(May whatever god(s) or goddess(es) you believe in bless the @#*% out of you for putting up with my crappy crossposting)
I?ve got a lot of junk to plug, so I?m gonna do it all at once so I won?t have to bug anyone any more than I have to:
First, I have two poetry chapbook/zine things finished and ready for your perusal.
Your Kisses Are Like Metallic Squirrel Droppings is a collection of 34 screwed-up/humorous/masochistic love poems such as: You Should Have Told Me You Were Dead, Female in Question Finds Relationship Consuming, A Rotting Corpse, Clean Masochism Sonnet, Forever I?ll Love You (Perhaps), and more. Here?s a sample poem to give you an idea of the tone/style:
Female in Question Finds Her Relationship Consuming
I tried to be sensitive,
I tried to understand,
But now dear I must ask you
To stop chewing on my hand.
I didn't think your nibbling
On my ear would do much harm
Until it turned up missing
With my leg and foot and arm.
I thought you were just friendly,
But discovered otherwise
When it wasn't Richard Simmon
Who was trimming down my thighs.
I love you dearly, darling,
But I fear this just won't work--
No, it's not your criminal record, love,
It's just this chewing quirk.
So kiss me one last time dear,
But no too long, I said,
For I want to end this love of ours
While I am still a head.
Oh, hahahahaha! Ugh! Your Kisses Are Like Metallic Squirrel Droppings is $2 + stamp ($4 international). It?s quater-size, hand-bound, 40 pages, not counting cover. No illustrations, but the cover is really cool and looks like an old-school tabloid. Address for all orders is at the at end of this post.
My other poetry zine is Meditations on Spam. 18 poems about Hormel?s miracle meat in a can, ranging from stupid and goofy to somewhat serious. This is a cut-and-paste, purposely-kind-of-cheap-looking collection with illustrations by me along with some generic black-and-white pictures of Spam tins. Poems include: Barbie Longs to Be Like Spam, Magnus to the Mermaid, My Pet Spam, and White Trash Gormet. 12 pages, not counting cover. $1 + stamp ($2 international). Here?s a Spam poem sample for you:
Ken Finds a New Love, Even Pinker and More Manufactured Than Barbie
When Ken awoke and wiped the Cheez Whiz off
His slimy, plastic body, thinking what
He?d say to Barbie when she heard that he
Had found a lover far more pink than her.
He took a swig of Tang and had a slice
Of virgin-snow-white Wonder bread. And far
More manufactured than she?d ever be.
He slipped on back beneath the sheets, caressed
The pink and lovely mass of flesh beside
Himself. So cold, but fleshy, nonetheless,
Much more than plastic Barbie. When he turned
The key last night and slipped the golden dress
Off from his lovely, fleshy Spam he could
Not stop himself and, thoughtless, plunged right in.
The Cheap Vegan #8 is out as well. This one contains random things to do to save money, price comparisons of various vegan breakfasts, recommended reading for cheap vegans (books, zines, magazines), the wondrous wonders of cornmeal, why be a cheap vegan?, polenta recipe, and a few other tidbits. Issues #1-7 are also still available. All are $1 each ($2 international).
I?ve already posted about The Rabbit Fodder Addict, but it?s still available for your cooking pleasure for $1 ($2 international).
I?ve also finally got a website up for The Cheap Vegan at: http://cheapvegan.cjb.net
And The Pleasant Unicorn Store where you can see and order zines and other stuff I make is up as well at: http://diystore.cjb.net
The prices at the PU store may be slightly different from the ones here. Pick the one that?s cheaper. Shipping is included in the prices at the website is the main difference.
Lastly, if anyone knows of anyone who makes or sells vegan zines and/or cookzines or any food-related zine, please let me know. My e-mail is: nurdsteph@...
Send all orders, money and love to:
P. O. Box 715
Weatherford, TX 76086
Thank you kindly for your time. May all your Tang be orange.