WOSSNAME -- August 2010 -- Part 4 of 5
- WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2010 -- PART 4 OF 5 (continued)
====Part 4 -- ODDS, SODS AND HOROSCOPE
23) BE YOUR OWN SMALL GOD
24) ABP NEWSROUND
25) AROUND THE BU CAMPUS
26) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE, MAR > SEP
23) BE YOUR OWN SMALL GOD
Game designers Dmitry Kosinov and Mikhail Platov pay tribute to
"One of the inspirations for Godville was Terry Pratchett's book
"Small Gods." In fact, in Godville you are a "small god," you have
your very own infidel. Your influence is limited to the little
things you can do, like encouraging, punishing and sending voices
that your champion might obey..."
24) ABP NEWSROUND: SOME SPECULATIONS ON "SNUFF"
Well, that's almost all we know about it - two words, really:
"Snuff" and "Vimes". SirPterry has posted a Big Hint at
pjsmprints, that "snuff" has at least two meanings.
I know of three right away: one form of smokeless tobacco
(wizards? or does Vimes give up smoking?), murder (a likely
plot, given that Vimes is involved), and to sniff at something
(Angua? Gaspode?) - but the combination brings to mind another
All troll drugs begin with "S" and there have been mentions
of a major troll drug problem in recent Watch-in-Ankh-Morpork
books. Detritus may have a larger part to play. Mr. Shine
may be involved.
The other, less-likely possibility is that someone finally
succeeds in killing Vetinari, but I doubt it, really I do.
Moist isn't ready to take over yet; he still has to deal
with Raising Taxes, which I have some thoughts about but
it's way too soon - it would be horrible if I were right
and SirPterry felt he had to change the plot because I was
stupid enough to post them.
Maybe I shouldn't pursue this, but I share your idea that if Moist
wasn't allowed (at least by Pterry) to settle down to an easy
unchallenging life forever, there is one perpetually challenging job
in the city whose current incumbent may be planning to depart quietly
- from his point of view, anyway. To see how the business goes
I wonder whether (ROT13) yvxr gur oevgvfu zbanepul bs jvyyvnz naq
znel, naxu zbecbex jvyy unir n cbyvgvpny nqzvavfgengvba bs zbvfg naq
abg na rnfl anzr gb pneel bss.
Also the words "Extreme Sneezing" have appeared, but that recreation
seems to have been Spiked.
-- Robert C
25) AROUND THE BU CAMPUS
25.1 CASTING THE DISCWORLD...AGAIN
I was invited to a Toastmasters event scheduled for next Tuesday.
The theme is literature and everyone is supposed to come dressed as
their favourite character from a book. Or as I pointed out, their
favourite character from a book that they can actually put together
a costume for... Anyway, after much mulling, I came up with a short
Auntie Mame - my absolute favourite character but who would know who
she is and what would I wear?
The Ancient Mariner - but where would I find a dead albatross?
Granny Weatherwax - I've got black clothes. All I need to do is buy
a grey wig and a witches hat and make myself a sign saying "I aten't
dead yet". Score!
Speaking of dressing up like Granny Weatherwax, does anyone else
think that Jane Lynch (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0528331/) would
make a great Granny? You'd probably have to suffer* through an
episode or two of Glee to see the Lancrastian facial expressions
she's capable of.
*I find the show vastly entertaining, but you generally have to turn
your brain off for the duration
-- Snow Queen
I never thought about it but I think you're right.
That's because you turned your brain off for the duration and
consequently forgot to turn it back on :-P
I'm reminded of the Stainless Steel Rat story where Slippery Jim is
being out-thought and out-fought by a real nasty villain, so he
makes up a cocktail of brain-altering drugs to turn himself into a
amoral, psychopathic heartless bastard. Naturally evil-Jim gets the
job done -- well, at least *some* of the job -- but doesn't want to
go back to being fluffy-Jim. So he takes another dose of the drug
cocktail, to make the changes permanent...
You'll need to read the book to find out what happens, 'cos I ain't
Actually, you'll need to read the first four Stainless Steel Rat
novels to find out what happens, because I don't remember which one
it was. So there.
