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257WOSSNAME -- OCTOBER 2005 -- PART 2 OF 3

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  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    Oct 31, 2005
      WOSSNAME -- OCTOBER 2005 -- PART 2 OF 3

      ==== Part 2


      by Lady Anaemia Asterisk

      Alliteration: amazing, amusing, all-astounding alliteration! This
      month, I pepper your page with confounding confections of literal and
      literary fonts fantastic. Why, do you ask? Just because I can! Now
      stand back and marvel as your friendly neighbourhood astrologer
      aimlessly attempts animatedly acerbic animation without a net. Or a

      p.s. This is the sort of alliteration that goes as much by the
      *sound* of words as by their first letters. Read aloud for maximum


      The Adamant Hedgehog 21 Mar - 20 Apr

      This month, you will display diverting depths of debating derring-do
      and decoct diabolically Dibblerish deceptions in dazzling, dexterous
      demonstrations of delectably delicate diction. You will dreamily
      deflect doubt and derision with the disputational deftness of a
      Descartes or Derrida, as delineated duellists decamp in distress. In
      the demesne of discourse, you can do definite damage. Dude!

      Tip of the month: avoid amorous Agateans.


      Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips 21 Apr - 21 May

      This month, your new-found, nay, nascent knowledge of nimble-fingered
      needlework will be named newsworthy (note that the nature of this
      needlework is not...nocturnal). Negate nugatory nay-sayers and
      Nugganites as you network your Niche-market: nobles, nobs and nabobs
      (not Nobby), but never niggardly nincompoops nor neolithic nerds.
      Navigate numismatic narrows to nurture your nest-egg - now!

      Tip of the month: bypass bellicose Borogravians.


      Herne the Hunted 22 May - 21 Jun

      This month, fulfil your farinaceous fancies with a fecund fiesta of
      figgin folderol, fresh flatbreads, filigreed filo-pastries and
      flavoursome fruit flans...in other words, free your fertile flights
      of floury fantasies and fetter your fears and feelings of
      foreboding and failure in the field of foodstuffs! For fierce Fedecks
      foretells fair fortune, fine fodder-fashioners.

      Tip of the month: upbraid unctuous Uberwaldeans.


      The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun - 22 Jul

      This month, you'll effectively explore the exquisite efficacy of
      education as you endeavour to express the elements of erudition from
      erratic to the erotic, the earthly to the exotic and the ecumenical
      to the extraordinary. Your expert, enthusiastic exhibition of
      exceptional excerpts expels ennui and entreats everyone to enter
      establishments of enlightenment. Enthral 'em with euphonious
      ekphrasis - or ex-ter-mi-nate!

      Tip of the month: jettison gentrified Genuans.


      Bilious, God of Hangovers 23 Jul - 23 Aug

      This month, a surplus shipment of succulent seafood serendipitously
      sorts solvency scrapes and spells salvation as Society celebrates and
      salivates at your Celestial Squishi Shop's chef's specials! Strive
      sweetly to centre self-supporting schemes: suddenly, struggles cease.
      Salute psychic strength, savour census surveys, sing softly,
      sanguinely serve Seamstresses singular selections of stir-fry, and
      sell sea shells.

      (If you are an Igor, under no circumstances try to read this
      horoscope aloud!!!)

      Tip of the month: beleaguer bucolic Brindisians.


      Mubbo the Hyena 24 Aug - 23 Sept

      This month, jump joyfully into a jolly, jumbled, jelly-jawed jamboree
      of jesting. Generate jocularity, jovial japes, juicy gibes and
      generic jackassery for geriatric judiciaries, jowly generals, jobbing
      jackanapes and junior journeymen. Gesticulate generously, jingle
      janglingly, jab gerbils, jubilantly juxtapose jewels and junk, and
      juggle, juggle, juggle! Geronimo!

      Tip of the month: quash quixotic Quirmians.


      The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept - 23 Oct

      This month, grasp greatness as you gamble on gardening. Gallivant
      through goldenrod-gilded greenswards, gossip garrulously about gaudy
      gardenias, gravitate toward garish gillyflowers and gladioli-girt
      gazebos, glide gracefully around graduated glades, and gaily give
      gratuitous grass-growing guidance. Got greedy greenflies? - gather
      guardian ganders. Grab your gloves and get grubby!

      Tip of the month: terrorise truculent Tsorteans.


      Androgyna Majestis 24 Oct - 22 Nov

      This month, present pearlescent ponderings that perspicaciously
      penetrate portentously pantheistic pinnacles** with pleasing
      pyrotechnics of picaresque poetry. Perfunctorily pacify persnickety
      persons, pre-empting their pitiful protests and peccadilloes, with
      picturesquely-phrased peregrinations through pertinently poetical
      plateaus and panoramic parklands. Poetry is your personal portal;
      pander precariously, prevaricate postmodernistically, but persevere!

      Tip of the month: marginalise maladroit Morporkians.

      ** i.e., Cori Celesti.


      Great T'Phon's Foot 23 Nov - 21 Dec

      This month, orchestrate operatic octaves to obtain an onslaught of
      outrageous ovations, as you open your ordained oral orifice for
      orotund outpourings of opulently onomatopoeic aural occasions!
      Opportunistically overwhelm ordinary oddballs, ostentatiously ornate
      opera-obsessives, overweight odalisques, obfuscatory operatives,
      owlishly ossified octogenarians and omnipresent occult Oggs.
      Otherwise occupied? Oh.

      Tip of the month: admonish acrimonious Al-Ybians.


      Hoki the Jokester 22 Dec - 20 Jan

      This month, make murder your monstrously macabre mandate as you
      mordantly massacre multitudinous Morporkians: mimes, miscreants,
      mendicants, misanthropes, martinets, mountebanks, milliners,
      mathematicians, militiamen, machinists, musicians, musketeers,
      mariners, mariachis, marchionesses, matriarchs, mentalists, monks,
      mapmakers, mountaineers, mutterers, matelots, marksmen, misers,
      madrigal-singers, motley-wearers...and of course, meddling morticians
      - and Miss Marple. Malevolent motiveless murder makes marvellous

      Tip of the month: evade estranged Ephebians.


      The Rather Large Gazunda 21 Jan - 18 Feb

      This month, investigate your inner inventor. Ignore idiosyncratic
      insinuations of idiocy or impropriety; impervious to imprecations and
      insults, instinctively ideate ingeniously and intrepidly, interpolate
      integratedly, and indulge your incipient imaginings - inchworm-
      irradiation, igloo-icers, inkwell-irrigators, identity-imprinters,
      indoor ionisers...be illustriously industrious and indicate idealised
      intelligence. I insist.

      Tip of the month: outrage overbearing Omnians.


      Lesser Umbrage 19 Feb - 20 Mar

      This month, let love's leitmotif lambently limn your lacklustre life!
      Lovely, lasting, late-blooming love; languid, lingering love;
      lascivious, lustful love; lurching, lumbering love; lubricated
      leather love; and last but not least, lurid lycanthropic love. Love's
      lucent language lifts lesser lollygaggers to levitation-levels.
      Leaven less lively love letters, lest love lugubriously languish.
      Love is all you need!

      Tip of the month: harass hirsute Heliodeliphilodelphiboschromenians.


      ... and there you have it. Please write directly to WOSSNAME
      at jschaum111@... if you have any questions and we will
      forward them directly to Lady Asterisk. If she's in a good mood,
      she may even answer them.

      End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3
      If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...

      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]