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WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)

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  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 9) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 28, 2003
      WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)

      Here we are again, same as every month. It's been a year since
      I started torturing my brain cells with this, so I hope someone gets
      some use out of it. Hey, this is an anniversary, or something...

      21 March - 20 April
      The Perhaps Gate

      You've found the secret of how to do whatever you want. It is all
      about ignoring reality and living in your own world of lights and
      colors, in which nothing is very important unless it is in any
      way about you. From egoist irresponsibility to criminal psychopathy
      there is only one little step, and if you eat your neighbour's
      kidneys with a shrimp sauce, you'll be on TV!

      21 April - 21 May
      Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips

      This time it's your turn to become Braveheart, clan leader. It's
      only that you, instead of going around with a skirt, will use
      a smoking jacket. In other words, you've gotten tired of working
      for nothing and being exploited, and will set up your own company.
      But first, your must find the only workers able to do their job for
      16 hours a day, 7 days a week for practically nothing in
      deplorable conditions and without complaining. And with papers.
      Yes, I mean your family. By the way, shackles are

      22 May - 21 June
      The Two Fat Cousins

      A change is just about to come into your life. Something completely
      different, something new, something unexpected. Well, to tell the
      truth, it has been expected for quite a long times. And this month,
      despite all the neighbours' protests, your friends' irony and your
      family's sarcasm will finally get to you and you'll change that
      horrible hairstyle you were wearing. Just about time, kid...

      22 June - 22 July
      Wezen, the Two-Headed Kangaroo

      You are a bit down, since that thing you've been fighting for for
      so long does not seem to work properly. Just keep calm and keep
      trying, you'll do it if you don't surrender. A vertical sweet potato
      plantation over your house's roof may be scientifically impossible,
      but if you find the proper formula (lysergic acid should work
      perfectly), you'll make a fortune, unless the police catch you.

      23 July - 23 August
      The Cow of Heaven

      It's time to study really hard. Keep yourself locked in libaries
      and discos (some relaxation isn't all that bad) to find the information
      you need to get to the goal you have set for yourself. There's
      big money in cockroach farming, and once you set up
      your chain of restaurants, CMOT Dibbler says the money
      will come rolling in.

      24 August - 23 September
      Mubbo, the Hyena

      One of these days you'll get up from bed and your mother will have
      transmutated into Michelle Pfeiffer. Your father, sitting in the
      sofa and scratching his belly, will be a perfect clone of George
      Clooney, and grandpa will have a certain likeness to Jack Nicholson.
      The horrible neighbour, the teenager with the boombox on full volume
      at 7:00 AM Sunday, is starting to look like Leo diCaprio. No, you're
      not nuts (not more than usual, anyway), it's only that you see too
      many movies. Perhaps you should go back to reading Terry Pratchett.

      24 September - 23 October
      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

      Suddenly you feel like knowing your fellow citizens' opinions,
      their fancies, their aspirations, dreams, fears, loves, defects,
      affections, their hates. Your interest will know no limit, your
      curiosity will be huge. The best solution is to lie down until
      these feelings go away. Otherwise, someone is going
      to punch you in the mouth .

      24 October - 22 November
      Okjok, the Salesman

      This month you have to make an effort to be unconspicuous for
      your own good. Place yourself in dark corners, avoid crowded
      plazas, use dark-coloured clothes and, most important, don't
      speak to anyone, don't look at anyone's eyes. If someone
      notices your tomato-red skin, the tentacles erupting from your
      head and your third eye in your forehead, you'll have to give
      a lot of explanations about what you do on weekends...
      Tell them you're just back from Discworld and have a bad sunburn.

      23 November - 21 December
      The Overworked Orang-Utang

      You're quite given to misunderstandings. If you go to the super-
      market for some bread, you'll probably walk out with an ironing
      board or something. If you go to the hairdresser's and you ask
      him to cut a little bit, you'll get a rastafari hairdress. If
      you take your dog to the veterinarian to get it debugged,
      you'll come back with a sheep. I don't know if it's your diction,
      your null charisma or your face, but the point is that you're
      going to have a really surrealist month. Have you offended
      any witches lately?

      22 December - 20 January
      The Celestial Parsnip

      A favourable month for bursary inversions in high-density poly-
      meic containers with refractary resistence to high temperature
      and transparency to low-wavelenght radiation, for alimentary
      use --- in other words, invest your money in micro-wave
      Tupperware. Thet's the wave of the future, according to some.

      21 January - 18 February
      The Knotted String

      You'll have diverse conversations with diverse people from your
      environment which will affect your diverse opinions about diverse
      affairs. Diversely. Okaaaayyy, the thing is that you've just
      discovered the word 'diverse' in your dictionary and you are
      anxious to use it...

      19 February - 20 March
      The Flying Moose

      Although you don't have time enough for it, you'll try to take
      it out of anything to go into your favourite hobbies: tectonic
      speleology, dwarf crocodile hunting, and the ritual stick and
      bucket dance. Okay, you've never done any of that
      stuff, but you always wanted to be Captain Carrot...

      -- Lady Aranluc


      Answer the questions and put the letter
      indicated into the spot shown.  Read the words
      backwards and discover the name of Beau Nidle's
      (Note: all spellings are from the 1995 Harper Prism edition.)

      Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T

      1. The new owner of The Mended Drum (1st letter, 1st name)
      2. Secretary of the Musicians' Guild (4th letter, last name)
      3. A small flat troll, sat on by elephants (1st letter)
      4. A guitar maker and author (1st name, 3rd letter)
      5. AKA Adrian Turnipseed (2nd name, last letter)
      6. A forgetful organization (1st word, last letter)
      7. One of the Musicians' Guild's recruiting officers (1st name, 2nd letter)
      8. A troll godfather in the Breccia (5th letter)
      9. Stage name of Imp y Celyn (1st name, 2nd letter)
      10. Real name of Cliff (1st name, 4th letter)

      __/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = Beau Nidle's granddaughter
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/    

      Puzzle solution will appear next month.


      1. A Novice Master (4th letter)
      NHUMROD = M
      2. Head of the Quisition (2nd letter)
      VORBIS = O
      3. Secretary to the Congress of Iams (1st letter)
      DRUNAH = D
      4. Blind Ephebian philosopher (9th letter)
      5. Claimed sand was just "worn down mountains" (1st letter)
      GORDO = G
      6. The Chosen One (4th letter)
      BRUTHA = T
      7. Invisible companion of St Ungulant (1st letter)
      ANGUS = A
      8. The Superior Iam (2nd letter)
      9. Secretary to the Ephebian Tyrant (2nd letter)
      10. Military rank of Iam Fri'it
      GENERAL = G

      M_/O_/D_/O_/G_/T_/A_/E_/R_/G_/ = deity with problems
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/     = GREAT GOD OM

      If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
      Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

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