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WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2004 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)

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  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2004 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued) ... ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 4) APOLOGY Sorry this is a bit late, but I was
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 1, 2004
      WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2004 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)

      4) APOLOGY

      Sorry this is a bit late, but I was waiting for some last minute
      news items most of which, of course, never came in.

      I figured I had better send this out now, as Hurricane Frances
      is supposedly heading right for Miami and it is hard to use
      your computer if there is no power and no telephone lines
      operating. [1]

      Hopefully, I will be with you again next month.

      -- Joe, looking around for his hurricane shutters

      [1] Unless, of course, this is just a scam by the hardware
      stores and supermarkets to sell a lot of plywood, bottled
      water and canned food. On the other hand, last time the
      power was out, it was for 17 days. <):-)



      by Drusilla D'Afanguin

      When: 6-8 August 2004
      Where: South Bank, Melbourne; the Fortress of Avoiding the Neighbours
      Who/What: Jehane, SuperDan, Bek, Matt, Dru, SteVen, Paulwolf, Mad
      Meg Mogg, and special guest Jeff

      And there came unto Mel's Bourne of a Friday evening the great scribe
      SuperDan, who had laid aside his mighty Pen for the weekend and quite
      forgot his flaming Sword as well. Then did SuperDan flop upon the
      dreaded Comfy Settee of the Fortress and declare, I Have Just Driven
      From Adelaide In Record Time And Am Well Shattered. And SuperDan
      did rest, and play with a small Being of the race called Cat, and in the
      fullness of time SteVen returned from the travails of herring hunting
      and there was Dinner. And lo, the Dinner was pleasing. And SuperDan
      did say, This Mash Pleaseth Me Mightily, What Did You Put In It? And
      Dru spake, That Would Be Telling, Shut Up And Eat. And the assembled
      host did Shut Up And Eat.

      And then there was Elderberry Port. A Lot of Elderberry Port. Quite a
      Lot of Elderberry Port, actually. And SuperDan did sink unto the floor
      amid the wailings and gnashings of Weird Al Yankovic, and spake unto
      SteVen, saying, Another One? Dont Mind If I Do, Thanks Mate.

      And in the fullness of the morning was the Hangover. But we shall
      discuss it not.

      And Jehane the Weather Goddess looked upon the parched Southern
      lands and found them wanting. So did Jehane say, Let There Be Wet.
      And lo, there came upon the parched Southern lands the sort of annoying
      rain that raineth upon the grumpy and generally umbrella-less folk
      of Mel's Bourne. And Jehane looked upon the Wet and found it good.
      And the folk of Mel's Bourne looked upon the Wet and said, Buggre
      Thys For A Game Of Soldiers, We're Not Waiting Outside At Ye Tram
      Stoppe Even For A Flaming Weather Goddess, and they entered unto
      the welcoming land of Crown, even unto the province of Automatic
      Cafe, where much celebration and wondrous Food did await, except
      for the Omelette of Bek which was rather burnt and had to be sent
      unto the Wastelands.

      And in this province of Automatic Cafe dwelt a Strumpet, she who
      served at Table. And this Strumpet, a young maiden of not too many
      years and rather comely appearance, did brazenly besport herself in
      revealing garments to the delight of the Men of Bugarup University, and
      possibly to the delight of some of the Women as well. But some took
      exception to the garb of the Strumpet, and did declare, She Ought To
      Put Some Bloody Clothes On When She's Serving Food.

      And there was among the host much Discussion, including mentions of
      a certain behatted Scribe from the land of Britain, and no, it was not
      sodding J.K. Rowling either. And the worshippers of the Lord Vetinari
      did say their piece about his miraculous and fascinating evolution in
      the course of the Scrolls of Discworld.

      And Jehane, well pleased and filled with Food, did cause the Wet to
      abate so that her worshippers could perform the Taking of the Iconographs.
      And Jehane looked upon the afternoon and found it good. And Jehane
      departed unto other Places in need of her goddessly ministrations. Then
      did the other folk of Bugarup University go Walkabout, and formed
      Factions that did partake of separate Moving Pictures in the centre of
      Mel's Bourne.

