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WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)

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  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 9) KFL MEET REPORTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD continued
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 26, 2003
      WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)

      POTTERMEET, Australia
      Date: 8th December 2002
      Venue: Knox City Mall (including Dragon Boat restaurant, Village Cinema,
      various cafes, games arcade)
      Attending: Trina, Bek, Matt, Steven, Hania, Paul, Dru
      Guests: Trina's kids, Dean, Doctor Michael

      Unfortunately, I can't report objectively on this one because Knox is
      appropriately named -- it's the size of a city (for a mall that is), and it
      was heaving with thousands and thousands of pre-Hogswatch shoppers,
      all of which brought out the screaming agoraphobe in me.

      To give an idea of how huge the place really is: Steven was late
      (as usual, heheh) and came through the entire mall searching
      for the Dragon Boat, and it took him fifteen_minutes_of_searching
      just to find an information booth so he could ask for directions!

      Everything was enormous, crowded, and noisy, including the
      Knox branch of Dragon Boat, which looked big enough to hold
      half the population of Hong Kong. Dru cowered under the
      tablecloth while Steven passed her bits of tentacles and Paul
      tried to take compromising digital photos of everyone
      (the camera was duly confiscated and erased, thankgods).

      Then we went to the cinema, which has about twenty screens
      and advertises its V-Max cinema as the largest screen
      in Australia, and bought tickets for Harry Potter and the
      Chamber of Secrets, only to discover that we had an hour
      to kill until the next showing in the V-Max. Most of the
      group went off to a games arcade. Bek, Doctor Michael
      and I went for a coffee. Big mistake for me - I ordered a cafe latte frappe
      (remember folks, it's summer in Fourecks) and, when it arrived, I found it
      so frozen that I pushed my straw to the bottom and sucked
      really hard and swallowed a mouthful, only to discover that they'd
      mistakenly given me a mocha frappe and the bottom was full of
      chocolate syrup! Did I mention that I'm allergic to chocolate?

      "*How*allergic?" asked Doctor Michael. Luckily, not allergic enough
      to require his services after just one swallow, but I did sound like
      The Godfather for the next couple of hours...

      Then back to the cinema. More not so great times: V-Max may well be
      Australia's biggest screen but it certainly isn't the best! Screen
      resolution wasn't brilliant and the sound system was well below par.
      Mind you, so was the movie. Your humble reporter was very disappointed in
      HP2, the rest of the group less so but no-one seemed totally blown away.

      Afterwards, Hania did a blow-by-blow description of how she bullied Pterry
      into signing her breasts (fake plastic ones, that is) and Trina took
      her wee ones home, while some people went back to the
      arcade and others went for yet another snack. At last we said our goodbyes
      and agreed to meet again soon in quieter circumstances. Paul, having
      been banned from camera use, missed what would have been the best
      shot of the day - Doctor Michael pushing Hania, squealing, in a shopping
      trolley the entire length of the now-deserted mall! Steven offered Paul a
      spin to a train station. We were several klicks down the road when the
      following took place:

      Steven: "Paul, when is the last train?"
      Paul (after a pause): "Twenty minutes ago."

      Of course, Steven being a very nice guy in real life, took Paul home with a
      minimum of violence, and your humble reporter swore a long loud vow to
      never, ever go to Knox again! Poor Trina, it was her first MelMeet since
      her de-lurk and I just hope she wasn't too traumatised :-)

      Granny Tude

      SteVen's BIRTHDAY MEATS (note spelling)
      Dates: 31st December, 2002; 1st January, 2003
      Venues: The Fortress Of Avoiding The Neighbours aka Steven's house, Hoyts
      Cinema Northlands
      Attending: Bek, Matt, Paul, Dru, some guy who was celebrating his birthday,
      plus guests Jeff, David and Sheridan, and Steven's weird brother Big Mad
      Adrian (Meat 1); SteVen, Dru, Hania and Doctor Michael (Meat 2)

