Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
July 2002 (Volume 5, Issue 7)
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups. Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address. Are there any dues? No.
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Megan Perry
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
1) FIRST SPANISH KFL KEVIN CONVENTION
2) DISCWORLD FAN PARTY AT WORLDCON
3) WORLDWIDE PRATCHETT MEET-DAY
4) U.K. CONVENTION UPDATE
5) LORDS AND LADIES: THEATRE REVIEW
6) AMAZING MAURICE
7) STRANGERS ONNA TRAIN
8) WHAT *IS* THE DISCWORLD SERIES?
9) PUZZLE: SOURCERY
1) FIRST SPANISH KFL KEVIN CONVENTION
ANKH-MADRIZ: CAVE CADERE INTRA FOSAS
On July 13-14 about 70 Discworld fans from all over Spain met in
the capital city, Madrid, for what turned out to be quite a crazy
weekend. As you can see in the sub-title, we have happily adopted
the name Lyn Pratchett gave to all of his husband's fans some time
ago. So a University Residence got full of Kevins (and, for some
reason, of people who had a toga party) for a full weekend.
On Saturday 13 we all got our accreditation's with our (nick)names,
along with the programme, which included some warnings about a city
permanently under parking and tunnel construction (hence the con's
motto). After meeting in the real world with the people we had
spoken to in the net, the general conclusion achieved was that we
were more scary in person.
The first act was simply the presentation of the con and the
distribution - the best word would be 'pillage' - of some promotional
stuff Terry's Spanish publisher had sent specially. Since none of
us was still ready to accept that the convention was a success,
because none of us expected to meet as many as another 69 Kevins,
the welcome speech was rather short and in the lines of 'Right,
we're all here, there's no one missing, so let's have lunch'. We
The first and only afternoon was spent learning and playing a
Cripple Mr Onion tournament with quite good prizes: some copies of
the latest Pratchett book published in Spain, 'Lords and Ladies',
a 'Witches Abroad' (which is some kind of rarity here, not being
printed anymore), a 'DW Companion' and a 'Science of Discworld'.
And I say 'learning' and 'playing' because about half of the time
stipulated for the tournament was invested in each of them. At
the end, each of the tables was playing with their own version of
the rules and eventually there was no time for arguing which table
was right AND playing a second round, so we just argued and left
over the second round (and maybe even a final round) for the future
time when we stopped being CMO newbies. But everyone liked the game
very much, and even though it's quite confounding and complicated,
it's not as confounding and complicated as some of the regional
versions of the card games we have around here.
The nice guys who had arranged all this madness had still some
surprises in store. The first one was a singalong. El Puercoespín,
the KFL Spanish-speaking-section newsletter, had published some
Discworld filks by Aranluc, and the Madrid coven had produced one
more, so we were sang at 'a capella' by three people on the stage
and THEN we were given the lyrics to sing along. The most lunatic
bit was when we all sang the Copperhead top hit 'Gold gold gold'.
The songs were interspersed with some bits of acting: The UU Ceremony
of the Keys in 'The Last Continent' (incredibly funny on the stage
on its own!) and the demon invocation in 'Wyrd Sisters', in which
the guy who played the demon was REALLY scary and must have had
a broken jaw to utter those blood-freezing screams.
And later on someone decided that editing a DW newsletter meant both
knowing what one is talking about and being able to make a public
speech, so my co-editor Lord Vetinari II and I were forced onto the
stage. (My other co-editor, Lady Aranluc, somehow managed to escape --
maybe being in the con crew had something to do with it). Lord
Vetinari made a speech with the title "Tratatum diversarum magicarum
et asotiatas activitates: differentiae intra brugarum magorumque
magias", which was quite appropriate because 'Lords and Ladies' has
just been published here.
I decided to let go of Latin and just mumbled about "Discworld Evolution
and 50 Ways To Kill People Who Force You Onto A Stage", a title
which just hid some minor background spoilers of the DW books still
not translated into Spanish. (But I warned everyone half a second
before spoiling anything with a sheet with SPOILER! written on it,
so that they could cover their ears, mind you). Oh, and some ideas
on murdering which really shouldn't be taken into account by anyone.
When we managed to escape, we hid in a nearby bar and laid low there
while waiting for suppertime, scheduled to be in a Klatchian
restaurant. We were looking forward to asking for some cous-cous or
even curry, but at the end it turned out to be a Chinese (Agatean)
restaurant, and since we weren't given enough chopsticks, we had to
resort to eating millennium shrimps with our hands.
