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WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2005 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)

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  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2005 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ====Part 2 7) TERRY ON THE AIR Terry was on Radio
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 29, 2005
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      WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2005 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
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      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
      ====Part 2

      7) TERRY ON THE AIR

      Terry was on Radio 4 on January 14th reading a poem he wrote
      as part of a National Science week challenge.

      You can hear the segment at
      http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/today/rams/poetry2.ram
      or you can read the poem right here:

      ODE TO MULTIPLE UNIVERSES
      by Terry Pratchett

      I do have worlds enough and time
      to spare an hour to find a rhyme
      to take a week to pen an article
      a day to find a rhyme for 'particle'.
      In many worlds my time is free
      to spend ten minutes over tea
      And steal the time from some far moon
      so words can take all afternoon,
      Away beyond the speed of light
      I'll write a novel in one night.
      Aeons beckon, if I want 'em...

      ...but I can't have em', 'cos of Quantum

      -- Mark Barltrop (tachyon@...)

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      8) BOOK IN A MINUTE

      In the hustle and bustle of this fast-paced modern world, who has
      time to read an entire book? Hardly anybody, that's who. And that's
      why "BOOK IN A MINUTE" is so valuable. Our team of highly-trained
      professional readers will read books for you so you don't have to,
      and summarize them in an easy-to-digest[1] format guaranteed to take
      no more than a minute to read!

      As a service to Wossname Readers, our BOOK IN A MINUTE team
      has been working day and night for entire minutes to present to you
      the latest Discworld books. Here some samples:

      The Last Hero
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Cohen the Barbarian is mad at the gods, and he tries to return fire
      to them. Rincewind is cowardly but actually deep-down brave when it
      counts, and Captain Carrot is heroic, and Leonard of Quirm is
      absent-mindedly brilliant. The book ends with a SHOCKING TWIST when
      Cohen REFUSES TO DIE.

      Night Watch
      ~~~~~~~~~~~

      His Grace the Duke of Ankh Samuel Vimes goes back in time to an age
      of corruption and rebellion and torture, and stops a murderous
      psychopath from DESTROYING THE FUTURE -- but at a TERRIBLE COST.

      The Art of Discworld (by Paul Kidby)
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      It is full of pictures, and they are GOOD.

      Wee Free Men
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Young Tiffany Aching's brother has been stolen by the terrible
      Queen of Elves. With only the help of a tribe of thieving,
      hard-fighting, hard-drinking, blue-tattooed pictsies, she DEFEATS
      THE QUEEN and rescues her brother.

      A Hat Full Of Sky
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      In this SHOCKING sequel to Wee Free Men, young Tiffany has to
      struggle with her own DARK SIDE to defeat an unstoppable monster.

      [1] Coming soon: BOOK IN A MINUTE printed on rice paper,
      for those special moments in the stall.

      -- Steven D'Aprano

      (Ed: Just give us the titles and Steve will provide more
      of these BOOK IN A MINUTE digests.)
      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      9) DW CROSS-STITCHING

      For those on our list who are into stitching, this website -
      http://www.lyndisfarne.com/discworld1.html has three
      pages of discworld patterns!

      Included are Death and Binky, Granny, Susan Death,
      Mort, Rincewind, the Hogfather, and the UU Faculty.

      -- Bek Neil, Cross-Stitch Editor
      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      10) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      * SMALL GODS

      To the Editor:

      There are some I can't get on with and having read 4
      or 5 times, they still don't appeal to me.....Small Gods,
      Sourcery, Lords and Ladies.....

      -- Graeme Caselton

      (To which someone, probably Annie Mack replied)

      Strangely, I found Small Gods pretty hard to get
      through, the first time round. Then I tried it again,
      about a year later, and it was one of the most amazing
      books I'd read. It was deep, human, and still packed
      with the sort of humour that I can appreciate
      ("Hmm...I think I could do something with a pair of
      revolving balls..." "Funny you should mention that,
      but when we shot up into the air like that...") (I'm
      paraphrasing madly, but my copy of the book is 576km
      north of where I am!). I find the same sort of deeply
      compassionate humanity (er, like, assertion of what it
      means to be human; I can't explain this very well)
      recurs in Night Watch, which is probably why it's one
      of my most favouritest Pratchetts.
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      * MONA OGG

      To the Editor:

      Why is the Mona Ogg called the Mona Ogg when her
      first name is Gytha??

