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***Thought & Humor*** July 4, 2003 Edition - Happy Birthday USA

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  • Howdy
    Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper featuring Thought & Humor by Howdy ************************************ Do you know why UNC grads don t eat barbequed beans?
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 3, 2003
    • 0 Attachment
       
       
                                                 Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper
                                                     featuring 'Thought & Humor'
                                                                   by Howdy
                      
                            
       
                                                         
       
      ************************************
       
      Do you know why UNC grads don't eat barbequed beans? . . .
      Because the beans keep falling between the holes in the grill!

      ====================
       
       
      Riddles:



      1) I know a thousand faces,
             and count the tailed heads,
             feasting bright upon the eyes,
             of many who have died.
             wielding well a mighty power,
             who hath but humble stature.
             Masses fall upon their knees,
             to scare behold my only side!

      2) What is the beginning of eternity. The end of time and space.
           The beginning of every end. And the end of every place?

      3) Santiago is the capital of what country?

                                A) Belize
                                B) Bogota
                                C) Chile
                                D) San Marino


                            Answers are located below

      ===============


       
       
      ===============

      Read what you have time for below
      & save the rest for a rainy/blustery/slow time.


      ===============

      Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their
      husbands.... When Adam stayed out very late for
      a few nights, Eve became upset.
       
      "You're running around with other women," she told her
      mate. "Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam
      responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."
      The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to
      be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his
      darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.
      "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
      "Counting your ribs," said Eve.

       

      ===============


      Going anywhere this holiday weekend? Rand McNally is best known
      for maps and atlases. The company has taken all of its knowledge
      and transferred it to the virtual world!
       
      Create a road trip and pick stops along the way! When creating driving
      directions, it allows you to choose between the shortest and quickest
      routes. It seems to be more accurate than other mapping sites, too.
       
      TO VISIT THIS SITE, GO HERE:
      http://www.randmcnally.com/

      {Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line}
       
      ===============



      Subscribe:  Join the fun by sending an e-mail to:
                unc_is_funny-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
                          (Special of the week: FREE)

      ===============



      Dear Howdy,
      I enjoy reading your humorous letters.
      I look forward to receiving them also in the future.
      With wishes for success,
      Sol K.
      Department of Chemistry
      Technion-Israel Institute of Technology
      Haifa, Israel

       

      ===============

       
      ***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***
      This material is not suitable for those who are deficient in humor
      or thought challenged!!! Do not read any further - you have been
      warned. Preconceived ideas and biases could be endangered.
      A unique blend of the jocular with provocative rumination is just
      ahead for your divertissement!?! "UNSUBSCRIBE" communiqué
      located below. Even French & German students can do it...



      ===============



      A UNC* student was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a
      local police cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car. The
      police officer happened to be a UNC grad and she asked for the
      student's driver's license.
       
      The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and
      finally said to the policewoman "What does a driver's license
      look like?"
       
      Irritated, the cop said "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
       
      The driver frantically searched her purse again and found a
      small rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up
      to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license"
      and handed it to the policewoman.
       
      The cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver
      and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were
      a police officer too, we could have avoided all this hassle."

      ________
      *UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
      Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
      B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C.
      (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
      for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
      unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
      learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.

      ===============


      *** ARE YOU READY TO TEST YOUR WORD KNOWLEDGE? ***
       
      Match the words in the left-hand column with the correct
      definition in the right-hand column. The answer key is
      listed at the bottom of this newsletter.


      1. inimical                 A. Causing sleep; tending to cause sleep
      2. exheredate           B. Malicious satisfaction
      3. palpable               C. Glorification
      4. captious               D. To disinherit
      5. soporific               E. A companion; an associate
      6. exigent                  F. Capable of being touched and felt
      7. schadenfreude    G. A beginner in learning; a novice
      8. concomitant         H. Requiring immediate aid or action
      9. superlation            I. An enemy; unfriendly; unfavorable
      10. tyro                     J. Finds fault or raises objections
                  (answers below)

       
      ===============


      Due to the fact that America & its Allies just
      completed a just war, all military personel
      may receive 'Thought & Humor' FREE.
      Have them send an e-mail for their free
      subscription to:      

       unc_is_funny-subscribe@yahoogroups.com



      ===============


      If Youth, throughout all history, had had a champion to stand up
      for it; to show a doubling world that a child can think; and
      possibly, do it practically; you wouldn't constantly run across
      folks today who claim that "a child don't know anything."
       
       
      What strikes you as unusual about this sentence?
                           
                    (answer below)


      ===============



      Address Change

      Don't be without 'Thought & Humor' this Summer should
      your address (college students, military, rich people, etc.)
      change. Subscribe your new address by sending an e-mail
      from your NEW address to:

      unc_is_funny-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

      It's hard to impress the opposite sex without 'Thought & Humor'
      combined with moonlight, candlelight dinners, ocean breezes,
                                  and Howdy...