And the night came. Some people went back to the residence to have
a ritual reading of some bits of the not-printed-anymore, most
wanted books ('Reaper Man', 'Moving Pictures' and 'Witches Abroad'),
while some others just wrapped up and went to drink at the pubs. Since
I was in the last group, I cannot say how the reading went, but
reliable reports assert that the residence rooms had the length and
width of some of the most reclusive monk monasteries. About 3 square
feet. One strange thing, though: we all saw people in togas wandering
around and laughing a lot. Maybe it was an alternative (and somehow
funnier) DW Con, but no reports of it have come to us, so we must
assume that they were just your common toga people.
The next day dawned with quite a great hangover in my case, but I
managed to get to the con site eventually. I couldn't attend to
the 'Wyrd Sisters' DVD projection with specially-made Spanish
subtitles, but I did get to the prize-giving ceremony because I had
a copy of the unfindable 'Moving Pictures' in Spanish to exchange
with whoever won the DW Companion if he couldn't read in English,
and needed time to make proper publicity of this fact. The prizes
were given, the exchange was made and some promo books and stuff
were assigned to the attendants by the innocent hand of a boy who
We all signed a card to be sent to Mr Pratchett with a little present.
The first thought was to send him a huge fluffy toy orangutan, but
then it was argued that maybe real orangutans would be more
thankful for the money spent than him, so he'll just get a little cheap
thingy, serve him right for talking so much about the poor apes.
And said apes will get about 100$-- not much, we know, but it's
all of the unexpected income a non-profit convention raised.
Everyone went home after that, having a long trip ahead before a
working Monday that was approaching, tired and still hung over in
some cases, but happy for having been in Ankh-Madriz and looking
forward the next summer's Convention, location still unknown.
This was the first one. There will be more.
-- Manu Viciano
I've also translated some extracts from the Con programme in case
you want some extra stuff (they're all written by Aranluc). They
were originally written in something resembling old Spanish -- I've
just made what I could to put them in something resembling the
Old (Dog) English Terry sometimes uses. As always, some editing
will be required. (Ed: Not at all. It read a lot better than the drivel
my robot translation program produces.)
T H E A N K H - M A D R I Z T I M E S
KEVIN CONVENTION IN ANKH-MADRIZ
The Citie Prepares for Whatever is Cominge
In our most hotte ande unworrying hour a terrible inundation of fans
of the Erratic English Author Terrence Pratchett, commonly denominated
as 'Kevinses', has come to assault our moste emblematic streets.
The authorities have unrolled all the securitie mediums available
to counter the brawles and damage expected to be donne by suche a
strange and unforeseeable people.
Rumour has it that thys people comes from a dangerous clandestyne
sect which dwells in the sewerage, butt we feel more inclined to
believe that they dwell in disguise amongste our respectable
cityzens, hidinge their Kevin condition from the Eyes of Society.
Thys paper, The Ankh-Madriz Times, has asked the most prestigious
health authorities if Said Kevin condition is typified as a Mind
Disease, butt has got no answer.
Our loved ande respected Patrycian Lord Álvarez del Manzanari
[Madrid's major's name is Álvarez del Manzano], qwestioned about
the measures to be taken, has answered: 'Kevinses? Whatte's a
Kevin? We have no such thyng in thys Town'.
CITYZEN ALERT: ASSASSIN HOUSEWARES!
A peacefull cityzen bought a design chest last Tuesday for his
new house in the welle-knowne IDEA mega-stores. The chest was solde
in pieces to be ensambled by the user, and it held up over a basing
of multiple little legges. Yesterday, when the cityzen armed it in
the presence of his familie, the chest suddenly came alive and
swallowed the Whole familie, escaping soon after that.
The Guilde of Carpenters denyes its responsibility in the case
and puts the blame on the enormous stores whych supply housewares.
IDEA stores's manager, Olaf Bâdtäste, has Putte The Matter In The
Hands Of Justice. The chest was last seen by the Puerta de Alcalá,
where it ate a group of six japanese tourists along with all of
their photographick stuffe, about six tonnes on the whole.
The Patrycian of Ankh-Madriz, Lord Álvarez del Manzanary, has
asserted: 'Assassin housewares? Whatte's an Assassin housewares?
We have no such thyng in thys Town'.
-- Lady Aranluc
If you did not get all 2 parts, write: jschaum111@...
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 2