Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

WOSSNAME -- September 2010 -- Part 4 of 6

Expand Messages
  • granny_tude
    WOSSNAME --September 2010 -- Part 4 of 6 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 4 -- ODDS, SODS AND HOROSCOPE 18) THE
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 27, 2010
      WOSSNAME --September 2010 -- Part 4 of 6 (continued)

      ====Part 4 -- ODDS, SODS AND HOROSCOPE




      On the list of clever non-human escape artists, young Fu Manchu
      rates highly:

      "The staff at the Omaha zoo should have known they were asking for
      trouble when they gave a baby orangutan the name of evil criminal
      mastermind Fu Manchu. You're just giving him something to live up
      to, and this little guy nearly got his keepers fired over their
      inability to keep their orangutan in his cage..."





      New Bruce posted a link to The Wee Free Men: the Beginning:


      I saw that item the other day, and for a split second thought that
      it was a Sekrit Prequel and got very excited...

      New Bruce:
      Me too – quite a let-down – but when I read the text I quite liked
      the mental picture of a Feegle omnibus :)

      Vera, channelling Weird Alice:
      Every day I go down the block (Too much, the Feegle Bus) To get on
      the bus that goes to the Chalk (Too much, the Feegle Bus) I'm so
      nervous, I just shake in fright (Too much, the Feegle Bus) In case
      the pictsies are keen to fight (Too much, the Feegle Bus)...
      I want it, I want it, I want it...
      "YE CANNAE HAVE IT!!!"

      I'd hate to collect the fares on that bus.
      "The Feegles on the bus go...
      "YE CANNAE HAVE IT!!!"
      "YE CANNAE HAVE IT!!!"
      All day long.

      All one t'ousand of 'em.

      Hmm. Looks like this is the dawning of the Age of the Feegle Bus...

      New Bruce:
      The conductor on the bus says:
      "Move along y' scunners or ye'll get a faceful o' HEID!"


      Anyone know if they are filming any more DW books?

      A little birdie says Sourcery is up next. Not sure how I feel about
      that :-S

      That brings up a good question – HOW do they decide which books to
      produce? Because I confess that the logic eludes me.

      Would that I knew! For that matter, would that I had some influence
      – because Sourcery is so very, very far down my personal list of
      which Discworld books I'd like to see filmed. Apart from its being
      IMO one of the weakest of all, I don't see how a telly budget could
      adequately display all the showy special effects the story relies

      My own choice for next-up would be Equal Rites. Not only would it
      bring the beginning of the Granny arc to the wider world, but it
      would also be another modern resonance (like Going Postal) for its
      innate feminist message. And I know exactly who should play Esk:
      Chloe 'Hit Girl' Moretz. Ohhh yes.

      She *is* Tiffany. Absolutely and without the tiniest shadow of
      doubt. We need to get at least one Tiffany book made before she
      grows up. Who wants to send her a copy of Wee Free Men and a letter
      of introduction to Sky1?

      Oh, on a purely personal basis, the good thing that came out of
      watching Going Postal the week after attending a goth/pirate wedding
      is that we have agreed to have a DW wedding cake when we finally get
      around to getting hitched.

      With a Golem jumping out of it?


      20) ABP BITS


      I've recently finished reading UA and can't help wondering about how
      different the characters were in this novel from PT's usual cast. I
      am not a power reader but rather casual reader, so excuse me for the
      most obvious errors. I really had a good time reading this book, but
      I miss some depth concerning certain things. It was a lot more
      funny than the ones before, but had a very flat tension curve as a
      trade-off. My questions, remarks:

      1. Vetinari – Not his usual self at all, is he? He's talkative (not
      only when drunk ,obviously), accepts input from Glenda that he would
      have killed others for in the earlier stories and all in all seems
      rather affective. I don't understand what plans he has with
      football. What exactly is the ultimate goal behind his reinvention
      of soccer? It does not so much as serve politics, people or...well,

      2. Rincewind – I have read all DW novels, but I can't remember how
      and when he became part of the UU staff...Can anybody help me out
      with this? I think Rincewind is a funny mask that TP has revived and
      taken out of its dusty drawer to polish up the cast but hasn't
      achieved anything with. He might have been replaced by literally
      anybody in this story.

