WOSSNAME -- June 2013 -- Late breaking news and horoscope
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
June 2013 (Volume 16, Issue 6, Post 2)
01) LATE BREAKING NEWS
02) YOUR DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE FOR MAY
03) MORE IMAGES OF THE MONTH
01) LATE BREAKING NEWS
Jack Dodger's Guide to London is coming! A chapbook as one might
say, a companion piece to Dodger, "based on original notes penned by
jack Dodger himself" and bursting with facts-to-amaze about the
London of his times. Here be the first blurb:
"ROLL UP! ROLL UP! READ ALL ABOUT IT!
"Ladies and Gents, Sir Jack Dodger brings you a most excellent Guide
"Did you know . . . ?
"If a Victorian couldn't afford a sweep, they might drop a goose
down their chimney to clean it!
"A posh lady's unmentionables could weigh up to 40lbs!
"Parliament had to be suspended during the Great Stink of 1858!
"From the wretches of the rookeries to the posh nobs at Buckingham
Palace, Dodger will show you every dirty inch of London.
"Warning: Includes 'orrible murders, naughty ladies and plenty of
Priced at a very reasonable £12.99 in hardcover, Jack Dodger's
Guide to London will be published 21st November 2013 by Doubleday
Children's Books, a division of Random House.
Readers in Fourecks may wish to pre-order via The Book Depository
(Random House-approved) at a price of AUD$18.18 (free shipping
The Guide is also available as an ebook:
A larger image of the wonderful cover:
Editor's note: if Dodger's Guide whets your interest in the frankly
fascinating social history of London, you might also be interested
in the (also nonfiction) London series by Catharine Arnold. So far
she has covered going back to very ancient times and up to the
modern era the history of London's Seamstresses (City of Sin:
London and its Vices); of Bedlam and London's treatment of the
mentally ill (Bedlam: London and Its Mad); of London's funerary
practices and the history of cemeteries (Necropolis: London and Its
Dead); and most recently, London's crime and punishment from Tudor
times to the present day (Underworld London: Crime and Punishment in
the Capital City). Your Editor has the series, O Readers, and
recommends it very highly!
Remember, next Friday is the start of the 2013 NADWCon! This year's
theme is L-space and the guests include Sir Pterry himself (with Rob
of course), Colin Smythe, Team Artificer and many more!
On Random House Children's blog, a Q&A with Paul Kidby. Some
"Which of Pratchett's characters do you most enjoy drawing?
"I enjoy drawing Vimes and Granny Weatherwax (who reminds me a
little of my no-nonsense Welsh mum) because they are both complex
characters and it's quite challenging to capture their many
aspects . . . and the Nac Mac Feegles, of course, because they are
"Who or what inspires you?
"The natural world around me inspires me. I live in a beautiful part
of Hampshire called the New Forest, where wild ponies, donkeys and
cattle roam and there are ancient woods and wild moors. I like to
walk my dog each day and think about ideas for my work. I also enjoy
visiting galleries and seeing all different sorts of art. I take my
inspiration from everything and anything: from a trip to the market
to reading a book especially if it is by Terry Pratchett..."
News for those of you who supported our Newshound Asti's Everest
climb to raise funds for the restoration of the historic Hex hub at
Bletchley Park the restoration has begun!
"In addition to the restoration of iconic Codebreaking Huts and
Blocks, it is now being reinvigorated with fantastic interactive
exhibits, new activities and fresh displays. Once complete,
Bletchley Park will be much nearer to its aspiration of being a
world-class education and heritage centre. In this first phase of
regeneration Block C will be transformed into a vibrant Visitor
Centre with an informative and inspirational introductory exhibition
presenting the rich history of Bletchley Park. Along with a brand
new shop and café, the visitor's experience of Bletchley Park
will be dramatically improved..."
02) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
Bon jorno everybody! It's me, Kevin, still your acting horoscoper
while Fernando Magnifico is being hostageded by the Dread Pirate
Queen Roberta. This month, my mean ol teacher Mrs Cartilage made us
do a project about farming and growin food and stuff like that, so I
reckon this is a good time for a horoscope about what's the best
thing for you to farm if you have to be a farmer.
