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    WOSSNAME Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion July 2002 (Volume 5, Issue 7) *********************************************************************
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 30, 2002
      Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
      July 2002 (Volume 5, Issue 7)
      WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
      worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
      including the North American Discworld Society and other
      continental groups. Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
      in your name and e-mail address. Are there any dues? No.
      Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
      News Editor: Bethany Ayers
      Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
      Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
      Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
      Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
      Art Director : Rhett Pennell
      World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
      Convention News Editor: Megan Perry
      Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
      Copyright 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

      ====Part 1


      ====Part 2







      On July 13-14 about 70 Discworld fans from all over Spain met in
      the capital city, Madrid, for what turned out to be quite a crazy
      weekend. As you can see in the sub-title, we have happily adopted
      the name Lyn Pratchett gave to all of his husband's fans some time
      ago. So a University Residence got full of Kevins (and, for some
      reason, of people who had a toga party) for a full weekend.

      On Saturday 13 we all got our accreditation's with our (nick)names,
      along with the programme, which included some warnings about a city
      permanently under parking and tunnel construction (hence the con's
      motto). After meeting in the real world with the people we had
      spoken to in the net, the general conclusion achieved was that we
      were more scary in person.

      The first act was simply the presentation of the con and the
      distribution - the best word would be 'pillage' - of some promotional
      stuff Terry's Spanish publisher had sent specially. Since none of
      us was still ready to accept that the convention was a success,
      because none of us expected to meet as many as another 69 Kevins,
      the welcome speech was rather short and in the lines of 'Right,
      we're all here, there's no one missing, so let's have lunch'. We
      did so.

      The first and only afternoon was spent learning and playing a
      Cripple Mr Onion tournament with quite good prizes: some copies of
      the latest Pratchett book published in Spain, 'Lords and Ladies',
      a 'Witches Abroad' (which is some kind of rarity here, not being
      printed anymore), a 'DW Companion' and a 'Science of Discworld'.

      And I say 'learning' and 'playing' because about half of the time
      stipulated for the tournament was invested in each of them. At
      the end, each of the tables was playing with their own version of
      the rules and eventually there was no time for arguing which table
      was right AND playing a second round, so we just argued and left
      over the second round (and maybe even a final round) for the future
      time when we stopped being CMO newbies. But everyone liked the game
      very much, and even though it's quite confounding and complicated,
      it's not as confounding and complicated as some of the regional
      versions of the card games we have around here.

      The nice guys who had arranged all this madness had still some
      surprises in store. The first one was a singalong. El Puercoespín,
      the KFL Spanish-speaking-section newsletter, had published some
      Discworld filks by Aranluc, and the Madrid coven had produced one
      more, so we were sang at 'a capella' by three people on the stage
      and THEN we were given the lyrics to sing along. The most lunatic
      bit was when we all sang the Copperhead top hit 'Gold gold gold'.
      The songs were interspersed with some bits of acting: The UU Ceremony
      of the Keys in 'The Last Continent' (incredibly funny on the stage
      on its own!) and the demon invocation in 'Wyrd Sisters', in which
      the guy who played the demon was REALLY scary and must have had
      a broken jaw to utter those blood-freezing screams.

      And later on someone decided that editing a DW newsletter meant both
      knowing what one is talking about and being able to make a public
      speech, so my co-editor Lord Vetinari II and I were forced onto the
      stage. (My other co-editor, Lady Aranluc, somehow managed to escape --
      maybe being in the con crew had something to do with it). Lord
      Vetinari made a speech with the title "Tratatum diversarum magicarum
      et asotiatas activitates: differentiae intra brugarum magorumque
      magias", which was quite appropriate because 'Lords and Ladies' has
      just been published here.

      I decided to let go of Latin and just mumbled about "Discworld Evolution
      and 50 Ways To Kill People Who Force You Onto A Stage", a title
      which just hid some minor background spoilers of the DW books still
      not translated into Spanish. (But I warned everyone half a second
      before spoiling anything with a sheet with SPOILER! written on it,
      so that they could cover their ears, mind you). Oh, and some ideas
      on murdering which really shouldn't be taken into account by anyone.

      When we managed to escape, we hid in a nearby bar and laid low there
      while waiting for suppertime, scheduled to be in a Klatchian
      restaurant. We were looking forward to asking for some cous-cous or
      even curry, but at the end it turned out to be a Chinese (Agatean)
      restaurant, and since we weren't given enough chopsticks, we had to
      resort to eating millennium shrimps with our hands.

