WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
- WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
DISCWORLD POETS STRIKE AGAIN!
5) LIMERICKS THAT HAVE ROCKS IN THEM
Miss Agnes Nitt, known as Perdita
Was a famously unfussy eater
And also, I think
Not averse to a drink
Till Vlad ordered Nitt by the litre.
An Ankhian zombie, Reg Shoe
Was a practical man through and through
When losing his head
He smiled calmly and said
"Much obliged if you'd pass me the glue!"
Archchancellor Ridcully said
"My Faculty's far too well-fed
"These silly-goose wizards
"Think overstuffed gizzards
"Exude thaumological cred."
A Seamstress romanced** an Assassin
As Mrs. Palm's house he was passin'
She cried, "You're no Clown,
"You're a chore to pin down
"But oh! What a cinch to unfasten!"
There was a farmhand named Bill Door
Who never found harvests a chore
MISS FLITWORTH? he said
I'M DEATH, AND YOU'RE DEAD.
THERE'S TIME, THOUGH, FOR DANCING - ONE MORE?
The Duke of Ankh, Samuel Vimes
Is concerned with the solving of crimes
His ginger-beer fictions
Secure him convictions.
(That's crude, also rude...but it rhymes.)
A thimble of Nanny Ogg's scumble
Can cause seasoned drinkers to stumble
And fall, at the pass
On the way to Bad Ass.
That's just the way *them* apples crumble.
A plateful of Klatchian curry
So hot that it makes your eyes blurry
Is value for money
Despite being runny -
You'll run in one 'eck of a hurry...
There once was a Sergeant named Colon
Who liked to kick perps in the bolon
"They shriek and they roar
And they roll on the floor
And quickly give back what they've stolon."
-- Joe Schaumburger
There once was a guy named Vic,
Who wanted to be in a click,
His act was a-miss,
but boy, could he kiss,
And now he's the star of the Disc.
An Igor (the way Pterry tells this)
Is a veritable Paracelsus
So if you should start
To disparage his art
He'll take it to heart (someone's else's).
- Kate, sneaking one in
6) RED HOT HAIKUS RIGHT OFF THE PRESS
This one is contributed by a friend of mine, Leanne,
who for reasons all her own, doesn't actually read Pterry.
Disk World is shattered
Elephants fly forgotten
Pterry'n lies a tale
Kate - fond of bad punes
The Lancre coven meets
the cauldron bubbles and boils.
Granny makes her tea.
The Dungeon Dimensions
are filled with creatures most odd.
Rincewind uses a sock.
The moon drifts through clouds
Darkness settles over the Shades
A tourist is mugged.
In the kingdom of Lancre:
Nanny fills her bath.
-- Kate, doing her thing
7) SOME DWARVEN HAIKUS
Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
Gold Gold Gold Silver
8) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
ED:>Dru, your limericks are terrific!
Thank you! I *am* disappointed that no-one else has
come forward so far, though. Some of those
limericks composed themselves at me instantaneously
(e.g., the Nanny Ogg and Death ones), some took a
couple of minutes' thought, but all in all that sort of
versifying is soooo easy. Erm, well, it is to me.
ED:>Am appointing you Limericks Editor or
>Goddess of Limericks, whichever youWheee! I'll see if the mood strikes me to make some
>prefer.  Will be the highlight of the next issue!
more soon. I think, in the spirit of Discworld, perhaps
Limericks Mistress might be most descriptive, heheh.
>Joe, gratefullyHow about temple offerings? I'm broke: P
> Editor looks better on your resume, on the
>other hand Goddess bring you worshippers.
ED> I fear all the temple offerings would be limericks.
To The Editor:
(In response to the December newsletter question from Julie,
who asked about the first book in the Discworld series)
The first book is assumed to be Color of Magic, and the
books follow in order of when they were written. However,
you also asked if this would be the book to start with,
and I think...no (and I think others agree with me)
There is no set book to start on (as many will tell you),
though some websites post maps showing certain books
that are best (dreadfully confusing things). I myself
started in the middle of the series with Reaper Man,
one of the few in my local library, and it was just fine.
