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WOSSNAME -- March 2010 -- Part 3 of 4

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  • granny_tude
    WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2010 -- PART 3 OF 4 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 3 -- BU NEWSROUND, REVIEW, AND HOROSCOPE
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 28, 2010
      WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2010 -- PART 3 OF 4 (continued)






      I am collecting scubbo recipes. Does anybody have one they would
      like to share with me? I have six that I have cooked and served to
      friends, about 10 that aren't quite refined yet.

      -- BethEllen

      I think the essential ingredient is boiling water and anything else
      is serendipitous. Perhaps you could ask five friends to all bring an
      ingredient chosen at random from their pantries, boil it all
      together and...order pizza :)

      -- New Bruce

      Oh my! The first time I read that, I thought you said to use
      ingredients chosen at random from their PANTIES!!! That brings a
      new horror to the concept of scubbo!

      BethEllen, are you looking for real recipes for scubbo-like food
      that is good to eat, or scubbo horrors? *Real* scubbo doesn't have
      a recipe, it's made from whatever you can scavenge or steal on a

      One thing I am very keen on, is what we call "chicken guts stew".
      Start with chicken gizzards and/or hearts, put them in a crockpot or
      slow cooker with assorted vegetables (onion, capsicum, celery, too
      much garlic, carrots, potatoes...), add tinned diced tomatoes, white
      wine, herbs (chives, parsley, more too much garlic), hot chilli
      peppers to taste, and cook for a day or two.

      Then add small pasta (alphabet noodles for preference, if you can
      find them, because they are awesome) and serve. It's a lovely
      filling, protein-rich, low-fat cheap meal. And in the best
      conditions of scubbo and peasant-food everywhere, it will give the
      horrors to those who aren't used to eating the bits of the animal
      that are left over when the rich buggers have taken all the good

      -- Steven

      If they are undergarments of the ilk of Nanny Ogg's knickers, I'm
      sure that would be very productive :)

      -- New Bruce

      Oops, I meant traditions.

      -- Steven

      The sentence made sense though, I assumed you were being ironic!

      -- Jase

      The juices can be sopped up with garlic bread too!

      -- New Bruce


      While researching book holders to help my wife battle giant textbooks
      without exacerbating back pain, I came across this


      Scroll down...scroll down...keep going...

      There it is! Spotto!

      while the mild wear and distinct yellowing of the pages denote this as a
      reasonably aged and well read copy of the book, it doesn't have the
      folds up the spine that my copy has, so he's obviously a careful reader.
      However, looks like this device will fix that problem up...

      -- Jase



      Steve Wishnevsky, book reviewer for the Winston-Salem Journal, gives
      a good overall description of what Discworld -- and Pratchett's
      writing -- is and isn't, and a short review of Unseen Academicals:

      "His characters live exuberantly. They do things. In the slums of
      Ankh-Morpork, they do 'fings.' The city of Ankh-Morpork has become a
      major character in the 33 or so canonical Discworld novels... So
      there you have the mix: soccer hooligans, high fashion, sexually
      liberated dwarves, quite a bit of cookery, and an orangutan goalie.
      He is really the UU librarian and a wizard. Don't ask..."




      by Fernando Magnifico

      Buongiorno my friends! Fernando has the bad news today, for the Lady
      Asterisk is not available, for she has sat on a tube of glue and
      can't get up from her armchair. But do not be concerned, for
      Fernando shall be your astrologer today!

      My friends, Fernando has a correction to make! Last month, Fernando
      mentioned the expensive chocolates from Wienrich and Boettcher on
      Zephire Street. Since then, Fernando has received dozens of letters
      and c-mails from readers complaining that Wienrich and Boettcher do
      not "make chocolates", as Fernando said. They CREATE them. Please
      forgive Fernando's ignorance, and Fernando will be sure to never
      make that mistake again.

      Who would have thought one little word could make such a difference?
      But it is true, my friends, trust me on this, for Fernando knows
      that it is so! Words are molto important, and mastery of words and
      can make all the differenzia between successing and failing in so
      much of life, such as the time Fernando's uncle Rafael told the
      landlord to go molest a donkey, instead of what he meant to say,
      which was "Yes sir". This are why Fernando has done study the
      Morporkian so gooderer to be his speakings is better. You too can
      share Fernando's mastery of the words if you read many books, but
      Fernando understands that for the many people in Ankh-Morpork,
      reading is the unfamiliar and slightly scary activity. But do not be
      afeared my friends, for Fernando understands, and has asked the
      stars to recommend a book to get started.

