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526WOSSNAME -- September 2009 -- PART 6 of 6

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  • granny_tude
    Sep 30, 2009
      WOSSNAME -- SEPTEMBER 2009 -- PART 6 OF 6 (continued)

      ====Part 5 -- HOROSCOPE AND CLOSE

      30) CLOSE



      "Mr Magnifico, I am your greatest fan and always read your
      horoscopes. Your travels from Brindisi to Ankh-Morpork must have
      been the very exciting, and you must have had so many adventures! I
      have never been outside of Ankh, except once to the Patrician's
      Palace with Pater and Uncle George to have some legal matter dealt
      with, but I love to read the tales of your travels."

      They say that travel broadens the mind, except for the wizzard
      Rincewind, who says travel broadens the distance people have to
      throw sharp objects at you. Fernando has the very broad mind, nearly
      as broad as his magnificent shoulders, and has spent the many years
      travelling abroad to broaden his experience in the many things.
      Fernando has seen many magnificent places on the Disc, none as
      magnificent as Ankh-Morpork, Queen of cities (a noisy and slightly
      incontinent queen perhaps, but still queen), but still wonderful in
      their own way. One never knows what jewels of experiences you will
      find in even the smallest, most out of the way places, such as the
      leek-and-weasel soup old Mother Pirogi of Sto Lat makes.

      One such place was the small town of Tuzsup in Uberwald. Fernando
      cannot tell the story of his experiences with the Mayor's daughter,
      for the gentleman never tells (and besides my friends, you would not
      believe Fernando if he told you what she could do with a stick and
      bucket, and Fernando is not talking about the dance). But Fernando
      can tell the story of the Mayor's bellissimo son, who was stolen
      away in the dead of night by a band of wandering minstrels, with
      nothing more than the clothes on his back, his lute, two suitcases,
      a backpack, $15 from the city's coffers, and a mule. The Mayor was
      heartbroken, of course, and offered a reward for anyone who would
      bring back the mule and the money, and his thanks if the son was
      returned as well. Fernando was passing through the town, and of
      course when he heard of the great tragedy he offered his services to
      the Mayor.

      My friends, Fernando is a magnificent woodsman, and knows his way
      around the forest as well, so he soon was able to find the
      minstrels. Fernando does not approve of the violence, and he pleaded
      to the minstrels to let the young man give up his dream of being a
      troubadour and return back to Tuzsup, where his father, who is
      occasionally fond of him, waited. Alas, my friends, they would not
      listen. Fernando does not like to recount what happened next, but
      voices were raised, and eventually "push came to shove" as they say
      in Morporkian, and not just the shoving but the fighting too.

      Fernando is not the violent man, and you know my friends, but soon
      clothes were ripped off and five angry young minstrels full of fire
      and passion were throwing their hot, angry bodies against Fernando.
      But Fernando stood firm and soon took the situation well into hand.
      It was a magnificent fight, my friends, five against one, but
      Fernando outlasted them all, and when they fell asleep by the fire,
      bruised and sore from the battle, Fernando grabbed the Mayor's son,
      hoisted him over Fernando's magnificent shoulder, and took him back
      to town.

      Alas, Fernando forgot the mule and the money, and so did not get the
      reward. But do not worry my friends, for Fernando did not do this
      for the sake of lucre. The look in the Mayor's eyes when he realised
      his son was back, and would be playing Pathway To Paradise on the
      lyre at three in the morning, was all the reward Fernando needed.

      Until next time,

      Ciao bella!

      Editor's note:
      You too can have your questions answered magnificently by Fernando!
      Send your questions by C-Mail to
      <Magnifico@...>, and for Roundworld readers, E-Mail
      to <magnifico at pearwood.info>.



      ...and it really is goodnight, as the clock here in deepest Fourecks
      ticks off the final minutes of the month of September...or is it
      Sektober yet?

      With a bit of luck, we'll have some more comprehensive reports on
      NADWcon for your perusal in next month's issue.

      Special thanks go to the stalwart students and Faculty of
      Roundworld's Bugarup University, for standing in for the Newshound
      Gang this month, and to Colin Smythe as always for his invaluable

      For the denizens of EcksEcksEcksEcks, don't forget to put your
      clocks back this weekend. For everyone else, don't put them back --
      or forward -- yet; the people down here are rather more relaxed
      about setting their clocks and seasons at the same time as the rest
      of us.

      Take care, and we'll see you next month!


      End of Part 6.
      If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
      Copyright (c) 2009 by Klatchian Foreign Legion