[Jane Lynch is] Too young looking - perhaps Dame Judy? Or for a
brain melting suggestion, how about Betty White for Nanny?
-- Libwolf. Not Serious At All. About Betty White.
I don't think so, Granny's not supposed to look particularly aged;
she is described as "handsome, having an excellent complexion, no
warts, and all her teeth"
[For Nanny} I was thinking Joan Sims... and Jane Horrocks or Amanda
Plummer would make a good Magrat
-- Snow Queen
Miriam Margolyes for Nanny Ogg.
Now THAT is genius casting.
Emma Chambers for Magrat?
Possibly a bit old, but she has the right look. Miriam Margolyes
would be great as Nanny.
I'm thinking that if Olivia Williams (Adelle DeWitt from Dollhouse,
Jane Austen from Miss Austen Regrets) can do a more Lancastrian
accent, she'd make an excellent Granny. She has the ability to
project an "I'm doing this for your own good, no matter how much you
scream in pain" attitude that is, I think, the essence of Granny.
25.2 A VERY SPECIAL DAY
7+1 cheers for everyone!
-- Sir Jase, noting that it was the eighth day of the eighth month:
Woot! May your clacks towers never fall, may your drawers never
stick, may no vampires roost in your belfry, and my the Bluebird
of Negotiable Affection land on your shoulder when the missus isn't
 Actually, more of a shade of boudoir pink, and hopefully a Bird
 At least for the duration of the relevant paid-up period
Because nobody wants sticky drawers. Ooh err missus.
-- Sir Jase
26) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
by Fernando Magnifico
Buongiorno my friends, it is I, Fernando! The Lady Asterisk is not
available as she tripped over the rug and got her head stuck in a
coal scuttle, but do not fear, for Fernando Magnifico shall be your
astrologer this month!
Last week, Fernando had a dream. It was not Fernando's usual dream,
the one with the most beautiful signorinas and handsome signores and
the bucket of cheese dip. In this dream, Fernando was driving the
wagon loaded high with barrels, boxes, a grand piano, bales of the
straw, and three families of dwarfs doing laundry. The wagon itself
was being pulled by a single tiny little lizard, no bigger than your
hand, with its little legs going tippity-tappity as it raced down
the Ankh-Morpork streets dragging the wagon. Fernando is the great
believer in the meanings of dreams, and so this dream has told
Fernando that this month, he should consult with the stars to ask
them what dreams you can expect this month. And the nightmares too,
my friends, for Fernando is not like those other astrologers who
only tell the good news. Sometimes the dreams are bad dreams, and it
is Fernando's duty to warn you about these nightmares.
The Adamant Hedgehog 21 Mar - 20 Apr
Hoggers, some peoples have the strange and bizarre dreams, but my
friends, your dreams are not like that! For the stars say that in
your dreams you are soaring through the skies like the birds. This
is the very common dream, and Fernando can tell you that in your
dreams flight represents freedom. Your dream of the flying is
because you have the struggle with the feelings of being repressed
by your job, your family, and the responsibilities of your life. Or
perhaps you just like the idea of flying through the air like the
bird. On this, the stars are silent.
The Half-Eaten Sandwich 21 Apr - 21 May
Munchers, the stars tell Fernando that in your dream, you are the
giant bug. You might think this is the nightmare, but do not be
afeared my friends, for this is Ankh-Morpork, and soon you are the
"next big thing", as they say. You are the big success in the
carnivale, and people are paying the dollar a ticket to have the
iconograph taken with you, and the rich and famous and the
"beautiful people" are queuing up to be seen with you. It is la
dolce vita, as we say in Brindisi, only with the garbage to eat. But
then one day in your dream you are transformed into the beautiful
flutterby, and the crowds move on to the man with the duck on his
head, and you are reduced to writing the poor poetry by laying the
eggs on cabbage leaves for a few pennies. Fernando knows that in
your dream you have the dreams that you are the man; but perhaps it
is *this* that is the dream, when you are the flutterby that you are
But no, do not worry my friends, for Fernando is playing the little
joke on you. You can be certain that this is the real life and not
the dream, for nobody could dream of one as magnificent as Fernando!
