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WOSSNAME -- JULY 2004 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)

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  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    WOSSNAME -- JULY 2004 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE by Lady Anaemia
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 5, 2004
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      WOSSNAME -- JULY 2004 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
      by Lady Anaemia Asterisk

      Hello my dear zodiac addicts, it's time for another dose of my
      arcane astroillogical wisdom(TM). Rather than telling you the
      usual should-I-get-out-of-bed-this-month hints, I'm going to have
      a serious talk about the traits and qualities of each Sign and of
      those born under it. Nothing frivolous here! -- as it happens, my
      frivol is in for repairs. So pull up a chair and get comfortable...

      -- Lady Asterisk


      The Adamant Hedgehog 21 Mar - 20 Apr

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: 'Hogs, Hoggers (*not*

      The typical 'Hog personality, as you already know, is short on
      temper and long on spikiness. Hoggers have a strong tendency to
      arrogance and can sometimes even be dangerous; they often have
      methodical minds, and a talent for prognostication is frequently
      part of the 'Hog profile -- although with that arrogance and
      spikiness, do you really care what happens in the future? Of course
      not, the future will just have to rearrange itself to suit you. The
      Adamant Hedgehog holds sway over matters of the feet, ankles,
      elbows and fingernails, and is often the Sign of Watchmen,
      athletes and Regimental Sergeant Majors.

      SOME FAMOUS HOGGERS: Mrs Evadne Cake; Cheery Littlebottom;
      Lord Ronnie Rust; Lord Samuel Vimes, Duke of Ankh; Sergeant


      Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips 21 Apr - 21 May

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: Gahooligans

      The typical Gahooligan is thick-skinned, as we know. Gahooligans
      tend to be single-minded, and have the unusual quality of being
      simultaneously passionate and phlegmatic (note: this does not
      necessarily mean they have a tendency to runny noses); they make
      good civil servants, teachers, priests and creative independent
      entrepreneurs. A Gahooligan will hold to an argument, a
      viewpoint, or a potential customer with indefatigable
      enthusiasm. Gahoolie holds sway over the spleen, small intestine
      and those small fiddly island-shaped bits on the pancreas, which
      explains why Gahooligans are rarely addicted to sweets.

      SOME FAMOUS GAHOOLIGANS: Reginald Shoe; Mustrum and
      Hughnon Ridcully; C.M.O.T. Dibbler; Ronald Saveloy.


      The Two Fat Cousins 22 May - 21 Jun

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: Twosies

      The typical Twosie is self-indulgent but also has a strongly
      developed pragmatic side; this tends to make for people who are
      perpetually at war with their desires and cravings, though it has to
      be said that sometimes that war is lost on one side or the other. The
      Two Fat Cousins is the Sign of headmistresses, chefs, governesses,
      minor government mandarins, and maiden aunts, and holds
      sway over the corpus callosum, sacrum, stiff upper lip and, um,
      reproductive organs. Twosies often act on their second thoughts,
      but can be very decisive...eventually.

      SOME FAMOUS TWOSIES: Mrs Rosie Palm; Susan Sto Helit; the UU
      Chair of Indefinite Studies; Tiffany Aching; the Abbot of the History


      The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun - 22 Jul

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: Staffies

      The typical Staffie loves luxury and comfort, and is often far more
      self-indulgent than a Twosie, lacking the same balance. Yet Staffies
      can also be very practical -- even calculating, you might say. In
      fact, if you encountered what we professional astrologer types call
      an Alpha Staffie, you would certainly say so, especially if the Staffie
      in question was a certain Lancrastian of the witchly persuasion.
      Staffies also have a deep love of gossip and love to tell stories. The
      Wizard's Staff and Knob holds sway over the mouth, tongue, eye
      muscles and index finger, and is often the sign of journalists,
      housekeepers and philosophers.

      SOME FAMOUS STAFFIES: William de Worde; Gytha Ogg; Mrs
      Whitlow; Mrs Marietta Cosmopilite; many senior wizards.


      Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: Bilians, Chunderers

      The typical Bilian tends to be nervous, somewhat pessimistic, and
      prone to digestive troubles. Bilians also often lack assertiveness
      and self-confidence, though at the same time they can be very
      forceful if pushed too far. If you meet a fretful, angst-ridden
      person with well-bitten fingernails and a gaunt, watchful look,
      chances are high that he or she is a Bilian (although in
      Roundworld, chances are equally high that he or she is a Goth...).
      Bilious holds sway over the stomach, liver and gall bladder, and
      is the Sign of accountants, sales managers, science teachers and
      hedge witches.

      SOME FAMOUS BILIANS: Dr Dinwiddie, Bursar of UU; HRH Magrat
      de Lancre; Agnes Nitt; C.W.St.J. (Nobby) Nobbs; Miss Perspicacia


      Mubbo the Hyena 24 Aug - 23 Sept

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: Mubboons

      The typical Mubboon's most notable quality is that of steadfastness.
      It's not so much that you can rely on a Mubboon to be trustworthy
      as it is that you can trust a Mubboon to be utterly what he or she
      seems to be! Mubboons can be concerned without being empathic,
      and like to get out and meet people. Mubbo the Hyena holds sway
      over the knees, nostrils and the hand that wields a sword or a
      ploughshare (or dunging fork), and is the Sign of merchants,
      innkeepers, care workers, actors, Fools - and barbarian heroes, a
      job that encompasses many of the qualities of the other ones!

      SOME FAMOUS MUBBOONS: Cohen the Barbarian; HRH Verence II
      de Lancre; Fred Colon; Twoflower; Tomjon Vitoller.


