Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.


Expand Messages
  • Not A Granny
    WOSSNAME - OCTOBER 2007 -- PART 5 OF 6 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 5 - HOROSCOPE CONTINUED 18) YOUR MONTHLY
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 26, 2007
      WOSSNAME - OCTOBER 2007 -- PART 5 OF 6 (continued)

      ====Part 5 - HOROSCOPE CONTINUED




      The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun - 22 Jul

      Your most suitable philosophies: Realist Magicalism; Scienceology

      The philosophy of Realist Magicalism, first developed by the
      research wizard Nils Gammon (who is not a dwarf, although often
      mistaken for one), posits that the true inner nature of things is
      far more important than their outer appearance. In other words, you
      don't need incense, ceremonial masks and dribbly candles; all you
      need is to learn to spell properly, as it were. Realist Magicalism
      recognises that magic is a fundamental natural resource and though,
      like any other resource, it needs to go through a sort of refining
      process, wrapping it up in overblown packaging with extra tinsel is
      both wasteful and tasteless. RMs (as they call themselves) believe
      in practical approaches to life -- simplicity, honesty and
      efficiency -- and their motto is "Do what thou will with whatever
      thou happen to hath handy." Realist Magicalism champions the triumph
      of substance over style; it is notably unpopular with tradition-
      bound wizards and manufacturers of incense, ceremonial masks and
      dribbly candles, but is considered the bee's knees by most
      practising rural witches.

      Scienceology, sometimes known as Dementics, is perhaps the most
      curious school of philosophy on the Disc. The creation of one Huw
      Bron Allard of Pseudopolis, mad scientist and purported writer of
      the surrealistic Grime's Fairy Tales, Scienceology postulates that
      there is a logical, rational and above all non-magical explanation
      for the universe and everything in it. According to Allard, there is
      no such thing as magic: Great A'Tuin the World Turtle came into
      existence by a natural process of evolution, the Hub is made of
      common iron, the colour octarine is a fiction and doesn't exist in
      the spectrum, and we were all descended from an ancient race of
      short-lived, ordinary, non-shining terrestrial beings with no
      mystical agenda and no unearthly powers whatsoever. He and his
      followers developed a process they call "editing", which involves
      reprogramming the non-believer into a solid belief in science and
      rationality (thus becoming more like our ordinary ancestors); a
      reprogrammed person is known as a Muddy. Allard has not been seen
      for many years now; while some say he still lives, in an unknown
      place and by means of no potions or "magic" at all, the truth is
      that the Faculty of Unseen University got tired of his nonsense and
      turned him into a set of croquet hoops on the lawn of Wizards'


      Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug

      Your most suitable philosophies: Inebriism; Didactylic Cynicism

      Inebriists never waste time worrying whether the proverbial bottle
      is half-full or half-empty; they believe that the world only makes
      sense from the bottom of the bottle, and only after its contents are
      firmly settled into the believer. As the great sage Ethan Aule,
      founder of Inebriism, declared, "The only discipline of this
      discipline is no discipline." A practising Inebriist knows that the
      answers to all questions of existence and meaning can be found at
      the Hour After Opening Time, and that no journeys to faraway lands
      or years of drinking yak-butter tea at the feet of of a wizened monk
      can ever bring the clarity of perception that follows the ingestion
      of a good claret. Re-inebriists, a specialised subset of this school
      of philosophy, believe higher states of enlightenment can only be
      attained through the consumption of reannual vintages; an astute Re-
      inebriist can see the meaning of life in the colours of last year's
      chunder, and a true Master Inebriist can infer the path of his or
      her life simply by browsing a reannual wine-seller's catalogue. When
      you get down to it, the only question that truly matters to the
      Inebriist is "what's yours?"

      Didactylos was quite possibly the wisest of all the Ephebian
      philosophers and is certainly the most popular among the drinking
      fraternity. According to Didactylos, the world is funny and old and
      re-creates itself constantly ("There'll be another one along in a
      minute"), so there's no point in worrying about past mistakes and
      you might as well just go get drunk. Didactylic Cynics tend to
      atheism and, well, cynicism. They traditionally carry lanterns, but
      this is merely so they can find their way home after closing time.


      Mubbo the Hyena 24 Aug - 23 Sept

      Your most suitable philosophies: Luddism; Feeglosity

      Luddism is not about hatred of machinery, not at all -- it's about
      the love of clockwork. Named in honour of Lobsang Ludd, who famously
      makes time for everything, the philosophy of Luddism encompasses a
      belief that an understanding of the true nature of Time leads to
      understanding -- and control -- of *all* things. Luddites tend to be
      quietly arrogant (their favourite aphorism is Tempus non fugit nisi
      sic dico, "Time doesn't fly unless I say it does"); they move very
      slowly (except when they move so fast that you can't see them at
      all), and they always seem to have time for long holidays, afternoon
      siestas and that extra round down the pub. They believe that Time
      reveals all secrets, heals all wounds, explains all mysteries and
      makes all possibilities possible. The ability to manipulate Time
      means that while everyone else is slaving away in the fields or at
      the forge, your Luddite is lazing on the front lawn in a deckchair,
      cool drink in hand, enjoying a perfect summer afternoon (oddly
      enough, in the middle of a winter snowstorm; even more oddly, at
      what other people think is three o'clock of a dark and moonless
      night). For an advanced Luddite, one man's minute is another's gap-
      year backpacking holiday. Luddites would make brilliant office
      managers and civic planners, but for some reason, none of them ever
      find the time for jobs like those...