      >>Phbbbttbbbtt! You think it should have been called
      >>the Gytha Lisa instead? :P

      No, it should be the Mona Gytha, shouldn't it?

      >>Heeheehee, I think you've just made me invent one of Nanny's
      >>daughters-in-law: Lisa Ogg.

      (This is a somewhat confused exchange between The Snow Queen
      and Annie Mack.)
      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      11) ONWARD VEGGIE VAMPIRES

      Our hard-working Convention News Editor Anna Conina
      will, of course, be at the Minicon. We would be very grateful
      for your help with her musical efforts.

      We're working on a filk song to the tune of Onward
      Christian Soldiers for her DW Vampire costume,
      and would appreciate your creative efforts. Here's
      what we have so far.

      (You can certainly improve on this, which is being
      written at 11:53 PM on January 29th by your
      convalescing old editor who needs all the help
      he can get.)

      ONWARD VEGGIE VAMPIRES

      Onward Veggie Vampires
      Bloodfree for all time
      When the craving hits you
      Just think "cocoa time"

      At the smell of cocoa
      Evil Vampires flee
      Pick up your stinking cocoa cup
      And give a sip to me

      Like a mighty army,
      Our black ribbons go
      We will gain acceptance
      (Just when we do not know)

      Crowns and thrones may perish
      Kingdoms rise and wane
      And the smell of cocoa
      Is driving us insane

      Yes, the smell of cocoa is
      Making us a wreck
      All we really want to do
      Is bite you on the neck

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
      8) THE FINAL PUZZLE: GOING POSTAL
      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      When we reached the latest DW book, GOING POSTAL, we decided
      to hold off publishing the puzzle until November to eliminate complaints
      of "spoilers," and we were going to publish the solution in December.

      Alas, as you know, I was stricken with a heart attack in December
      and our Managing Editor Annie Mack nobly volunteered to get the issue
      out with the help of Anna M.C. and other key staff members. She even
      alerted (to their great surprise) our Emergency Staff.

      But I could not get the solution to the puzzle to her, as I was lying in
      a hospital bed hooked up to all sorts of IV's and monitors and
      communicating through my son Mark.

      You'll all be delighted to hear that I survived, and am doing much better.
      And so, for what it's worth, here is the long awaited solution to
      GOING POSTAL:
      -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

      1. Author of "Pins" (middle name, 4th letter)
      J. LANUGO OWLSBURY = U
      2. The Chief Engineer of the Grand Trunk (last name, 3rd letter)
      GEORGE PONY = N
      3. A pseudonym of Moist von Lipwig (last name, 5th letter)
      ALFRED SPANGLER = G
      4. Worshipful Master of the Order of the Post (first name, 1st letter)
      GEORGE AGGY = G
      5. Cockatoo who says "Twelve and a half percent! (6th letter of name)
      ALPHONSE = N
      6. Minor goddess of things that stick in drawers (4th letter of name)
      ANOIA = I
      7. Nickname of the head of The Golem Trust (4th letter of name)
      SPIKE = K
      8. Mayor of Sto Lat (first name, 2nd letter)
      JOE CAMELS = O
      9. Golem who spent 9,000 years under the sea (did not
      live in a pineapple) (6th letter of name)
      ANGHAMMARAD = M
      10. An Apprentice Postman (first name, 1st letter)
      STANLEY = S
      11. Head of the Grand Trunk (first name, 2nd letter)
      REACHER GILT = E
      12. Owner of a ladies' hairdressing establishment (last name, 1st letter)
      MR. HUGO = H
      13. The Post Office cat (1st letter of name)
      MR. TIDDLES = T

      U_/ N_/G/G_/N_/I/ K_/O/M/ S/ E /H_/T_/ = Group who defeated the
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/12/13/ Grand Trunk management
      = THE SMOKING GNU

      Future puzzles will start over again with THE COLOUR OF MAGIC,
      in a new puzzle format next month, unless some of our puzzle
      addicts have other ideas or suggestions. Please write the editor,
      Joe Schaumburger, jschaum111@... Winning idea will
      get a prize.12)
      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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      If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
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      End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3




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