40:38
                                  To: achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com
                                  Subject: Re: [ACWDYG ] I am in Dilemma?!

                                  Dear KP

                                  Why do you say that "getting into a new relationship" is
                                  your 'desperate' need? Why ARE you so desperate? Please think
                                  carefully. Is it because you perhaps subconsciously connect being
                                  into a relationship as some kind of vindication of your intrinsic
                                  worth/self esteem as a person? Please...it is not so. If you are not
                                  into a relationship, so be it...till it happens, and naturally.There
                                  are many things that life offers other than a 'relationship'....
                                  taking up a hobby, travelling....

                                  Love and peace.

                                  Aditi



                                  --- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, k p <kp2000in@y...>
                                  wrote:
                                  >
                                  > Deal All,
                                  >
                                  > Thanks again for your responses. YES, I decided to move forward.
                                  He has no place in my life anymore, not even as a friend.
                                  >
                                  > As this breakup created a vaccum in me, I have a desperate need
                                  for getting into another relationship, however I am aware that these
                                  kind of re-bound relationship is not good at this point of time. Can
                                  anyone suggest me, how could I be stop being so desperate and go in
                                  a slow & steady manner?
                                  >
                                  > Have a great day!
                                  >








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