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WOSSNAME -- June 2010 -- Part 4 of 5

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  • granny_tude
    WOSSNAME --JUNE 2010 -- PART 4 OF 5 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 4 -- ...AND MORE, AND HOROSCOPE 15) IMAGES OF
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 28, 2010
      WOSSNAME --JUNE 2010 -- PART 4 OF 5 (continued)

      ====Part 4 -- ...AND MORE, AND HOROSCOPE

      16) BOOK REVIEWS



      15.1 The "Undertaking", by Daniel Drucker, might just be a glimpse
      into Ankh-Morpork's future. Any similarities to the London
      Underground are...well, the multiverse has a lot of that sort of


      15.2 The Church Street Library in London NW8 is currently undergoing
      renovations (sadly, these don't seem to include old tyres hanging in
      the stacks or a banananana dispensary). Here is an architect's
      simulation of what part of the new library will look like --
      complete with some very relevant reading matter:


      Note: for more about the Church Street Library improvements, go to:

      15.3 "Nice try, Death. Where's Binky?" This image of -- well, you
      decide WHO IT IS -- is most notable for the many comments from
      Discworld fans...



      16) BOOK REVIEWS


      An in-depth review, three pages long, by Chris Bancells at

      "Through Nutt's story, Pratchett also returns to one of his favorite
      themes, the outsider's struggle for acceptance... This pattern has
      been repeated time and again in the Discworld novels. Whether it be
      a troll, a vampire, or a werewolf, Pratchett seems to constantly
      introduce characters that are traditionally maligned and shepherds
      them through the process of social integration. It is always more
      than simple assimilation, however, as the surrounding characters
      also break down their own assumptions, often despite pressure and
      hatred from the masses. Throughout his career, Pratchett has
      championed a faith in the individual over cultural bias, and that,
      to my mind, makes him one of our most valuable modern authors..."


      16.2 NATION

      Library advocate Matt in Taiwan was won over:

      "I didn't expect much from this one going in, but it brought me into
      the fold of the fans of Terry Pratchett after the first 2 chapters.
      A well written entertaining lark of a tale, suitable for young
      readers of all ages... It is entertainingly written and does not
      dawdle on many gory details as many modern writers seem to like to
      do, but rather breezes past and gets back to the main point of the
      story; rebuilding, healing and rebuilding the nation, based upon the
      experiences of the two main characters..."




      PJSM Prints are now offering a selection of 100% cotton tote bags
      featuring designs from the Discworld art of Paul Kidby. Each bag
      measures 34cm wide x 41cm high and can be carried by hand or over
      the shoulder. The choice of designs is: Something Wicked This Way
      Comes (with Greebo); May Contain Nuts (the Librarian); Sunshine
      Sanctuary for Sick Dragons; and a Warholesque "Psychedelic Reaper"
      featuring multicoloured Deaths. All bags are priced at £8.00 each.





      The Broken Drummers is a London Discworld Group that meets once a
      month on a Monday evening. Membership is free -- just come along to
      The Monkey Puzzle, Paddington, London, W2 1JQ. New members and
      visitors to London are both welcome and encouraged.

      For the date of the next meeting, email brokendrummers@...


      The Drummers Downunder is the Sydney sister of the London Broken
      Drummers. The Drummers normally meet on the first Monday of the
      month at 7pm at Maloneys on the corner of Pitt & Goulburn Streets
      (across the road from World Square), Sydney, Australia. Visitors to
      Sydney are also very welcome.

      For more information, contact Sim Lauren at simlauren@...



      by Fernando Magnifico

      Hallo my friends, it is I, Fernando, I have returned to be your
      astrologer again, for the Lady Asterisk has eaten the bad prawns and
      is stuck in the privy.

      My friends, Fernando has failed you, for he was not available to
      perform his duty to you last month while the Lady Asterisk was
      occupied with the troop of baboons in her living room. Fernando's
      sainted Mamma taught Fernando to take responsibility for his
      actions, and so Fernando will understand if you are the angried and
      disappointed by Fernando's shocking failure. But, my friends, please
      hear Fernando before you judge, and perhaps you will find it in your
      hearts to forgive him!

      You see, Fernando was not here in Ankh-Morpork, he was drugged and
      kidnapped by the dastardly Carlos and put on a slow-boat to Bes
      Pelargic, for Carlos is always jealous of Fernando and will stop at
      nothing to ruin Fernando's reputation. But do not be afeared for
      Fernando, my dearest friends, for as you can see he has escaped from
      the clutches of Carlos, that criminal toffee-nosed Hublander, and is
      back here in the pearl of cities, Ankh-Morpork, to give you your
      astrological advice for the month!

      My friends, it would take Fernando the many hours to relate all the
      adventures he has had while escaping from that bashi bazouk and his
      journey back to his most beloved Ankh-Morpork (second only to
      Brindisi in Fernando's heart). If only you could have been there, to
      see Fernando escape from the pirates and their beautiful but cruel
      pirate queen, his race across the wastelands pursued by the Quirmian
      army (they call it an army, ha, Fernando's little sister Effie hits
      harder than the Quirmian soldiers), or his struggles with the giant
      man-eating plants near the BeTrobi Islands!