The Currant Bun (formerly The Adamant Hedgehog) 21 Mar 20 Apr
Bunnies, accordin to the stars, if you become a farmer youd be best
suited to growin sheep. Lozza's stuck-up sister Scarlatina doesn't
believe me when I tole her that lamb chops and mutton come from
sheep, she reckons they probly grow on trees or the wizards magic em
up or something but Zapp and me went down to the market district
where all the meat selling people are one afternoon and watched the
butchers, and trust me, they don't grow on trees. If they werent so
tasty, I reckon it would completely put you off your roast lamb
dinner. Anyway, if you don't like the idea of killin sheep, you can
just cut their wools off. It doesn't hurt the sheep at all, it's
just like getting a hair cut only the shearer doesnt spray them with
rose water afterwards, which is probly a good thing cos then the
sheep would just spend the rest of the day wanderin around confused
and tryin to find the rose bush to eat it.
The Half-Eaten Sandwich 21 Apr 21 May
Sandies, you're best suited to farming vegtables. That doesn't sound
right to me, cos who eats vegtables? Apart from mums, my mum is
always telling me to eat my vegtables cos she reckons they're good
for me, but I'm pretty sure anything that tastes as disgustin as
asparigrass couldn't possibly be healthy. And those History Monks
eat vegtables too, and all right they have these amazin powers and
know those secret fightin techneeks like Upsidazi and deja fu but
they live all the way up in the Hub and drink disgustin stuff like
yak butter tea so they dont count. But I suppose that theres a few
veggies that are okay, like potatoes, and some that you could use
for a bit of flavourin on real food, like onions. Maybe you could
grow vegtables in amusing shapes and put them in a museum and charge
10 cents for people to come look at them. I reckon that would be
The Knotted String (formerly Herne the Hunted) 22 May 21 Jun
Knotties, your farming is cows. Did you know that, in Howondaland
the farmers dont eat the whole cow like we do, they make a little
cut on the cow's side and it bleeds into a bowl and then they mix it
with milk and drink it? My mate Zapp reckons that's pretty gross,
but I reckon that's no worser than black pudding. My gran makes her
own black puddings, sometimes I help her and it's pretty gross but
it tastes okay, so I reckon that maybe the Howandalanders have got
the right idea cos if you eat the whole cow you're down one cow, but
if you just drink some of its blood it can last for years an years.
That's what the vampires reckon, and they would know.
The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun 22 Jul
Staffies, the stars reckon that youre best suited to farming geese.
I reckon that farming geese must be really dangerous, cos geese are
strong enough to break a man's arm with one wack of its wings. Or
maybe it was swans? But its worth it, cos sometimes you get a goose
that lays eggs made all out of gold. Only I'm not sure if they're
gold all the way through, or just the shell, but either way, dont
kill the goose, cos if you do it wont lay any more eggs. You wouldnt
reckon that anyone is stupid enough to need to be told this, but
apparently some people are.
Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul 23 Aug
Bilians, the stars reckon youre best suited to apple farming. Apples
are the prince of fruits, cos they are so useful for all sorts of
things, like eating and baking and apple pies and apple sauce.
Theyre just the right size for throwing at Lozza when he's being a
scag, and theyre good for putting princesses to sleep for a hundred
years until some ol prince comes along and kisses her. But best of
all for Bilians, theyre good for making healthy fruit drinks like
My Uncle's Nose 24 Aug 23 Sept
Nosers, the stars say your destiny is to take up cheese herding.
Most cheeses are easy to wrangle, but watch out for for the Lancre
Blue, which is a solitary cheese that doesn't get on well with
others, and the Quirm Extra Rowdy, which likes nothing more than to
form a gang and have a bit of a barney with the other cheeses. I
reckon that being a cheese herder would be totally awesome. The only
bad part of cheese herding is if you get caught in a stampede, I
reckon that would be really scary to have 500 Brindisi Hard Cheeses
comin right at you in the middle of a thunderstorm. Cheese herding
isn't for everybody though, some of them cheeses get pretty ripe on
the trail. Cheese herders are almost as famous as dunnykin divers
for not havin friends outside the profeshun, and that's why theyre
called "the Lonesome Cheeseboy".