      Crivens! What we have here is another plain and simple philosophy,
      taken from the lifestyle and beliefs of the Nac mac Feegle clans.
      It's what you might call the non-thinking man's philosophy; the
      emphasis is on action, on acting rather than reacting, and on
      looking at Big Questions such as "why are we here?" and "what's it
      all about, anyway?" and giving them a clean miss in favour of
      drinkin', stealin', fightin', and generally having a good time
      without disturbing those pesky higher brain functions. Feegles
      believe that they are already dead and that this *is* the afterlife,
      so from the Feegle point of view it's one big non-stop party. Of
      course, there is also a tradition of dreeing one's weird, which in
      ordinary language means facing up to your (possibly horrible) fate,
      but as you're already dead your fate has happened anyway, and
      there's no point in worrying about how it turned, would have turned,
      or was meant to have turned out, because that would only distract
      you from your next round of drinkin', stealin' and fightin'.


      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept - 23 Oct

      Your most suitable philosophies: Code of the Igors; Noworis

      The Code of the Igors may be the personal family philosophy of that
      Uberwaldean tribe, but you Boring'uns can learn much from it. The
      Igors learned long ago that the world is indeed full of uncertainty,
      stormy weather, mad doctors, insane noblemen, loopy scientists and
      angry villagers with sharp pitchforks, and to deal with these
      vagaries they developed the Code. Its main precepts are: Never
      Contradict; Never Complain; Never Make Personal Remarks; and never,
      ever Ask Big Questions. Also, the lesser but equally important
      points: be loyal, dependable, and discreet (although, with Igors,
      there is also a basic precept of being...discrete), smile often in a
      harmless way, never oil doors, always have a bag of personal
      possessions packed and ready where it can be grabbed at short
      notice, and always know where the back door is. All in all, a very
      sensible philosophy for Boring'uns to live by!

      From the faraway land of Fourecks comes the philosophical discipline
      of Noworis, as propounded by Ecksians of all walks of life. The
      ideals of Noworis are egalitarianism ("You can spit on the mat and
      call the cat a galah"), optimism ("She'll be right, mate"),
      reverence for Nature ("It's a beaut arvo, so let's knock off work
      and hit the pub and she'll be right, mate"), appreciation of the
      nuances of language ("Garn mate, you don't half pong like a dingo's
      armpit"), and the seeking of the simplest and most harmonious
      solutions to all problems ("Giss'another tinnie and throw some more
      snags on the barbie and she'll be right, mate"). Masters of the
      higher intricacies of Noworis are always called Bruce, as a term of
      respect and to avoid confusion.


      Androgyna Majestis 24 Oct - 22 Nov

      Your most suitable philosophies: the Wisdom of Cohen; Chil-mon-chil

      The Wisdom of Cohen is one of the simpler philosophies. It teaches
      us that life is nasty, brutish and short but also contains wine,
      women, song and rare jewels just begging to be stolen, and can be
      summed up by "want, take, get distracted by the next shiny thing".
      The Wisdom of Cohen also shows us that the best things in life are
      minor pleasures -- in the words of the Master himself, "Hot water,
      good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper" -- and that most really
      difficult questions can be answered with the swing of a good
      broadsword. A simple philosophy indeed, yet strangely tricksome to
      master as it requires good reflexes, mighty thews, the morals of a
      randy tomcat and a sense of self-confidence you could plate a
      siege engine with.

      Chil-mon-chil, the venerable and almost inexpressibly uber-
      fashionable philosophy of the Monks of Cool (as delineated by Ben
      Zodi-Asa P'aam, who was seriously relaxed, and Zanax, who was too
      cool to have more than one name), assures its disciples that the
      meaning of everything lies in whatever cool people decide it means
      and that the only state of enlightenment worth striving for is the
      one that looks flashiest and most effortlessly nonchalant. Advanced
      Chil-mon-chilists, also known as Dudes, might consider the lesser
      known sect of Neo Chil-mon, which involves kung fu, dark glasses and
      a really stylish leather coat.


      Great T'Phon's Foot 23 Nov - 21 Dec

      Your most suitable philosophies: Objectionalism; Lex Subterranis

      Objectionableism, the strictly individualist, anti-collectivist
      philosophy created by Anya Moribunda Cisterna Avaricia Randova (from
      Uberwald, obviously), teaches that everything Randova says is the
      epitome of excellence and anything everybody else says is
      objectionable -- especially governments, trade guilds, churches and
      other collectivist groups who disagree with her. Nevertheless,
      Randova believes that government has an essential role in
      safeguarding the ability of Objectionableists to make as much money
      as they are capable of making in as short a period as possible.
      Objectionalism is not open to debate (for more information, consult
      her best-selling books We the Unliving, The Showerhead, and Berilia

      Lex Subterranis, also known as the Precepts of Mining, has been
      handed down from Dwarf to Dwarf on the pointy end of a pick and
      shovel. It shares some concepts with Ibidism, but the Dwarfs believe
      that the world is simple, basic and ordered not due to any
      fundamental nature of things but because Laws make it so. There's a
      course of action for everything, and a Law to answer every question
      (for example, the answer to "Why am I on tailings duty while Bors
      Cleverdiksson gets to play with the nuggets?" is "Book of Mining,
      Volume 239, page 627: the King always knows what duty best suits
      each worker."), and this teaches us to accept our lot in life and
      function well within our society. The Lex Subterranis also reveres
      the power of the written word. This philosophy makes for a simple
      and satisfying life, as all those difficult questions are covered:
      it's easy to sleep well at night when, for example, the answer to
      "Why are we here?" is "To tease the last bits of good ore out of
      Seam 22 while the price of gold is up thruppence in the dollar."


      End of Part 5, continued on Part 6 of 6.
      If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
      Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
    Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.