      Fernando has now learned that the most innocent action can have the
      most great and terrible consequences. In this case, it was
      Fernando's decision to have lunch at one cafe instead of another
      that led to him being drugged by Carlos -- and it was the much
      earlier decision of Fernando to wear his leopard-skin pants that
      allowed him to charm the beautiful pirate queen and so to escape.
      Eventually. (Some unkind people have expressed the doubts and cast
      the aspersions on Fernando for his talent in always being captured
      by the bellissima pirate queen instead of the ugly pirate captain,
      but let me tell you this my friends, Fernando never lies -- except
      the once, and that was only to protect the reputation of the
      senorita. I promise you that this is the truth, and if it is not,
      may Fernando's mensly bits shrivel up and be as small as Carlos'!)
      Fernando knows that life is a balance between Fate and Chance, and
      that each decision, even the molto piccolo decisions like what
      clothes you wear, changes the future and can lead to the adventure
      -- or not. It is probably something Quantum.

      There is the road not taken, and the road which is taken, so let
      Fernando and the stars help you choose which it shall be. With
      Fernando's help to decipher the stars' message, you may have only
      the adventures you wish to have.

      Ciao bella!


      The Adamant Hedgehog 21 Mar - 20 Apr

      Of all the races of the Disc, perhaps the most deadly is the wild
      banshee. Hoggers, the stars have the terrible warning for you, for
      they say that your adventure is to be hunted by the banshee. But do
      not be afeared my friends, for the future is not yet set, and there
      is a cross-road in your future. In one, you are hunted across Ankh-
      Morpork by the banshee, with the many terrifying attacks, narrow
      escapes, and the inevitable reversal where the hunter becomes the
      hunted. In the other, you have your usual punch-up down the pub. Let
      Fernando pass on the advice from the stars: when the fight moves out
      into the street, it is molto importante for you to watch which
      passerby you "accidentally" wallop. Better to hit an Assassin, for
      *they* sometimes show mercy.


      The Half-Eaten Sandwich 21 Apr - 21 May

      Sandies, Fernando has the good news and the bad news. The good news
      is that the stars say your adventure will be to escape from the
      fiery volcano! (This is the good news compared to the alternative,
      which is to not escape from the fiery volcano.) The stars see travel
      in your future, and in this case there will be the literal cross-
      roads. Down one path, and you will have the unadventurous journey,
      with nothing to fear other than the usual bandits, wild trolls and
      angry tree spirits. Down the other, and the stars see fire and smoke
      and brimstone, and you escaping by the skin of your teeth (as they
      say in Morporkian, which Fernando does not understand since the
      teeth they have no skin) without even the clothes on your back,
      which is not as much fun as it may sound. But the bad news is that
      the stars do not say which path leads to the volcano! So choose
      carefully my friends. Or perhaps you will cheat both Fate and the
      Lady by avoiding the cross-roads completely for the next month?


      Herne the Hunted 22 May - 21 Jun

      Herne the Hunted is the god of all those small things whose fate it
      is to be chased, pursued and sometimes caught. This is especially
      apt this month, as the stars see that your adventure is to be
      wrongly convicted for the crime you did not commit. The stars speak
      of the chase, the capture, the escape from gaol, the recapture, the
      thrilling escape again, the life on the run stopping only to perform
      exciting and dangerous favours for complete strangers using
      ridiculously intricate plans. Let us hope that you are pursued by
      Commander Vimes and the Watch (even the werewolf), and not the
      Patrician's dark clerks! But do not be afeared my friends, for
      Fernando will not let you down! The stars tell the secret for
      clearing your name: find the one-armed man. Or, and so say the
      stars, you can avoid the whole adventure by not wearing blue socks
      on Wednesdays. The decision is yours, my friends, choose wisely!


      The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun - 22 Jul

      Staffies, as the most magical of the signs, your adventure is to do
      with the Dungeon Dimensions! Or possibly some other dimension, the
      stars are not entirely clear, but whichever one it is, Fernando
      knows that it is full of the tentacles, and not like the calamari
      the way Fernando's Auntie Maria prepares it, cooked just right,
      never rubbery. Let Fernando tell you this, my friends: your cross-
      roads will come with a Do-It-Yourself Fung Shooey kit. Take
      Fernando's advice, place the square mirror on your front door to
      frighten off the goats, not the round, for the round mirror will
      cause a reversal of the neutral fluxion, which leads straight to the
      tentacle dimension. Trust Fernando on this, for he knows that it is


      Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug

      The stars tell Fernando of a goddess lost from Dunmanifestin when
      her three foolish handmaidens gave away the keys to the gods' abode,
      and that she can never return until the lemmings build a bridge to
      Dunmanifestin. My Bilian friends, it is said by some that you have
      the slight flaw in your character, like Fernando's Uncle Alfonso,
      who is a little too fond of the vino, but do not let that discourage
      you, for Fernando knows that your adventure is to find the keys, set
      the lemmings to make their bridge, and allow the goddess to return
      to Dunmanifestin. The stars tell Fernando that, should you succeed
      in this quest and survive, the gods will be grateful for all of
      three minutes and will be sure to grant you any wish, provided it is
      convenient to them and they don't feel you're being greedy or
      excessively humble or unimaginative or too imaginative. If you would
      prefer to leave this for some other hero, the stars have the
      following advice for avoiding this adventure: do not feed the
      poisoned leaves to the small childrens. (Sometimes the stars tell
      you something surprising, and sometimes they don't.)


      End of Part 4 -- continued on Part 5 of 5.
      If you did not get all five parts, write: interact@...
      Copyright (c) 2010 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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