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept 23 Oct
Boring'uns, your astrological destiny is worm farming. Not for
eating, but I read this book about worm farming and its really
intresting, you can sell the worms to fishermen and to Harry King
for his compost bins, and the worms make casts and tea, that's the
posh names for worm poo and pee. You can sell the casts and tea to
other farmers, cos they make plants grow really well. You better be
careful though, cos even though worms are small, theres a lot of
them, and I reckon if they all ganged up on you at once you could be
in trouble, so watch out. If you do take up worm farming, you might
have to practice dancing at worm feeding time, cos most Boring'uns
walk without rhythm and that won't attract the worms.
Androgyna Majestis 24 Oct 22 Nov
Andies, the stars say the kind of farming thats best for you is
growing rice. Growing rice is kinda wet and messy, cos the rice
plants need to grow in water. In Agatea they flood the whole paddock
so the rice will grow, but here in Ankh-Morpork we're much more
advanced than that cos we have Magically Modified foods that can
grow in Ankh water. Sometimes you don't even have to strain it
first. MM rice is really awesome, cos you can grow it on the Ankh,
and when the river gets a bit too lumpy it will climb up the banks
and wait a few days before goin back in. Lots of people dont like MM
foods, but theyre like *completely* safe, so long as you dont eat
them after midnight, and the MM rice hardly ever explodes these days.
The Spoons, a.k.a. the Greater and Lesser Spoons, 23 Nov 21 Dec
Spooners, the best thing for you to farm is dragons, which is really
weird cos you cant eat dragons or get milk or wool from them. When
theyre really little, you can use them to light your cigars, but
they usually burn a hole in your coat pocket. But lots of people
like to have a pet dragon when theyre small and cute, and then
abandon em when theyre big enough to start eating the kettle. I
think thats really cruel, so I reckon that you ought to throw a few
pennies in the collection for the dragon sancturary and then just
not breed dragons.
Hoki the Jokester 22 Dec 20 Jan
Hokians, your astrological farming destiny is the challengingest of
all, cos youre suited to farming elephants. If you ever wondered
where those ol clicks posters advertisin so and so "WITH A THOUSANDE
ELEPHANTS!!!!!" got their elephants from, the answer is from the
elephant farmers. Baby elephants is pretty cute but those posters
got the "THOUSANDE" right cos a elephant eats about a thousand
pounds of veggies and stuff a day and makes about a thousand pounds
of poo too, so farmin elephants will keep you totally busy. But
elephants are dead clever so you can teach yours to help you farm
em, and also if one of em breaks off a tusk youll never be short of
toothpicks or piano keys again. And if the Revenoo starts pokin
around, you can bury your money and then move the elephants on top
of it and nobody will ever know.
The Big Chicken 21 Jan 18 Feb
Squawkers, the stars reckon that youre best suited to farming
tobacco, or "the leaf" as some people call it. My mum wont let dad
smoke in the house, which is good cos his pipe really stinks, but
lots of people like it, specially witches and wizards and barbarian
heeros. That's about the only thing that wizards and heeros agree
on, that and that there never was a good Grand Vizzyer. Most tobacco
comes from Howondaland, but I did a project about the Octarine Grass
Country and they grow tobacco there too, in a place called The
County, where the people are really short from smokin too much.
Hyperopia's Buckle (formerly Lesser Umbrage) 19 Feb 20 Mar
Bucklers, the stars are good to you this month cos your farming is
brassicas. I looked that up in the dictionary, and it doesnt have
anything to do with brass, it means cabbages and brussle sprouts and
stuff like that. I reckon this is probly the easiest job on the
Disc, cos you just throw the seeds in the ground and they grow on
their own. You just have to watch out that the Sto Kerrig Hardcases
don't terrify the other cabbages.
03) A FEW MORE IMAGES
Pterry and Steve hanging out in the beer garde-, um, hard at work on
the the Long Earth novel:
TLW advert on a bus shelter looks good!
Artist Rita Ria's fantastic Pterry tribute portrait:
Archchancellor Bill Rincewind of Bugarup University, as drawn by
A truly superb Discworld cake by Jo's Cake Designs in Bedford,
[It looks like this company does all-around fabulous work. Have a
shufti at http://www.joscakedesigns.com/ Ed.]
And that's the lot for the month of June. See you next month!
If you have any questions or requests, write:
Copyright (c) 2013 by Klatchian Foreign Legion