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WOSSNAME - MARCH 2008 - PART 3 of 4

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  • Not A Granny
    WOSSNAME - MARCH 2008 -- PART 3 OF 4 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 3 -- B.U. NEWS AND WEIRD ALICE AND...STUFF
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 25, 2008
    • 0 Attachment
      WOSSNAME - MARCH 2008 -- PART 3 OF 4 (continued)
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      ====Part 3 -- B.U. NEWS AND WEIRD ALICE AND...STUFF

      13) BUGARUP UNIVERSITY CAMPUS NEWSROUND
      14) BOOK NEWS: FORTHCOMING PRATCHETT GOODIES
      15) THE WEARING OF THE LILAC
      16) SCUMBLE FESTIVAL IN FOURECKS
      17) TECHNOMANCY CORNER: 'NIGHT WATCH' FOR LINUX USERS
      18) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      13) AROUND THE BU CAMPUS

      a) HOW TO SPEAK NAC MAC FEEGLE

      Asti wrote:
      I saw an article about the Scots Edition of Wikipedia in today's
      Metro. Now I can't stop reading it!
      http://sco.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

      Must sleep ... but can't pull myself away...

      SteVen said:
      I hate you!!!

      It's like reading something that's *almost* English but not. I wonder
      if that's how native Italian, Spanish and Portuguese speakers feel
      about the other languages?

      Asti shot back:
      By Om, I have a brilliant idea.

      We (OZDW) add translated entries for things like Discworld,
      Pratchett, The Wee Free Men, etc.

      Maybe it could be a competition for WOSSNAME?

      [Editor's note: Och, lassie, thet's GREET!!!]

      ***

      b) DEATH AND WHAT COMES...BEFORE?

      A discussion about Alzheimer's included the following:

      Fuzzy: I can't imagine how terrifying it must be to have an illness
      you know will kill you, and that you know will send you doolally
      before it kills you, and that you don't know how long it will take to
      kill you or how long you have control of your own brain for.

      SuperDan: I thought life was an illness that eventually killed you...

      New Bruce: Yep - sexually transmitted terminal disease (my, we are
      cheerful today!)

      Some wag or other: I PREFER TO THINK OF IT AS A JOB OPPORTUNITY.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      14) BOOK NEWS: PUT THESE ON YOUR TO-BUY LIST!

      1) The Folklore of Discworld, by Jacqueline Simpson and Terry
      Pratchett
      Illustrated by Paul Kidby

      To pre-order:
      http://tinyurl.com/3yhpt4

      Amazon's synopsis:
      "Most of us grow up having always known to touch wood or cross our
      fingers, and what happens when a princess kisses a frog or a boy
      pulls a sword from a stone, yet sadly, some of these things are now
      beginning to be forgotten. Legends, myths, fairytales: our world is
      made up of the stories we told ourselves about where we came from and
      how we got there. It is the same on Discworld, except that beings
      that on Earth are creatures of the imagination, like vampires,
      trolls, witches and, possibly, gods, are real, alive and in some
      cases kicking on the Disc. In "The Folklore of Discworld", Terry
      Pratchett teams up with leading British folklorist Jacqueline Simpson
      to give an irreverent yet illuminating look at the living myths and
      folklore that are reflected, celebrated and affectionately libelled
      in the uniquely imaginative universe of Discworld."

      2) Nation (by Pterry, of course)

      To pre-order:
      http://tinyurl.com/3cc758

      Amazon's synopsis:
      "Finding himself alone on a desert island when everything and
      everyone he knows and loved has been washed away in a huge storm, Mau
      is the last surviving member of his nation. He's also completely
      alone - or so he thinks until he finds the ghost girl. She has no
      toes, wears strange lacy trousers like the grandfather bird and gives
      him a stick which can make fire. Daphne, sole survivor of the wreck
      of the Sweet Judy, almost immediately regrets trying to shoot the
      native boy. Thank goodness the powder was wet and the gun only
      produced a spark. She's certain her father, distant cousin of the
      Royal family, will come and rescue her but it seems, for now, all she
      has for company is the boy and the foul-mouthed ship's parrot. As it
      happens, they are not alone for long.Other survivors start to arrive
      to take refuge on the island they all call the Nation and then
      raiders accompanied by murderous mutineers from the Sweet Judy.
      Together, Mau and Daphne discover some remarkable things - including
      how to milk a pig and why spitting in beer is a good thing - and
      start to forge a new Nation."

      3) The Illustrated Wee Free Men, by Pterry, illustrated by Stephen
      Player

      To pre-order:
      http://tinyurl.com/3cthsm

      Amazon says:
      "This new gift edition includes extra new material to give real added
      value for fans."

