Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

WOSSNAME -- JUNE 2002 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)

Expand Messages
  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    WOSSNAME -- JUNE 2002 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 6) IS PT A CHANGING ROOMS FAN? Hi Everyone, I ve noticed
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 5, 2002
    • 0 Attachment
      WOSSNAME -- JUNE 2002 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      6) IS PT A "CHANGING ROOMS" FAN?

      Hi Everyone,

      I've noticed that in my Thieves' Guild Yearbook and
      Diary 2002 that there is a character on Octeday this
      week called Laurence 'Leeky' Llwyddiannus-Bonheddwr.
      Famous for his intrusion crimes and Feng Shui! I would
      never have put Pterry down as a Changing Rooms fan.

      I guess this will mean nothing to non-British members,
      but on our version of Changing Rooms we have a
      designer called Laurence LLewellyn-Bowen. The picture
      even looks like him.

      -- Anne
      PKO and Vampire
      Founder member of BURA

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      7) RIDCULLY'S BOLD BATH

      To the Editor:

      My copy of Hogfather has the section about Ridcully's disastrous
      bath all written in bold.

      I know that Pratchett likes playing with font types to indicate different
      things, e.g. Death's voice. However, I don't have a clue with this bit in
      Hogfather. Can anyone shed any light on why this is the case?

      -- Amanda Kuek

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      8) BATHROOM RESONANCE

      To the Editor:

      I think, and this is only my opinion, it is supposed to emphasize the
      incredible resonance of the bathroom. All tiled (but not modern plastic
      lined) bathrooms are resonant, but this one's acoustics are something
      special. While everyone gets the "Old Faithful" joke right off, the "organ
      interlock" joke doesn't work, except as a double entendre, without the
      special resonance.

      By the way, the books seem to be set in TeX, which guarantees a typo in
      every edition, or maybe they are use Micro$oft typesetting, which guarantees
      a typo in every print run.

      The funnier the typo, the more the book will be worth resale.

      I know that the hardbacks printed in America and UK use different
      typography, because I usually buy both. Usually, not always. I won't be
      doing this for _The Science of Discworld II: The Globe_, which is too dull
      to own.

      I've read that the other editions change typography as well. Among the
      hardbacks there's a Book of the Month Club edition, a SF Book of the Month
      Club edition, and Australian (or Australasia?) editions. Then, a year later
      come the paperback editions.

      -- jp3@...

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      9) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE

      Lady Aranluc's amazing Disc Horoscope continues
      in our Spanish section's newsletter, and the editor,
      my good friend Manu, once again has graciously
      translated it. Of course, as is widely known, there
      are 64 signs in the Disc zodiac, so not everyone's
      sign may be covered. Dates have been converted
      to our Roundworld system to help you find yours.


      June: LUCK AND TALISMANS

      This month we will talk about luck and talismans, those seemingly
      stupid things which make the Blue Bird of Happiness stay for a
      while in our window to sing to us instead of just flying past. Or,
      at least, help to avoid the bird dropping something on us...

      March 21 - April 20
      The Perhaps Gate

      A Perhaps Gate person will not busy himself with such nonsense.
      His favourite talismans are useful domestic items. The key word
      here is 'use'. Very, very continuous use for a long, long time make
      any object a Perhaps Gate's best friend. There's nothing better than
      wearing your lucky socks, those you got for your tenth birthday
      and never allowed to be washed, to win the next match. Surely their
      mere smell will be sufficient to make any rival team unlucky enough
      to stand within a couple of meters turn and run.

      April 21 - May 21
      Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips

      Vase of Tulips people tend to be gadget maniacs, lovers of tiny
      devices full of practical possibilities and nearly useless. They
      will have, for example, a pocketsized UV flashlight to detect
      false currency, which they somehow have forgotten to get
      batteries for, or Swiss knives with thousands of accessories
      -- none of which is working because the instructions have been
      lost. They are TV-shopping fanatics, and the reason they buy
      all that rubbish seems to be they believe it brings them luck.
      It has certainly brought luck to the TV station.

