Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

WOSSNAME -- FEBRUARY 2007-- PART 4 OF 6 (continued)

Expand Messages
  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    WOSSNAME -- FEBRUARY 2007-- PART 4 OF 6 (continued) ... ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 6) LOCAL SUPPORTING MEETS - The Non Mel-Meet -
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 25, 2007
      WOSSNAME -- FEBRUARY 2007-- PART 4 OF 6 (continued)
      6) LOCAL SUPPORTING MEETS - The Non Mel-Meet - by Annie Mac

      A Report on the Melbourne Zoo orangutans
      by Annie Mac

      According to BU guidelines, a MelMeet is only a MelMeet if three or
      more BUers are involved, so the following isn't an *official*
      MelMeet. But it's being reported anyway, as there were orangutans

      A couple of weeks ago, it came to pass that Mogg of BU and I went to
      the Zoo. Mogg being a FOTZ (or Friend of the Zoos), this was a
      surprisingly inexpensive proposition. Ostensibly we were going to see
      Melbourne Zoo's newborn tiger cubs, but we also wanted to hang around
      - not literally! - the new orangutan enclosure. This excellent
      Fourecksian zoo has been spending enormous and ever-increasing
      amounts of time, money and care on turning what was once a wildlife
      prison into a wildlife luxury hotel, and the orangs' new home is a
      spacious, adventure playground with indoor and outdoor bedrooms,
      sweeping expanses of play structures built to decently approximate
      the apes' natural habitat, and a sprinkler system that delivers
      rainforest-like cooling spray on hot days.

      We never did see the tigers (although there were some very hot lions
      dozing handsomely in the 40C heat), but who cares, because we did see
      the Librarians getting a medical check-up!

      Each keeper on the primates team is assigned one ape, and she or he
      then spends an extended period - weeks or even months - bonding with
      the chosen orangutan until a mutually respectful and trusting
      relationship is established. There has to be respect and trust on
      both sides because orangutans are highly intelligent animals and, as
      Pterry so often points out, an adult orang is several hundred pounds
      of powerful muscle; you definitely wouldn't like them when they're
      angry! But they are also essentially gentle creatures (unlike, say,
      chimpanzees), so the keeper-and-ape interaction tends to be very

      One keeper was putting his "ape buddy" through a daily general
      medical check. This is a (mostly, with one exception) non-invasive
      physical examination that's done for several reasons: one, to make
      sure the ape is in general good health and spirits; two, to accustom
      each animal to being handled, so that stress will be minimal if more
      serious medical attention should ever be required; and three, because
      it further strengthens the bond between orangutan and keeper. The
      keeper has a routine for the examination, consisting of polite but
      firm orders, frequent encouragement, and treats after the orangutan
      complies with instructions. Everything is checked - eyes and ears,
      hands and feet, muscle tone - along with a bit of back-scratching and
      nipple-tweaking for the patient's pleasure. "Good," says the keeper
      each time. "Ohh-kay!...now, left foot...good...ohh-kay! ...now, right
      hand...good...," and the patient gets a little treat popped through
      the bars after every correct response...until they came to the
      exception. "Ohh-kay! ...now, mouth..." - and the put-upon orangutan
      gave the keeper a hurt look, rolled her eyes and covered her mouth
      with a leathery hand as if to say "Right, I've had quite enough of
      that now." But after an apology from the keeper and an extra treat,
      she rolled her eyes again and resignedly presented her open mouth so
      the keeper could tap her teeth with a toothbrush. It's obvious that
      both of them are putting on a bit of a show, but in any event it
      shows just how bright - and opinionated! - these amazing apes are.

      When all checks were completed, we watched several Librarians sharing
      oversized ice lollies, swinging around their new "jungle", and
      generally looking like they were well satisfied with their des res.
      One of the great advantages of the new enclosure is that the
      residents have platforms right next to the glass, where *they* can
      observe the funny hairless apes watching them. We would have loved
      seeing Papa Orang, an enormous, shaggy blond-haired male who always
      reminds me of a cross between Ridcully and Hrun the Barbarian, but he
      was relaxing in the "basement" - probably with his feet up, watching
      a David Attenborough documentary.

      Watching the Librarians at close range, we were struck more than ever
      how complex and thoughtful they are. I can see why Pterry works so
      passionately to save orangutans in the wild!

      by Lady Anaemia Asterisk

      And a Happy New Year to all you Agateans, celebrating the Year of the
      Pig! Funny, I thought that was *every* year for wizards...speaking
      of obsessive piggishness (not to be confused with piggish obsession
      - especially in the case of local pig-witches, for whom being
      obsessed with pigs is a vital part of the job description), this
      month I shall concentrate on obsessive phobias and other behaviours
      of the sort that can get too, well, *too*. Good advice can be found
      in the Stars, along with rather a lot of hot exploding gases! So in
      honour of the Agatean New Year, this month's horoscopical advice is
      once again in the form of haiku. A piggy Astral Month to you all!

