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WOSSNAME -- SEPTEMBER 2009 -- PART 4 OF 6

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  • granny_tude
    WOSSNAME -- SEPTEMBER 2009 -- PART 4 OF 6 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 4 -- MORE WEIRD ALICE, BU, ABP 25)
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 30, 2009
      WOSSNAME -- SEPTEMBER 2009 -- PART 4 OF 6 (continued)
      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      ====Part 4 -- MORE WEIRD ALICE, BU, ABP

      25) WEIRD ALICE, CONTINUED
      26) BU CAMPUS NEWSROUND

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      25) WEIRD ALICE, CONTINUED: THE NADWCON FILKS

      THERE'S A LIGHT (OVER IN PSEUDOPOLIS YARD)

      In the smelly darkness
      Of Ankh-Morpork's night
      Through the blight
      There's a lantern blue
      The Watch is watching out for you

      There's a light
      Over in Pseudopolis Yard
      There's a light
      Showing that we're still on guard
      There's a light, light
      In the darkness of every Morpork night

      The effluent goes
      Down the Ankh, so rank and steaming
      Morporkia knows
      Victims in the Shades are screaming
      All through the night, all through the night

      There's a light
      Over in Pseudopolis Yard
      There's a light
      Mister Vimes is working hard
      There's a light, a light
      In the darkness of every Morpork night


      SWEET WATCH VAMPIRE

      (As sung by Sally and Angua)

      SALLY:
      How do you do
      I see you've met my
      Gruff Commander, Sam
      He doesn't want me around
      It's a species thing
      But what I am is what I am
      Don't get hung up on my blue-blooded looks
      My background's uber-selective
      I'm not much of a girl in the sunlit world
      But by night I'm one hella detective
      I'm just a sweet Watch vampire
      From trans-Copperhead Uberwald, uh-huh

      Let me read you your rights -- hey, I'm not gonna bite
      You look like you're ready to plunge in
      Or if you want something steamy
      That's kind of museum-y
      We could take in the Cable Street dungeon

      ANGUA:
      I'm sad we're natural foes
      Your scent hurts my nose
      I can't get my hackles to back down
      (Bite!)
      We're both not quite what we seem
      But we're on the same team
      We don't want to get in a smackdown

      SALLY:
      You think I'm snobby and rich?
      Well, bite me, bitch!
      See, I'm a real show-stopper
      We'll be right on the night
      If I hold back *my* bite
      Let's try to live the life of a copper
      I'm just a sweet Watch vampire
      From trans-Copperhead Uberwald, uh-huh

      Why don't you come to my flat
      (Flat!)
      And watch me "go bat"
      (Bat!)
      I could show you my famous Black Ribbon
      I've been Taking the Pledge
      Cos it gives me an edge
      To abstain when I'm making a livin'
      I'm just a sweet Watch vampire
      From trans-Copperhead Uberwald, uh-huh
      Bite it! Bite it!
      I'm just a sweet Watch vampire
      (Sweet Watch vampire!)
      From trans-Copperhead Uberwald, uh-huh

      BOTH:
      So come down to the cells
      And we'll play "show and tell"
      I see you shudder at the smell of... ginger
      But maybe our fangs
      Are to blame for your angst
      So we'll remove the cuffs
      But not the danger


      THE VIMES TRIP

      It's confounding
      Time's repeating
      My displacement shows
      I'm stuck in hist'ry
      With a self who's much younger
      And someone stole my clothes
      I remember
      Collaring Carcer
      He was the worst of men
      Then light-a-ning hit me
      And my body was falling
      LET'S VIEW THE VIMES TRIP AGAIN
      LET'S VIEW THE VIMES TRIP AGAIN

      It's just a jump to the roof
      And then a whack in the night
      Meet yourself as a youth
      And hold your crossbow tight
      But it's the ginger beer
      That makes 'em shiver in fear
      LET'S VIEW THE VIMES TRIP AGAIN

      It's a rat race
      We're plotting for Snapcase
      We'll hide out someplace
      Till Winder's fall
      Sow a seed of confusion
      With Treacle Mine revolution
      Vetinari sees it all
      I'm alone in the wrong place
      I want my cigar case
      And nothing leads back to my own "when"
      See, the Watch is Proceeding
      While the city is bleeding
      LET'S VIEW THE VIMES TRIP AGAIN
      LET'S VIEW THE VIMES TRIP AGAIN

      Well, I was down in Cable Street
      Too shattered to think
      When a Sweeper came by, gave me a knowing wink
      He took me to Qu, who made some monks go boom
      He had unusual views and a shonky broom
      He gave me tea and it tasted strange
      Time stopped moving, now it's rearranged

      You take a shot from the roof
      And then a run through the Shades
      Hold the Line for the truth
      And build the barricades
      But this is too unreal
      Because they think I'm John Keel
      LET'S VIEW THE VIMES TRIP AGAIN
      LET'S VIEW THE VIMES TRIP AGAIN


      Additional chorus:

      It's just a step in old boots
      And an attack in the night
      Meet yourself as a youth
      And light the Watch house light
      Then take it on the lam
      To see the birth of Young Sam
      LET'S VIEW THE VIMES TRIP AGAIN
      LET'S VIEW THE VIMES TRIP AGAIN


      DAMMIT CARROT

      Hey, Carrot!
      Yes, Angua?
      I've got something to say
      Uh huh?
      I really love the...straight-faced way
      You read the City Laws
      To that mob today

      Oh...oh, Ang(ua)!

