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WOSSNAME -- May 2010 -- Part 5 of 5

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  • granny_tude
    WOSSNAME -- MAY 2010 -- PART 5 OF 5 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 5 -- HOROSCOPE, LATE BREAKING NEWS, AND CLOSE
    Message 1 of 1 , May 25, 2010
      WOSSNAME -- MAY 2010 -- PART 5 OF 5 (continued)


      26) CLOSE



      The Spoons, a.k.a. the Greater and Lesser Spoons, 23 Nov - 21 Dec

      This is a good month for sky gazing. You know, gazing at the sky.
      Its better to do this at night cos if you gaze at the sky in the
      daytime your eyes will get burnd. Besides, at night you can see
      stars and shooting stars and other cool stuff like the arora, they
      say its the reflection from Great Atuins eye what is called albino I
      think. Some people use a telescope for sky gazing but if you go out
      back where theres no lights and squint hard you can see stuff with
      your naked eye. Eww, naked eyes. Anyway, if you sit realy quiet and
      squint realy hard you might see something super cool like a wild
      banshee in flight or maybe some witches on broomsticks. If you do
      see a wild banshee though and you think its flying towards you, make
      sure theres something you can dive under. Those claws are serious,
      even worse than the claws on the Draco Nobbilus king Dragon in
      Dragon Smackdown. I mean, SERIOUS claws. Better wear extra clothes
      for pertecshun when you go sky gazing. The stars has spoken.


      Hoki the Jokester 22 Dec - 20 Jan

      Hokies, your stars say its the best month for learning stuff. Wow
      you got the short straw on that one cos everybody knows that school
      sux. But did you know theres ways to learn stuff without going to
      school? You can read magazeans, theres lots of realy good magazeans
      like Total Crossbows, Arms and Armer, Mersenary Monthly and even the
      Times one, Great Battles of Histry what comes with mapps and
      everything. Or if nobodys looking you can get books from the libary
      like natural histry books about when the dinasaurs ruled the Disc.
      Dinasaurs had huge big teeth and they could crunch up your head with
      one bite, how totaly sick is that. Sometimes when nobodys looking I
      get books from the libary cart that comes around. Miss Furbelow is
      the libarian, shes okay even thogh I guess she was a girl once but
      it doesnt matter cos shes old and has a beard. Zapp says the
      libarian at the Unseene Universaty is a rangutan, thats some kind of
      big monkey with fur all over but I bet Miss Furbelow has a better
      beard than a rangutan does.


      The Rather Large Gazunda 21 Jan - 18 Feb

      Hey you Gazunders, your stars say this month you have to save money
      and theres lots of ways to do that but I spilld curry ketchup on
      some of your chart so I dont know what they are. Sorry about that.


      Lesser Umbrage 19 Feb - 20 Mar

      This month the stars say is a good month to do crime. How lucky are
      you that you wernt born as a Hokie, crime is way better than
      learning stuff. This is a one month speshul offer, you dont even
      have to join the Theifs Gild so go for it!!! Maybe you can rob a
      realy big shop or even the royal Museem and the stars will pertect
      you!!! But mabye not the Bank of Ankh-Morpork or the royal Mint cos
      they have troll guards and you dont want to mess with trolls, I mean
      troll teasing is one thing but if your robbing stuff then they get
      realy mean. I heard about a theif what stole fire from the gods
      once, it mustve been his lucky stars month too but then they caught
      him and I think theres a bird that pecks his eyes out every day now.
      You have to ask yourselfs is it worth it, Brendas budgie pecks my
      hand sometimes and that realy hurts. Maybe youd be safer doing what
      they call gentlemens crime, like stealing a dimond from a rich old
      bat in the middle of the night cos most rich old ladys dont have
      troll guards. Anyway I hope you have suxcess, and if you could steal
      some micromail for me Id realy appresh- apprich- Id be realy glad.
      So thats all the stars for this month, I bet you didnt think Id make
      it all the way thrugh the zodiacs but I told you I was good at
      stars. If you ever want me to do your persnal stars you can contact
      me thrugh this magazean. But for persnal youll have to pay me a




      Or rather, news that broke a whil,e ago but I got it late. How did
      we miss this? Back in early January, The Independent named Nation as
      its Children's Book of 2009:

      "Does Nation merely count as a children's novel? As with Alice's
      Adventures in Wonderland or Gulliver's Travels, delighted readers of
      whatever age will swiftly cease to care. Here, Pratchett forsakes
      his Discworld for a stand-alone fable of conquest, civilisation and
      enlightenment ? with a bumper crop of gags on the way. In a slightly
      twisted universe that parallels Europe's imperial past, shipwrecked
      Daphne meets Mau, the last survivor of his nation, on the island
      that his people used to inhabit before a tsunami. Mau must free
      himself from the iron grip of traditional belief; Daphne, of the
      shackles of race and class prejudice. Cue a wisely hilarious
      excursion through ideas of community, identity and belonging, all
      wrapped up in Pratchett's sublime silliness."



      I think we've already done this one, but here be a YouTube link:



      Legendary actor Andrew "Manuel" Sachs, aka Junior Postman Groat, had
      never read a Discworld novel until he got the part in Going Postal:

      "I'd never read any of Sir Terry's books - once we got Going Postal,
      I read that twice through before we tackled the script... Would I
      ever read another book of his again? I probably would."



      26) CLOSE

      Finally, a fascinating little piece of resonant Roundworld history
      sent by Dianne Hughes, a local historian in the Geelong area of up-
      country Victoria, Fourecks:

      "Years ago when I was researching the Steiglitz Cemetery, [at] a
      goldfield north of Geelong, I found in the record a local midwife
      called Nanny Ogg. She unfortunately met a sad end; one evening
      returning home from visiting a case of sickness, I think a birth,
      she had a bit to drink and accidentally fell into a disused mine
      shaft. I did have hopes of her grave site having a plaque on it, as
      I felt she deserved recognition for the amount of work she did in
      this goldfield. I think from memory she appeared on a number of
      birth and death certificates as being the person responsible for
      nursing either at the birth or the death. I think once I stopped
      researching in that area the cemetery trust and historical society
      lost interest in poor old Nanny Ogg. She has been relegated to the
      realms of history."

      Nice one, Dianne! Good to know there's always a Nanny Ogg doing her
      rounds somewhere in the multiverse ;-)

      And that's all from us, and back to bed for me. Don't forget to
      watch Going Postal, and we'll see you next month...

      -- Annie Mac


      End of Part 5.
      If you did not get all five parts, write: interact@...
      Copyright (c) 2010 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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