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WOSSNAME -- May 2010 -- Part 4 of 5

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  • granny_tude
    WOSSNAME -- MAY 2010 -- PART 4 OF 5 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 4 -- WEIRD ALICE AND HOROSCOPE 22) WEIRD
    Message 1 of 1 , May 25, 2010
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      WOSSNAME -- MAY 2010 -- PART 4 OF 5 (continued)





      GEEK BY NATURE (a song of Mr Nutt)

      "I'm a geek
      Excuse me?
      What you say to me?
      Oh no you didn't
      No I'm not
      I'm sorry but you know
      I ain't that kind of Orc..."

      Look at me and see a goblin child inside my skin
      I'm an Uberwaldean, oh
      So don't be tryin' to be stirrin' up hate for grey me
      My Lady taught me, 'Better yourself
      'The more you evolve
      'The better for all...'

      I'm about the fantastical
      Not eatin' your babies
      You can see I'm responsible
      Though I could kill
      If you sting the Orc in me

      Aah, I'm a geek by nature
      UU should beware, danger
      Aah, I'm an Orc, but stranger
      I'm a geek
      Come on yeah
      I'm a geek by nature

      I'm a little athletical, got gloing gloing
      My elocution's great, yeah
      But there's a demon dark in me
      That's warlike, crafted in the past
      Just 'cause I like readin' books arcane
      Doesn't mean I can't kick goals with your brain

      I'm aware of the magical
      Not tragical
      I got the girl -- yay me!
      If you open a monster's thoughts
      Defend yourself
      'Cause the rules will be changin'

      Aah, geek by nature, yeah
      UU should beware, danger
      Aah, I'm an Orc, but stranger
      I'm a geek
      (Ooh yeah)
      I'm a geek by nature

      Freaky geeky footy-technique-y
      Dangerous, so don't hoodwink me
      Knowledge-drinkin', I've been thinkin'
      Culture-bomb in Glenda's kitchen
      Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
      ~ahem~ Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

      Yeah, I'm a bit philosophical
      Won't crush your skull
      Nutt's peaceable (maybe...)
      If you open a can of Orcs
      Extend yourself
      'Cause the rules will be changin'

      Aah, geek by nature, yeah
      UU should beware, danger
      Aah, I'm an Orc, but stranger
      I'm a geek
      I'm a geek by nature

      Aah, geek by nature, yeah
      UU should beware, danger
      Aah, I'm an Orc, but stranger
      I'm a geek
      I'm a geek by nature
      Oh, that's geeky enough for me

      For the original lyrics to Freak of Nature by Anastacia, go to:
      or http://tinyurl.com/28fnmqw



      [Editor's note: our esteemed astrologer, Fernando of Brindisi, seems
      to have mysteriously disappeared. But when I asked Shortshanks the
      printer what to do with all that unfilled space, he sniffed and said
      anyone can cast a horoscope, even a 14-year-old boy called Kevin. So
      I found a 14-year-old boy called Kevin who said he could do it
      because he's "good at stars". At least he delivered on time, even if
      the pages were a bit greasy.]


      by Kevin

      Um, hi. My name is Kevin and Im your astrolager for the month. Ive
      casted lots of horroscopes before. Realy I have. Me and my best mate
      Zapp, one time we cast horascopes for the whole neighbrhood and a
      couple of them were almost right, so I know what Im doing.
      Everything we do is written in the stars, see, even the whole
      future. So its importent to know what your stars say and listen to
      them. I know, thats kinda wierd, cos stars dont talk. But trust me,
      Im a strologer and I know lots of aincent wisdom of the stars, okay?
      So this is your stars for this month.

      p.s. Hes realy called Reginald but he wants to be a wizrd so he
      gets upset if I dont call him Zapp, on account of its his wizrd
      name. Not like he can do magic but he says its just not yet cos he
      has to go to that Unsene Universaty first.

      p.p.s. I know lots of stars.


      The Adamant Hedgehog 21 Mar - 20 Apr

      Hedgehogs, your horra-, horor-, your stars for this month say you
      will exsel at sports. That could be all kinds of sports, you know,
      football or running or jumping or troll teasing or tofu fighting,
      but most of all football because football is the coolest sport, I
      mean its totaly sick. You know what I wish I had for playing
      football? Shorts made of that micromail stuff, thats what. They say
      it pertects you against everything and you can get kicked in the
      goolies and it wont hurt, at least it wont hurt YOU. I say what
      could be better than that, huh? But maybe you want to be in some
      other kind of sport and thats all right because youll exsel at that
      too. This month the stars give you extra special sports powers and
      youll win at everything and get trophys and stuff. But watch out,
      they also say you might meet a tall dark stranger with no teeth whos
      playing for the oposishun and if hes a Hedgehog hell have special
      sports powers too.


      The Half-Eaten Sandwich 21 Apr - 21 May

      Sandwichers, acording to your stars you need to go outdoors a lot
      this month. This is good for health, at least thats what my teacher
      Miss Rivett says when she wants me and Zapp out of her hair.
      Outdoors you can find healthy sunshine and all sorts of cool stuff,
      like cans to kick and girls pigtails to pull and you might even find
      your very own tosheroon if you know where to look. One time I found
      this neat rock with residjul magic in it, Mr Gritz the stone mason
      said he thot it came from all the way in the Ramtops mountains where
      everything has residjul magic in it, anyway it glowed in the dark
      and there was sparks coming off it. I gave it to my granddad and it
      made his teeth fall out. So there you go, going outdoors is eksiting
      and edjucashunal. Those stars are realy smart.


