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Re: [Yuricon] [spamfic] [utena] SFAE: Episode 42

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  • Andy00@aol.com
    Actually, Mireille is Corsican. Not French. ^^
    Message 1 of 15 , Jun 1, 2003
      Actually, Mireille is Corsican.  Not French.  ^^
    • Andy00@aol.com
      Since SFAE is about lesbians, may I make a recomendation? Spoilers for .hack//SIGN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tsukasa and Subaru fall in love in the
      Message 2 of 15 , Jun 1, 2003
        Since SFAE is about lesbians, may I make a recomendation?   Spoilers for .hack//SIGN
        .
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        Tsukasa and Subaru fall in love in the series.  Turns out Tsukasa is a girl in reality.  (She didn't know, long story.)  However, Subaru doesn't care.
      • Shannon J. L.
        Yeah! Thank you, Dreiser-sama! Grabs fic to chest, runs off to read it again... Shane :)
        Message 3 of 15 , Jun 2, 2003
          Yeah! Thank you, Dreiser-sama! Grabs fic to chest, runs off to read
          it again...

          Shane :)

          --- In Yuricon@yahoogroups.com, "dreiser" <dreiser3@y...> wrote:
          > It's the spamfic that never ends... and to celebrate that
          > fact and the fact that the real life AniLesboCon (huzzah,
          > Yuricon!) is about to arrive I'm posting a new idiotic
          > episode of Scenes From An Elevator daily to celebrate. So
          > sit back, read, and have some fun like the rest of us
          > hopefully will have in a few days.
          > WAKABA: (Rubs her forehead.) Just kill me now.
        • pbarkow@hfx.eastlink.ca
          ... We can but hope.
          Message 4 of 15 , Jun 2, 2003
            On 2 Jun 2003 at 3:49, dreiser wrote:

            > It's the spamfic that never ends... and to celebrate that

            We can but hope.
          • Shannon Stricof
            Absolutely luv it, especially the quote analysis. -Shannon Ami dreiser wrote: It s the spamfic that never ends... and to celebrate that
            Message 5 of 15 , Jun 2, 2003
              Absolutely luv it, especially the quote analysis.
               
              -Shannon Ami

              dreiser <dreiser3@...> wrote:
              It's the spamfic that never ends... and to celebrate that
              fact and the fact that the real life AniLesboCon (huzzah,
              Yuricon!) is about to arrive I'm posting a new idiotic
              episode of Scenes From An Elevator daily to celebrate. So
              sit back, read, and have some fun like the rest of us
              hopefully will have in a few days.


              Scenes From An Elevator:
              An Idiotic Utena Spamfic

              By: Dreiser

              EPISODE FORTY TWO: T-Minus 13...

              SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy
              where the shadows of the AniLesboCon security team are
              seen sitting inside of it. Several gun shots ring out in
              the early morning air, waking Lucrezia Noin up with a
              start. The Sunlit  Garden no longer plays faintly in
              the background.

              NOIN: (Flies forward. Blinks her eyes grumpily.) Wut
              th' hell is goin' on? I didn't ask for any Elevator wake
              up calls.

              MIREILLE: (Smiles prettily at Noin.) So sorry. We were
              just going through our early morning routine of
              shooting anything that moves and looks remotely like a
              threat to my status as most attractive assassin. (A
              shot fires off and Mireille whirls around just in time
              to see Kirika's gun smoking and a figure flopping down
              in the distance. Mireille squeals with excitement and
              claps her hands happily.) Perfect shot, kitten, as
              always! (She hugs Kirika to her breasts, seeming quite
              unaware of the practically nonexistent but still smug
              smile Kirika wears.) You're such a good little
              assassin, aren't you? Yes you are!

              NOIN: (Blinks dumbly. Looks mildly disgusted.) You two
              have quite the Oedipal/Electra combined complex thing
              going on, don't you?

              MIREILLE: (Scowls at Noin.) I'm French, not Greek.

              JURI: (Shouts from the distance.) Noooo! For the love
              of god, nooo!

              MIREILLE: (Looks around for Juri.) Who was that
              disturbed sounding person? They had an insulting tone
              in their voice when speaking to me.

              KIRIKA: (Flips, tosses, catches, and finally fancily
              shoots her gun in the general direction of the French
              Le Ramada Inn where AniLesboCon is being held.) Uhn!

              JURI: (Very freaked out.) Augh! Stop your shooting,
              crazy French people!

              KIRIKA: (Nonexistently squints. Says forcefully.) UHN!

              JURI: (Still slightly freaked out.) Okay, okay! Only
              one of you is French, the other is Japanese. I
              apologize, I don't care, just stop all of your crazy
              shooting! We've lost twenty guests already!

              MIREILLE: (Sniffs.) Too late for lamenting appeals
              of the weakling masses. I don't think I want to be
              involved with an organization that insults the French.
              Come, kitten, lets leave this dismal place and go in
              search of slinky outfits that will accentuate my curvy
              figure as to make me look even more like a cradle robber.

              KIRIKA: (Nods solemnly. She starts to go after Mireille
              who has already done a series of complex leaps and flips
              before exiting the Elevator but stops to stare at Noin
              hard. Kirika forms a small frown.) Uhn.

              NOIN: (Scowls at Kirika.) Who are you uhn'ing at? 

              (Kirika forms an almost nonexistent evil smile then
              does several fancy flips out of the Elevator. As she
              descendants to the ground she fires off two bullets,
              both of which hit the large cable which has the sole
              responsibility of holding the Elevator up. She lands
              soundlessly next to Mireille who is looking
              impatiently at her watch.)

              MIREILLE: (Slightly annoyed.) Kitten, that took five
              seconds. What have I told you? I'm a three second exit
              girl.

              KIRIKA: (Tugs on Mireille's sleeve and points up at
              the Elevator.) Uhn.

              MIREILLE: (Sighs heavily and looks up.) What is it
              now? (Her eyes widen when she hears the slight snap of
              the cables. She turns to face Kirika, wearing an
              expression of disbelief.) Did you just shoot that
              cable so it would slowly fray and fall apart, making
              them all plummet to a very bloody and inevitable doom?

              KIRIKA: (Looks nonexistently worried.) Uhn...?

              MIREILLE: (Squeals happily and hugs Kirika to her
              breasts.) Oh, kitten, thank you! You really are the
              best prepubescent girlfriend ever!

              NOIN: (Shouts from the Elevator.) I hope someone
              arrests you before you start scoping out the
              kindergartens next, you French Michael Jackson!

              MIREILLE: (Frostily glares up at the Elevator.)
              Kitten...

              KIRIKA: (Goes ultra squinty and nods. She pulls out
              her gun calmly and shoots of a bullet which ricochets
              in the Elevator causing a good deal of chaos for the
              people in there.) Uhn.

              MIREILLE: (Smiles happily at Kirika and winds her arm
              through hers.) Thank you, that was ever so helpful!
              Now what to do... (Her eyes grow lidded with thought.
              She suddenly hops up and down, making her breasts
              bounce and Kirika stare at them more than usual.) I
              know! Shopping!

              KIRIKA: (Nonexistently pleads for mercy.) Uhn.

              MIREILLE: (Teases.) That's what you always say.

              SCENE: An obscure and well hidden room in the French
              Le Ramada Inn. Arisugawa Tenoh Ai is recovering her
              breath but beaming happily at the kidnapped object of
              her affection, quite unaware of the chaos she's
              created with her disappearance. The Sunlit Garden no
              longer plays faintly in the background.

              AI: (Beams super happily.) We're finally alone!

              CHLOE: (Narrows already squinty eyes.) You aren't Kirika.

              AI: (Shakes her head and smiles.) No, not at all! I'm
              Arisugawa Tenoh Ai, the only scientifically created test
              tube love child of Arisugawa Juri and Tenoh Haruka. I'm
              living proof of the combined genetic coolness of anime
              lesbians everywhere!

              CHLOE: (Squints more and looks around.) Where have you
              taken me? (She looks swiftly back at Ai.) Do you work
              for the Soldats?

              AI: (Blinks.) The who? (Tilts her head to one side.)
              I heard you talking backstage... well, I heard you
              threatening a guest of the convention and I before I
              knew it, here we are!

              CHLOE: (Stares at Ai.) That makes no sense.

              AI: (Blushes bright red.) I'm sorry, but you have a
              really pretty voice. When I heard it I just had to have
              it and you all to myself. I hope you don't mind.

              CHLOE: (Squints way more, so her eyes are little
              slits.) What did you just say?

              AI: (Claps her hands and beams.) See? It even sounds
              pretty now when you're being threatening! I've never
              heard such a pretty voice before. (Leans in closer to
              Chloe.) Would you sing a song for me? I just know that
              you must sing wonderfully.

              CHLOE: (Moves away and looks disturbed at the idea of
              singing for anyone.) I don't sing, I kill things. In fact,
              I'm looking for Kirika so I can seek my revenge for what
              happened to me in our series canon. (Her eyes get ultra squinty
              and out of the depths of her green cloak that makes her look
              somewhat homeless she produces her horrifying weapon.) All
              while using this, my horrifying weapon! Viva revenge!

