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WOSSNAME - MAY 2008 - PART 5 OF 5

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  • Not A Granny
    WOSSNAME -- MAY 2008 -- PART 5 OF 5 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 5 -- HOROSCOPE CONTINUED, AND CLOSE 32)
    Message 1 of 1 , May 31 4:45 PM
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      WOSSNAME -- MAY 2008 -- PART 5 OF 5 (continued)
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      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      ====Part 5 -- HOROSCOPE CONTINUED, AND CLOSE

      32) HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED SEP > MAR
      33) CLOSE

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      32) YOUR NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED

      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept - 23 Oct

      This month, the clothing for Boring'uns will be socks. Socks are very
      important clothing, as they keep your toes warm in the cold, and in
      the summer, they stop your feet from being sunburnt when you wear
      sandals. And with the mere addition of a half-brick, your sock can
      become a fearsome weapon capable of leaving buildings standing -- not
      that any Boring'un would be interested in that.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      Androgyna Majestis 24 Oct - 22 Nov

      This is a good time for Andies to let their double nature run free,
      for they have two things this month: the most, and the least,
      practical clothing materials -- leather and lace. As any dwarf can
      tell you, leather is hard-wearing, practical, and favoured not only
      in the mines but no less by many of the young gentlemens who frequent
      The Leopard's Shorts Club (right across the street from the Pink
      Pussy Cat Club). Lace is very much the opposite, demure and saintly,
      except when worn by the senoritas of Brindisi. Oh, the flutter of a
      lace hanky! It can be a promise of paradise, as Fernando knows.
      Modern peoples of Morpork, especially the younger ones, can try a
      combination of leather and lace. Fernando's grandmamma Angelina would
      not approve, but she is ninety-three and has worn nothing but widow's
      black for as long as Fernando can remember.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      The Spoons, a.k.a. the Greater and Lesser Spoons, 23 Nov - 21 Dec
      (formerly Great T'Phon's Foot)

      This month, Footies will cease to be under the influence of Great
      T'Phon's Foot, and come under the influence of the Greater Spoon and
      the Lesser Spoon, also know known as the Spoons. As a Spooner, you
      will be under the influence of the Goddess Anoia, so Fernando
      recommends you rattle your drawers regularly.

      Fernando is amused that the item of clothing for Spooners this month
      is, the drawers! So do not be shamed to be caught outside in your
      underwear, for this month the very stars say that it is, as the
      Morporkers say, hokay. And if you do, you may even find somebody to
      rattle your drawers for you.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      Hoki the Jokester 22 Dec - 20 Jan

      For Hokians from Uberwald who feel the pang of the home sickness, the
      stars are kind this month as your item of clothing is the famous
      lederhosen of Uberwald: you can feel back at home with the short
      leather breeches chaffing your legs; while the other Hokians can just
      feel foolish. Or you can also considering the famous shorts of
      EcksEcksEcksEcks. But Fernando assures you, under no circumstances
      must you wear the footsball shorts of the Quirmians, may their
      cheeses turn to horrible green runny things and poison them in their
      girly Quirmish beds.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      The Rather Large Gazunda 21 Jan - 18 Feb

      If you are a Gazundian, this month the stars say that hats are your
      item of clothing. Fernando does not like to confine his magnificently
      flowing hair under a hat, but many people do like hats. And not just
      wizards and witches either. Hats are important for bankers, postmen,
      and anyone who wishes to join a secret society. Whether you choose a
      vast flowered hat like the ones my colleague the lovely Signora Cake
      wears, a sparkling top hat, a horned battle helmet, a charming
      cloche, a cheeky pork pie hat, a firm and manly fedora, or even the
      hated beret of despicable Quirm, your hat will say much about you to
      the world. Though in the case of the horned battle helmet, what it
      says is that you had best be able to fight, because nothing says "I
      am looking for trouble" quite like a horned battle helmet.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      Lesser Umbrage 19 Feb - 20 Mar

      Umbragians, your clothing of the month is the veil. For the ladies,
      you can look mysterious and exotic, like you are still wearing part
      of your wedding dress. And for the gentlesmen, you too can disguise
      yourself as a harem girl and break into a Klatchian palace like the
      great barbarian heroes of old. The most exciting thing about a veil
      is this: at some time, it will be taken off. Fernando has seen men
      follow a veiled lady across entire continents hoping for a glimpse of
      what lies beneath it. Sadly, in the case of many Tsorteans, Ephebians
      and even, to Fernando's shame, Brindisians, what it often hides is a
      moustache. But the Disc is a large place and holds peoples of all
      sorts of opinions and tastes, so for some, the moustache is not a
      problem.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      33) AND IT'S GOODNIGHT FROM HER

      Since there have been a few bits of additional news and whatnot in
      the past two days, I'll take this opportunity to share them with
      you...