      Meat was very much on the menu for this event - BBQ time!
      All gathered at the Fortress for the ritual Burning Of The Snags,
      a traditional Ecksian cultural event involving BCBs and genuine
      pig product. Many carried presents for Steven. Matt and Bek carried
      tentacles (small ones). After the Viewing of the Presents and
      Cards (everyone loved the one Laurel had sent, which was
      addressed to "The Eeevil Fortress of Penguin Doom" and still
      managed to reach the, erm, Eeevil Fortress in RL), and ooh-ing
      and ahh-ing over Steven's wonderful framed Paul Kidby portraits
      of the Librarian and Errol, guests were further amazed at the sight
      of the BBQ itself: "That's not a barbie, that's an ashtray!"
      "I didn't know this was meant to be a dolls' party." But Steven
      shrugged his flippers and persevered. He had raided several markets
      like a proper barbarian invader, and now cooked enough food to
      serve, well, a company of wizards. Big Mad Adrian arrived with a
      copy of LOTR for us to watch -- only to be informed that we were
      going to see LOTR TTT at the cinema. Like the bludger he is,
      he begged a ticket off big brother.

      And off we went. This time the cinema was smaller, friendlier and
      completely lacking in sneaky chocolate poisoners, AND the film was
      of course fantabulous (not that Paul would know; he decided to see
      Jackie Chan on another screen, the philistine). When it was all over,
      everyone headed off to various New Year's Eve celebrations, and
      Steve and Dru went back to the Fortress and fell asleep an hour
      before midnight.

      The following day, Hania and Doctor Michael arrived. They'd
      actually meant to arrive on the 31st but got lost :-) Steven
      discovered about 10 kilos of steak that had been
      overlooked during the previous day's festivities, so it was
      dragged out, pacified, marinaded and BBQ'ed. Afterwards,
      bloated with named meat, we watched the 2-video entirety
      of the animated Soul Music. Sadly, this was a BIG disappointment.
      It was done by Cosgrove Hall, a company that has many great
      animated series to its credit (Dangermouse, yayyy!), and they
      just didn't have a clue. But surprisingly, the music was very
      decent, although we never heard anything obviously resembling
      the infamous 'Pathway To Paradise'!!!

      The next Melmeet is shaping up to take place on the 26th of January, which
      of course is the great
      Ecksian national holiday, Australia Day.

      -- Drusilla D'Afanguin.


      Answer the questions and put the letter
      indicated into the spot shown. Read the words
      backwards and discover the name of a popular
      Ankh-Morpork club for those who are having
      difficulties in relating to being undead.
      (Note: all spellings are from the 1991 Gollancz edition.)

      Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry LETTER = T

      1. A banshee with a speech impediment (6th letter)

      2. Dead Rights activist Mr. Shoe (1st name, 1st letter)

      3. Those who monitor reality (1st letter)

      4. Arthur Winking, Count ________ (3rd letter)

      5. The oldest wizard (last name, 5th letter)

      6. Female farm owner who hired the unemployed Death (last name, 9th letter)

      7. Agoraphobic bogeyman (1st letter)

      8. The Great Attractor, the Death of Universes (5th letter)

      9. Female farm owner's hired hand (last name, 4th letter

      10. Female farm owner's former boyfriend (1st name, 3rd letter)

      __/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = Undead activist club
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

      Puzzle solution will appear next month.


      1. Friends call her "Ginger" (1st name, 2nd letter)
      2. Throat's nephew, VP in Charge of Making Pictures (1st name, 1st letter)
      3. Head Handleman (2nd name, 2nd letter)
      4. The short order chef at Borgle's Restaurant (1st letter)
      FRUNTKIN = F
      5. Last Keeper of the Door (2nd name, 1st letter)
      6. The Wonder Dog (7th letter)
      GASPODE = E
      7. Male star of "Blown Away" (1st name, 1st letter)
      8. Only client of The Wonder Dog (1st letter)
      LADDIE = L
      9. Organ-playing daughter of Bezam (1st name, 5th letter)
      10. VP in Charge of Wardrobe (2nd name, 3rd letter)

      H_/S_/I_/F_/R_/E_/V_/L_/I_/S_/ = President of Alchemists Guild
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/ = SILVERFISH



      Alas, due to foggy conditions in the Ramtops, the
      astronomers have been unable to send Lady
      Aranluc their regular reports, so she must delay
      her calculations for a month. Luckily, since our own
      Roundworld is so far away, this will not affect
      your Horoscope report in the slightest. It will
      appear next month.
      If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
      Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

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