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WOSSNAME - - AUGUST 2006 - - PART 4 OF 5

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  • Not A Granny
    WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2006 -- PART 4 OF 5 ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 12) SONG OF THE MONTH by Weird Alice Lancrevic WE DIDN T STEAL THE
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 30 3:53 AM
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      WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2006 -- PART 4 OF 5
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      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      12) SONG OF THE MONTH
      by Weird Alice Lancrevic

      WE DIDN'T STEAL THE FIRE
      (with apologies to Billy Joel)

      Turnwise Ocean, Great A'Tuin, Ridcully, month of Spune
      Imp y Celyn, Coffin Henry, Stick and Bucket Dance
      Corp'al Cheery Littlebottom, Lavaeolus, Margolotta
      Tattooed blue MacFeegle wearing kilts instead of pants
      Circle Sea, Sto Lat, Sourcery, pointy hat
      Lu-Tze, the Book of Om, Necrotelicomnicon
      Lords and Ladies, Night Watch, Bad Ass in the Ramtops
      B.S. Johnson, Djelibeybi, Casanunda - I'm gone...

      We didn't steal the fire
      It was only restin' on Dunmanifestin
      We didn't steal the fire
      Now the gods decry us, but they can't deny us

      Sgt. Colon, Copperhead, Beggars' Guild, "I aten't dead!"
      Herne the Hunted, "Where *is* Muntab?", Reginald Shoe
      Sam Vimes in The Times, Vetinari hates mimes
      "Numbers" Riktor, "Oook!" and Lancre Blue
      Broad Way, Lobsneaks, poor and proud in Cockbill Street
      Jingo, Carpe Jugulum, CURRY? I COULD MURDER ONE
      John Keel, Ronnie Soak, Dibbler cuts his own throat
      Sto Helit, Agnes Nitt, Ronnie Rust's a right twit...

      We didn't steal the fire
      Io's too self-centred, so we broke and entered
      We didn't steal the fire
      Just a bit of cheating for some central heating

      Reacher Gilt, Wee Free Men, Stibbons in the H.E.M.
      Low King, Wolf attacks, strange message on the Clacks
      Belafon...need a Gonne? - Leonard will design one
      Swamp dragons, Harry King, Bel-Shamharoth, Captain Swing
      Princess Keli, Duck Man, Blind Io, Klatchistan
      Death of Rats, Igor, magic number's twice four
      Gaspode, octarine, Senior Wrangler and the Dean,
      Sacharissa, Rincewind, and the Band With Rocks In...

      We didn't steal the fire
      Flames were so good-looking we invented cooking
      We didn't steal the fire
      It just kind of blew in, now we're BBQ-in'

      Hodgesaargh, Small Gods, Druids at Eisteddfod
      Vorbis, Albert, stop for lunch in Twoshirts
      Carrot Ironfoundersson, Cohen the Barbarian
      Magrat, Clockson, Holy Wood...inna bun
      Thieves' Guild, Mrs. Cake, cross Patrician? -- *big* mistake!
      One in ten: lucky break, Captain Quirke is on the take...

      We didn't steal the fire
      It was only restin' on Dunmanifestin
      We didn't steal the fire
      No, they didn't catch us when we took their matches

      Carrot and oyster pie, Quantum Weather Butterfly
      Greebo, Modo, Nobby Nobbs (oh no!)
      Dotsie, Sadie, Foul Ole Ron, Mrs. Palm and "Mossy" Lawn
      Weatherwax headology, Unseen University
      Lady Sybil, Willikins, Mr. Tulip, Mr. Pin,
      Land of Fog, Wonder Dog, Wow-Wow Sauce, Nanny Ogg
      Moist von Lipwig, "Where's my cow?", Done It Duncan, Here 'n' Now
      Koom Valley, Mr. Shine
      Whoopee, it's the final line!

      We didn't steal the fire
      It was always waiting for appropriating
      We didn't steal the fire
      We can build and burn it -- now let's go return it
      We didn't steal the fire
      Now the gods decry us, but they can't deny us
      We didn't steal the fire...

      NOTE: for those of you who might not know the original lyric, rest
      assured that the verses below follow the rhythm and metre very, very
      faithfully (except for the last line of the last verse, muhahaha).
      If you wish to compare, go to http://tinyurl.com/m9ezc

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      13) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
      by Lady Anaemia Asterisk

      HOROSCOPICAL HOLIDAYS

      Hello again, my little starry-eyed skywalkers! We've reached that
      time of year when people of all species yearn for the traditional
      end-of-summer holiday (except for beings in XXXX, who have reached
      that time of year known as Oh No, Will This Winter Never End?! and
      yearn for their traditional beginning-of-Spring holiday). So once
      again I have consulted the celestial charts and am proud to present
      the most suitable package holidays - or "vacations", as some of our
      more whimsical Morporkians call them - for holidaymakers of each
      Sign, along with some useful tips and booking advice and whatnot.
      Enjoy yourselves, and don't forget the sunscreen (of course, for
      beings from Leshp, Dunmanifestin and the Dungeon Dimensions, the
      phrase "slip, slop, slap" takes on a whole new meaning...)

