WOSSNAME --September 2010 -- Part 4 of 6 (continued)
====Part 4 -- ODDS, SODS AND HOROSCOPE
18) THE GREAT ORANGUTAN ESCAPE
19) AROUND THE BU CAMPUS
20) ABP NEWSROUND
21) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE, MAR > AUG
18) OOK! THE GREAT ORANGUTAN ESCAPE
On the list of clever non-human escape artists, young Fu Manchu
"The staff at the Omaha zoo should have known they were asking for
trouble when they gave a baby orangutan the name of evil criminal
mastermind Fu Manchu. You're just giving him something to live up
to, and this little guy nearly got his keepers fired over their
inability to keep their orangutan in his cage..."
19) AROUND THE BU CAMPUS
19.1 RIDING THE WEE FREE OMNIBUS
New Bruce posted a link to The Wee Free Men: the Beginning:
I saw that item the other day, and for a split second thought that
it was a Sekrit Prequel and got very excited...
Me too quite a let-down but when I read the text I quite liked
the mental picture of a Feegle omnibus :)
Vera, channelling Weird Alice:
Every day I go down the block (Too much, the Feegle Bus) To get on
the bus that goes to the Chalk (Too much, the Feegle Bus) I'm so
nervous, I just shake in fright (Too much, the Feegle Bus) In case
the pictsies are keen to fight (Too much, the Feegle Bus)...
I want it, I want it, I want it...
"YE CANNAE HAVE IT!!!"
I'd hate to collect the fares on that bus.
"The Feegles on the bus go...
"YE CANNAE HAVE IT!!!"
"YE CANNAE HAVE IT!!!"
All day long.
All one t'ousand of 'em.
Hmm. Looks like this is the dawning of the Age of the Feegle Bus...
The conductor on the bus says:
"Move along y' scunners or ye'll get a faceful o' HEID!"
19.2 MOVIES OF THE MAGIC
Anyone know if they are filming any more DW books?
A little birdie says Sourcery is up next. Not sure how I feel about
That brings up a good question HOW do they decide which books to
produce? Because I confess that the logic eludes me.
Would that I knew! For that matter, would that I had some influence
because Sourcery is so very, very far down my personal list of
which Discworld books I'd like to see filmed. Apart from its being
IMO one of the weakest of all, I don't see how a telly budget could
adequately display all the showy special effects the story relies
My own choice for next-up would be Equal Rites. Not only would it
bring the beginning of the Granny arc to the wider world, but it
would also be another modern resonance (like Going Postal) for its
innate feminist message. And I know exactly who should play Esk:
Chloe 'Hit Girl' Moretz. Ohhh yes.
She *is* Tiffany. Absolutely and without the tiniest shadow of
doubt. We need to get at least one Tiffany book made before she
grows up. Who wants to send her a copy of Wee Free Men and a letter
of introduction to Sky1?
Oh, on a purely personal basis, the good thing that came out of
watching Going Postal the week after attending a goth/pirate wedding
is that we have agreed to have a DW wedding cake when we finally get
around to getting hitched.
With a Golem jumping out of it?
20) ABP BITS
CHARACTERS IN UNSEEN ACADEMICALS
I've recently finished reading UA and can't help wondering about how
different the characters were in this novel from PT's usual cast. I
am not a power reader but rather casual reader, so excuse me for the
most obvious errors. I really had a good time reading this book, but
I miss some depth concerning certain things. It was a lot more
funny than the ones before, but had a very flat tension curve as a
trade-off. My questions, remarks:
1. Vetinari Not his usual self at all, is he? He's talkative (not
only when drunk ,obviously), accepts input from Glenda that he would
have killed others for in the earlier stories and all in all seems
rather affective. I don't understand what plans he has with
football. What exactly is the ultimate goal behind his reinvention
of soccer? It does not so much as serve politics, people or...well,
2. Rincewind I have read all DW novels, but I can't remember how
and when he became part of the UU staff...Can anybody help me out
with this? I think Rincewind is a funny mask that TP has revived and
taken out of its dusty drawer to polish up the cast but hasn't
achieved anything with. He might have been replaced by literally
anybody in this story.
