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128WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)

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  • JSCHAUM111@aol.com
    Jan 26, 2003
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      WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
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      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
      DISCWORLD POETS STRIKE AGAIN!
      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      5) LIMERICKS THAT HAVE ROCKS IN THEM

      Miss Agnes Nitt, known as Perdita
      Was a famously unfussy eater
      And also, I think
      Not averse to a drink
      Till Vlad ordered Nitt by the litre.

      An Ankhian zombie, Reg Shoe
      Was a practical man through and through
      When losing his head
      He smiled calmly and said
      "Much obliged if you'd pass me the glue!"

      Archchancellor Ridcully said
      "My Faculty's far too well-fed
      "These silly-goose wizards
      "Think overstuffed gizzards
      "Exude thaumological cred."

      A Seamstress romanced** an Assassin
      As Mrs. Palm's house he was passin'
      She cried, "You're no Clown,
      "You're a chore to pin down
      "But oh! What a cinch to unfasten!"

      There was a farmhand named Bill Door
      Who never found harvests a chore
      MISS FLITWORTH? he said
      I'M DEATH, AND YOU'RE DEAD.
      THERE'S TIME, THOUGH, FOR DANCING - ONE MORE?

      The Duke of Ankh, Samuel Vimes
      Is concerned with the solving of crimes
      His ginger-beer fictions
      Secure him convictions.
      (That's crude, also rude...but it rhymes.)

      A thimble of Nanny Ogg's scumble
      Can cause seasoned drinkers to stumble
      And fall, at the pass
      On the way to Bad Ass.
      That's just the way *them* apples crumble.

      A plateful of Klatchian curry
      So hot that it makes your eyes blurry
      Is value for money
      Despite being runny -
      You'll run in one 'eck of a hurry...

      --Drusilla D'Afanguin

      There once was a Sergeant named Colon
      Who liked to kick perps in the bolon
      "They shriek and they roar
      And they roll on the floor
      And quickly give back what they've stolon."

      -- Joe Schaumburger

      There once was a guy named Vic,
      Who wanted to be in a click,
      His act was a-miss,
      but boy, could he kiss,
      And now he's the star of the Disc.

      --Yasmin ;-)

      An Igor (the way Pterry tells this)
      Is a veritable Paracelsus
      So if you should start
      To disparage his art
      He'll take it to heart (someone's else's).

      - Kate, sneaking one in

      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      6) RED HOT HAIKUS RIGHT OFF THE PRESS

      This one is contributed by a friend of mine, Leanne,
      who for reasons all her own, doesn't actually read Pterry.

      Disk World is shattered
      Elephants fly forgotten
      Pterry'n lies a tale

      Kate - fond of bad punes

      The Lancre coven meets
      the cauldron bubbles and boils.
      Granny makes her tea.

      The Dungeon Dimensions
      are filled with creatures most odd.
      Rincewind uses a sock.

      The moon drifts through clouds
      Darkness settles over the Shades
      A tourist is mugged.

      Glorious springtime
      In the kingdom of Lancre:
      Nanny fills her bath.

      -- Kate, doing her thing

      7) SOME DWARVEN HAIKUS

      Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
      Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
      Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold

      -- Mysapp

      Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
      Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
      Gold Gold Gold Silver

      -- Conman
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      8) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      Heya Joe,

      ED:>Dru, your limericks are terrific!

      Thank you! I *am* disappointed that no-one else has
      come forward so far, though. Some of those
      limericks composed themselves at me instantaneously
      (e.g., the Nanny Ogg and Death ones), some took a
      couple of minutes' thought, but all in all that sort of
      versifying is soooo easy. Erm, well, it is to me.

      ED:>Am appointing you Limericks Editor or
      >Goddess of Limericks, whichever you
      >prefer. [1] Will be the highlight of the next issue!

      Wheee! I'll see if the mood strikes me to make some
      more soon. I think, in the spirit of Discworld, perhaps
      Limericks Mistress might be most descriptive, heheh.

      >Joe, gratefully
      >
      >[1] Editor looks better on your resume, on the
      >other hand Goddess bring you worshippers.

