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WOSSNAME -- JULY 2007 -- part 7 of 7

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  • Not A Granny
    WOSSNAME -- JULY 2007 -- PART 7 OF 7 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 7 - HOROSCOPE AND G DAY 23) THE NEW DISCWORLD
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 24 4:42 AM
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      WOSSNAME -- JULY 2007 -- PART 7 OF 7 (continued)
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      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      ====Part 7 - HOROSCOPE AND G'DAY



      23) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
      24) CLOSING WORDS

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      23) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

      by Lady Anaemia Asterisk

      CHING ALING!

      No, it isn't the sound of the money-changers in Sator Square; it's
      the venerable Hublander art of divination. The Ching Aling, also
      known as the Book of Tossing, is performed by interpreting the
      patterns formed by tossing herring bones. According to Hublanders,
      the universe formed from Kaos, the Primordial Muesli, which produced
      the three Elementary Forms, the NIN, NAN and NONG. These cosmic
      principles reflect the trichotomies of the universe, such as drunk/
      sober/knurd, alive/dead/undead, light/dark/true dark (or dark light,
      as the Uberwaldeans prefer to call it) and thesis/antithesis/
      synthesis, and are the foundation of the Ching Aling.

      The Ching Aling practitioner concentrates on the question they want
      answered, then tosses two herring bones to form one of nine Chigrams.
      Each Chigram has an aspect, a flavour and a direction:

      1. Impetus, Meaty/Savoury, Greater Widdershins
      2. Rimfall, Sour, Widdershins
      3. Summer winds, Hot, Moving Apart
      4. Aurora Coriolis, Spicy, Lesser Widdershins
      5. Glacier, Cold, Stillness/The Hub
      6. Stormy weather, Salty, Turnwise
      7. Maelstrom, Bitter, Coming Together
      8. Moonshadow, Minty, Lesser Turnwise
      9. Washing-up, Sweet, Greater Turnwise

      Four Chigrams taken together make one of 6561 possible Octograms,
      numbered non-consecutively between 1111 and 9999 for reasons known
      only to camels and the ancient Hublander Sourcerer Makko, the
      discoverer of Ching Aling. Each Octogram consists of the Outer Being
      (formed from the first and last Chigrams) and the Inner State (from
      the second and third Chigrams).

      By concentrating on a question whilst tossing the bones, the trained
      practitioner can gain insight into the answer by interpreting the
      Octograms. So, with an antique copy of The Compleet Thicko's Guyde
      To Ching Aling in hand and a pint of cod liver beer to get into the
      right mood, I concentrated on each astrological Sign and asked the
      bones what your horoscope will be...

      -------------

      Note: this Horoscope was compiled with the kind assistance** of
      SteVen D'Afanguin (D.Thm), Bugarup University Professor of
      Sphenisciformal Anxiety.

      ** Meaning "he did all the real work".

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



      The Adamant Hedgehog 21 Mar-20 Apr



      Your Octogram is 6617.
      The Inner State is Slood and the Outer Being is the Prohibited Soup.
      Your element is Aether and your food is sausage-inna-bun.
      Your lucky letter is N and your unlucky number is 7+1.
      Your household appliance is "Anni-Frid" the bicycle.
      The colour to avoid is burgundy, and you should beware of rains of
      buffalo.


      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



      Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips 21 Apr-21 May


      Your Octogram is 2453.
      The Inner State is Epiphany and the Outer Being is the Gloomy
      Trousers.
      Your element is Dark and your food is stoo with named meat.
      Your lucky letter is A and your unlucky number is 9.
      Your household appliance is "Olaf" the footstool.
      The colour to avoid is white, and you should beware of little bald
      wrinkly smiling men carrying brooms


      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      Herne the Hunted 22 May - 21 Jun



      Your Octogram is 3463.
      The Inner State is Disputatiousness and the Outer Being is the Bowl
      of Fish Stoo Tasting Faintly of Garlic.
      Your element is Silver and your food is potato.
      Your lucky letter is T and your unlucky number is 10.
      Your household appliance is "Ursula" the set of steak knives.
      The colour to avoid is that funny colour you get when you mix all
      your paints together in a spirit of enquiry, and you should beware
      of blubber.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun-22 Jul



      Your Octogram is 8887.
      The Inner State is Illegality and the Outer Being is the Unatoning
      Goose.
      Your element is Water and your food is hazelnut creme truffle.
      Your lucky letter is F and your unlucky number is 23.
      Your household appliance is "Loki" the occasional table.
      The colour to avoid is puce, and you should beware of pineapples.