Herne the Hunted 22 May - 21 Jun
Hernians, the stars say your dream is both the dream and the
nightmare, for it is both the soul-destroying horror and the
exciting challenge. In your dream you discover that you are dreaming
a dream within a dream, that you were never awake to begin with, and
that the entire Disc is an experiment dreamed by the Hex of Unseen
University and you are trapped forever in it unless you can find a
magical hidden spoon, but there is no spoon. For some reason,
everyone in your dream calls you by the name of Uno and says that
only you can stop Hex from dreaming, but every time you awaken in
your dream within a dream, Hex sends the armies of identical ants to
attack and destroy you. The dream you in the dream, that is. No,
Fernando does not understand this either, but that is the nature of
dreams. And at least in your dream of a dream dreamed by a dreaming
machine, you get to make the passionata love to the sexy lady in the
leather coat. Sometimes even nightmares can have the lining of
The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun - 22 Jul
Staffies, the stars say that your dream starts off as the wonderful
dream but becomes the nightmare. In your dream, you are at the
banquet. You are sitting at the table with the many other people,
when the soup appears. Great big bowls of steaming hot soup, with
the chicken stock and the potatoes and carrots and those little
Brindisian noodles you love so much (not like those Quirmian pieces
of stale bread). All around you people are eating the soup and
making comments about how delicious it is. And you look around, but
you have no spoon, and your soup is getting cold, and everyone else
is moving on to the main course or even the desert, but there still
is no spoon!!!
My friends, this dream is the so very simple that you hardly need
Fernando to interpret it for you. In the dream, the soup isn't just
the soup, it represents the food of all sorts, and you are feeling a
tad peckish (as they say), but cannot wake up for the little
midnight snack. Fernando has the solution for you: you must eat the
big, heavy meal, with the thick greasy sauces, just before bed.
Don't forget the cheese! This way you will not be hungry during the
night and will have the full night's restful sleep.
Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug
Bilians, your dream is that you are at the bar, and people are
drinking and singing and having the wonderful time, and you suddenly
realise that it is your shout, and you reach into your pocket for
your purse or wallet, but you can't find it. And everybody stops and
stares at you, and the silence is so loud you think your head will
burst, and you are patting your clothes down, and then the big
Fourecksian bartender, a hundred feet tall, looks down at you from
the great heights and bellows "It's yer shout mate, whatcha waiting
for?" and that's when you wake up in the cold sweat.
The stars tell Fernando that this dream reveals that some day in the
future you will go to Fourecks, where skipping your shout at the pub
can not only be fatal, but it's considered the more heinous crime
than sheep stealing or not being drunk and disorderly on a Friday
night. Your subconscious mind knows this, and you have the great
anxiety that you won't be able to hold your beer and will make a
disgrace of yourself and Ankh-Morpork when you are there. But do not
be afeared, my friends, for Fernando knows that in Fourecks, nobody
will mind if you make a disgrace of yourself (unless of course you
make the disgrace of yourself all over the bar, which could lead to
your face being used as a mop). So you have the nothing to worry
about in Fourecks, apart from the poisonous snakes and spiders and
deadly sheep and, of course, being caught trying to skip your shout.
The Celestial Parsnip 24 Aug - 23 Sept
Snippies, the stars tell Fernando that your nightmare is the night
hag. In your dream, you are asleep in bed when the terrible old hag
floats into the room through the wall. Or sometimes it might be the
little green man with the tiny body and the large elongated head,
like the starving child from Howondaland (only green, you
understand). The hag floats over your bed and sits on your chest and
face, and you can barely breathe, unable to shout out or move...
My friends, Fernando understands that this is one of the most
terrifying dreams for the dreamer. Fernando can assure you that no
matter how real this nightmare might seem, it is just the dream and
is not the real hag or witch. Not even in the Ramtops, where Nanny
Ogg does not do this sort of thing any more.
End of Part 4 -- continued on Part 5 of 5.
If you did not get all five parts, write: interact@...
Copyright (c) 2010 by Klatchian Foreign Legion