      DWCON 2008: LATE-BREAKING NEWS

      The Discworld Convention 2008 is full to the brim of its pointy hat!
      According to my news sources, "The waiting list is also full. The
      waiting list for the waiting list, also, is full. So are all the
      hotel rooms, although there might be people still looking for sharers
      here and there. Sometimes people do change or cancel their bookings
      or get eaten by Things from the Dungeon Dimensions, though, so it's
      always worth investigating..." If you fancy your chances, as it were,
      email the DWCon hotel team at: hotel@...

      Jacqueline Simpson, co-author of The Folklore of Discworld, has been
      confirmed as be one of the guests at the Convention. The Folklore of
      Discworld will be published on 11 Sept. 2008, a fortnight-and-small-
      change after the Convention.

      Guild allocations are go! Members are being randomly assigned to
      guilds this time, with the option to change guild when they get to
      the Convention if they want to.

      The Convention programme is being constantly updated -- as is the
      website -- as changes and new bits get released, so remember to check
      http://www.dwcon.org/ often. Only twelve weeks and five days to go
      until Convention time...

      ***

      Also, here is a new interview -- Pterry talks to The Times (of
      course) about how life with Alzheimer's is affecting his work:

      http://tinyurl.com/686b5x

      And here's the same article in America's New York Daily News, titled
      "Alzheimer's is dark new chapter in fantasy writer Terry Pratchett's
      story" and featuring an American tone, and embedded video:

      http://tinyurl.com/68uvj6

      ***

      In other vaguely on-topic news, it seems that the hedgehog is indeed
      a fearsome creature, apart from not being able to be, well, you know:

      http://tinyurl.com/5blz2b

      ***

      Some late-breaking bad news just in... unfortunately, the original
      source site -- www.fromrimtohub.com -- is having some problems with
      their ants and their FTB, so here is the item in its entirety:

      Warning: Do not buy Discworld novels from Hill House Publishers
      until further notice!

      Hill House's proposed facsimile editions of the first twelve
      Discworld novels, advertised since at least 2005, will probably not
      be published, according to Terry Pratchett's agent Colin Smythe.

      The new editions were supposed to reproduce the early Discworld
      novels "in exact facsimile editions," with the use of identical
      binding, paper, type, and jacket art as the originals. The books were
      due to be published about every four months and since 2005 only The
      Colour Of Magic and The Light Fantastic have been published.

      Terry Pratchett's literary agent Colin Smythe responded to
      questions with "as far as I'm aware, the owner of Hill House,
      Publishers Peter Schneider has been ill and as it's a one man
      operation I don't believe that he's going to publish any more of
      the facsimiles. It's a considerable disappointment."

      Discworld fans should be warned that the series of facsimiles is
      still being advertised on the site, with no mention of these
      concerns.

      "I ... paid the company $210 for the first six titles–[which]
      sounded like a good deal," said one fan, whose complaint brought
      the situation to light. "As of [April 2008] only two books have
      been published. At $105 per book this doesn't sound like as good a
      deal."

      He had emailed Hill House repeatedly, with no response and no refund.

      ***

      And finally, reader Mrs Cake has sent in an iconograph that, although
      its subjects are Roundworld beasties, calls to mind Pterry's
      wonderful imagery at the beginning of Guards!Guards!:

      http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/8/22/1373408/here-be-dragons.jpg

      And that wraps it up, at last, for this month's issue. Enjoy the
      start of summer, or wrap up well against the start of winter if you
      live in Fourecks or the Land of Fog, and we'll see you next month!

      -- Annie Mac

      ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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      End of Part 5.
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      Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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