              AI: (Stares curiously at Chloe's chosen horrifying
              weapon.) Isn't that a spoon?

              CHLOE: (Whirls around to stare at Ai, squinting
              mightily.) Yes... and?

              AI: (Still staring at Chloe's horrifying weapon a bit
              perplexed.) And it's a pink plastic spoon?

              CHLOE: (Grits her teeth.) So...?

              AI: (Continues to stare at Chloe's horrifying weapon and
              her face is one of complete confusion now.) Your horrifying
              weapon is a pink plastic spoon from Baskin Robbins.

              CHLOE: (Purple faced expression of rage. Twitching
              severely.) Your point being?

              AI: (Stares at Chloe blank faced.) It seems like an
              ineffective horrifying weapon, that's all.

              CHLOE: (Thrusts the pink spoon in Ai's face.) Do you
              want me to use this on you?! (She gets up close and personal,
              right in Ai's face.) Well?! Do you?!

              AI: (Tilts her head and smiles.) No, but I'd really like to
              put my tongue where that spoon was.

              CHLOE: (Turns as red as a tomato as she realizes exactly
              what this means. She stammers nervously.) Okay...

              AI: (Somewhat evil glint in her eyes.) Excellent.

              SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually
              timely and frequent sunset. The figures of the Shadow
              Play Girls A-ko, B-ko, and C-ko are seen. The Sunlit
              Garden no longer plays faintly in the background.

              B-KO: (Grumbles and folds her arms over her chest.)
              Took you long enough. And what the hell is with the
              stupid episode name anyway?

              A-KO: (Wisely.) I think the Author is counting down
              the days until the real Yuricon. Supposedly she's
              doing an episode a day until the real event happens.

              B-KO: (Snorts and laughs.) If I was her I wouldn't count
              the days until people attack her in person for not finishing
              fics that should've been completed eons ago.

              A-KO: (Shakes her head.) As if anyone cares enough
              about her to do that.

              B-KO: (Muses.) True... (She looks over at C-ko who has
              remained silent and strangely enough, reading a paper
              during this.) Hey, scab! What're you doing? We have fic
              time here. Don't waste it by pretending you can read.

              C-KO: (Sniffs.) Shows what you know, I CAN read. And
              at a fifth grade level! Anyway, that doesn't matter
              now, look at this! (She thrusts the paper at them.)
              See what it says here? Touga-sempai somehow escaped
              from Miki the Hut's clutches and he's coming back to
              rule the Ohtori Student Council again! What changes
              will this bring?

              A-KO: (Stares at the paper.) The only thing I can see
              is a huge advertisement that says boot cut jeans are
              going on sale again at Le Olde Navy this weekend.

              B-KO: (Snickers.) Fifth grade reading level my ass!

              C-KO: (Stands up and waves the paper around.) I can so
              read! The stupid Author was just using me as a
              convenient plot device! It's not fair... I hate being
              used that way!

              B-KO: (Dry tones.) Plot device, right. Since when has
              this fic had a plot?

              C-KO: (Crumples paper and mutters.) Stupid Author. I
              really do hope someone attacks you at the con. Especially for
              your never to be finished Harry Potter fic.

              To be continued...

              The coolest characters in this spamfiction are from
              Utena. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of
              tripe that I write when extremely bored. I'll continue
              to write this series when I'm extremely bored because
              sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words
              don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's spam, spam,
              spammmm!

              But if you are offended or you just like to complain
              you can email the stupid Author here: dreiser3@...

              And to see further travesties she's written just take
              a hop and a skip over to: http://www.dreiser.net/

              The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?!
              Will the stupid Author of this spamfic actually write an episode
              of Elevator a day until the real Yuricon happens?! Is a plastic pink
              spoon really the horrifying weapon?! And does Elevator now have a
              plot?! Not very likely.

              A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:

              "Your goat mind games won't work on me!"
              -Reese; Malcolm in the Middle-

              WAKABA: (Stares at the quote.) What the hell does that
              mean?

              SAIONJI: (Rubs his chin and ponders.) I think it's
              talking of the intelligence animals hold that mankind
              often ignores exists and how eventually this will bite
              us in the ass.

              WAKABA: (Stares at Saionji like he's a retard.) You're
              such a himbo.

              SAIONJI: (Looks offended.) Well, you're a crude
              ruffian!

              CHU CHU: (Folds arms and says in uppity tones.) Chu...
              chu chu!

              SAIONJI: (Nods his head.) Never have I heard wiser
              words spoken, my friend.