3. Ridcully I think the increasing stubbornness and decreasing
flexibility an aging man (if reflective enough) sees in himself all
comes to a point in this character. Great development, great
character. I really wish there were more like Ridcully in the
book...I guess Mustrum comes easiest to Terry...BTW, the frying pan-
sized hands got me some strange looks for laughing out loud on train
(as did "Ho, the Megapode").
4. Dean Like Rincewind what turns of story have driven him to
Brazeneck? can't remember that happening... All in all it's good to
see things shifting and altering a little, but don't you agree that
Glenda, Juliet, Nutt and Trev Likely are completely exhausted by
their appearance in this one book? Their characters are as three
dimensional as they can be, while still being rather flat. In
addition to that appearances like Rincewind's make it all seem
rather surfacial. BTW, the shove is a really great depiction of what
happened around soccer events (concerning quaff, hooliganism).
Pratchett leaves absolutely absolutely no doubt of being 100%
british here ("You ugly shite").
He [Rincewind] became Professor of Cruel & Unusual Geography by the
time of The Last Continent, IIRC; or immediately afterwards,
You wouldn't it happened 'off stage'.
Vetinari You're right, he does seem more verbose than usual.
Concerning Glenda, it's possible he's well aware that he's out of
his depth with the football, and input from someone at ground level
is what is needed. Also, he was still drunk at the time. And as for
what he's trying to achieve with the re-invention of football?
Simple, the same as he wants for everything else that's been re-
invented the football must be safe (for spectators and players),
it must be work (exercise, entertainment, and use of the foot), and
it must not harm the city (the crowds probably bring the great
mercantile city of A-M to a standstill, which is Not Good
Rincewind He was made a Professor either at the very end of
Last Continent, or he was one already in The Science of Discworld.
Rincewind is very much a comedy entity, PTerry has said so himself,
but he is a notable figure at UU (holding seven official posts),
and therefore the readers will expect to see him mentioned in a
novel set largely in UU. And he couldn't have been replaced by
literally anybody, he is noted as a very good runner, which is
handy when playing football.
Dean It's another inter-book development. If you're looking for
motivation, just look at the friction between the Dean and Ridcully
starting in Reaper Man, and very noticeable in Last Continent.
[re Glenda, Juliet, Nutt and Trev] I wouldn't say they were
completely exhuasted. Almost certainly, if we go anywhere with
Dwarfs in the future, we'll probably hear something of Jewels at the
very least. Nutt, being multi-talented, will probably pop up
somewhere. If a book in A-M mentions football, Trev might also be
there. And if PTerry needs another Named member of the UU below-
stairs staff, Glenda's available.
Chris Z in Texas:
But does Rincewind actually *play* football? I seem to recall him
doing his best to get out of it (which, given his general cowardice,
makes perfect sense.) I'd expect him to run away from the ball, if
he ever ended up on the field.He does make a good Megapode, I was
surprised that they caught him at all.
Others have commented on other aspects of Vetinari's personality, but I'd
specifically disagree with this. Vetinari doesn't hesitate to stop any
threat to the city, but he doesn't summarily execute anyone if he can
possibly avoid it. He certainly wouldn't kill someone for giving him
He might encourage the *belief* that he'd do so, though, because that
ensures the only ones who try are the ones worth listening to.
"It occurred to him that this was an extremely dangerous thing and he
might have to have someone killed one day, although it would be with
reluctance." Moving Pictures.
21) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
by Fernando Magnifico
Buongiorno, it is I, Fernando, and I shall be your astrologer this
month, for the Lady Asterisk is stuck in a tree just outside Sto
My friends, you only need step outside these days to be surrounded
by the celebrity magazines like "Bu-bubble", "The Ankher", and
"People Richer and Handsomer Than You". These magazines are the so
popular that the editor of "Squeak Weekly" declared that this is no
longer the Year of the Pensive Hare, but hence force will be known
as the Year of the Celebrity. With so many celebrities being
celebratory in Ankh-Morpork, Fernando knows that it is impossible to
keep track of them all. So for this reason Fernando has asked the
stars which celebrity you should follow the most.
