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WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2002 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)

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  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2002 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued) ... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 9) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE THIS MONTH: SUMMER HOLIDAYS Through the heat
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 30, 2002
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      WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2002 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)



      Through the heat of this summery summer comes the
      answers to the annual nightmare of what to do with your holidays.

      March 21 - April 20
      The Perhaps Gate

      A Perhaps Gate will spend the whole year dreaming of the holidays
      in which she'll rest to recover from a year of hard work. Just one problem
      -- usually, for her, resting means climbing Mt. Everest, rowing along
      the Mississippi or, if she can't afford any of this, going to Uncle Jack's
      farm to work on the compost heaps. And, on top of this, she's happy
      this way...

      April 21 - May 21
      Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips

      When the holidays come, a Vase of Tulips goes back to childhood.
      From cutting cardboard figurines with blunt scissors all the way
      up to spending the day in a water-park, his dream holidays have a
      definite name: Disneyworld. A Vase of Tulip's theory is that theme
      parks should be banned for children under fifteen because they
      don't understand a thing and usually just scream and fight in the
      queue. And that's strictly for adults, in his opinion.

      May 22 - June 21
      The Two Fat Cousins

      Childhood is the obsession of a Fat Cousin's mind. Hooray, at last
      we have time for the small fry! Any Fat Cousin's parental
      activity is structured around her kids, and she usually spends half
      of her free time watching senseless animated movies and waiting for
      the kids to come out from all those educational activities in which
      they have been enrolled. And what if she has no children? Well, then
      she becomes obsessed with... making them. Ahem...

      June 22 - July 22
      Wezen the Double-Headed Kangaroo

      To a Double-Headed Kangaroos, with the heat comes, er, his heat.
      Something happens at a molecular level with his neurones and suddenly
      all the opposite sex members get classified in three categories:
      'Definitely yes', 'Maybe' and 'Only in emergencies'. Those poor
      kangaroos which are mated or are too old for this depredatory labor
      become some sort of embarrassing counselors, an unending source
      of practical advice (mostly useless) in the art of not sleeping alone.

      July 23 - August 23
      The Cow of Heaven

      The Cow of Heaven suffers in holiday time from a reverse evolution
      process and becomes, from one day to another, a clone of her
      parents. She suddenly catches herself watching horrible Saturday
      night galas on the TV, or maybe an idiotic soap-opera, reading movie
      magazines or just going to the beach wearing an unstylish bikini to
      play cards with her old friends.

      August 24 - September 23
      Mubbo the Hyena

      Every summer a Hyena suffers the trauma of facing his own decay.
      Everything begins when he tries to put on last year's swimsuit
      before the mirror. Weary, fat and feeling old, he notices for the first
      time just how many new buildings there are or the shops that have
      gone out of business while he was busy at work. With that in
      mind, he meets his old friends and sees that, good heavens, one
      of them is going bald, another one is unhappily married and that
      part-time juvenile delinquent is now wearing a tie and working in a bank.

      September 24 - October 23
      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

      What a Little Group of Stars really likes is the country. She dreams
      about going to a lonely and green place, with a clear river and a
      lovely little forest. She sees herself crossing hills and valleys
      with her backpack, her water bottle and her mountain boots and she
      feels happy... until the day that she decides to make her dreams
      come true. She takes a train, she gets out in the middle of
      aggressive Nature, with no traffic lights, no ice-cream machines,
      no air conditioning, no buses, no mobile phones ... and she turns
      around and flees back home in panic.

      October 24 - November 22
      Okjok the Salesman

      Holidays bring on a creative state in a Salesman. He digs out pens and
      markers from his desk and sets himself to work on his master-
      piece. Another group is deep into home improvement projects. They
      usually take electric appliances apart or buy a shelf kit and try to
      build it without looking at the instruction booklet, just to make it
      more interesting. But when the holidays are over they recover their
      sanity, throw away all the hand-made rubbish they've produced,
      hire a professional to clean up the mess and swear that they'll
      never touch a screwdriver again. Until next time.