      May 22 - June 21
      The Two Fat Cousins

      A Fat Cousin loves emblems, slogans, meanings. He can dress
      weirdly if he thinks that *this* is the look that matches his current
      inner ideology. The result of such an effort is usually so strange
      havoc that you're never sure which band this guy is in, so you
      usually leave him alone. If that's not good luck for him, it sure is
      for you.

      June 22 - July 22
      Wezen the Double-Headed Kangaroo

      A Double-Headed Kangaroo does not believe in luck. She works for
      it. Her amulets are usually blunt instruments, deadly sprays, or
      visibly sharp items. It is not known if they make her more fortunate,
      but they will surely be very, very unlucky for anyone daring enough to
      confront her.

      July 23 - August 23
      The Cow of Heaven

      A Cow of Heaven likes to own at least one cute, cool and elegant
      good luck piece, or at least one expensive one. He'll take it
      everywhere and wear it indiscriminately until it becomes rubbish.
      Expensive rubbish, but rubbish all the same. It would be luckier
      for his social life if he took better care of it, but his friends are
      too embarrassed to say anything.

      August 24 - September 23
      Mubbo the Hyena

      Trying to make a Hyena believe that an item will give her good
      luck is like preaching in the desert. It can bring you a guaranteed
      quick, and unenjoyable death. A Hyena makes her own luck, and
      you can keep all your talismans for yourself, thank you. If you
      keep on talking nonsense to her about luck, she'll deck you or
      call the little men in white coats.

      September 24 - October 23
      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

      You cannot talk too much about luck when Boring Group people
      are involved. It isn't that they don't believe in it, they do believe;
      the problem is that they never know if an amulet will bring good
      or bad luck, so they collect them all. A stroke of luck for a Boring
      Group of Stars person is a series of strange and supernatural
      catastrophes happening one after another, from which they are
      saved successively and nearly miraculously. In other words,
      just show them a talisman and you've got a sure sale.

      October 24 - November 22
      Okjok the Salesman

      A Salesman supports just one kind of talisman: a credit card. Her
      logic is simple: with a credit card from an interesting bank,
      associated with an account number, you don't need any luck. For
      a Salesman there is just one thing better than a credit card -- a
      a large inheritance. Don't cosign anything and positively don't
      let her think she's mentioned in your will.

      November 23 - December 21
      The Overworked Orang-Utang

      The Orang-Utang have the strange idea that there is no such thing
      as lucky objects. There *is* such a thing as lucky people. They'll
      stick to you like leeches if they think this will somehow improve
      their lucky event quota. My advice is that, when choosing a living
      amulet, they shouldn't pick winners. They should choose one from
      among their most pathetic friends. They'll just feel lucky
      by comparison.

      December 22 - January 20
      The Celestial Parsnip

      Parsnips are Contrarians. That disgusting item that someone gave to
      him unwillingly and that just happens to have a vile taste will be his
      luck magnet, as a Parsnip sees it.. He won't throw it away and he
      refuses to bury it in the bottom of a drawer and forget that it exists.
      Why? Because it's the key to his happiness. Don't get involved.

      January 21 - February 18
      The Knotted String

      For a Knotted String, luck is unreachable. You can't have it and
      you can't not have it. It *is*. So if anyone wants to increase
      the little portion of auspicious events for a known person of this
      sign, they can give her an amulet of any kind as a present, but
      just don't tell her that it's lucky, because it will lose all of its
      power. A Knotted String is the *cause* of her own bad luck.
      If she ever goes to an astrologist's, he'd better start looking
      for another job, because his days of communing with the infinite
      are over.

      February 19 - March 20
      The Flying Moose

      The Flying Moose has something extraordinary. He has FAITH. Along
      with the Fat Cousins, he is the only sign who can make an amulet
      out of any stupid thing as long as he thinks that that stupid
      thing brings LUCK. That is why we advise him to go to any street
      market, look for the most aesthetically acceptable esoteric necklace
      and put all his hopes in it. It will bring him as much luck as
      anything else, but at least he won't look like a slob.

      -- Lady Aranluc

      None of these signs quite right? Cheer up, there are 52 more
      signs, and one of them just might fit.

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
      -------------------------------------------------------------------------
      If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
      -------------------------------------------------------------------------
      End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3
    Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.