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WOSSNAME -- JULY 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)

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  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    WOSSNAME -- JULY 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 10) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE -- SUMMER HEAT The heat is making an
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 30, 2003
      WOSSNAME -- JULY 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)


      The heat is making an assault on us, the exams are over
      (for the moment) and people are going on holidays. As I write
      these lines the future remains uncertain as Casanunda's
      romances. The Wheels of Destiny turn and turn as if they
      were a theme park feature, and at the end you don't know if the
      most sensible thing would be to throw up or to search for the
      coins that have been thrown from your pockets by centrifugal
      force. All the things that aren't mutagenic are teratogenic
      or cancerous. And the ones which aren't, they just hurt. Oh,
      I forgot. Happy holidays.

      21 March - 20 April
      The Perhaps Gate

      Tomorrow you'll get up from bed and all your problems will disappear
      as if by magic. Everything will become easy for you, without
      any complication, everything will be solvable just by moving a
      finger. Even your loved one will see the growth of certain interesting
      body parts. The dream ends here. The nightmare begins when you see
      yourself in the mirror and see your face turning into The Librarian's.

      21 April - 21 May
      Gahoolie the Vase of Tulips

      You've made a mistake. You know it, you feel it. This can't go on.
      You have to mend it somehow, whatever it takes, but not now. Wait
      for the right moment. Lurk in the walkway, merge yourself into
      the wallpaper and conserve your energies. Sooner or later they'll
      have to turn in, and then ... but not now. Wait. Any day now, those
      idiots who sold you that strange newspaper you bought in a weak
      moment will come back to your place, and then you'll be able to
      take your revenge by biting their jugulars.

      22 May - 21 June
      The Two Fat Cousins

      The heat will bring new and interesting friends to you, or, we
      should say, it will bring you to new and interesting subhuman
      lifeforms. Slightly illegal substances, lobotomizing music and
      conversations at the troll bar level will fill your summer leisure
      time, until you wish you were dead. And the funniest thing is
      that you'll like it.

      22 June - 22 July
      Wezen the Double-Headed Kangaroo

      You won't get very far if you keep following the way you've chosen.
      You've always suspected it, but now you know. You have to change or
      you'll never reach your goals. Look for the right moment, the right
      place: a lightning bolt, a nuclear power plant, a high voltage
      cable... radioactive insects or meteor impact sites. Just go to
      archeology museums, sometimes the holy objects from long
      forgotten cults are very useful in these cases. But, whatever you
      do, don't go to Roundworld. You want to be a superhero, not a
      horrible swamp thing...

      23 July - 23 August
      The Cow of Heaven

      Every day the world is a more complicated place, an uglier one, and
      this must change. You cannot keep tolerating the general laziness
      with a false smile in your face while everything gets full of
      parasites, sad reflections of forgotten people and beings that keep
      pushing their misery around the world. When you moved (attracted
      by the vistas and the tranquility) you didn't think that the place
      would be so sordid and decadent, but it's been that way. The
      ones who gave you advice were right. It's the time for you
      to look for a job and stop hanging out with the Beggars' Guild.

      24 August - 23 September
      Mubbo the Hyena

      Life has stopped looking apathy gray, and suddenly it shows live,
      natural, shining colours. You're up to something, you feel it. The
      Century of the Fruit Bat is upon us and the world's misery is turning
      into something far better. Float around in harmony with the
      cosmos amidst funny coloured clouds and soft sitar melodies, and
      everything will look like a festival day in Dunmanifestin.
      Don't get me wrong, your daydreams are quite nice, but next
      time you use rye bread for your sandwiches you should check first
      to see that it hasn't developed interesting fungi...

      24 September - 23 October
      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

      You'll meet very interesting people and you'll see yourself doing
      things you didn't think you were able to. Soon those around you
      will notice that you are changing, turning into someone better,
      or at least into someone more original, and they'll cooperate with
      you to make your dreams true in solidarity and harmony. And this
      has nothing to do with that wizard's staff your new friends from
      UU have lent you to help you dominate the world. It's just that they
      like you. We ALL like you, OK? You just point that in some other
      direction, will you?