I went back to read the first two books of the series,
Color of Magic and Light Fantastic, and I didn't enjoy
them very much. They were good books, better than
most, but the only thing that kept me reading was the
fact that I had read Terry Pratchett’s books before,
and thought that it was worth it.
The conclusion I shall now draw after this horribly wordy
response is loosely based on others’ experience. When
I command my friends to read Terry Pratchett books
(I’m only human, and, besides, it’s good for them),
I recommend Wyrd Sisters, and it turns out that it’s a
very good book to start with. It’s fairly early in the series,
and it’s very enjoyable. Another good book to get you
hooked on Discworld is Guards! Guards! Either one works.
It’s my opinion that the later you go into the series,
the better the books, but everything has to start
somewhere, I suppose, and it would be terribly confusing
and annoying for one to read through the s backwards
(the whole plot of Mort was ruined for me when I read
Soul Music first).
9) KFL MEET REPORTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
SYDMEET REPORT - TWO VERSIONS
Date: 24th Jan 2003
People in attendance: Conman, Mysapp, Timerryn, Cat, Cats Mum.
We met before 9:45 at Epping Station, all 5 of us. Caught the train to
Central. We waited for almost an hour, generally talking and stuff, just in
case someone else would turn up. They didn't. At this time it was cloudy.
We wandered in the general direction of the Galaxy bookshop, and looked
around in there (Conman even took a few photos) until around 1 o'clock, and
then wandered in the vague direction of Darling Harbour to get something to
eat. We found a place and had kebabs, except for Merryn, who had a fruit
thingy. When we were walking towards Darling Harbour there was a sun shower,
but I may have been the only one to notice it.
We sat on a bench next to this lake-type-thing and talked, watched the ducks
and seagulls and ibis, got quizzed from the two Discworld quizbooks that
Conman brought along, until we realized that it was four o'clock, even
though it had been two o'clock just a few minutes ago. By this time it was
incredibly sunny, and hot even in the shade.
We walked towards Town Hall Station and went home, except Conman stayed in
the city coz he had to do some other stuff there. I'm sure I got sunburnt.
--Cat (if I've left anything out, feel free to correct me).
Now to translate Cat's words into some vaguely
Bright was not the day and hope stayed away as the
Wizzards gathered, at the meeting of ways known in
mythology as "Epping Station," at a time of
convenience to all.
Yea, and they marched down the station. Conman was
there, and Mysapp too. Timmerryn, drawer of cartoons
and the Cat. And watching over the Cat, Kerry (Cat's
Then came the great snake of silver (I've been reading
too many books of the "just getting to the
industrialized world" type, where those who didn't
invent the train get overawed by it), to carry them
away from danger (dubious) and into the place known as
"Central," where they hoped to be joined in their
quest by others amongst the Wizzards.
And they waited. And waited. And waited some more,
until finally their patience gave out and they left.
Then they wandered, and found themselves in a place of
great treasures, and it was named Galaxy, and a
veritable galaxy (exaggeration, gotta love it *g*) of
books did await.
Then indecision did take them, until finally hunger
did drive the questors to food by the water, in the
place known as a Harbour. Here it was that foreign
food was partaken by all parties, and where a barely
noticeable rain (which I wouldn't have noticed if a
drop hadn't landed on my nose :P) of acid (well, all
rain is slightly acidic, IIRC) did fall upon them.
And now were they required to pass the great test, as
ConMan withdrew two great tomes of knowledge and
assailed them with questions, yea and time itself was
forced to bend to the passage of the quiz, until
finally the weary ones prevailed, as the quizmaster
agreed that the shadows had lengthened greatly.
MEET REPORTS CONTINUE ON PAGE 3
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3
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