WOSSNAME - MAY 2008 - PART 5 OF 5
- WOSSNAME -- MAY 2008 -- PART 5 OF 5 (continued)
====Part 5 -- HOROSCOPE CONTINUED, AND CLOSE
32) HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED SEP > MAR
32) YOUR NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept - 23 Oct
This month, the clothing for Boring'uns will be socks. Socks are very
important clothing, as they keep your toes warm in the cold, and in
the summer, they stop your feet from being sunburnt when you wear
sandals. And with the mere addition of a half-brick, your sock can
become a fearsome weapon capable of leaving buildings standing -- not
that any Boring'un would be interested in that.
Androgyna Majestis 24 Oct - 22 Nov
This is a good time for Andies to let their double nature run free,
for they have two things this month: the most, and the least,
practical clothing materials -- leather and lace. As any dwarf can
tell you, leather is hard-wearing, practical, and favoured not only
in the mines but no less by many of the young gentlemens who frequent
The Leopard's Shorts Club (right across the street from the Pink
Pussy Cat Club). Lace is very much the opposite, demure and saintly,
except when worn by the senoritas of Brindisi. Oh, the flutter of a
lace hanky! It can be a promise of paradise, as Fernando knows.
Modern peoples of Morpork, especially the younger ones, can try a
combination of leather and lace. Fernando's grandmamma Angelina would
not approve, but she is ninety-three and has worn nothing but widow's
black for as long as Fernando can remember.
The Spoons, a.k.a. the Greater and Lesser Spoons, 23 Nov - 21 Dec
(formerly Great T'Phon's Foot)
This month, Footies will cease to be under the influence of Great
T'Phon's Foot, and come under the influence of the Greater Spoon and
the Lesser Spoon, also know known as the Spoons. As a Spooner, you
will be under the influence of the Goddess Anoia, so Fernando
recommends you rattle your drawers regularly.
Fernando is amused that the item of clothing for Spooners this month
is, the drawers! So do not be shamed to be caught outside in your
underwear, for this month the very stars say that it is, as the
Morporkers say, hokay. And if you do, you may even find somebody to
rattle your drawers for you.
Hoki the Jokester 22 Dec - 20 Jan
For Hokians from Uberwald who feel the pang of the home sickness, the
stars are kind this month as your item of clothing is the famous
lederhosen of Uberwald: you can feel back at home with the short
leather breeches chaffing your legs; while the other Hokians can just
feel foolish. Or you can also considering the famous shorts of
EcksEcksEcksEcks. But Fernando assures you, under no circumstances
must you wear the footsball shorts of the Quirmians, may their
cheeses turn to horrible green runny things and poison them in their
girly Quirmish beds.
The Rather Large Gazunda 21 Jan - 18 Feb
If you are a Gazundian, this month the stars say that hats are your
item of clothing. Fernando does not like to confine his magnificently
flowing hair under a hat, but many people do like hats. And not just
wizards and witches either. Hats are important for bankers, postmen,
and anyone who wishes to join a secret society. Whether you choose a
vast flowered hat like the ones my colleague the lovely Signora Cake
wears, a sparkling top hat, a horned battle helmet, a charming
cloche, a cheeky pork pie hat, a firm and manly fedora, or even the
hated beret of despicable Quirm, your hat will say much about you to
the world. Though in the case of the horned battle helmet, what it
says is that you had best be able to fight, because nothing says "I
am looking for trouble" quite like a horned battle helmet.
Lesser Umbrage 19 Feb - 20 Mar
Umbragians, your clothing of the month is the veil. For the ladies,
you can look mysterious and exotic, like you are still wearing part
of your wedding dress. And for the gentlesmen, you too can disguise
yourself as a harem girl and break into a Klatchian palace like the
great barbarian heroes of old. The most exciting thing about a veil
is this: at some time, it will be taken off. Fernando has seen men
follow a veiled lady across entire continents hoping for a glimpse of
what lies beneath it. Sadly, in the case of many Tsorteans, Ephebians
and even, to Fernando's shame, Brindisians, what it often hides is a
moustache. But the Disc is a large place and holds peoples of all
sorts of opinions and tastes, so for some, the moustache is not a
33) AND IT'S GOODNIGHT FROM HER
Since there have been a few bits of additional news and whatnot in
the past two days, I'll take this opportunity to share them with
DWCON 2008: LATE-BREAKING NEWS
The Discworld Convention 2008 is full to the brim of its pointy hat!
According to my news sources, "The waiting list is also full. The
waiting list for the waiting list, also, is full. So are all the
hotel rooms, although there might be people still looking for sharers
here and there. Sometimes people do change or cancel their bookings
or get eaten by Things from the Dungeon Dimensions, though, so it's
always worth investigating..." If you fancy your chances, as it were,
email the DWCon hotel team at: hotel@...
Jacqueline Simpson, co-author of The Folklore of Discworld, has been
confirmed as be one of the guests at the Convention. The Folklore of
Discworld will be published on 11 Sept. 2008, a fortnight-and-small-
change after the Convention.
Guild allocations are go! Members are being randomly assigned to
guilds this time, with the option to change guild when they get to
the Convention if they want to.
The Convention programme is being constantly updated -- as is the
website -- as changes and new bits get released, so remember to check
http://www.dwcon.org/ often. Only twelve weeks and five days to go
until Convention time...
Also, here is a new interview -- Pterry talks to The Times (of
course) about how life with Alzheimer's is affecting his work:
And here's the same article in America's New York Daily News, titled
"Alzheimer's is dark new chapter in fantasy writer Terry Pratchett's
story" and featuring an American tone, and embedded video:
In other vaguely on-topic news, it seems that the hedgehog is indeed
a fearsome creature, apart from not being able to be, well, you know:
Some late-breaking bad news just in... unfortunately, the original
source site -- www.fromrimtohub.com -- is having some problems with
their ants and their FTB, so here is the item in its entirety:
Warning: Do not buy Discworld novels from Hill House Publishers
until further notice!
Hill House's proposed facsimile editions of the first twelve
Discworld novels, advertised since at least 2005, will probably not
be published, according to Terry Pratchett's agent Colin Smythe.
The new editions were supposed to reproduce the early Discworld
novels "in exact facsimile editions," with the use of identical
binding, paper, type, and jacket art as the originals. The books were
due to be published about every four months and since 2005 only The
Colour Of Magic and The Light Fantastic have been published.
Terry Pratchett's literary agent Colin Smythe responded to
questions with "as far as I'm aware, the owner of Hill House,
Publishers Peter Schneider has been ill and as it's a one man
operation I don't believe that he's going to publish any more of
the facsimiles. It's a considerable disappointment."
Discworld fans should be warned that the series of facsimiles is
still being advertised on the site, with no mention of these
"I ... paid the company $210 for the first six titles[which]
sounded like a good deal," said one fan, whose complaint brought
the situation to light. "As of [April 2008] only two books have
been published. At $105 per book this doesn't sound like as good a
He had emailed Hill House repeatedly, with no response and no refund.
And finally, reader Mrs Cake has sent in an iconograph that, although
its subjects are Roundworld beasties, calls to mind Pterry's
wonderful imagery at the beginning of Guards!Guards!:
And that wraps it up, at last, for this month's issue. Enjoy the
start of summer, or wrap up well against the start of winter if you
live in Fourecks or the Land of Fog, and we'll see you next month!
-- Annie Mac
End of Part 5.
If you did not get all five parts, write: interact@...
Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion