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WOSSNAME -- August 2010 -- Part 4 of 5

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    WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2010 -- PART 4 OF 5 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 4 -- ODDS, SODS AND HOROSCOPE 23) BE YOUR
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      WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2010 -- PART 4 OF 5 (continued)
      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      ====Part 4 -- ODDS, SODS AND HOROSCOPE

      23) BE YOUR OWN SMALL GOD
      24) ABP NEWSROUND
      25) AROUND THE BU CAMPUS
      26) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE, MAR > SEP

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      23) BE YOUR OWN SMALL GOD

      Game designers Dmitry Kosinov and Mikhail Platov pay tribute to
      their source:

      "One of the inspirations for Godville was Terry Pratchett's book
      "Small Gods." In fact, in Godville you are a "small god," you have
      your very own infidel. Your influence is limited to the little
      things you can do, like encouraging, punishing and sending voices
      that your champion might obey..."

      http://tinyurl.com/2ank78x

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      24) ABP NEWSROUND: SOME SPECULATIONS ON "SNUFF"

      One word...
      Well, that's almost all we know about it - two words, really:
      "Snuff" and "Vimes". SirPterry has posted a Big Hint at
      pjsmprints, that "snuff" has at least two meanings.

      I know of three right away: one form of smokeless tobacco
      (wizards? or does Vimes give up smoking?), murder (a likely
      plot, given that Vimes is involved), and to sniff at something
      (Angua? Gaspode?) - but the combination brings to mind another
      element.

      All troll drugs begin with "S" and there have been mentions
      of a major troll drug problem in recent Watch-in-Ankh-Morpork
      books. Detritus may have a larger part to play. Mr. Shine
      may be involved.

      The other, less-likely possibility is that someone finally
      succeeds in killing Vetinari, but I doubt it, really I do.

      Moist isn't ready to take over yet; he still has to deal
      with Raising Taxes, which I have some thoughts about but
      it's way too soon - it would be horrible if I were right
      and SirPterry felt he had to change the plot because I was
      stupid enough to post them.

      -- Tamar


      Maybe I shouldn't pursue this, but I share your idea that if Moist
      wasn't allowed (at least by Pterry) to settle down to an easy
      unchallenging life forever, there is one perpetually challenging job
      in the city whose current incumbent may be planning to depart quietly
      - from his point of view, anyway. To see how the business goes
      without him.

      I wonder whether (ROT13) yvxr gur oevgvfu zbanepul bs jvyyvnz naq
      znel, naxu zbecbex jvyy unir n cbyvgvpny nqzvavfgengvba bs zbvfg naq
      nqben oryyr.

      abg na rnfl anzr gb pneel bss.

      Also the words "Extreme Sneezing" have appeared, but that recreation
      seems to have been Spiked.

      -- Robert C

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      25) AROUND THE BU CAMPUS

      25.1 CASTING THE DISCWORLD...AGAIN

      I was invited to a Toastmasters event scheduled for next Tuesday.
      The theme is literature and everyone is supposed to come dressed as
      their favourite character from a book. Or as I pointed out, their
      favourite character from a book that they can actually put together
      a costume for... Anyway, after much mulling, I came up with a short
      list:

      Auntie Mame - my absolute favourite character but who would know who
      she is and what would I wear?

      The Ancient Mariner - but where would I find a dead albatross?
      Granny Weatherwax - I've got black clothes. All I need to do is buy
      a grey wig and a witches hat and make myself a sign saying "I aten't
      dead yet". Score!

      -- Asti

      Speaking of dressing up like Granny Weatherwax, does anyone else
      think that Jane Lynch (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0528331/) would
      make a great Granny? You'd probably have to suffer* through an
      episode or two of Glee to see the Lancrastian facial expressions
      she's capable of.

      *I find the show vastly entertaining, but you generally have to turn
      your brain off for the duration

      -- Snow Queen

      I never thought about it but I think you're right.

      -- Asti

      That's because you turned your brain off for the duration and
      consequently forgot to turn it back on :-P

      I'm reminded of the Stainless Steel Rat story where Slippery Jim is
      being out-thought and out-fought by a real nasty villain, so he
      makes up a cocktail of brain-altering drugs to turn himself into a
      amoral, psychopathic heartless bastard. Naturally evil-Jim gets the
      job done -- well, at least *some* of the job -- but doesn't want to
      go back to being fluffy-Jim. So he takes another dose of the drug
      cocktail, to make the changes permanent...