      3. Ridcully – I think the increasing stubbornness and decreasing
      flexibility an aging man (if reflective enough) sees in himself all
      comes to a point in this character. Great development, great
      character. I really wish there were more like Ridcully in the
      book...I guess Mustrum comes easiest to Terry...BTW, the frying pan-
      sized hands got me some strange looks for laughing out loud on train
      (as did "Ho, the Megapode").

      4. Dean – Like Rincewind – what turns of story have driven him to
      Brazeneck? can't remember that happening... All in all it's good to
      see things shifting and altering a little, but don't you agree that
      Glenda, Juliet, Nutt and Trev Likely are completely exhausted by
      their appearance in this one book? Their characters are as three
      dimensional as they can be, while still being rather flat. In
      addition to that appearances like Rincewind's make it all seem
      rather surfacial. BTW, the shove is a really great depiction of what
      happened around soccer events (concerning quaff, hooliganism).
      Pratchett leaves absolutely absolutely no doubt of being 100%
      british here ("You ugly shite").

      Nigel S:
      He [Rincewind] became Professor of Cruel & Unusual Geography by the
      time of The Last Continent, IIRC; or immediately afterwards,

      [re Dean]
      You wouldn't – it happened 'off stage'.

      Vetinari – You're right, he does seem more verbose than usual.
      Concerning Glenda, it's possible he's well aware that he's out of
      his depth with the football, and input from someone at ground level
      is what is needed. Also, he was still drunk at the time. And as for
      what he's trying to achieve with the re-invention of football?
      Simple, the same as he wants for everything else that's been re-
      invented – the football must be safe (for spectators and players),
      it must be work (exercise, entertainment, and use of the foot), and
      it must not harm the city (the crowds probably bring the great
      mercantile city of A-M to a standstill, which is Not Good

      Rincewind – He was made a Professor either at the very end of
      Last Continent, or he was one already in The Science of Discworld.
      Rincewind is very much a comedy entity, PTerry has said so himself,
      but he is a notable figure at UU (holding seven official posts),
      and therefore the readers will expect to see him mentioned in a
      novel set largely in UU. And he couldn't have been replaced by
      literally anybody, he is noted as a very good runner, which is
      handy when playing football.

      Dean – It's another inter-book development. If you're looking for
      motivation, just look at the friction between the Dean and Ridcully
      starting in Reaper Man, and very noticeable in Last Continent.

      [re Glenda, Juliet, Nutt and Trev] I wouldn't say they were
      completely exhuasted. Almost certainly, if we go anywhere with
      Dwarfs in the future, we'll probably hear something of Jewels at the
      very least. Nutt, being multi-talented, will probably pop up
      somewhere. If a book in A-M mentions football, Trev might also be
      there. And if PTerry needs another Named member of the UU below-
      stairs staff, Glenda's available.

      Chris Z in Texas:
      But does Rincewind actually *play* football? I seem to recall him
      doing his best to get out of it (which, given his general cowardice,
      makes perfect sense.) I'd expect him to run away from the ball, if
      he ever ended up on the field.He does make a good Megapode, I was
      surprised that they caught him at all.

      Others have commented on other aspects of Vetinari's personality, but I'd
      specifically disagree with this. Vetinari doesn't hesitate to stop any
      threat to the city, but he doesn't summarily execute anyone if he can
      possibly avoid it[1]. He certainly wouldn't kill someone for giving him

      He might encourage the *belief* that he'd do so, though, because that
      ensures the only ones who try are the ones worth listening to.

      [1]"It occurred to him that this was an extremely dangerous thing and he
      might have to have someone killed one day, although it would be with
      reluctance." – Moving Pictures.



      by Fernando Magnifico

      Buongiorno, it is I, Fernando, and I shall be your astrologer this
      month, for the Lady Asterisk is stuck in a tree just outside Sto

      My friends, you only need step outside these days to be surrounded
      by the celebrity magazines like "Bu-bubble", "The Ankher", and
      "People Richer and Handsomer Than You". These magazines are the so
      popular that the editor of "Squeak Weekly" declared that this is no
      longer the Year of the Pensive Hare, but hence force will be known
      as the Year of the Celebrity. With so many celebrities being
      celebratory in Ankh-Morpork, Fernando knows that it is impossible to
      keep track of them all. So for this reason Fernando has asked the
      stars which celebrity you should follow the most.