      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept - 23 Oct

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: Boring'uns

      The typical Boring'un is a bit of a sad creature, poor thing:
      extremely safety-conscious, often methodical, dislikes excessive
      risk-taking, shall we say paranoid...the sort of person who, to put it
      gently, doesn't get out enough in the fresh air and tends to hug the
      wall at parties (a Boring'un would never be found in the kitchen --
      there are far too many dangerous things there. Pineapples, for a
      start!) For these reasons, people born under the Small Boring
      Group of Faint Stars tend to be church deacons, proofreaders,
      library assistants and researchers in safe subjects; paradoxically,
      however, they also often tend to be magnets for distinctly unsafe
      situations. The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars holds sway over
      the adrenal glands, voluntary muscles, and heels -- a good thing
      since Boring'uns so often have to take to theirs.

      SOME FAMOUS BORING'UNS: Rincewind; Mort; Ponder Stibbons;
      Constable Washpot Visit.


      Okjok, the Salesman 24 Oct - 22 Nov

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: Okjokers

      The typical Okjoker loves familiar, comfortable surroundings, and
      has a tendency to be casual to the point of, well, extreme
      casualness. Another common trait among those born under this
      Sign is a tendency to credulousness. To put it plainly, there's an
      Okjoker born every minute (oh, all right, every minute from 24
      October to 22 November). But there are also what we call Type 2
      Okjokers, and these are people to beware because while they might
      *seem* credulous types, underneath they're as sharp as tacks and
      twice as likely to do you major damage if crossed! Okjok holds sway
      over the teeth, chest and biceps, and is the Sign of -- unsurprisingly
      -- salesmen, long distance haulers, mercenary soldiers and secret

      SOME FAMOUS OKJOKERS: Otto von Chriek; Mrs Vena McGarry; the
      Dean of UU; Carrot Ironfoundersson.


      Great T'Phon's Foot 23 Nov - 21 Dec

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: Footies or Footys

      The typical Footy is an optimist, sometimes to the point of
      foolishness, and tends to view the world through rose-tinted
      spectacles. Footys enjoy travel and are often happy enough in their
      own company to be considered "something of a loner." They are
      also famously good with animals (sometimes they *are* animals).
      Great T'Phon's Foot holds sway over the shoulders, neck and, erm,
      bottom; typical Footy professions include sailors, explorers, animal
      rescuers, engineers, and proctologists. For some reason, an
      unusual numbers of Footys are born in Quirm. Go figure.

      SOME FAMOUS FOOTIES: Her Grace Sybil, Duchess of Ankh; the Great
      Gaspode; Leonard of Quirm; Ponce da Quirm; Seldom Bucket.


      Hoki the Jokester 22 Dec - 20 Jan

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: Hokians (sometimes
      wrongly referred to as Hoki Cokeys)

      The typical Hokian personality lends itself to brooders and deep
      thinkers, who are magically adept and sometimes shy, though with
      the right upbringing Hokians can be as arrogant as any Hogger
      ever born. Hoki is considered a lucky sign; certainly, many born
      under Hoki seem to rise to the top of their professions, often at the
      point of a sword or wand. Hoki the Jokester holds sway over the
      eyes, brain, navel and sixth sense, and is the traditional Sign of
      highwaymen, Grand Viziers, systems administrators and extremely
      powerful witches. You don't want to cross a Hokian, surely you don't.

      SOME FAMOUS HOKIANS: Mrs Erzulie Gogol; Esmerelda Weatherwax;
      Lily Weatherwax; Lord Havelock Vetinari; Lord Hong.


      The Rather Large Gazunda 21 Jan - 18 Feb

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: Gazundians, Potties

      The typical Gazundian is a free spirit, unfettered by the binding
      conventions of a repressive society. In fact, many Gazundians tend
      to be unfettered by anything much, including clothing: the
      Gazunda is the Sign of exotic dancers, naturists and others who
      earn their living by removing clothing. Gazundians are often
      iconoclasts in general, and sometimes loners (Footies and
      Gazundians are the worst possible combination for lasting
      romance). The Rather Large Gazunda holds sway over the lips,
      abdominal muscles and pectorals, and is the traditional sign of
      Seamstresses, subversives and female adventurers.

      SOME FAMOUS GAZUNDIANS: Lu-Tze the Sweeper; Count Giamo
      Casanunda; Conina; Angua von Uberwald.


      The Flying Moose 19 Feb - 20 Mar

      NICKNAME for those born under this Sign: Meese

      The typical Moose is famously clever-fingered and artistic, with
      keen eyesight and a good grasp of spatial perception. Those born
      under the Sign of the Flying Moose tend to make good Cunning
      Artisans, seamstresses (note the lack of capitalisation), weavers,
      surgeons, thieves and counterfeiters; they often rise high in the
      ranks of Royal craftsmen, though it has to be said that Meese also
      make up a surprisingly large portion of the denizens of any
      municipal dungeon or scorpion pit. The Flying Moose holds sway
      over the heart, wrists and hindbrain, and is also a good sign for
      minstrels and troubadours. But not mimes. Never mimes. Take my
      word for this.

      SOME FAMOUS MEESE: Rob Anybody Mac Feegle; Jason Ogg; B.S.
      Johnson; Dr "Mossy" Lawn; most Igors.

      ... and there you have it. Please write directly to WOSSNAME
      at jschaum111@... if you have any questions and we will
      forward them directly to Miss Asterisk.

      If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
      Copyright (c) 2004 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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