      November 23 - December 21
      The Overworked Orang-Utang

      What a Orang-Utang really likes is having lots of people around.
      Something sings inside her when she finds herself in the middle
      of a huge traffic jam on the way to her chosen summer
      destination. When she finally gets to the beach, she lies
      down among hundreds of fellow people in the scarce square meter
      that's still free, and she is in Nirvana. The mass theme parks with
      queues half a mile long, the souvenir shops in which even the flies
      have to book in advance ... this is her thing. She may swear that
      the noise, smell, and crowding are disgusting but since she does t
      he same thing summer after summer, she obviously adores it.

      December 22 - January 20
      The Celestial Parsnip

      The only thing we can say about a Parsnips' holiday is that we haven't
      the faintest idea of what he does with them. He vanishes from Earth
      for a whole month and then comes back with photos of Madagascar, or
      with a tribal mask from the Borneo islands, or with a Scottish pipe,
      or with a Santiago Way peregrine hat, or... And he's got always the
      same untanned skin tone and the same empty pockets. We suspect that,
      lacking initiative and money, the Parsnip just locks himself at home
      and orders souvenirs on the Internet while he drinks beer in front of the
      same old TV reruns.

      January 21 - February 18
      The Knotted String

      A Knotted String shivers just from hearing the word 'holidays'. She
      knows that summer means unavoidable family contacts. Dozens of
      fat women will try to hug her, dozens of old people will tell her
      everything about their diseases, dozens of noisy children will
      kick her legs... Lots of speeches to endure, lots of boring memories
      to listen to, lots of heavy dishes to eat. Don't even mention
      the cousins of the same age with whom she will have to seem to be
      getting on well when she doesn't have anything in common with them
      and when she knows that, having left childhood behind, she doesn't
      even have the recourse of throwing stones at them...

      February 19 - March 20
      The Flying Moose

      With the holidays a Moose has a wonderful fantasy social life to
      keep him busy. Wearing posh clothing, self-assured, the Moose
      goes around the most fashionable discos drinking cheap water
      out of an expensive mineral water bottle to avoid asking for a drink
      which he could not pay for anyway, having spent all his money just
      to get in. He dreams about an affair with a movie star or model or
      with the snobby daughter of a bank president and about not having
      to work for the rest of his life. When he realizes that that can't be
      done, he just eyes famous people out of the corner of his eye
      and tells his friends about his imaginary adventures.



      Answer the questions and put the letter
      indicated into the spot shown. Read the word
      backwards and discover who the Fool becomes.
      (Note: all spellings are from the 1988 Gollancz edition.)

      Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry LETTER: T

      1. The Duke of Felmet's first name (2nd letter)

      2. Ghost who carries his head under his arm (1st letter)

      3. Mr. Boggis, Bespoke Thief (4th letter)

      4. Noted dwarf playwright (3rd letter)

      5. Magrat's last name (3rd letter)

      6. Granny's nickname (1st letter)

      7. Manager of the troupe of actors (1st letter)

      8. Nanny's cat (1st letter)

      9. Adopted son of # 7 above (6th letter)

      10. Black ______, powerful witch from Skund (3rd letter)

      11. The theater in Ankh-Morpork (4th letter)

      __/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = The Fool's destiny.
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/

      Puzzle solution will appear next month.



      1. The Destroyer - barbarian hero in woolly underwear - 4th letter
      NIGEL = E
      2. Bursar of UU - surname - 1st letter
      SPELTER = S
      3. Father of the Sourcerer - 2nd letter
      IPSLORE = P
      4. The UU Lore Master - 8th letter
      HAKARDLY = Y
      5. Keeper of the Books - 1st letter
      6. Gateway city to Klatch - 1st letter
      AL KHALI = A
      7. The awful effect of Klatchian coffee - 4th letter
      KNURD = R
      8. Daughter of the famous barbarian - 1st letter
      CONINA = C
      9. Candidate for Archchancellor - 7th letter
      10. Ruler of Ankh-Morpork - 1st letter
      11. Rincewind's faithful companion - 5th letter
      LUGGAGE = A

      E_/S_/P_/Y_/L_/A_/R_/C_/O_/P_/A_/ = The death of all wizardry
      1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/

      If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
      Copyright (c) 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
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