      Apart from Fernando, of course, for not even the stars could stop
      Fernando's devoted readers from their devotions.

      Ciao bella!


      The Adamant Hedgehog  21 Mar - 20 Apr

      Hoggers, Fernando hardly even needed to consult the stars for this,
      but do not be afeared, for Fernando is the conscientious astrologer,
      not like some of those others that Fernando will not mention. So
      Fernando has asked the stars who you should follow, and they have
      said what Fernando was sure they were going to say: your celebrity
      is Reginald "Reggie" Rust, or R-R to his friends, son of the Lord
      Ronald Rust. Hoggers, Fernando knows that you will be entranced by
      R-R's every act. Who will he accidentally shoot next? How many
      servants will quit the Rust household this week? Was that really him
      spotted unconscious and smelling of Bearhugger's finest in the
      gutter outside the Mended Drum, and who was that mysterious young
      woman he took to the opera?


      The Half-Eaten Sandwich 21 Apr - 21 May

      If Fernando were not Fernando, he would feel smug now, for this is
      the second sign that Fernando has hardly needed to consult the
      stars. But of course Fernando is much too humble to brag about such
      things. Being born under the sign of the Half-Eaten Sandwich,
      naturally the celebrity for Munchers is the chef Gordo Bullsey.
      Fernando knows that Bullsey is known for three things: the
      excellence of his food, the foulness of his temper, and the number
      of obscenities he puts in even the shortest sentence. This reminds
      Fernando of his second cousin Guillermo, except of course Guillermo
      makes the molto bene Brindisian dishes instead of the Quirmian
      rubbish. Also, swearing in Brindisian is far more melodious to the
      ear, at least to the ear of anyone who does not know Brindisian.


      Herne the Hunted  22 May - 21 Jun

      Hernians, your celebrity is the popular singer Winifred Shields, or
      Winnie to her devoted fans. Fernando must admit that Winnie's style
      of singing is not entirely to his liking – he much prefers the
      singers who can hit the right notes more than once in a song, but
      Fernando does not judge and he knows that there are the many people
      who love to sing along with Winnie's most popular songs like
      "Where'd you get that ferret?", "Any old ironfounder" and "Oops, I
      did it again, didn't I?". Fernando also knows that there are the
      even more people who got the molto amusement and pleasure that she
      had the nervous breakdown, shaved her head, and adopted a monkey,
      but as Fernando has mentioned the once or twice, he does not judge.


      The Wizard's Staff and Knob  22 Jun - 22 Jul

      Staffies, your celebrity is Rafaello Hoit, the artist who
      controversially offered a $1000 prize to anyone who could find the
      third dot in his painting "Three Dots on a White Background".
      Fernando has consulted the stars, and is sure he knows where the
      third dot is, but of course this would be cheating for Fernando to
      claim the prize, and Fernando's sainted Mamma has taught Fernando to
      never cheat. But my friends, let Fernando give you the small clue...
      nobody said it had to be on the painting itself. Fernando can also
      tell you that the torrid on-again, off-again love-triangle between
      Hoit, his fellow artist "Shoey", and the poet Suzzzannne
      Pumpernickel is about to hit the magazines again. There may be
      fisticuffs, and let Fernando tell you, Suzzzannne has the left cross
      like a mule's kick. Trust me on this, for Fernando has experienced


      Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug

      Bilians, the stars have told Fernando that your celebrity is
      Professor Bengo Macarona D.Thau (Bug), D.Maus (Chubb),
      Magistaludorum (QIS), ... [Editors note: since there is hardly a
      person in Ankh-Morpork who could still be unaware of Professor
      Macarona's many qualifications, there is no need to list them all.
      Again.], a man almost as magnificent as Fernando himself. Of course,
      as Fernando is from Brindisi, he has the advantage over the
      Professor, who has done very well considering he is from Genua. My
      friends, while Professor Macarona is not Fernando, there
      nevertheless is only one Professor Macarona, as his cheer squad
      never cease to remind anyone within shouting distance at official
      events. Not that Fernando is jealous, you understand, but Fernando
      in his magnificence understands the benefits of being subtle.


      End of Part 4 -- continued on Part 5 of 6.
      If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
      Copyright (c) 2010 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
    Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.