      You'll need to read the book to find out what happens, 'cos I ain't
      telling :-P

      Actually, you'll need to read the first four Stainless Steel Rat
      novels to find out what happens, because I don't remember which one
      it was. So there.

      -- Steven

      [Jane Lynch is] Too young looking - perhaps Dame Judy? Or for a
      brain melting suggestion, how about Betty White for Nanny?

      -- Libwolf. Not Serious At All. About Betty White.

      I don't think so, Granny's not supposed to look particularly aged;
      she is described as "handsome, having an excellent complexion, no
      warts, and all her teeth"

      [For Nanny} I was thinking Joan Sims... and Jane Horrocks or Amanda
      Plummer would make a good Magrat

      -- Snow Queen


      Miriam Margolyes for Nanny Ogg.

      -- Martinus


      Now THAT is genius casting.

      -- Asti


      Emma Chambers for Magrat?

      -- Libwolf


      Possibly a bit old, but she has the right look. Miriam Margolyes
      would be great as Nanny.

      -- Mogg


      I'm thinking that if Olivia Williams (Adelle DeWitt from Dollhouse,
      Jane Austen from Miss Austen Regrets) can do a more Lancastrian
      accent, she'd make an excellent Granny. She has the ability to
      project an "I'm doing this for your own good, no matter how much you
      scream in pain" attitude that is, I think, the essence of Granny.

      -- ConMan


      25.2 A VERY SPECIAL DAY

      7+1 cheers for everyone!

      -- Sir Jase, noting that it was the eighth day of the eighth month:

      Woot! May your clacks towers never fall, may your drawers never
      stick, may no vampires roost in your belfry, and my the Bluebird[1]
      of Negotiable Affection land on your shoulder when the missus isn't
      looking!

      [1] Actually, more of a shade of boudoir pink, and hopefully a Bird
      of Paradise[2]

      [2] At least for the duration of the relevant paid-up period

      -- Vera

      Because nobody wants sticky drawers. Ooh err missus.

      -- Sir Jase

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      26) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

      by Fernando Magnifico

      Buongiorno my friends, it is I, Fernando! The Lady Asterisk is not
      available as she tripped over the rug and got her head stuck in a
      coal scuttle, but do not fear, for Fernando Magnifico shall be your
      astrologer this month!

      Last week, Fernando had a dream. It was not Fernando's usual dream,
      the one with the most beautiful signorinas and handsome signores and
      the bucket of cheese dip. In this dream, Fernando was driving the
      wagon loaded high with barrels, boxes, a grand piano, bales of the
      straw, and three families of dwarfs doing laundry. The wagon itself
      was being pulled by a single tiny little lizard, no bigger than your
      hand, with its little legs going tippity-tappity as it raced down
      the Ankh-Morpork streets dragging the wagon. Fernando is the great
      believer in the meanings of dreams, and so this dream has told
      Fernando that this month, he should consult with the stars to ask
      them what dreams you can expect this month. And the nightmares too,
      my friends, for Fernando is not like those other astrologers who
      only tell the good news. Sometimes the dreams are bad dreams, and it
      is Fernando's duty to warn you about these nightmares.

      Ciao bella!

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      The Adamant Hedgehog  21 Mar - 20 Apr

      Hoggers, some peoples have the strange and bizarre dreams, but my
      friends, your dreams are not like that! For the stars say that in
      your dreams you are soaring through the skies like the birds. This
      is the very common dream, and Fernando can tell you that in your
      dreams flight represents freedom. Your dream of the flying is
      because you have the struggle with the feelings of being repressed
      by your job, your family, and the responsibilities of your life. Or
      perhaps you just like the idea of flying through the air like the
      bird. On this, the stars are silent.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      The Half-Eaten Sandwich 21 Apr - 21 May

      Munchers, the stars tell Fernando that in your dream, you are the
      giant bug. You might think this is the nightmare, but do not be
      afeared my friends, for this is Ankh-Morpork, and soon you are the
      "next big thing", as they say. You are the big success in the
      carnivale, and people are paying the dollar a ticket to have the
      iconograph taken with you, and the rich and famous and the
      "beautiful people" are queuing up to be seen with you. It is la
      dolce vita, as we say in Brindisi, only with the garbage to eat. But
      then one day in your dream you are transformed into the beautiful
      flutterby, and the crowds move on to the man with the duck on his
      head, and you are reduced to writing the poor poetry by laying the
      eggs on cabbage leaves for a few pennies. Fernando knows that in
      your dream you have the dreams that you are the man; but perhaps it
      is *this* that is the dream, when you are the flutterby that you are
      awake?