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      15) THE WEARING OF THE LILAC

      The Cunning Artificer himself** announces:

      The Lilac Bash will be held on Saturday 24 May and Sunday 25 May.

      Saturday 24 will follow the usual tried and tested formula, with a
      Makers' Market, Thud and games, a costume parade, supper at the Bear
      and Dolphin, and a charity auction in aid of the Alzheimer's Research
      Trust. In addition there will be a charity mile in aid of Sports
      Relief, being organised by Doc Brown, and, if someone will volunteer
      to organise it, a skittle tournament.

      On Sunday 25 we will be selling lilac ribbons in aid of the
      Alzheimer's Research Trust, and the Cunning Artificer has undertaken
      to match the proceeds of the sale. At lunchtime there will be a
      barbeque at the Hunters Lodge Inn, just outside Wincanton, followed
      by the Madbinton Horse Trials and the Canwinton Races. These are
      being jointly organised by Davina and Bickaxe, so if you sign up to
      take part you have only yourselves to blame. Much safer to be a
      spectator.

      You can sign up for the participatory events on the forum, and
      details of how to book for meals will be posted here soon.

      Editor's note: for those who want to participate, the forum is here:
      http://www.discworldstamps.co.uk/forum/


      ** http://www.discworldemporium.com/pages/discworld-news.php

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      16) SCUMBLE! AND MORRIS DANCING TOO!

      Beings residing in or visiting the southeastern corner of Fourecks
      might want to put the following event in their calendars:

      Kellybrook Winery's 20th Cider Festival

      When: Saturday 3rd May & Sunday 4th May 2008
      11am to 5pm both days

      Where: Kellybrook Winery, Fulford Road, Wonga Park, Victoria
      Melways map reference 24 J8

      Admission: AUD$5 for adults; children free

      Featuring live music and Morris dancing, 12.30-3.00pm both days.
      Other features include cider-making demonstrations, scrumpy (the
      somewhat liquid substance upon which Discworld scumble is based), a
      cider and apple wine-and-brandy tasting, and a selection of various
      other apple-based culinary delights. There will also be a children's
      storyteller and a "roving magician"; there is, Io be praised, no
      mention of street theatre or mimes.

      Health permitting, I'm definitely going for the scumble!

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      17) TECHNOMANCY CORNER: 'NIGHT WATCH' FOR LINUX USERS

      (...and other streamed audio, but first, a how-to for listening to
      the last bits of the BBC radio play of NW...)

      WOSSNAME reader and Linux enthusiast Vlad the Impala knows audio fu.
      He has made a tutorial blogpost about how non-Windows users can
      access streamed audio online from the BBC and other sources, with
      specific reference to the current production of Night Watch:

      http://tinyurl.com/2rbfvp

      Of course, there's only one episode to go now, but the basic
      principle is still sound -- as it were -- and can be applied to all
      BBC "Listen Again" streams and other similar internet content.

      It's also worth noting, for those who *don't* use Windows and don't
      necessarily have super-fast broadband, that there's a simple, easy,
      four-word solution if you want to watch the charming Tourist Guide to
      the Discworld videos on Sky TV's dedicated Colour of Magic site: "use
      Firefox; instal Downloadhelper".

      http://www.downloadhelper.net/

      Can't stop the signal...you know...

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      18) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

      Post 10. WITH A SONG IN MY HEART, UM, IMP

      This is going to be a very short post, due to my having some
      technomancy issues with my new Gooseberry Mk IX PDA (that's a
      Personalised Demonicommunication Activator, in case anyone forgot).
      Until I can get my imp to do anything but take down songs, I'll have
      to hold the news and stick to the music. Even this paragraph will be
      short, because singing words with no rhythm is HARD!

      So he-eeere aaaarrrre a cou-ple of neeeewwww songgggsss...

      THE REAPER

      On a warm summer's midnight
      In the small town of Sheepridge
      I met up with the Reaper
      An apprentice he did seek
      Then he stopped Time a-movin'
      Interviewed me in the darkness
      Ill portents overtook me
      When he began to speak

      He said, MORT, I'VE SPENT MY 'LIFE'
      SEEING FEAR ON PEOPLE'S FACES
      KNOWING WHAT THEIR FATES WERE
      BY THE PLAY OF FALLING SAND
      NOW, DO YOU HEAR BINKY NEIGHING?
      SOON WE'LL LEAD HIM THROUGH HIS PACES
      THOUGH THE JOB'S RATHER RISKY
      I'LL OFFER YOU MY HAND.

