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177WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2004 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)

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  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    Mar 24, 2004
      WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2004 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)

      Taken from Cheery Littlebottom's website, http://www.cheerycomic.co.uk/
      with permission


      You look strangely at friends when they offer you a jelly baby.

      * You experience an urge to hunt down with pitchforks and flaming
      torches anyone who ends sentences in multiple exclamation marks.

      * You see a poster advertising a film and you are surprised that it
      doesn't mention Onne Thousande Elephants.

      *You believe that thoughts are being inserted into your head by
      small grey mongrel dogs.

      *You pass the town hall and look out for thieves being punished in
      the vicinity.

      *Every time you have a cough sweet you think of Scully Maltoon's

      *You deify people who let the grass grow under their feet.

      *You sing along to your favourite tune with the words "Gold, gold,
      gold, gold"

      *You puzzle your workmates by ringing in sick and telling them
      you have caught a walrus.

      *You carry a small blue fluffy blanket with you, just in case.

      *You idly wonder how many parrots they have providing the sound
      at your local cinema.

      *You specify "no blood" when you order a Bloody Mary.

      *You start, putting commas in odd places in, your sentences.

      Your computer crashes and you try to feed it cheese.

      *You carry round a stock of oranges to throw at people, just to
      make sure.

      *Your friends wonder why, when blaspheming, you're likely to be
      heard saying "Ye gods!"

      *You ask friends to show you their holiday iconographs when they
      return from a trip.

      *You feel more relaxed in church when there is a female priest

      *You eye anyone selling apples with caution.

      *You have an odd aversion to strawberry yoghurt.

      *The barman in your local pub is tired of telling you that they
      don't sell Winkle's Old Peculiar.

      *You check the water for newts as part of your beauty régime.

      *You see someone wearing a diamond ring and wonder whose
      tooth it was.

      *Visiting your attractive female hairdresser makes you
      unaccountably nervous.

      *You roam around your university's library, trying to find last

      *You tell your friend you'll c-mail him.

      *Before doing anything difficult or dangerous, you say very loudly
      and clearly "It's a million-to-one chance but it might just work."

      *Your local newspaper receives a letter from you complaining
      about the blatantly vitalist nature of its obituaries section.

      *In your will, you have left your money to yourself -- just in case.

      *Seeing a poorly-shaven man, you reach for the garlic.

      *You never pat poodles.

      *You always keep a wary eye on the sky when wearing red shoes.

      *You go down into the basement and feel an urge to sing the hiho

      *Back at your place, you offer your stupendously hunky date some
      fish heads and a saucer of milk.

      *You refer to a less-than-bright acquaintance as "a bit of a Detritus".



      To the Editor:

      The Harrisson Chronology was very entertaining but being
      a natural nit picker I've got a few minor points:

      1) The Third Age

      Was Didactylos the librarian of the library at Ephebe ?
      I haven't had a chance to check that one.

      2) The Fourth Age

      "These early chronicles are characterised by a very medieval setting
      and heavy use of magic, but only by wizards -- everyday tools like
      picture-boxes have not yet been invented."

      Twoflower has a picture box in The Colour of Magic.

      3) The Seventh Age

      "the invention of the printing press recorded in The Truth"
      The printing press had already been invented (see the
      publication of the Joy of Snacks in Maskerade). It was
      moveable type that was invented in The Truth.

      I think only three question marks in seven ages is pretty good going.


      -- Helen Simpson



      To the Editor:

      I went to a book signing for Wee Free Men in Harrow.
      Around the corner from the bookshop was a Havelock Street.

      -- Asti Osborn, UK

      PS: No, I am NOT Anaemia Asterisk!!!!

      To the Editor:

      There's Havelock Pl, just round the corner from RMIT, too.
      It's about three metres long, just behind the Oxford Scholar
      hotel right near Druid's, home of the too much red meat
      old days Melmeets.

      -- Jason Parlevliet, Australia

      To the Editor:

      While perusing a botany course catalog I found an ad
      in the back asking for volunteers at the library. . .
      for more information call Margriet Wetherwax.

      -- The Snow Queen

      To the Editor:

      Apparently there was someone named Weatherwax who had some
      high mucky-muck job at the BBC, or something like that,
      before Pterry wrote Equal Rites. If so, that person has long
      since disappeared. The same was true, way back in Ago, of
      a person whose surname was Quatermass.

      For those H2G2 fans who might have wondered how Douglas
      Adams came up with the name of ultramegasuperneutronstar
      Hotblack Desiato, it was, plain and simple, the name of a North
      London estate agency. Not long after the mega-success of the
      H2G2 oeuvre, the company changed its name to Hotblack and
      Co. One can only guess at the number of nuisance calls it took
      before they decided to shoulder the cost of re-branding. I wonder
      if they'd ever considered suing Adams...

      Hmm, I wonder if there are any Ridcullys or Stibbonses - or
      Oggs?! - in the Yuk phone directories? I do know for a fact that
      a certain Mrs Garlick used to work for the Home Office :-)

      -- Dru


      >(Ed: Anyone spotted any other
      > Lovecraftian or Holmes allusions?)

      To the Editor

      What, beside the fact that Vimes keeps sniping at
      Holmes throughout Guards! Guards!?
      Pratchett makes fun of Holmes a lot, with mismatched
      quotes like "the incident of the orang-utan in the
      night", and the whole thing about not by eliminating
      the impossible you find the truth, but by eliminating
      the possibilities, and basically quite a lot of Vimes'
      deducting comments are against Holmes.

      As for the elder gods - I'm not that big a fan of
      Lovecraft, but Neil Gaiman has a shared joke about the
      Necrotelecomnicon in Sandman - the Liber Paginarum
      Fulvarum, which appears in the dedication to Equal

      --Yasmin ;-)
      If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
      End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3

      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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