      ===============


       
      Dear Howdy,
      We want to inform you that we are interested to obtain
      Though and Humor in the case that you can send it us
      f r e e . We do not want to be unsubscibed. Send us
      Though and Humor free  on my e-mail university addres:
      kss@_____.sk. We can give it in our library for students.
      Thank you very much for your kindness.
       
      Greetings,
      Prof. K.
                            




      ===============


      The story's headline in The New York Times makes clear
      who was the designated declaimer of the day:

        IMMENSE NUMBERS OF VISITORS
        Oration By Hon. Edward Everett
        Speeches of President Lincoln,
        Mr. Seward and Governor Seymour

      What happened at Gettysburg was that with 272 fateful words and but 10
      sentences, Abraham Lincoln articulated "a new birth of freedom." In three
      minutes, a weary President gave a young nation a voice to sing of itself.

      The IRS Form 1040 EZ contains 418 words and the back of a Lay's Potato
      Chips 401. In the brief compass of 272 words, President Lincoln transformed
      a gruesome battle into the raison d'etre of a truly United States that for the
      first time in its history became a union. Before Lincoln, people used "the
      United States" as a plural: "The United States are . . . ." Ever after it
      would be "The United States is . . . ."
       http://www.intouch.org/myintouch/mighty/portraits/abraham_lincoln_213718.html
       http://www.forerunner.com/forerunner/X0210_Lincoln_a_Christian-.html
       http://www.pastornet.net.au/jmm/afam/afam0054.htm

      ===============

      Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
      humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought &
      Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
      of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
      of your choice from the list below:

      1) French university students
      2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
      3) Any accredited high school or middle school
      4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
      5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
      6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
      to Duke, NCSU, JSU, Villanova, MSU. or Florida State.

      ==============

      Great Christians in History:

       http://www.intouch.org/myintouch/mighty/portraits/index_77957.html

      ==============



      A Week's Worth Of GREAT Reading Just For You!!!
                              Howdy's address:
                    unc_is_funny-subscribe@yahoogroups.com



      ===============



      'Thought & Humor' has been  read in all 50 States,
      70 Countries, 7 Continents, many Island Nations,
      Oxford, Cambridge, every Ivy League School
      & all major American Universities including UNC!!!

      ===============


       
      If you would like to write Howdy (he reads all of them),
      send an amicable, meticulous, penurious or factious e-mail to:



       Howdy's address:         your-bestfriend4u@...



      Please tell us your general location (State, School, Country).
      All letters sent to Howdy might be printed unless you
      request otherwise. Letters marked "anonymous" may be
      printed but without the name. Your e-mail address will not
      be shown.


      Dear Howdy,
       
      Add my address to your subscription list. i love your news letter.
      It's a refreshing mixture of humor, mental challenges and truth.
      Rob (abcde@...)


      +++

      Dear Howdy,

      It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.

      Phil W.

      +++

      Dear Howdy, I GRADUATED!!!  Could you change
      my email address to 54321@...

      Thanks

      Larry (MSU)
      Systems Engineer
      General Dynamics Land Systems

      +++

      Hello Howdy,
      I receive "thought and humor" through my school web address and I
      enjoy reading it all the time. I have a boyfriend who is in the air
      force and is over seas right now and I would like for you to send him
      your newsletter. His email address is wxyz123@....
      Thank you very much.
      Rachel
      MU

      +++

      Dear Howdy, Please put my friend who is stationed in Cuba right
      now on your email list his email address is 12345@...

      Thank you so much these guys could really use the humor.

      Shelby

      +++

      Howdy,
      I love your newsletter. I don't know who subscribed me,
      but it is great! I emailed it to my daughter and I'm sure
      she will want to subscribe too!
      Have a great day!
      Jan :o)


      +++

      Dear Howdy, Thanks a bunch for your great newspaper. 
      I save them so when I feel like a laugh or challenging the
      little grey cells they can be retrieved.

      The paper is amusing,informative, clean - and just great
      fun.  I forward it to friends, esp. those with UNC connections. 
      Me - I'm at GMU in VA. Keep up the good work!
      Barbara G




      Please note that our policy allows for us to receive
      threats on alternate Tuesdays when the Moon is waning only...