      So I gathered all my bottle
      Even though my heart was hollow
      Then I jumped on Binky's back
      And cantered through the sky
      And my Boss got Death-ly quiet
      Then made this bold confession:
      IF YOU MEAN TO LEARN MY TRADE, BOY
      YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO SWING A SCYTHE

      YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW HOW TO SCRY THEM
      KNOW WHEN TO SCYTHE 'EM
      KNOW HOW TO STALK AWAY
      KNOW WHEN YOU'VE WON
      YOU NEVER COUNT YOUR HARVEST
      WHEN YOU'RE SHOVELLING THE STABLES
      THERE'LL BE TIME ENOUGH FOR DOUBTING
      WHEN THE DUTY'S DONE.

      Every Reaper knows
      Those seekers of survival
      Who, hoping they can find a way
      Try hiding - futilely
      'Cause every saint and sinner's
      A future coffin-user
      And the best they can hope for
      Is that THERE'S ONLY ME.

      And when he finished teaching
      He turned back to the Duty
      Scratched out a cancelled Node
      And rode off to collect
      And somewhere in the darkness
      Another bod stopped breathing
      But in His leaden words
      I found a job that I'd respect

      YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO FREE THEM
      KNOW WHEN TO LEAD 'EM
      KNOW HOW TO WALK THROUGH WALLS
      KNOW *EVERYONE*
      YOU NEVER READ LIFE STORIES
      WHEN YOU'RE SAT AT ALBERT'S TABLE
      THERE'LL TIME ENOUGH FOR QUESTIONS
      WHEN THE DUTY'S DONE

      YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO SCARE 'EM
      KNOW WHEN TO SPARE 'EM
      KNOW HOW TO *TALK THIS WAY*
      KNOW IT'S NOT 'FUN'
      DON'T EVER COURT MY DAUGHTER
      WHEN YOUR CLOAK OF NIGHT'S ENABLED
      THERE'LL BE TIME ENOUGH FOR COURTING
      WHEN THE DUTY'S DONE.

      ***

      LILITH

      It's close to midnight
      And something evil's lurking in his pond
      Under the moonlight
      You see two snakes transformed to "belles du monde"
      You start to scream
      But that's against the city regulations
      You start to freeze
      As mirror magic takes you by surprise
      You're Lilith-ised

      'Cause this is Lilith - Lilith, right?!
      And no-one's gonna save you from my mirror magic might
      'Cause this is Lilith, Lilith - right!
      You're frightened for your life because the mirror's
      Killing
      Tonight!

      You see those dark eyes
      And realise you'll have to wear that gown
      You feel that cold hand
      And twig the Duc's a frog who wants a crown
      Your coach has mice
      Your would-be rescue shows imagination
      Though Magrat's nice
      You see the future creeping up too fast
      In shoes of glass

      'Cause this is Lilith - Lilith, right?
      You'll never stand a chance against the Narrative tonight
      You know I'm Lilith, cold as ice
      You're frightened for your life because the mirror's
      Willing
      To fight!

      Old stories call
      And no sister of mine can can unwind the tale
      There's no escaping the forced Happy Ending, not this time
      Your fate is mine
      You'll be a pond-dweller's wife...

      No-one abets you
      Your fairy godmum's wetter than a hen
      Duc will undress you
      It's just a matter now of where and when
      You're out of time
      And Mrs Gogol's gris-gris can't assist you
      Tonight's the night
      No matter what those biddies say to you
      You'll say 'I do"

      For this is Lilith...Lilith? - right!
      See, I control you more than Lancre's best would dare to try
      I'm Lady Lilith, proud and bright
      So let me hold you tight
      And make the mirror
      Clearer
      Nearer
      Lilith rules tonight!

      Darkness falls across the Disc
      The fated wedding? - can't touch this!
      Creatures crawl, a Zombie stomp
      To terrorise your local swamp
      And whosoever fails to grin
      Will find my patience wearing thin
      Just stand aside, you're in *my* town
      Or *splat!* - I cannot be brought down!
      The finest folks are at the Ball
      The funky Zombies heed my call
      And even Nanny's trusty broom
      And Magrat's wand won't stay your doom

      And those who fight on Esme's side
      Your very souls be undone
      For no mere mortal can resist:
      See, I know *I'm* The Good One!


      -- Aaaa-lice


      Note for Roundworlders:

      Original lyrics for The Gambler can be found at
      http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/rogers-kenny/the-gambler-
      8525.html
      or http://tinyurl.com/9cw8c

      Original lyrics for Michael Jackson's Thriller can be found at:
      http://www.lyricsondemand.com/m/michaeljacksonlyrics/thriller
      lyrics.html
      or http://tinyurl.com/5cuyr

      ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      -------------------------------------------------------------------------
      End of Part 3, continued on Part 4 of 4.
      If you did not get all four parts, write: interact@...
      -------------------------------------------------------------------------
      Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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