      But no, do not worry my friends, for Fernando is playing the little
      joke on you. You can be certain that this is the real life and not
      the dream, for nobody could dream of one as magnificent as Fernando!

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      Herne the Hunted  22 May - 21 Jun

      Hernians, the stars say your dream is both the dream and the
      nightmare, for it is both the soul-destroying horror and the
      exciting challenge. In your dream you discover that you are dreaming
      a dream within a dream, that you were never awake to begin with, and
      that the entire Disc is an experiment dreamed by the Hex of Unseen
      University and you are trapped forever in it unless you can find a
      magical hidden spoon, but there is no spoon. For some reason,
      everyone in your dream calls you by the name of Uno and says that
      only you can stop Hex from dreaming, but every time you awaken in
      your dream within a dream, Hex sends the armies of identical ants to
      attack and destroy you. The dream you in the dream, that is. No,
      Fernando does not understand this either, but that is the nature of
      dreams. And at least in your dream of a dream dreamed by a dreaming
      machine, you get to make the passionata love to the sexy lady in the
      leather coat. Sometimes even nightmares can have the lining of
      silver.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      The Wizard's Staff and Knob  22 Jun - 22 Jul

      Staffies, the stars say that your dream starts off as the wonderful
      dream but becomes the nightmare. In your dream, you are at the
      banquet. You are sitting at the table with the many other people,
      when the soup appears. Great big bowls of steaming hot soup, with
      the chicken stock and the potatoes and carrots and those little
      Brindisian noodles you love so much (not like those Quirmian pieces
      of stale bread). All around you people are eating the soup and
      making comments about how delicious it is. And you look around, but
      you have no spoon, and your soup is getting cold, and everyone else
      is moving on to the main course or even the desert, but there still
      is no spoon!!!

      My friends, this dream is the so very simple that you hardly need
      Fernando to interpret it for you. In the dream, the soup isn't just
      the soup, it represents the food of all sorts, and you are feeling a
      tad peckish (as they say), but cannot wake up for the little
      midnight snack. Fernando has the solution for you: you must eat the
      big, heavy meal, with the thick greasy sauces, just before bed.
      Don't forget the cheese! This way you will not be hungry during the
      night and will have the full night's restful sleep.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug

      Bilians, your dream is that you are at the bar, and people are
      drinking and singing and having the wonderful time, and you suddenly
      realise that it is your shout, and you reach into your pocket for
      your purse or wallet, but you can't find it. And everybody stops and
      stares at you, and the silence is so loud you think your head will
      burst, and you are patting your clothes down, and then the big
      Fourecksian bartender, a hundred feet tall, looks down at you from
      the great heights and bellows "It's yer shout mate, whatcha waiting
      for?" and that's when you wake up in the cold sweat.

      The stars tell Fernando that this dream reveals that some day in the
      future you will go to Fourecks, where skipping your shout at the pub
      can not only be fatal, but it's considered the more heinous crime
      than sheep stealing or not being drunk and disorderly on a Friday
      night. Your subconscious mind knows this, and you have the great
      anxiety that you won't be able to hold your beer and will make a
      disgrace of yourself and Ankh-Morpork when you are there. But do not
      be afeared, my friends, for Fernando knows that in Fourecks, nobody
      will mind if you make a disgrace of yourself (unless of course you
      make the disgrace of yourself all over the bar, which could lead to
      your face being used as a mop). So you have the nothing to worry
      about in Fourecks, apart from the poisonous snakes and spiders and
      deadly sheep and, of course, being caught trying to skip your shout.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      The Celestial Parsnip  24 Aug - 23 Sept

      Snippies, the stars tell Fernando that your nightmare is the night
      hag. In your dream, you are asleep in bed when the terrible old hag
      floats into the room through the wall. Or sometimes it might be the
      little green man with the tiny body and the large elongated head,
      like the starving child from Howondaland (only green, you
      understand). The hag floats over your bed and sits on your chest and
      face, and you can barely breathe, unable to shout out or move...

      My friends, Fernando understands that this is one of the most
      terrifying dreams for the dreamer. Fernando can assure you that no
      matter how real this nightmare might seem, it is just the dream and
      is not the real hag or witch. Not even in the Ramtops, where Nanny
      Ogg does not do this sort of thing any more.

      @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

      ----------------------------------------------------------------------
      End of Part 4 -- continued on Part 5 of 5.
      If you did not get all five parts, write: interact@...
      ----------------------------------------------------------------------
      Copyright (c) 2010 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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