Apart from Fernando, of course, for not even the stars could stop
Fernando's devoted readers from their devotions.
The Adamant Hedgehog 21 Mar - 20 Apr
Hoggers, Fernando hardly even needed to consult the stars for this,
but do not be afeared, for Fernando is the conscientious astrologer,
not like some of those others that Fernando will not mention. So
Fernando has asked the stars who you should follow, and they have
said what Fernando was sure they were going to say: your celebrity
is Reginald "Reggie" Rust, or R-R to his friends, son of the Lord
Ronald Rust. Hoggers, Fernando knows that you will be entranced by
R-R's every act. Who will he accidentally shoot next? How many
servants will quit the Rust household this week? Was that really him
spotted unconscious and smelling of Bearhugger's finest in the
gutter outside the Mended Drum, and who was that mysterious young
woman he took to the opera?
The Half-Eaten Sandwich 21 Apr - 21 May
If Fernando were not Fernando, he would feel smug now, for this is
the second sign that Fernando has hardly needed to consult the
stars. But of course Fernando is much too humble to brag about such
things. Being born under the sign of the Half-Eaten Sandwich,
naturally the celebrity for Munchers is the chef Gordo Bullsey.
Fernando knows that Bullsey is known for three things: the
excellence of his food, the foulness of his temper, and the number
of obscenities he puts in even the shortest sentence. This reminds
Fernando of his second cousin Guillermo, except of course Guillermo
makes the molto bene Brindisian dishes instead of the Quirmian
rubbish. Also, swearing in Brindisian is far more melodious to the
ear, at least to the ear of anyone who does not know Brindisian.
Herne the Hunted 22 May - 21 Jun
Hernians, your celebrity is the popular singer Winifred Shields, or
Winnie to her devoted fans. Fernando must admit that Winnie's style
of singing is not entirely to his liking he much prefers the
singers who can hit the right notes more than once in a song, but
Fernando does not judge and he knows that there are the many people
who love to sing along with Winnie's most popular songs like
"Where'd you get that ferret?", "Any old ironfounder" and "Oops, I
did it again, didn't I?". Fernando also knows that there are the
even more people who got the molto amusement and pleasure that she
had the nervous breakdown, shaved her head, and adopted a monkey,
but as Fernando has mentioned the once or twice, he does not judge.
The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun - 22 Jul
Staffies, your celebrity is Rafaello Hoit, the artist who
controversially offered a $1000 prize to anyone who could find the
third dot in his painting "Three Dots on a White Background".
Fernando has consulted the stars, and is sure he knows where the
third dot is, but of course this would be cheating for Fernando to
claim the prize, and Fernando's sainted Mamma has taught Fernando to
never cheat. But my friends, let Fernando give you the small clue...
nobody said it had to be on the painting itself. Fernando can also
tell you that the torrid on-again, off-again love-triangle between
Hoit, his fellow artist "Shoey", and the poet Suzzzannne
Pumpernickel is about to hit the magazines again. There may be
fisticuffs, and let Fernando tell you, Suzzzannne has the left cross
like a mule's kick. Trust me on this, for Fernando has experienced
Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug
Bilians, the stars have told Fernando that your celebrity is
Professor Bengo Macarona D.Thau (Bug), D.Maus (Chubb),
Magistaludorum (QIS), ... [Editors note: since there is hardly a
person in Ankh-Morpork who could still be unaware of Professor
Macarona's many qualifications, there is no need to list them all.
Again.], a man almost as magnificent as Fernando himself. Of course,
as Fernando is from Brindisi, he has the advantage over the
Professor, who has done very well considering he is from Genua. My
friends, while Professor Macarona is not Fernando, there
nevertheless is only one Professor Macarona, as his cheer squad
never cease to remind anyone within shouting distance at official
events. Not that Fernando is jealous, you understand, but Fernando
in his magnificence understands the benefits of being subtle.
End of Part 4 -- continued on Part 5 of 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
Copyright (c) 2010 by Klatchian Foreign Legion