      You started a thing, now we share it -- Carrot
      It's barely alive, so don't scare it -- Carrot
      To me you smell like good claret -- Carrot
      I've one thing to say, and that's
      Dammit Carrot, I love you

      You're turning into a habit -- Carrot
      I would rather chase you than a rabbit -- Carrot
      If I echo your words like a parrot -- Carrot
      I've one thing to say, and that's
      Dammit Carrot, I love you

      Here's a collar and a fresh dog biscuit
      We've three weeks per month, I know
      Interspecies love? -- I'll risk it
      Oh A-N-G-U-A, I love you so

      Oh, the sight of you makes my heart go bang -- oh, Ang
      Thank gods you're showing me no fang -- oh, Ang
      I may be square but I know slang -- oh, Ang
      I've one thing to say, and that's
      Ang, well dang -- love you too!

      Oh, Ang
      Oh, dammit
      I'd hang
      (Oh, Carrot)
      For you

      I love you too
      There's one thing left to do, ooh-hoo
      We can go all the way if we dare it -- Carrot
      There's a wolf in my heart but don't fear it -- Carrot
      To be near you I'd live in a garret -- Carrot
      I've one thing to say, and that's
      Dammit Carrot, I love you

      Dammit, Carrot
      (Oh Ang, I'd hang)
      Dammit, Carrot
      I love you


      STITCH-A, STITCH-A, STITCH ME (IGOR OF THE WATCH)

      I was hurting a lot
      Crossbow-shot
      I'd never bled like this before
      (You mean...?)
      (Uh-huh)
      I thought there's no use wishin'
      For a Watch clinician
      That only leads to leeches
      And physicians

      Now what I want to try
      Is not to die
      I'm losing blood and I need more
      (More, more, more)
      I don't need "just a tonic"
      I want your skills iconic
      You've got the Igor touch
      Make me bionic!

      Stitch-a, stitch-a, stitch-a stitch me
      I wanna be healthy
      Pill me, kill me, rebuild me
      Igor of the Watch

      Then if pieces fall off, please don't scoff
      I'll help you don your surgeon's gown
      (Gown, gown, gown)
      Don't want my blood to feature
      Tiny biting creatures
      You have a steady hand
      And I'm no screecher

      Patch-a, patch-a, patch-a patch me
      I wanna be germ-free
      Check me, wreck me, dissect me
      Igor of the Watch

      Stitch-a, stitch-a, stitch-a stitch me
      I wanna be healthy
      Take me, break me, remake me
      Igor of the Watch

      Oh, stitch-a, stitch-a, stitch-a stitch me
      I wanna brand *new* me
      Bare me, tear me, repair me
      Igor of the Watch

      Igor of the Watch

      Igor of the Watch (etc.)


      And then there was a Rocky Horror song that wasn't City Watch-
      themed, but rather dedicated to the forthcoming telefilm of Going
      Postal...

      GOING POSTAL TV FEATURE (Science Fiction Double Feature)

      Moist von Lipwig was saved
      The day his death was waived
      So he said he'd make a stand
      And Miss Dearheart went bust
      And formed the Golem Trust
      War raged between supply and demand
      Then dead letters spoke
      And the postmen awoke
      They set out to deliver the mail
      Then there were lucky breaks
      Till baddies raised the stakes
      And this is how we'll see the tale:

      Going Postal (ooh ooh ooh) TV feature
      Postman Moist (ooh ooh ooh) will challenge Reacher
      See David Suchet (ooh ooh ooh), Dance and Coyle
      A wing-ed hat made (ooh ooh ooh) of gold tinfoil
      Woh oh oh ohh oh oh
      In the Discworld Going Postal picture show

      Moist made scamming look funny
      Said "Show me the money"
      When he claimed to have Gods on his side
      While the Smoking G-NU
      Passed their messages through
      And the ghosts up in the Overhead cried
      Mister Pump's never late
      24/8
      And Stanley knows his stamps and pins
      But when morals clash
      And it's all about cash
      You're gonna hope that the better man wins
      In the...