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      The Adamant Hedgehog 21 Mar - 20 Apr

      YOUR HOLIDAY: Song of the Deserts

      WHAT YOU GET: All the excitement of camel trekking across the
      Klatchian Waste, with stops in Tsort, Ephebe and - temporal anomaly
      permitting - Djelibeybi. Bookable extras include a side trip to the
      Dehydrated Ocean, though this is strictly seasonal, and a viewing
      of the fabulous Light Dams of the Great Nef. If you love sand, sun
      and smelly dromedaries, this tour won't disappoint!

      WHERE TO BOOK: Harga's House of Ribs; any Desserte Waystes Tours
      franchise.

      WHAT TO TAKE: Water; more water; extra waterbags; sunscreen; soft
      cushions; burnooses; camel polish; even more water.

      NOTES: Your best bet for cabaret and exotic dance is Midnight at
      the Oasis. *Any* oasis. On no account should you speak to any
      Klatchian Foreign Legion recruiters, unless you wish to extend your
      holiday for a very, very long time...

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips 21 Apr - 21 May

      YOUR HOLIDAY: Dungeons and Dragons and Pubs, Oh My!

      WHAT YOU GET: A fascinating tour of Ankh-Morpork's lesser known (and
      perhaps rightly so) attractions, including the Sunshine Sanctuary
      for Lost Dragons, the Old Lemonade Factory, the Patrician's Palace
      dungeons, Bearhugger's Whisky Distillery, shopping in Sator Square,
      a traditional Ankh-Morpork pub crawl ("crawl" being literal), and
      Open Days at various Guilds (Seamstresses and Assassins not included)
      plus accommodation at the YMPA and daily breakfast at Gimlet's Deli.

      WHERE TO BOOK: C.M.O.T. Dibbler, Sator Square; Clacks bookings also
      taken internationally.

      WHAT TO TAKE: Seasoned travellers to the Big Wahoonie always take
      nose plugs, earplugs and boot scrapers. Also, always remember - your
      Thieves' Guild Visitor Discount Card: don't leave home without it!

      NOTES: Avoid the Shades at all costs. There's another package
      holiday for that, but it wouldn't suit you Gahooligans. Trust me on
      this.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      Herne the Hunted 22 May - 21 Jun

      YOUR HOLIDAY: Lancre on Fifty Pence a Day

      WHAT YOU GET: This charming rustic experience includes the high and,
      erm, less high points as listed in the Very Rough Guide to Lancre,
      and all the scumble you can drink (bring your own very small non-
      metallic cup). Tour King Verence's hydroponic gardens, watch a
      shoeing demonstration at Jason Ogg's forge, abseil into Lancre Gorge;
      visit Slice, Bad Ass and the Place Where the Sun Does Not Shine; plus
      tea at Lancre Castle and accommodation at the Goat & Bush.

      WHERE TO BOOK: the Lancrastian Consulate (two doors down Turnwise
      from the Patrician's Palace); True Blue Cheese Importers.

      WHAT TO TAKE: Sturdy boots; warm clothing (Lancre is in the Ramtops,
      after all); goat repellent; Ironheel's Guide to Morris Dancing.

      NOTES: This tour is not recommended during Nanny Ogg's bathtimes,
      which are now listed by Royal decree in the Almanack.

      %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

      The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun - 22 Jul

      YOUR HOLIDAY: Death Makes a Holiday

      WHAT YOU GET: *Definitely* a once in a lifetime experience, this tour
      of Death's Domain will change your Discview forever. In addition to
      the Beehives, Maze of Unforgetfulness and the Lawn of Eternal
      Wandering and Croquet, you can visit Ysabell's apartments and marvel
      at Albert's inimitable kitchen, where fried porridge is always on
      offer. Accommodation is, of course, temporary. With an option on
      permanent.

      WHERE TO BOOK: Ask any witch or wizard, or apply at branches of the
      Tigerheart Misplaced Cat Sanctuary. Of course, there are also more...
      direct ways to book.

      WHAT TO TAKE: Copper pennies; apples and carrots for Binky; antacid
      tablets; large amounts of mood-altering substances, as a form of
      mind protection; a copy of "There and Back Again" by the Abbott of
      the History Monks.

      NOTES: DON'T TOUCH THE LIFETIMERS.

      Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
      Copyright 2006 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
      End of Part 4, says my computer -- continued on Part 5 of 5
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      If you did not get all 5 parts, write: jschaum111@...
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