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WOSSNAME -- September 2012 -- Horoscope and Late Breaking News

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    WOSSNAME Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion September 2012 (Volume 15, Issue 9, Post 2) ******************************************** 01) EDITOR S NOTE
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 29, 2012
      Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
      September 2012 (Volume 15, Issue 9, Post 2)

      01) EDITOR'S NOTE



      It's deja vu time, as they say in Quirm:

      "If you missed the main issue this month, go back and check, because
      there's so much going on... but we seem to have got everything in
      there, so this month's last post is exceptionally short. Whew!"

      ...although there *is* some good late-breaking news. So off we go...

      – Annie Mac, Editor


      by Fernando Magnifico

      Hallo my friends, it is I, Fernando Magnifico, writing to you from
      the Le Pisoir d'Or in Genua, a most friendly and understanding
      hotel, which is the molto bene for Fernando has had the terrible
      disasters and arrived here in Genua without even the trousers off
      his back! Fortunately, the concierge is the most hospitable man who
      fits Fernando like the glove. Fernando has borrowed the most
      magnificent citron satin trousers and is again fit to be seen in

      My friends, as you know Fernando has been called home to Brindisi to
      deal with the great and terrible sauce crisis. Things have gotten
      worse: Auntie Maria has taken to hitting people with her broom more
      than usual, Uncle Enzo and Uncle Alfonzo have blackened each other's
      eye, and Aunt Malvasia isn't speaking to anyone except to shout at
      them. Poor cousin Luciano is so upset by the arguments that he is
      off his feed. They tell Fernando that he only ate half a sheep last
      week. But do not be afeared for Fernando's family, for Fernando is
      only a few days away from Brindisi by ship (provided he is not
      captured by the Dread and Beautiful Pirate Queen of Mante, Captain
      Roberta, again.)

      They say that bad news comes in threes, or sometimes fours or fives,
      and so it is with Fernando who has the more bad news. (If Fernando
      did not know better, he would suspect the hand of Carlos in this.
      But Fernando shall not speak of Carlos.) Fernando's luggage is still
      lost, including his star charts. The kind lady at the coach company
      tells Fernando that they are pretty sure they have found the luggage
      now, apparently it has accidentally been sent to No Thingfjord where
      one of Fernando's pants fell out of the case and caused a small
      riot. And since the Lady Anaemia Asterisk has come down with
      aardvarks again, there will be no horoscopes this month. But do not
      be afeared my friends, for Fernando shall instead tell you the true
      tale of how he got to Genua without his luggage, his money, or his
      silk trousers.

      As Fernando's dedicated readers will know, Fernando was last on the
      riverboat on the Vieux (masculine) River, with only the clothes on
      his back after his luggage was accidentally put on the wrong coach
      and sent to Howondaland. But Fernando did not let this spoil his
      journey, for such are the trials that Fate sends to test those as
      magnificent as Fernando. And so it was that Fernando was on the
      riverboat with no luggage, only the small bottle of his special hair
      creme, a single pair of silk trousers, and yet still determined to
      be as magnificent as he can be.

      And so it was that Fernando came to meet the young lady who Fernando
      shall call "Signorina X" so as to protect her honour. Signorina X
      had been playing the friendly card game with Mr Frank and his
      friends against the strict instructions of her brothers. Alas my
      friends, sometimes the Lady smiles upon the ladies, and sometimes
      She does not, and this was one of those times, for Signorina X lost
      her money, her purse, and the locket her dearest mamma had given
      her. Of course Fernando cannot bear to see the signorina in
      distress, and so he took it upon himself to win Signorina X's locket
      back for her. Fernando's many hours playing Cripple Mister Onion
      with Uncle Enzo paid off, for Fernando was able to sneak the locket
      off the table while Mr Frank was counting his winnings.

      It cost Fernando $37, but the look of gratitude on Signorina X's
      face when he presented her with the locket was worth every penny.
      She was so overcome by emotion that she felt faint, and so Fernando
      of course immediately loosened her corset, thinking only of her
      health you understand, for Fernando is always thinking about the
      importance of the good pair of healthy lungs for the womans. And so
      it was by the purest chance, with Fernando's hands occupied with the
      corset, that the button of his silk trousers popped loose, and
      Signorina X (being a kindly and thoughtful young woman) immediately
      grabbed the trousers. Purely to stop them from sliding down to his
      ankles, of course.

      And that was the very moment that her brothers returned to the

      Mia cara, Fernando is not the stranger to the suspicions of those
      who are jealous of his magnificence, but it continues to stab him in
      the heart like the ice-cold dagger each time. And so it was the
      Fernando shortly found himself heaved off the riverboat into the
      river, a three day walk away from Genua, without his luggage, his
      money, or his trousers. (Although fortunately Fernando did manage to
      save the bottle of hair creme.)

      My friends, Fernando must go now, for his ship leaves in two hours
      and Fernando wishes to pay a visit to Lieutenant Courgette of the
      Genua Watch to find out whether the stories about her magnificent
      eyelashes are true. Until next month, ciao bella!




