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WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2002 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)

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  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2002 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued) ... ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8) YOUR DISCWORLD LOVE HOROSCOPE by Lady Aranluc (from our
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 1, 2002
      WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2002 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)

      by Lady Aranluc

      (from our sister publication, EL PUERCOESP├ŹN
      translated by Manuel Viciano Delibano, editor)

      I spotted this in our Spanish section's newsletter.
      and the editor, my good friend Manu, graciously
      offered to translate it. Of course, as is widely known,
      there are 64 signs in the Disc zodiac, so not everyone's
      sign may be covered in this article. Dates have been
      converted to our Roundworld system to help you find
      your birthdate.

      March 21 - April 20
      The Perhaps Gate

      People born under this sign do not expect much joy from life
      as part of a couple. If they do have it, that's all right, and if
      they don't, that's even better. It is not conformist, it's the
      rock-hard conviction that what's happening to them is exactly
      what they want to be happening to them, and whoever says
      otherwise will carry his teeth home in a bag.

      April 21 - May 21
      Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips

      This sign's sexual appetite is terrifying. For when they have sex,
      they enjoy it enormously and won't stop until clubbed; and when they
      don't, they will search for it with a persistence that often ends in
      their incarceration. Nothing can stop a Vase of Tulips person
      from chasing the opposite gender except the police.

      May 22 - June 21
      The Two Fat Cousins

      Soft and loving, they only want to find their Blue Prince or
      their Pink Princess (or their pink prince or their blue princess,
      search me) and live happily ever after, stuffing their faces. Alas,
      they often explode after reaching critical mass.

      June 22 - July 22
      Wezen the Double-Headed Kangaroo

      Non-stop partying, frantic couplings in closets, and the certain
      belief that, "I will have time to find my true love after I get rid
      of this other true love" - or, at least, that's their goal.

      July 23 - August 23
      The Cow of Heaven

      They want stability. They want bonding. They want a house with a
      garage and lots of children to sanctify their conjugal bond. And then
      they want a good divorce agreement, please, thank you.

      August 24 - September 23
      Mubbo the Hyena

      It's better to be alone than in bad company [as the Spanish saying
      goes]. Their mates have to put up with their cranky ways, their mood
      changes, their slobby lifestyles and be tidy, honest, working, faithful -
      and oh, come to their front door with paycheck in hand and a
      medical certificate, if possible. Mates often develop an avid interest
      in guns and poisons.

      September 24 - October 23
      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars [Rincewind's house!]

      They are romantics, but romanticism gives them the creeps. They
      would do anything for love, but they are so shy... They would do
      everything for the loved one, everything, and they don't ask for
      much. But they are very choosy. The funny thing is that they are very
      often chased after and married. [Manu: except in Rincewind's case...
      but he's a wizard. Of a sort.]

      October 24 - November 22
      Okjock the Salesman

      They have an item in their schedule: look for a mate. Two years later
      another item says: look for a church for the wedding. Three months
      later, another one: Buy [put here any strange edible thing that
      pregnant women are supposed to kill for]. It's surprising to see how
      little their agenda matches reality, and they get very angry when
      reality kicks their butt.

      November 23 - December 21
      The Overworked Orang-Utang

      They are usually too busy to look for a lovemate. Too busy talking
      about how lonely they feel because they can't find a a partner, due to
      all the work they have to do. No time for courting or romance, no
      time for personal grooming. If they ever find someone who will accept
      them the way they are, they will be happy forever, they say. The
      other person's happiness may not last so long...

      December 22 - January 20
      The Celestial Parsnip

      Their head is always in a mess. They don't know whether they
      love you or not, whether they adore you or loathe you, whether
      they should marry you or flee without ever stopping. It's a lucky
      thing that, pressing the proper buttons, they are easy to manage,
      and even luckier that they are so easy to dodge.

      January 21 - February 18
      The Knotted String

      The perfect mate for them is someone understanding, who
      gives them space to think, who understands and respects
      their afflictions, who is always there when they come back
      home. That is, someone who does not get mad at them
      when he or she knows nothing of them for days, a very
      usual thing. Unless they make big money (and sometimes
      even then), they tend to get divorced or dumped.

      February 19 - March 20
      The Flying Moose

      They need caring, they need hugging, they need a sparkle
      of romanticism in their lives. But if they don't get it, they
      just make it up and make do with whatever they have. In short,
      they like living in a dream world, reading trashy love novels
      and watching soap operas on TV. Shrinks make them worse.

      None of these signs quite right? Cheer up, there are 52 more
      signs, and one of them just might fit.



      There is a new Discworld board game called "Thud",
      now on the market, based vaguely on the Battle of
      Koom Valley. You can read about it on:

      And there is an introductory short story
      (well, more like a short storylet) by PTerry
      himself, which you can find here:


      by Cat Tiger Li

      Sorry, no room for a new puzzle this month due to the
      vital horoscope data above, but here's the solution
      to the last one. New one coming next month.

      1. Ruler of Ankh-Morpork - 4th letter - PATRICIAN
      2. He Who Cannot Be Denied - 2nd letter - DEATH
      3. Famous Wizzard - 6th letter - RINCEWIND
      4. Colour of Magic - 1st letter - OCTARINE
      5. Suitcase with Legs - 1st letter - LUGGAGE
      6. Crocodile God - 2nd letter - OFFLER
      7. Voyagers Off the Disk - 5th letter - CHELONAUTS
      8. Impossibly Inverted Mountain - 1st letter - WYRMBERG
      9. The Empire - 4th letter - AGATEAN

      R/ E/ W /O /L /F /O /W /T / = The Tourist (READ BACKWARDS)
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/*8/*9/



      Elton Murphy, head of The Collectors Guild, reports that
      the new Reaper Man Jigsaw Puzzles are now in stock.

      Registered buyers can enter his secure site to see them at:

      Unregistered buyers can see them at:

      They are all listed in the 'Discworld' section, says Elton.
      "We currently have just under 100 in stock and can supply you
      immediately," he promises.


      Copyright (c) 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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