99WOSSNAME -- JUNE 2002 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
- Jul 5, 2002WOSSNAME -- JUNE 2002 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
6) IS PT A "CHANGING ROOMS" FAN?
I've noticed that in my Thieves' Guild Yearbook and
Diary 2002 that there is a character on Octeday this
week called Laurence 'Leeky' Llwyddiannus-Bonheddwr.
Famous for his intrusion crimes and Feng Shui! I would
never have put Pterry down as a Changing Rooms fan.
I guess this will mean nothing to non-British members,
but on our version of Changing Rooms we have a
designer called Laurence LLewellyn-Bowen. The picture
even looks like him.
PKO and Vampire
Founder member of BURA
7) RIDCULLY'S BOLD BATH
To the Editor:
My copy of Hogfather has the section about Ridcully's disastrous
bath all written in bold.
I know that Pratchett likes playing with font types to indicate different
things, e.g. Death's voice. However, I don't have a clue with this bit in
Hogfather. Can anyone shed any light on why this is the case?
-- Amanda Kuek
8) BATHROOM RESONANCE
To the Editor:
I think, and this is only my opinion, it is supposed to emphasize the
incredible resonance of the bathroom. All tiled (but not modern plastic
lined) bathrooms are resonant, but this one's acoustics are something
special. While everyone gets the "Old Faithful" joke right off, the "organ
interlock" joke doesn't work, except as a double entendre, without the
By the way, the books seem to be set in TeX, which guarantees a typo in
every edition, or maybe they are use Micro$oft typesetting, which guarantees
a typo in every print run.
The funnier the typo, the more the book will be worth resale.
I know that the hardbacks printed in America and UK use different
typography, because I usually buy both. Usually, not always. I won't be
doing this for _The Science of Discworld II: The Globe_, which is too dull
I've read that the other editions change typography as well. Among the
hardbacks there's a Book of the Month Club edition, a SF Book of the Month
Club edition, and Australian (or Australasia?) editions. Then, a year later
come the paperback editions.
9) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE
Lady Aranluc's amazing Disc Horoscope continues
in our Spanish section's newsletter, and the editor,
my good friend Manu, once again has graciously
translated it. Of course, as is widely known, there
are 64 signs in the Disc zodiac, so not everyone's
sign may be covered. Dates have been converted
to our Roundworld system to help you find yours.
June: LUCK AND TALISMANS
This month we will talk about luck and talismans, those seemingly
stupid things which make the Blue Bird of Happiness stay for a
while in our window to sing to us instead of just flying past. Or,
at least, help to avoid the bird dropping something on us...
March 21 - April 20
The Perhaps Gate
A Perhaps Gate person will not busy himself with such nonsense.
His favourite talismans are useful domestic items. The key word
here is 'use'. Very, very continuous use for a long, long time make
any object a Perhaps Gate's best friend. There's nothing better than
wearing your lucky socks, those you got for your tenth birthday
and never allowed to be washed, to win the next match. Surely their
mere smell will be sufficient to make any rival team unlucky enough
to stand within a couple of meters turn and run.
April 21 - May 21
Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips
Vase of Tulips people tend to be gadget maniacs, lovers of tiny
devices full of practical possibilities and nearly useless. They
will have, for example, a pocketsized UV flashlight to detect
false currency, which they somehow have forgotten to get
batteries for, or Swiss knives with thousands of accessories
-- none of which is working because the instructions have been
lost. They are TV-shopping fanatics, and the reason they buy
all that rubbish seems to be they believe it brings them luck.
It has certainly brought luck to the TV station.
May 22 - June 21
The Two Fat Cousins
A Fat Cousin loves emblems, slogans, meanings. He can dress
weirdly if he thinks that *this* is the look that matches his current
inner ideology. The result of such an effort is usually so strange
havoc that you're never sure which band this guy is in, so you
usually leave him alone. If that's not good luck for him, it sure is
June 22 - July 22
Wezen the Double-Headed Kangaroo
A Double-Headed Kangaroo does not believe in luck. She works for
it. Her amulets are usually blunt instruments, deadly sprays, or
visibly sharp items. It is not known if they make her more fortunate,
but they will surely be very, very unlucky for anyone daring enough to
July 23 - August 23
The Cow of Heaven
A Cow of Heaven likes to own at least one cute, cool and elegant
good luck piece, or at least one expensive one. He'll take it
everywhere and wear it indiscriminately until it becomes rubbish.
Expensive rubbish, but rubbish all the same. It would be luckier
for his social life if he took better care of it, but his friends are
too embarrassed to say anything.
August 24 - September 23
Mubbo the Hyena
Trying to make a Hyena believe that an item will give her good
luck is like preaching in the desert. It can bring you a guaranteed
quick, and unenjoyable death. A Hyena makes her own luck, and
you can keep all your talismans for yourself, thank you. If you
keep on talking nonsense to her about luck, she'll deck you or
call the little men in white coats.
September 24 - October 23
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars
You cannot talk too much about luck when Boring Group people
are involved. It isn't that they don't believe in it, they do believe;
the problem is that they never know if an amulet will bring good
or bad luck, so they collect them all. A stroke of luck for a Boring
Group of Stars person is a series of strange and supernatural
catastrophes happening one after another, from which they are
saved successively and nearly miraculously. In other words,
just show them a talisman and you've got a sure sale.
October 24 - November 22
Okjok the Salesman
A Salesman supports just one kind of talisman: a credit card. Her
logic is simple: with a credit card from an interesting bank,
associated with an account number, you don't need any luck. For
a Salesman there is just one thing better than a credit card -- a
a large inheritance. Don't cosign anything and positively don't
let her think she's mentioned in your will.
November 23 - December 21
The Overworked Orang-Utang
The Orang-Utang have the strange idea that there is no such thing
as lucky objects. There *is* such a thing as lucky people. They'll
stick to you like leeches if they think this will somehow improve
their lucky event quota. My advice is that, when choosing a living
amulet, they shouldn't pick winners. They should choose one from
among their most pathetic friends. They'll just feel lucky
December 22 - January 20
The Celestial Parsnip
Parsnips are Contrarians. That disgusting item that someone gave to
him unwillingly and that just happens to have a vile taste will be his
luck magnet, as a Parsnip sees it.. He won't throw it away and he
refuses to bury it in the bottom of a drawer and forget that it exists.
Why? Because it's the key to his happiness. Don't get involved.
January 21 - February 18
The Knotted String
For a Knotted String, luck is unreachable. You can't have it and
you can't not have it. It *is*. So if anyone wants to increase
the little portion of auspicious events for a known person of this
sign, they can give her an amulet of any kind as a present, but
just don't tell her that it's lucky, because it will lose all of its
power. A Knotted String is the *cause* of her own bad luck.
If she ever goes to an astrologist's, he'd better start looking
for another job, because his days of communing with the infinite
February 19 - March 20
The Flying Moose
The Flying Moose has something extraordinary. He has FAITH. Along
with the Fat Cousins, he is the only sign who can make an amulet
out of any stupid thing as long as he thinks that that stupid
thing brings LUCK. That is why we advise him to go to any street
market, look for the most aesthetically acceptable esoteric necklace
and put all his hopes in it. It will bring him as much luck as
anything else, but at least he won't look like a slob.
-- Lady Aranluc
None of these signs quite right? Cheer up, there are 52 more
signs, and one of them just might fit.
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3