      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



      Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug



      Your Octogram is 3231.
      The Inner State is Ostentatiousness and the Outer Being is the Empty
      Firkin.
      Your element is Air and your food is bread.
      Your lucky letter is B and your unlucky number is 15.
      Your household appliance is "Gretelhilda" the foldaway bed.
      The colour to avoid is vermilion, and you should beware of yeti.


      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



      Mubbo the Hyena 24 Aug-23 Sept


      Your Octogram is 4542.
      The Inner State is Quantum Uncertainty and the Outer Being is the
      Threefold Bork.
      Your element is Iron and your food is distressed pudding.
      Your lucky letter is X and your unlucky number is 5.
      Your household appliance is "Hergenbergen" the bookcase.
      The colour to avoid is brown, and you should beware of steppes
      (watch that first one, it's a doozy).


      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept-23 Oct


      Your Octogram is 9424.
      The Inner State is Sycophancy and the Outer Being is the Unsorted
      Glossary.
      Your element is Gold and your food is porridge.
      Your lucky letter is S and your unlucky number is 12.
      Your household appliance is "Grisalda" the tea set.
      The colour to avoid is plaid, and you should beware of men called
      Hrunsson.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      Androgyna Majestis 24 Oct - 22 Nov


      Your Octogram is 4375.
      The Inner State is Burlesque and the Outer Being is the Badly
      Fitting Codpiece.
      Your element is Fire and your food is squishi.
      Your lucky letter is R and your unlucky number is 1.
      Your household appliance is "Nubbl" the terrarium.
      The colour to avoid is black, and you should beware of foehns.


      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



      Great T'Phon's Foot 23 Nov-21 Dec


      Your Octogram is 7313.
      The Inner State is Duplicity and the Outer Being is the Chocolate
      Moose.
      Your element is Copper and your food is Lancre blue cheese.
      Your lucky letter is Q and your unlucky number is 3.
      Your household appliance is "Gnott" the candlestick holder.
      The colour to avoid is khaki, and you should beware of snowshoes.



      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



      Hoki the Jokester 22 Dec-20 Jan


      Your Octogram is 8496.
      The Inner State is Hangover and the Outer Being is the Plate o
      Lutefisk.
      Your element is Earth and your food is figgins.
      Your lucky letter is E and your unlucky number is 42.
      Your household appliance is "Huskerdu" the broom.
      The colour to avoid is octarine, and you should beware of moose.


      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



      The Rather Large Gazunda 21 Jan-18 Feb

      Your Octogram is 3689.
      The Inner State is Machismo and the Outer Being is the Pervious
      Chicken.
      Your element is Shadow and your food is bananananana.
      Your lucky letter is Z and your unlucky number is 17.
      Your household appliance is "Bjorn" the clothes hamper.
      The colour to avoid is lime green, and you should beware of horse
      cheese.


      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      Lesser Umbrage 19 Feb-20 Mar



      Your Octogram is 1936.
      The Inner State is Weltschmerz and the Outer Being is the Mortified
      Maiden Aunt.
      Your element is Octiron and your food is smoked cod.
      Your lucky letter is M and your unlucky number is 6.
      Your household appliance is "Lars" the assemble-at-home siege
      engine.
      The colour to avoid is beige, and you should beware of breakaway
      oxidation phenomena.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      24) AND IT'S GOODNIGHT FROM ME...

      A few nights ago, we went for a late meal at a fine local
      restaurant. While we were dining, there came a sudden, extremely
      loud metallic noise from the kitchen. "Blimey," I said a moment
      later, "I think I've just seen the what the colour octarine looks
      like!"

      See, I was born with crossed sensory wiring that causes me to see
      sounds and taste colours or shades of lighting (the technical name
      for this is synaesthesia); in the case of my sound-to-sight,
      different types of noises cause me to see different sorts of "colour
      washes" -- as if someone momentarily slipped lighting gels over my
      eyes, and the louder the sound, the deeper the hue and intensity of
      the colour wash.

      This was unlike any colour I'd ever seen before: a sort of blackish
      greenish purple, almost indescribably deep -- what I imagine some
      colours in the depths of the Marianas Trench might look like -- and
      it had its own internal lambent quality, like greeny-purple "black
      light".

      I think that might well be how octarine would actually look. It was
      very pretty, in an oily, unsettling way! Now to see how it compares
      to any octarine used in the forthcoming Colour of Magic film...

      Right, that's all we've got. Take care, and see you next month!

      ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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      End of Part 7.
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      Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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