      The Adamant Hedgehog 21 Mar - 20 Apr

      Agatean sign: Blowfish

      Fear not "fear itself"
      Dominate your underlings
      Shouting helps a lot

      Fear not loss of face
      Arrogance will see you through
      Don't apologise

      Fear no challengers
      "Alpha" is your middle name
      Big red bottom wins


      Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips 21 Apr - 21 May

      Agatean sign: Reciprocating Fox

      Salesman, be not scared
      Customers will always buy
      Sausage inna bun

      Face slow days with grit
      Market fluctuations are
      Job-description stuff

      When all's said and done
      Empty stomachs triumph o'er
      Meat That Has No Name

      Herne the Hunted 22 May - 21 Jun

      Agatean sign: Heavenly Tourist

      In your forest deep
      Fear no angry predators
      Small is big reversed

      Fear not pointy teeth
      Outcomes are uncertain still
      Like cats in a box

      Fear no foreign power
      Elementals? Evil queens?
      No! This land is yours!

      The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun - 22 Jul

      Agatean sign: Hoarse Whisperer

      "Eat": three-letter word
      "Dinner" has two syllables
      "Acid stomach": four

      "Low cholesterol"
      This sign keeps blood pressure down
      Banish thus your fear

      Food can be your friend
      Use your love of luxury
      To devise light meals

      Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug

      Agatean sign: Water Feature

      Truly you abhor
      Malt, hops, and fermented fruit
      "Mostly apples"? Hah!

      Fear is in the mind
      Stomach, liver, pancreas
      Must not rule your day

      Carpe urceum!
      Many good hangover cures
      Wait in dawn's weak light

      Mubbo the Hyena 24 Aug - 23 Sept

      Agatean sign: One Won Ton

      Honest men ne'er fear
      Capture or discovery:
      Such men sleep at night

      Curst be thou, Mubboon
      Never shall you counterfeit
      Pilfer, filch or fence

      Right the Heavens are
      Choosing you as feckless born
      Crime just ain't your thing

      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept - 23 Oct

      Agatean sign: Bureaucrat

      Craven Boring'uns!
      You fear good ol' "fear itself"
      Not without just cause

      Lurking ev'rywhere
      Danger laughs at cautious beings
      Quit while you're ahead

      Party for your lives
      Travel, swim, eat pineapples
      You'll die anyway

      Androgyna Majestis 24 Oct - 22 Nov

      Agatean sign: Dragon's Egg

      Fear not heroes' fate
      Never think you're not the best
      Fear not loss of nerve

      Use all means at hand
      Salamanders or grimoire
      You were BORN TO RUNE

      No relentless foe
      Can withstand your cold steel or
      Municipal Code

      Great T'Phon's Foot 23 Nov - 21 Dec

      Agatean sign: Vampire Ghost

      Fear not changing times
      Fashions change in clothes and pets
      Classics never age

      Wear your boots with pride
      Armour can be feminine
      When pure heart's beneath

      Lamp oil, anthracite
      Never let their flame go out
      Love will find a way

      Hoki the Jokester 22 Dec - 20 Jan

      Agatean sign: Bonsai Mountain

      Scryers, fight your fear
      Darkness in your crystal ball
      Merely means it's night

      Think you've lost your touch?
      Cook a pot of gumbo, quick!
      Jambalaya, too

      You have naught to fear
      Others fear your pointy hat
      So they bloody should!

      The Rather Large Gazunda 21 Jan - 18 Feb

      Agatean sign: Barking Mad Dog

      Love is in the air
      Fear not your performing skills
      Oysters save the day

      Fearsome lack of height?
      One stepladder: problem solved
      All are equal, prone

      Fear no roses' thorns
      Roses open in bouquets
      Open...other flowers

      Lesser Umbrage 19 Feb - 20 Mar

      Agatean sign: Beti, the Exotic Dancer

      Never be afraid
      Dree your weird and face your fate
      Make friends with a cheese

      Battles will be won
      Cursing comes in handy for
      Fights in Underworlds

      Fear no written words
      Lawyers cannot harm you when
      You're already dead!

      ... and there you have it. Please write directly to WOSSNAME
      at jschaum111@... if you have any questions about your
      Horoscope and we will forward them to Lady Asterisk by snail
      mail. Sometimes she even answers them. She greatly appreciates
      your inquiries, she says, as they have cut her fuel bill by
      10% to 20% in the last month alone.


      In its February 2007 issue, the Locus Bestseller List shows
      shows that WINTERSMITH is #8 after one month on its
      Hardcover List and Thud is #4 on the Paperback List.

      End of Part 4, says my computer -- continued on Part 5 of 6
      If you did not get all 6 parts, write: jschaum111@...

      <BR><BR><BR>**************************************<BR> AOL now offers free
      email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at

      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.