              WAKABA: (Rubs her forehead.) Just kill me now.



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            • Dave
              ... Damn! Beat me to it ~_^ {found that out on the oficial site hyping the dub release. I ve only seen epp 1 :( Gotta get more soon :)}
              Message 6 of 15 , Jun 2, 2003
                --- In Yuricon@yahoogroups.com, Andy00@a... wrote:
                > Actually, Mireille is Corsican. Not French. ^^

                Damn! Beat me to it ~_^ {found that out on the oficial site hyping
                the dub release. I've only seen epp 1 :( Gotta get more soon :)}
              • Trixterpriest@aol.com
                ... Bless you, Dreiser, bless you ;p Kun ... *does a little elevator dance*
                Message 7 of 15 , Jun 3, 2003
                  > It's the spamfic that never ends... and to celebrate that
                  > fact and the fact that the real life AniLesboCon (huzzah,
                  > Yuricon!) is about to arrive I'm posting a new idiotic
                  > episode of Scenes From An Elevator daily to celebrate. So
                  > sit back, read, and have some fun like the rest of us
                  > hopefully will have in a few days.
                  >
                  >
                  > Scenes From An Elevator:
                  > An Idiotic Utena Spamfic
                  >

                  Bless you, Dreiser, bless you ;p

                  Kun
                  ----'-,-{@
                  *does a little elevator dance*
                • dreiser
                  ... Corsica is a part of France and besides, Napolean was from Corsica and I m pretty sure he said he was French. Anywayyyy... it s best to never take me
                  Message 8 of 15 , Jun 3, 2003
                    --- In Yuricon@yahoogroups.com, Andy00@a... wrote:
                    > Actually, Mireille is Corsican. Not French. ^^

                    Corsica is a part of France and besides, Napolean was
                    from Corsica and I'm pretty sure he said he was French.
                    Anywayyyy... it's best to never take me seriously. Most
                    of all in this fic. lol. At least no one corrected me
                    when I said Mireille's a cradle robber. Heh.

                    Rather than spamming the ml, anyone who wants the
                    daily dose of elevator idiocy can just visit my website
                    at http://www.dreiser.net/

                    I'll have the new episode uploaded and linked there
                    every night as soon as I've finished typing it up. Which
                    usually takes ehh... ten minutes? lol. So sad.

                    Later!

                    Nic
                  • Shannon Stricof
                    Actually, I m pretty sure Corsica and Sardinia are a separate country by now (If you have read any Ludlum, it s in the Matarese Circle), though I don t claim
                    Message 9 of 15 , Jun 3, 2003
                      Actually, I'm pretty sure Corsica and Sardinia are a separate country by now (If you have read any Ludlum, it's in the Matarese Circle), though I don't claim to know for sure.
                       
                      SFAE rocks, Nic, you are my heroine.
                       
                      -Shannon Ami

                      dreiser <dreiser3@...> wrote:
                      --- In Yuricon@yahoogroups.com, Andy00@a... wrote:
                      > Actually, Mireille is Corsican.   Not French.   ^^

                      Corsica is a part of France and besides, Napolean was
                      from Corsica and I'm pretty sure he said he was French.
                      Anywayyyy... it's best to never take me seriously. Most
                      of all in this fic. lol. At least no one corrected me
                      when I said Mireille's a cradle robber. Heh.

                      Rather than spamming the ml, anyone who wants the
                      daily dose of elevator idiocy can just visit my website
                      at http://www.dreiser.net/

                      I'll have the new episode uploaded and linked there
                      every night as soon as I've finished typing it up. Which
                      usually takes ehh... ten minutes? lol. So sad.

                      Later!

                      Nic



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                    • shirobara12
                      ... Hehehe, someone here hates France and doesn t want Mireille Bouquet to be French because then he would have to hate Mireille and, oh no, that would be
                      Message 10 of 15 , Jun 3, 2003
                        > Actually, Mireille is Corsican. Not French. ^^

                        Hehehe, someone here hates France and doesn't want
                        Mireille Bouquet to be French because then he would have to
                        hate Mireille and, oh no, that would be terrible, how can
                        anyone hate Mireille, not Mireille, not her!!! :) ;)

                        Saying "Mireille is Corsican, not French!" is like saying
                        "Kasuga Ayumu is not Japanese, she's Osakan!" - I mean,
                        come on, really. :) Mireille is French, a lesbian and
                        an assassin, and a lot of people hate her for all three
                        things - but that's what she is and there's no way of
                        denying any of the three. :)