      And upon the dawning of the next day, SuperDan did return to the Fortress
      for the taking of Tea, and he did graciously take an Iconograph of Dru's
      Sparkly Tartan Socks. Then did SuperDan and his Hangover return to the
      land of Adelaide.

      And a good time was had by all. And the folk of Bugarup University did
      say, That Was Fnu, Let Us Do It Again Some Time.


      Steven D'Aprano wrote: (with commentary by Dru)
      > So of course we had to organise a MelMeet.
      > We shared a plate of dips with Turkish bread, which was delicious if
      > salty. One of the dips had a very unfortunate resemblence to Pal dog
      > food, but it tasted delicious.

      Ah, that would be the reddish substance that tasted like dog food when
      I tried it...

      > We drove Dru away with talk about computer games, chatted about
      > hand-held computers, and then discussed Discworld books. The
      > conversation also touched on the question of whether or not skin-tight
      > low-hung jeans and midriff-exposing tops were appropriate attire for
      > waitresses. Bek's husband Jeff and I agreed it seemed perfectly
      > acceptable to us. Dan, Matt and Paul took the coward's way out and
      > refused to comment.

      Not quite. As I understood it, Bek's objection was the same as mine -
      I didn't want the navel-sweat of an undeniably-attractive-but-not-to-
      me-as-it-happened stranger that close to my food!

      Well. we only have one letter this month, but it's a good one:

      To the Editor:

      In regard to the headline on your recent bulletin,
      "Be There or Be Square," surely that subject should
      be "Be there or be a Rectangular Thynge!" Or, if
      employing Carrot punctuation, "Be, there or be a
      Rectangular, Thynge!"

      -- Lady Anemia Asterisk

      Answer the questions and put the letter indicated into
      the spot shown. Read the letters backwards and
      find out where all the action takes place.
      (Note: all spellings are from the 2003 HarperCollins edition.)
      Example: Pratchett's first name -- 1st letter:
      ANSWER: Terry = T

      1. The Little Mother (first name, 1st letter)

      2. Wazzer Goom's real name (first name, 3rd letter)

      3. Polly's drunkard cousin (first name, 1st letter)

      4. Carborundum's real name (first name, 2nd letter)

      5. General Froc's real name (first name, 5th letter)

      6. Tonker Halter's real name (first name, 3rd letter)

      7. Officer in command of the Ins-and-Outs (last name, 3rd letter)

      8. Sergeant of the Ins-and-Outs (last name, 5th letter)

      9. A kitchen maid who sent many a lad on his way rejoicing
      (first name, 2nd letter)
      10. Shufti Manickle's real name (first name, 1st letter)

      __/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = Where it all happens
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

      Puzzle solution will appear next month.


      1. The river monster (first name, 5th letter)
      2. A Pictsie blabbermouth (first name, 1st letter)
      3. Tiffany's little brother (first name, 6th letter)
      4. Tiffany's cat (first name, 4th letter)
      RATBAG = B
      5. Sick old lady who died in the snow (last name, 9th letter)
      6. The Baron's son (first name, 5th letter)
      ROLAND = N
      7. Granny Aching's maiden name (first name, 2nd letter)
      8. Little man who can say only his name but makes
      real words turn up in your head (name, 5th letter)
      SNEEBS = B
      9. Daughter of the old Kelda (first name, 3rd letter)
      FION = O
      10. Tiffany's witch teacher (first name, 3rd letter)

      Y_/D_/O_/B_/Y_/N_/A_/B_/O_/R_/ = The Big Man of the Clan
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/ 4*/ 5*/ 6*/ 7*/ 8*/ 9*/ 10/

      PUZZLE LOVERS! Send us your ideas for new and different
      kinds of puzzles, for as you can see, the current series is
      approaching its end. E-mail Joe Schaumburger at jschaum111@...
      If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
      End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3

      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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