      Last week, Team Pratchett celebrated the launch of Dodger, in London
      at The House of St. Barnabas:

      "Founded as a charity in 1846, the historic building now acts as an
      altruistic members club which supports London's homeless by helping
      them back into sustainable employment. The house and courtyard are
      also said to have inspired the residence of Dr. Manette and Lucy in
      Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities, making it the perfect venue
      for the occasion. Guests, who included Sir David Jason, AS Byatt and
      Michael Fenton Stevens were served pale ale from London's St Peter's
      Brewery and entertained by a Punch and Judy puppet act. Many chose
      to stay true to the Dickensian theme and there was a magnificent
      array of Victorian costume to be seen throughout the evening..."

      The page is full of wonderful photos of the event, including Sir
      Pterry dressed as Dodger and Rob and Pratchett Junior looking spiffy
      indeed in matching period costume. Go look!


      Also worth a look is the first photo of the cover for A Blink of the


      Remember, A Blink of the Screen will be published on 11th October.
      To order a signed copy (price £25.00) from PJSM Prints, go to:


      Also-also, for those of you who missed Rob Wilkins' birthday last
      week (24th September), do join with WOSSNAME in wishing him a
      belated best!


      Since so many of us Pratchett fans are also Doctor Who fans:

      "A host of celebrity Doctor Who fans have shared their memories of
      the science-fiction drama in a new book entitled Behind the Sofa, to
      boost funds for Alzheimer's Research UK. Al Murray, Jonathan Ross,
      Chris Tarrant, Lynda Bellingham and Martina Cole are among over 100
      famous contributors. Compiled by author Steve Berry, the book will
      be published on 27 September. Behind the Sofa also contains
      recollections from a number of former stars of the long-running BBC
      series, including Hugh Bonneville and Tracy-Ann Oberman. The book
      will be available in hardback and eBook format and all proceeds will
      be donated to Alzheimer's Research UK, the UK's leading dementia
      research charity...."


      3.3 NADWCON NEWS

      An update from 2013 Chair, Richard Atha-Nicholls:

      "We've had lots of questions recently about registration. I want to
      re-assure everyone that, all being well, registration will be back
      up next week and that NADWCon 2013 is definitely going ahead as
      planned. Once registration is open again, the reduced rate of $88
      will be held for 8-days. When I say 'all being well' it is probably
      best to elaborate on why registration has taken so long to come back
      up. So if you're interested please read on.

      "Registration was taken offline on the 31st July. Although this
      coincided with our last day at the reduced rate it was actually the
      credit card processing that resulted in us having to suspend
      registration. The underwriters for our credit card processor at the
      time pulled the plug on us with little to no warning. Some of you
      would have received credit card not approved messages. Since then we
      had to seek a new credit card processor and not end up in the same
      boat. Many of the credit card processors we approached used the same
      underwriter. Our new credit card processor is BluePay and their
      underwriters approved us at the end of August. However, as part of
      being able to take credit card payments online we also have to be
      PCI-DSS compliant. And it is this that has taken a little time in
      completing. We successfully tested the registration system last week
      and are waiting on the final steps of PCI-DSS approval which
      involves a vulnerability scan of our payment servers. This is
      scheduled to take place next week and 'all being well' we will pass
      with flying colours.

      "I appreciate that for you, the fans, this may have been a
      frustrating time. I hope you'll all appreciate that the ConCom have
      been working diligently to get registration back online and in doing
      so are protecting you and your sensitive data. That being said, we
      hope you'll all be joining us for this fantastic convention in



      This week in the Borneo Post, some great news:

      "The presence of a 'significant population' of wild orang utans in
      Ulu Sungai Menyang, Lubok Antu district has been confirmed through a
      recent survey led by Forest Department Sarawak (FDS) under the Heart
      of Borneo (HoB) initiative. It is a milestone for the state as it is
      believed to be the first wild orang utan population discovered
      outside of a national park or sanctuary. According to a FDS press
      statement, the population of wild orang utans in the state was
      previously believed to be between 1,200 to 3,000 individuals, with
      95 per cent of the state's orang utans found in the Batang Ai
      National Park and Lanjak Entimau Wildlife Sanctuary. With this new
      finding, the state's estimated orang utan population could increase
      by as much as 15 per cent. The local Iban community, tour guides and
      foreign tourists have previously reported sightings of orang utans
      in Ulu Sungai Menyang, which is situated between the Upper Ai River,
      the Indonesian border and the Batang Ai Lake. However, this is the
      first time that researchers have officially recorded and established
      the presence of orang utans in the area..."


      ...and the Historic Mounds Theatre's production of Guards! Guards!,
      which finished its run yesterday, featured a Librarian whose costume
      design seems to owe a certain conceptual nod to the parrot in the
      National Theatre production of Nation a few years ago:


      p.s. Speaking of Librarians, the Cincinnati Library has the most
      wonderful fountain outside:


      And that's it from us for September. See you next month!

      – Annie Mac


      If you have any questions or requests, write:
      Copyright (c) 2012 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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