      And the night came. Some people went back to the residence to have
      a ritual reading of some bits of the not-printed-anymore, most
      wanted books ('Reaper Man', 'Moving Pictures' and 'Witches Abroad'),
      while some others just wrapped up and went to drink at the pubs. Since
      I was in the last group, I cannot say how the reading went, but
      reliable reports assert that the residence rooms had the length and
      width of some of the most reclusive monk monasteries. About 3 square
      feet. One strange thing, though: we all saw people in togas wandering
      around and laughing a lot. Maybe it was an alternative (and somehow
      funnier) DW Con, but no reports of it have come to us, so we must
      assume that they were just your common toga people.

      The next day dawned with quite a great hangover in my case, but I
      managed to get to the con site eventually. I couldn't attend to
      the 'Wyrd Sisters' DVD projection with specially-made Spanish
      subtitles, but I did get to the prize-giving ceremony because I had
      a copy of the unfindable 'Moving Pictures' in Spanish to exchange
      with whoever won the DW Companion if he couldn't read in English,
      and needed time to make proper publicity of this fact. The prizes
      were given, the exchange was made and some promo books and stuff
      were assigned to the attendants by the innocent hand of a boy who
      was around.

      We all signed a card to be sent to Mr Pratchett with a little present.
      The first thought was to send him a huge fluffy toy orangutan, but
      then it was argued that maybe real orangutans would be more
      thankful for the money spent than him, so he'll just get a little cheap
      thingy, serve him right for talking so much about the poor apes.
      And said apes will get about 100$-- not much, we know, but it's
      all of the unexpected income a non-profit convention raised.

      Everyone went home after that, having a long trip ahead before a
      working Monday that was approaching, tired and still hung over in
      some cases, but happy for having been in Ankh-Madriz and looking
      forward the next summer's Convention, location still unknown.
      This was the first one. There will be more.

      -- Manu Viciano


      I've also translated some extracts from the Con programme in case
      you want some extra stuff (they're all written by Aranluc). They
      were originally written in something resembling old Spanish -- I've
      just made what I could to put them in something resembling the
      Old (Dog) English Terry sometimes uses. As always, some editing
      will be required. (Ed: Not at all. It read a lot better than the drivel
      my robot translation program produces.)

      T H E A N K H - M A D R I Z T I M E S

      The Citie Prepares for Whatever is Cominge

      In our most hotte ande unworrying hour a terrible inundation of fans
      of the Erratic English Author Terrence Pratchett, commonly denominated
      as 'Kevinses', has come to assault our moste emblematic streets.
      The authorities have unrolled all the securitie mediums available
      to counter the brawles and damage expected to be donne by suche a
      strange and unforeseeable people.

      Rumour has it that thys people comes from a dangerous clandestyne
      sect which dwells in the sewerage, butt we feel more inclined to
      believe that they dwell in disguise amongste our respectable
      cityzens, hidinge their Kevin condition from the Eyes of Society.
      Thys paper, The Ankh-Madriz Times, has asked the most prestigious
      health authorities if Said Kevin condition is typified as a Mind
      Disease, butt has got no answer.

      Our loved ande respected Patrycian Lord Álvarez del Manzanari
      [Madrid's major's name is Álvarez del Manzano], qwestioned about
      the measures to be taken, has answered: 'Kevinses? Whatte's a
      Kevin? We have no such thyng in thys Town'.


      A peacefull cityzen bought a design chest last Tuesday for his
      new house in the welle-knowne IDEA mega-stores. The chest was solde
      in pieces to be ensambled by the user, and it held up over a basing
      of multiple little legges. Yesterday, when the cityzen armed it in
      the presence of his familie, the chest suddenly came alive and
      swallowed the Whole familie, escaping soon after that.

      The Guilde of Carpenters denyes its responsibility in the case
      and puts the blame on the enormous stores whych supply housewares.
      IDEA stores's manager, Olaf Bâdtäste, has Putte The Matter In The
      Hands Of Justice. The chest was last seen by the Puerta de Alcalá,
      where it ate a group of six japanese tourists along with all of
      their photographick stuffe, about six tonnes on the whole.

      The Patrycian of Ankh-Madriz, Lord Álvarez del Manzanary, has
      asserted: 'Assassin housewares? Whatte's an Assassin housewares?
      We have no such thyng in thys Town'.

      -- Lady Aranluc

      If you did not get all 2 parts, write: jschaum111@...
      End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 2
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