                        White Rose
                      • kate0211@aol.com
                        In a message dated 6/3/2003 11:06:11 PM Eastern Daylight Time, ... Well, it seems that I m only about 43 episodes behind...! I d better get reading! ;) Katya
                        Message 11 of 15 , Jun 3, 2003
                          In a message dated 6/3/2003 11:06:11 PM Eastern Daylight Time, dreiser3@... writes:

                          Rather than spamming the ml, anyone who wants the
                          daily dose of elevator idiocy can just visit my website
                          at http://www.dreiser.net/


                          Well, it seems that I'm only about 43 episodes behind...!  I'd better get reading!  ;)

                          Katya
                        • kate0211@aol.com
                          In a message dated 6/4/2003 12:37:52 AM Eastern Daylight Time, ... Corsica is a part of France. Sardinia is a part of Italy. Katya, Geographer
                          Message 12 of 15 , Jun 3, 2003
                            In a message dated 6/4/2003 12:37:52 AM Eastern Daylight Time, shanami632@... writes:

                            Actually, I'm pretty sure Corsica and Sardinia are a separate country by now (If you have read any Ludlum, it's in the Matarese Circle), though I don't claim to know for sure.


                            Corsica is a part of France.  Sardinia is a part of Italy.

                            Katya, Geographer
                          • Eltink, Royi
                            *steps uit of lurkerville* Corsica independant? Some people are trying to (the usual way, bombings, assasinations and stuff like that).... But knowing France
                            Message 13 of 15 , Jun 4, 2003
                              *steps uit of lurkerville*

                              Corsica independant? Some people are trying to (the usual way, bombings, assasinations and stuff like that).... But knowing France and its regiments Foreigners Legion there, I doubt they'll get indepance the next decade.

                              > Saying "Mireille is Corsican, not French!" is like saying
                              > "Kasuga Ayumu is not Japanese, she's Osakan!" - I mean,
                              > come on, really. :) Mireille is French, a lesbian and
                              > an assassin, and a lot of people hate her for all three
                              > things - but that's what she is and there's no way of
                              > denying any of the three. :)
                              >

                              ..wich reminds me of an April fools day, article:
                              ---------------
                              The recent grassroots U.S. boycott of all French items has caused an unforseen side-effect in the anime world. Sales of the recently released anime "Noir", which is set in France, have dropped off as American fans have exercised their patriotic duty to avoid any and all French influences.

                              One American anime fan, speaking under promises of anonymity, said "Hey, it's about a couple of girls who know <expletive> well how to use a <expletive> gun, but they can't get off their lazy French <expletive> and do what needs to be done in the Middle East, just like that <expletive> Chriac. America doesn't have any <expletive> time for <expletive> like that." When it was pointed out that one of the two lead characters is Japanese, the fan said, "They're not at the <expletive> front lines with our troops either, so it's the same thing. I'd boycott a <expletive> anime that involves <expletive> Canada, too, if there were any. I gotta go now - 'Cardcaptors' is starting on TV."

                              Another anime fan, also wishing to remain anonymous, had this to say: "If it was up to me, I'd buy 'Noir'. It's the kind of story that I like, a bit like 'The Professional' or 'La Femme Nikita'. But my father works at a big defence contractor and his security clearance is up for review this month. My family can't afford for my father to lose his job right now - we have to join in with the French boycott."

                              A third fan, who was willing to give his name but will remain anonymous anyway, gave a slightly different reason for boycotting the "Noir" anime. "Sure, they go in and kill people who can't be removed any other way, just like we're doing in Iraq. But their biggest enemy is named 'Soldats', and that means 'soldiers' in French - I looked it up on Babelfish. I can't in good conscience buy something that has soldiers as the bad guys while American soldiers are fighting the good fight in Iraq."

                              There is currently no word from ADV Films as to whether they are changing their plans for "Noir" in light of the current boycott of French products.
                              ---------------

                              Ro'
                              ...who still has to see Noir ep 14 and further...

                              *steps back in lurkerville*
                            • Shannon Stricof
                              Good to know, thanks for the correction. -Shannon Ami kate0211@aol.com wrote: In a message dated 6/4/2003 12:37:52 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
                              Message 14 of 15 , Jun 4, 2003
                                Good to know, thanks for the correction.
                                 
                                -Shannon Ami

                                kate0211@... wrote:
                                In a message dated 6/4/2003 12:37:52 AM Eastern Daylight Time, shanami632@... writes:

                                Actually, I'm pretty sure Corsica and Sardinia are a separate country by now (If you have read any Ludlum, it's in the Matarese Circle), though I don't claim to know for sure.


                                Corsica is a part of France.  Sardinia is a part of Italy.

                                Katya, Geographer


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