      How about temple offerings? I'm broke: P

      ED> I fear all the temple offerings would be limericks.
      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      JULIE'S QUESTION

      To The Editor:

      (In response to the December newsletter question from Julie,
      who asked about the first book in the Discworld series)

      The first book is assumed to be Color of Magic, and the
      books follow in order of when they were written. However,
      you also asked if this would be the book to start with,
      and I think...no (and I think others agree with me)

      There is no set book to start on (as many will tell you),
      though some websites post maps showing certain books
      that are best (dreadfully confusing things). I myself
      started in the middle of the series with Reaper Man,
      one of the few in my local library, and it was just fine.
      I went back to read the first two books of the series,
      Color of Magic and Light Fantastic, and I didn't enjoy
      them very much. They were good books, better than
      most, but the only thing that kept me reading was the
      fact that I had read Terry Pratchett’s books before,
      and thought that it was worth it.

      The conclusion I shall now draw after this horribly wordy
      response is loosely based on others’ experience. When
      I command my friends to read Terry Pratchett books
      (I’m only human, and, besides, it’s good for them),
      I recommend Wyrd Sisters, and it turns out that it’s a
      very good book to start with. It’s fairly early in the series,
      and it’s very enjoyable. Another good book to get you
      hooked on Discworld is Guards! Guards! Either one works.

      It’s my opinion that the later you go into the series,
      the better the books, but everything has to start
      somewhere, I suppose, and it would be terribly confusing
      and annoying for one to read through the s backwards
      (the whole plot of Mort was ruined for me when I read
      Soul Music first).

      Good Luck

      -- Sam
      sam927@...

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      9) KFL MEET REPORTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      SYDMEET REPORT - TWO VERSIONS

      Date: 24th Jan 2003
      People in attendance: Conman, Mysapp, Timerryn, Cat, Cats Mum.
      Sydney, Australia

      MUNDANE VERSION

      We met before 9:45 at Epping Station, all 5 of us. Caught the train to
      Central. We waited for almost an hour, generally talking and stuff, just in
      case someone else would turn up. They didn't. At this time it was cloudy.

      We wandered in the general direction of the Galaxy bookshop, and looked
      around in there (Conman even took a few photos) until around 1 o'clock, and
      then wandered in the vague direction of Darling Harbour to get something to
      eat. We found a place and had kebabs, except for Merryn, who had a fruit
      thingy. When we were walking towards Darling Harbour there was a sun shower,
      but I may have been the only one to notice it.

      We sat on a bench next to this lake-type-thing and talked, watched the ducks
      and seagulls and ibis, got quizzed from the two Discworld quizbooks that
      Conman brought along, until we realized that it was four o'clock, even
      though it had been two o'clock just a few minutes ago. By this time it was
      incredibly sunny, and hot even in the shade.

      We walked towards Town Hall Station and went home, except Conman stayed in
      the city coz he had to do some other stuff there. I'm sure I got sunburnt.

      --Cat (if I've left anything out, feel free to correct me).

      Now to translate Cat's words into some vaguely
      dwarfish tale:

      LITERARY VERSION

      Bright was not the day and hope stayed away as the
      Wizzards gathered, at the meeting of ways known in
      mythology as "Epping Station," at a time of
      convenience to all.

      Yea, and they marched down the station. Conman was
      there, and Mysapp too. Timmerryn, drawer of cartoons
      and the Cat. And watching over the Cat, Kerry (Cat's
      mother).

      Then came the great snake of silver (I've been reading
      too many books of the "just getting to the
      industrialized world" type, where those who didn't
      invent the train get overawed by it), to carry them
      away from danger (dubious) and into the place known as
      "Central," where they hoped to be joined in their
      quest by others amongst the Wizzards.

      And they waited. And waited. And waited some more,
      until finally their patience gave out and they left.

      Then they wandered, and found themselves in a place of
      great treasures, and it was named Galaxy, and a
      veritable galaxy (exaggeration, gotta love it *g*) of
      books did await.

      Then indecision did take them, until finally hunger
      did drive the questors to food by the water, in the
      place known as a Harbour. Here it was that foreign
      food was partaken by all parties, and where a barely
      noticeable rain (which I wouldn't have noticed if a
      drop hadn't landed on my nose :P) of acid (well, all
      rain is slightly acidic, IIRC) did fall upon them.

      And now were they required to pass the great test, as
      ConMan withdrew two great tomes of knowledge and
      assailed them with questions, yea and time itself was
      forced to bend to the passage of the quiz, until
      finally the weary ones prevailed, as the quizmaster
      agreed that the shadows had lengthened greatly.

      -- Mysapp
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      MEET REPORTS CONTINUE ON PAGE 3
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      If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
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      End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3


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