      Ciao bella!


      The Adamant Hedgehog 21 Mar - 20 Apr

      Hoggers, your book this month is the best-selling novel written by
      Dennis Umber, "The Quirmian Cipher". Could there be anyone in Ankh-
      Morpork who has not already read this book? Fernando knows that
      people are speaking about this everywhere. Fernando has even heard
      unlicenced muggers in the Shades talking excitedly about it -- and
      don't think that Fernando isn't grateful, for it allowed him to get
      away with his purse. For the benefit of anyone who has been living
      in a cave (like Fernando's uncle Augustus, who fell out of a tree,
      hit his head, and declared that Blind Io had told him to give away
      all his earthly possessions and dedicate his life to teaching
      weasels to communicate through the medium of interpretive dance),
      Fernando can tell you that "The Quirmian Cipher" is the story of
      murder and conspiracy among the priests of Offler the Crocodile God.
      Fortunately for the author, Offler's priests say that Offler
      approves whole-heartedly of murder and conspiracy, so long as it is
      being done for the glory of Offler, and the book's editor being
      eaten by a crocodile in his bath was just a coincidence.


      The Half-Eaten Sandwich 21 Apr - 21 May

      The stars tell Fernando that your book is "Blown Away", a passionate
      saga set against the background of a World Gone Mad! Fernando had
      not yet come to Ankh-Morpork when the famous Victor Maraschino and
      the bella Delores De Syn made the infamous moving picture of "Blown
      Away", but word of it reached all the way to Brindisi. Fernando has
      heard from many people that the moving picture was molto excellente,
      but the book is even better: it has more passion, the world is more
      mad, and there are TEN THOUSAND ELEPHANTS! Who could want more than
      this in a book?


      Herne the Hunted 22 May - 21 Jun

      Hernians, the stars have said that your book is "The Fierce Ones",
      by Leon N. Champagne, about the author's time in the Tezuman
      jungles. The Unseen University Librarian tells Fernando that this
      book has the 57th longest subtitle of any book: "Six Years Among The
      Savage Yibinini By The Shores Of The Oranoki River, Whereby Your
      Distinguished Author Witnessed Shocking And Appalling Scenes Of
      Savagery, Ferocity And Lasciviousness Even More Shocking And
      Appalling Than Those Of His Previous Monograph 'The Savages Of The
      Klatchian Steppes'."

      Remember it well, my friends, for some day it will win you a bet in
      a pub.


      The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun - 22 Jul

      Fernando knows that many Staffies are actual wizards, and will have
      a professional interest in this book: "You've Got To Be Joshing,
      Professor Turnipseed!", the biography of Ankh-Morpork's own Adrian
      Turnipseed, Professor at Brazeneck College and inventor of
      Brazeneck's Quite Big Thing "Pex". Fernando has read "You've Got To
      Be Joshing", and it is a very entertaining and educational book by a
      brilliant wizard. Fernando was thrilled to read of the Professor's
      anecdotes and adventures at Unseen University, and was molto excited
      to learn of how many times Professor Turnipseed has saved the city
      from the ghastly Things From The Dungeon Dimensions, elves, Mrs
      Cake, and divers terrible creatures. Fernando knows that it was
      certainly a coup for Brazeneck to snatch Unseen University's
      greatest wizard away from them like that!


      Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug

      Bilians, your book is the infamous celebration of excess in all
      things related to the recreational use of chemicals, "Anxiety and
      Odium in Pseudopolis" by Orion Q. Tomassen. Fernando does not judge,
      but he has met Tomassen, and the only thing he won't put up his nose
      is his own elbow. My friends, Fernando understands that sometimes
      people need a little comfort when dealing with the cruelties of
      life, and if this comes from a bottle or a powder, Fernando knows we
      all seek the succour where we can find it. Some find it in good
      books, some find it in tinctures, and some find it in good books
      about people finding it in tinctures. Just do not be like Fernando's
      uncle Lambrusco, whose only comfort is to get plastered (as they say
      in Ankh-Morpork) and then make everyone else miserable.


      End of Part 3 -- continued on Part 4 of 4.
      If you did not get all four parts, write: interact@...
      Copyright (c) 2010 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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