      24 October - 22 November
      Okjock the Salesman

      Something terrible will happen very close to you and you won't be
      able to avoid it. Your world will stop revolving. Things that you never
      thought possible will keep passing in front of your eyes.
      Suddenly your family, the ones you felt sure about, will be full
      of horrible things which could make even Foul Ole Ron turn around
      and run. And you can do nothing, absolutely nothing, to avoid it.
      Oh God, why? Why did you give Granny Weatherwax such a
      hard time?

      23 November - 21 December
      The Overworked Orang-Utang

      You are feeling well. Life smiles on you, or at least it's making a
      toothy grimace and you choose to think it's a smile. You feel
      able to do everything; the rest of the people are only sad ants
      by your feet, poor things that you could crush if you wanted.
      No one can stop you now. Because at last, after all those years,
      you have gotten permission to use Hex, the Disc's main
      computer. But don't crush those ants -- they're what makes
      the computer work!

      22 December - 20 January
      The Celestial Parsnip

      You mustn't be locked into yourself. You mustn't hide all those
      wonders we all know you have inside. It's time to open yourself
      and show the world the things you were keeping hidden for so long.
      Just don't do it in public, or someone will call the Watch.

      21 January - 18 February
      The Knotted String

      The world has suddenly changed. Surprises come after other surprises
      and nothing is as you thought it was, as it used to do until a couple
      of days ago. You're changing, or maybe the rest of the world is
      changing around you, but the point is that you don't seem to fit in
      as before. You try to live your life as if nothing had happened,
      but you feel it's useless, and you try anyway. And it gets worse.
      People just don't make it easy. Everyone can see. It's a nightmare
      you cannot wake up from. You cannot sleep, in fact. And the reason
      is that you can't fit into your bed, not even into your home. Now
      that you are a giant 45 feet dragon, you feel so depressed that
      this afternoon you'll eat Ankh-Morpork just to get some attention.

      19 February - 20 March
      The Flying Moose

      You need to avoid conflicts somehow. You don't want to face things.
      No matter what happens or what you get told, you just put on a
      distracted smile and look the other way. You don't want to attract
      notice. Not now. Everybody is right, every idea is interesting,
      everything's all right. Look as if nothing was happening. They must
      not know the truth, you can't face them. Not now. Relax. Just relax.
      The little men in the white coats will be here soon ...

      -- Lady Aranluc


      Answer the questions and put the letter indicated into
      the spot shown.    Read the letters backwards and
      discover who is terrorizing the Opera House.
      (Note: all spellings are from the 1997 HarperPrism edition.)

      Example: Pratchett's first name -- 1st letter:
      ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T

      1. Nanny Ogg's publisher (last name, 4th letter)
      2. The Opera House Music Director (last name, 1st letter)
      3. The Opera House Rat Catcher (last name, 2nd letter)
      4. Real name of Senor Enrico Basilica (first name, 1st letter)
      5. Feline fake nobleman (last name, 1st letter)
      6. Undercover organ player (first name, 1st letter)
      7. A young pretty singer who Perdita sings for (first name, 3rd letter)
      8. The Opera House Chorus Master (last name, 4th letter)
      9. A very odd odd-job man (last name, 1st letter)
      10. New owner of the Opera House (first name, 5th letter)

      __/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = Terror of the Opera House
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

      Puzzle solution will appear next month.


      1. The new emperor (last name, 4th letter)
      COHEN = E
      2. Purveyor of Hundred-Year-Old-Eggs in Hunghung (1st letter)
      3. One of Twoflower's daughters, the realist (6th letter)
      4. A noble who wants to be emperor (2nd letter)
      LORD HONG = O
      5. Elderly barbarian who fights in his wheelchair (last name, 1st letter)
      MAD HAMISH = H
      6. An Agatean cannon (1st name, 3rd letter)
      7. A spy and agent provocateur for #4 above (last name, 2nd letter)
      8. Teach (last name, 3rd letter)
      9. Master of Protocol (2nd name, 1st letter)
      10. Langtang Collector of Revenues (1st name, 2nd letter)
      11. Twoflower's other daughter, the optimist (1st name, 5th letter)

      _E/_D/_R/_O/_H/_R/_E/_V/_L/_I/_S/ = Conquerors of the Agatean Empire
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/*10/*11/  = SILVER HORDE

      If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
      Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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