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The War of the Scottish Succession, with (the late Keith,) Moon the Loon

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  • Sol
    Friendly Beings! A new Song has just been uncovered from the underbins of SOL-2 s Immense Output. This would appear to be a New Relese of sorts, so here it
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 22, 2005
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      Friendly Beings!
      A new Song has just been uncovered from the "underbins" of SOL-2's Immense Output. This would appear to be a New Relese of sorts, so here it is, for your Deep Consideration. It's Quite Long, so if you can't read - Don't.
      Anybody who gives this anything less than Extremely Deep Consideration, shall be Severely Punished!!! You have been Warned. Try to find the tune, and hum it along, that always helps.
      Now Read! (jeez. some people...)
      (Oh yeah! Also, make sure to Dilligently Research ALL the Reference. Otherwise, there's no way you can understand any two succeeding stanzas.)
      (This material IS NOT COPYRIGHTED. Feel free to reproduce At Will, and pass as your own! To your Demise, it should be added... But SOL-2 knows no "jealosy", and he needs no "money", so why not. It's your Own Life.)
      The War of the Scottish Succession
      by SOL-2
      (Sung to the tune of "The Cockroach who Killed Cincinnati.")
      Book One
      I must offer to you a Confession
      I like Stories that Bore me to Death.
      If the Subject is Boring,
      You won't see me Snoring,
      Till the Tale had Expended it's Breath.
      You may contact your local Gendarmi.
      You may call it my Foolish Obsession!
      'Cause the Funnest of All,
      Causing Hell in the Hole,
      Is the War of the Scottish Succession!
      It "began" with our Dear Mary Stewart,
      (Though it goes back much Further than that...)
      Twenty Long Years in Prison,
      (With a Man for all Seasons,)
      Was enough to stop wearing her Hat.
      Later, Mary's Boy, James - Restituted.
      He Came Forth, to correct a Regression.
      He United the Brigands,
      From Corn Wall to the High Lands,
      In the War of the Scottish Succession.
      But it was Grandfil Charles who came Under,
      An Increasing Assault from his Peers.
      When he Thought they were Calling
      For less King's Roads Polling,
      They, in fact, were just were just crying, "De Beers!".
      So, poor Charles the First was Beheaded,
      The Only such Case, I should mention.
      He gave up his Crown
      To some Commonwealth Clown,
      In the War of the Scottish Succe[n]ssion.
      It all had to do with Religion!
      That's just how it worked in that Day.
      Some Stewarts were Popish,
      While the English were Mopish.
      That's how each Explained his Sore Way.
      But Charlie the First was a Smart One,
      And surrounded by Some Good Aggression*.
      So they took Underground,
      What they thereto Found,
      'Bout the Wars of the Scottish Succession.
      We shall not forget Bonnie Prince Charlie!
      Who was cast in a Secretive Grave.
      His Heritage Hidden,
      His Faithful were Bidden
      To Mask what they wanted to Save.
      We shall not forget Flora Macdonald!
      She was Guarding his Most Sacred Session.
      How she Mourned his Departure,
      But her Brood did she Nurture!
      In the War of the Scottish Succession.
      But all these Good Folks, they came After,
      They were Lost to the Hanover Clan.
      Meanwhile Charlie the First
      Had to Mellow his Thirst,
      Knowing Ollie was Hatching a Plan.
      So he send for his Seven Good Barons,
      To a Far Away Land of Secession.
      And he told them, Go West!
      Only there Can you Rest
      From the War of the Scottish Succession!
      Well, the Good Seven Barons weren't Stupid.
      They were Each chosen Well for their Task.
      They Knew what it Meant then
      To be Heaven Sent then.
      Each was Given a New Heavy Mask.
      From Macdonalds to Cameron Diaz,
      Each had Driven his Point with Precession,
      To Await for the Day,
      They'd be Able to Say:
      Yes! We Fight for the Scottish Succession!
      But the Mightiest Baron, the Smartest,
      Was the one that from Old, Staid Aside**.
      When his Buddies would Fluster,
      He'd let them be Master,
      He would let All the Others Decide.
      Charlie gave them some nice Forest Rivers,
      From the Fruits of the Mohawk Concession.
      And from Piedmont to Blue Ridge,
      To the Shenandoah soft sludge,
      Sprawled the Heirs of the the Scottish Succession.
      And so they grew Fruitful and Plentie***,
      Their Spawn claimed the Land as their Own.
      Powhattan's descendants
      Were removed to the Highlands,
      While they watched Amber Fields getting Sown.
      And so why, you now Cry, do you Bother?
      To Bore Us, with such Manic Depression?
      For Book Two you shall Wait,
      'Cause it's never too Late!
      For the War of the Scottish Succession.
      And that is All for Now! Go to sleep. The Original Cockroach never had that many Verses!
      * For those times, that was called "good"... Shit, those dudes were so baad, they was Good!
      ** sic
      *** Stupid spelling, I know, but what can one do. This is what came out in the original...
      Okay dear Mates, you see how it is. Our Boy has gone Bananas, and there's little we can do, but hope this Faze passes soon, as they're wont to do these days. Meanwhile, there's nothing For it, but for you to Memorize All of the Preceeding, because Soon, Very Soon!!!! you shall be Tested on This. SOL-2 warns that Much More is to Follow, though hopefully in a different cadence, so Beware!
      Lots of Love and Best Wishes to Everyone for an Impeding Cancer,
      "The Moon in June is Known to Swoon" - Danny Kaye.
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