      Herne the Hunted 22 May - 21 Jun

      Hernians, I see your stars say this is a good month for cleaning. I
      dont think any month is good for cleaning but thats what they say
      here. Thats pretty stupid, isnt it? My mum is always on at me
      about cleaning my room, I dont see why I have to clean my room, if
      I did then how would I be able to find anything? She says its a pit
      of niquity, whatever niquity is, and that the old pizza crusts under
      my bed are a breedin ground for plague. But everybody knows plague
      comes from evil sorcerrs and anyway you never know when you might
      be hungry in the middle of the night and a pizza crust could totaly
      save your life. So maybe you should just move a couple of dirty
      socks around and pretend its cleaning so the stars will be fooled.


      The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun - 22 Jul

      This month the stars say you should go exploring. You know, like one
      of those famous explorers like Howondaland Smith. You get to wear a
      really cool hat and fight savages with spears for old tresure with
      a curs on it and ride the wild stepps with barbarians wearing
      jewelld sandals and stuff like that. But all the really neat places
      are far away, like BangBangDuc and Agatea and Quirm, and it costs
      lots of money to get a boat to there so instead you can go explore
      something local like an old quarry. Or a dwarf mine shaft. I hear
      theres lots of gold left over in those dwarf mine shafts, like
      anything in the rocks thats over three feet high, but watch out cos
      if they catch you theyll chop your ankles off with their gold axes.
      Maybe the quarry is a better idea.


      Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug

      Biliousans, this month the stars say you ogth, ougth, um, they say
      you shuld consentrate more on food instead of drinks. So maybe
      youll learn to cook. I know cooking is for girls but sometimes its
      fun to make a mess in the kitchen and if your realy lucky you can
      eat it too without your mum having to call the pothacary afterwards.
      Theres some good ressipis you can make, like nuckle sandwichs. My
      mum makes great nuckle sandwichs. But watch out for the other kind
      of nuckle sandwich, thats the kind Bruto Wiggins on the next block
      always says hes going to give me but I always run too fast for him
      to give me one. Zapp knows this neat ressapy for beef dripping cake
      with speshal green icing, we made it one time and the icing ate
      through his mums best saucepan. That was totaly evil. So thats what
      the stars say, if you lern to cook then all that Biliusy alkahol
      wont melt your stomack like Zapps mums saucepan.


      The Celestial Parsnip 24 Aug - 23 Sept

      This is a good month for Snippers to be helpful. That means, like
      helping people. Like if you see a little old lady on the kurb and
      she cant cross the street cos theres too many carts, you take her
      arm and help her a cross. I tried to help a little old lady a cross
      the street once but she didnt like it, she said I was asalting her
      and she bashed me with her umbrela and it didnt half hurt. You have
      to watch out for little old ladies, they can be dangerus.
      Dangerouse. You know. Maybe you shuld help the orfans instead. There
      was an orfan in our class last year, Miss Rivett said we had to be
      kind to her because she had no mum and dad, but she was a horrable
      thing and anyway she was a girl and girls dont count. I know, you
      could help rich people a cross the street cos then they might give
      you money. See, the stars are good for useful stuff.


      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept - 23 Oct

      This is great news for you Boring peopul, see the stars say you
      should make lots of time for playing games. Isnt that the neatest
      horascope ever? I like games, I dont mean hop skip or kick the can,
      but okay knock a dolly is fun espeshly when old man Bottomly answers
      the door with his big red face and he cant catch you cos hes too old
      and fat so he shakes his walking stick at you. But whats best realy
      is the good games like Dragon Smackdown, you know the latest vershun
      with the full couler cards and the king Dragon has detachabul claws,
      how good is that it's like totally sick. Also you can play games by
      the clacks these days, people play chess by clacks. I dont like
      chess though, its too boring and nobody gets killd. But I think
      Dragon Smackdown is best for you Boring peopul cos even thogh its
      exsiting its perfeckly safe and you never get killd for real.


      Androgyna Majestis 24 Oct - 22 Nov

      The stars this month say your suppose to atend to social stuff,
      thats like going to partys or just hanging out with your mates. You
      can make a tree house if you live in a place with trees and then
      have secrit meetings in it, or if you live in a narly boring place
      like Dolly Sisters you can meet up with your mates and go out
      painting graffitty on walls and stuff. Or if your like old you can
      have tea partys and sewing circles, thats what my mum does, she goes
      to sewing circles but she never brings home anything circuler so I
      dont know why she calls it that. Social stuff also means going to
      dances and what they call swarees or mabye thats sorrys, its a Quirm
      word so I dont know how to spell it but who cares cos you see going
      to those things means hanging out with girls and not even pulling
      their hair. Ew, girls. Why would anyone want to hang around with
      girls even if the stars say so? Zapps sister Brenda says in a couple
      of years girls is all Ill think about. I hope I die before then.


      End of Part 4 -- continued on Part 5 of 5.
      If you did not get all five parts, write: interact@...
      Copyright (c) 2010 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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