      Going Postal (ooh ooh ooh) TV feature
      Mister Gryle's (ooh ooh ooh) a scary creature
      See Crispin Horsefry (ooh ooh ooh) sweat and stammer
      Grand Trunk guys end up (ooh ooh ooh) in the slammer
      Woh oh oh ohh oh oh
      In the Discworld Going Postal picture show
      Set your TiVo
      Oh oh oh ohh
      In the Discworld Going Postal picture show
      Watch ratings grow
      Oh oh oh ohh
      In the Discworld Going Postal picture show
      With Blind I-o
      Wo oh oh ohh
      In the Discworld Going Postal picture show

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      26) AROUND THE BU CAMPUS

      26.1 BEARDS AND MISTYPES

      Libwolf:
      Unseen Academicals is coming!
      http://www.pjsmprints.com/news/index.html

      The Snow Queen:
      Is it me, or is Pterry starting to look more wizardly? Or does that
      have something to do with him being a "prood"?

      New Bruce:
      I only know that either he is starting to look more like my husband
      or my husband is looking more like him :)

      My daughter and I got our first Discworld book from the library
      about 18 years ago and she said then (of the inside cover pic) "gee,
      he looks like Daddy!" It's only been the last year and a half (hmm,
      since I joined this group!) that I have seen more pictures and video
      of Pterry that the resemblance is getting more noticeable. Beloved
      is 10 years younger than Pterry but after he had his brain
      irradiated it accelerated the ageing process somewhat. He also has
      short term memory loss so watching Pterry on the Alzheimer's program
      seemed very familiar. When Unseen Academicals is published
      "properly" (and I can afford it!) I am going to take a photo of
      Beloved in the same pose. I must inform him that he is looking
      wizardly :)


      26.2 WE LOVE IT WHEN A *PLN* COMES TOGETHER

      Vera:
      Quoted from elsewhere on teh internets: "Arrgh, I shouldn't have
      said that! Now I can't stop imagining the A-Team as Feegles.
      Especially No'-As-Bad-As-Bad-B.A.-but-Badder-Than-Moderately-Ill-
      Behaved-B.A., and Inyerface Man, and Mad Feegle MacFeegle...and
      ogodsnonono the theme music being played on bagpipes..."

      Asti:
      *hums the A-Team theme* Thank you so much for inflicting that on the
      rest of us. So much for trying to work!

      Vera:
      I can hear mousepipes!

      Mogg:
      Nooo! my ears are itching!

      Alice:
      Crivens! That must be the sound of The Feegles singing their
      (literal) hit "There's Gonna Be a Headache Tonight"...

      ~tunes her mousepipes~

      Some Feegle's gonna hurt someone
      Before the night is through
      Some scunner's gonna come undone
      There's nothin' ye can do

      Every Feegle wants to nut somebody
      Pref'rably all night
      Every Feegle wants to break a bit o' face
      Make a canny fight

      There's gonna be a headache tonight
      A headache tonight, ye know
      There's gonna be a headache tonight
      A headache tonight, ye know
      Watch 'em go...

      Lu-Pi:
      It's just a shame that I can't recall the theme music, and don't
      want to go ask YouTube... ;-]

      Jase:
      It goes
      Dah da-dah
      Dun dun dah
      Dah da-da-dah
      Dun duh d-d-d-dah etc

      Vera:
      You forgot the machine guns and the explosions...

      Jase:
      I need to call in the Nac Mac Foley...


      26.3 TRAVELLING PLAYERS -- OR TRAVELLING *TO* PLAYERS

      Lujan:
      As I'm sure many of you are aware the Unseen Theatre Company will be
      performing Mr Pratchett's most excellent production 'The Last
      Continent' next month. Tickets were just $15 and I though to myself
      what a bargain. So almost $1000 in airfares and accommodation later,
      the Mrs and I are heading to Adelaide for 2 nights from Thursday the
      8th until Saturday the 10th, and will be attending the Friday night
      premier of this most wonderful play.

      Mrs Peculiar:
      Now that's what I call dedication to the Pterryverse! If you don't
      write a review for WOSSNAME, it will go very hard with you :P


      26.4 THE FLOWER OF...

      Lu-Pi:
      I note that in the WOSSNAME special ed, there is a comment about
      "the flower of Discworld Society". My immediate thought was "that
      has to be Rafflesia." Nuff said.

      Vera:
      Only because it's awfully hard to get a wahoonie in this universe!

      Someone else:
      If they're afp members the Sledgehammer Plant of Bhangbhangduc seems
      often appropriate :)

      Vera:
      I bet one of those has fallen through a tear in the rubber sheet of
      the multiverse, into a certain Knight's greenhouse...

      @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

      -------------------------------------------------------------------------
      End of Part 4, continued on part 5 of 6.
      If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
      -------------------------------------------------------------------------
      Copyright (c) 2009 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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