      ===============



           It was a great day for a high school football game - and I was one the
      sidelines, helping out our local team. Meanwhile, my 12-year-old son was
      playing a pickup game of football on a nearby field. I was surprised to see
      him heading my way, holding his arm, and then, obviously wincing with pain.
      He'd been tackled and had fallen on his arm. It was so badly broken that the
      bone was protruding from his skin. So we rushed him to the emergency room
      where I had some of the more agonizing moments of my life, as I watched the
      doctor struggle to set my son's multiple fracture. I'll tell you, Doug was a
      tough boy, but he was in great and obvious agony. It might as well have been
      me the doctor was working on.

              As a father, it really hurts to watch the son you love suffer - a
      feeling God knows all too well, and on a level I could never comprehend.
      Because His one and only Son Jesus went through unbearable agony, dying an
      excruciating death on a cross. He wasn't crucified for things He had done.
      He died for things I have done ... even things you have done. In the Bible's
      words, "Christ died for our sins" (1 Corinthians 15:3).

              The Bible records the reaction of the Father as His Son bore all the
      pain, not only of death by crucifixion, but of all the hell of all the sin
      of all the human race. In Matthew 27:46, our word for today from the Word of
      God, Jesus cries out these words from the cross: "My God, my God, why have
      You forsaken Me?" In this moment of unspeakable agony, God the Father has
      turned His back on God the Son.

              Why? Because the Father couldn't stand to see His Son suffer this
      way?No. The answer to Jesus' question is in something we learn about God in
      Habakkuk 1:13 - "Your eyes are too pure to look on evil." That's what was
      going on in that unthinkable moment when God the Father turned away from His
      suffering Son. Jesus was carrying every evil thing I've ever done - every
      sin every person has committed from the beginning of time. In the words of
      the Bible, Jesus "bore our sins in His body on the tree" (1 Peter 2:24). God
      is holy, unable to even look at sin, even when it's His one and only Son
      that is carrying it.

              So God turned His back on His Son so He would never have to turn His
      back on you. That's His amazing love. If you think somehow you'll be able to
      make it to God any way other than totally trusting in His Son, look at that
      cross. If God turned His back on His own Son when He had your sin, what hope
      can you possibly have if you leave this life still carrying the sins of your
      life unforgiven? Your religion, your Christianity, your goodness can't
      possibly get you into heaven. Only Jesus can do that. Only Jesus died to do
      that. Your only hope is what He did on the cross for you.

              So you have nothing more important to think about other than this.
      "Has there ever been a time when I consciously gave myself to Jesus,
      believing that He - and He alone - can forgive my sin, make me right with
      God, and take me to heaven?" If not, let this be the day when you finally
      act on the total sacrifice Jesus became for you. If you're ready to finally
      belong to this One who is your only hope, then I'd like to send you my
      booklet about beginning your personal relationship with Him. It's called
      "Yours For Life." Just let me know you want it.

              On the day you stand before the Father, He will want to know one
      thing - "What did you do with My Son?" And you can point to this day as the
      day you said, "Son of God, I'm Yours!"            Ron Hutchcraft
          


      Listen with RealAudio!
       http://www.gospelcom.net/rhm/sounds/awwy/awwy4293.ram       

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------

      To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with
      Jesus Christ, please visit YOURS FOR LIFE: HOW TO
      HAVE LIFE'S MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP at:

      1-888-NEED HIM.



      ===============


      "Hey Benny," said Lou, "I just bought me a
      brand new hearing aide. It cost me $4,000,
      but it's state of the art."

      "That right?" answered Ben. "What kind is it?"

      "One-thirty-seven."


      ==================

      Dedicated to the men, women and children who lost
      their lives; all those who sacrificed their lives; And to
      all the Heroes that responded to the emergency - 9/11 ... 
       
       
      =============== 

      Depressed, Troubled, Worried???
      Big Problems???
      Want to talk with a LIVE trained counselor???
      Want to get REAL help???
      (FREE - English/Spanish)

      1-800-633-3446
      (Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')

      ===============

      Your very own library

       http://bible.crosswalk.com/

      ===============

      Please forward this newspaper to your colleagues,
      friends, and family, and let them know they can
      subscribe by sending an e-mail to:

      unc_is_funny-subscribe@yahoogroups.com


      It's a prodigious way to be an attester/deponent...



      ===============

      Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!"
      First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997
      Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture

      ==================

       "It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, to
      own their dependence upon the overruling power of God and
      to recognize the sublime truth announced in the Holy Scriptures
      and proven by all history, that those nations only are blessed
      whose God is the Lord."      --Abraham Lincoln
       
       
      ==================


                                  
                              TRIVIA:
                      
       
                        FLAG ETIQUETTE

        The flag of the United States should be flown daily from
        sunrise to sunset in good weather from public buildings,
        schools, permanent staffs, and in or near polling places on
        election days. The flag may be displayed 24 hours a day on
        patriotic holidays or if properly illuminated.

                                    ***

        The flag should always be flown on national and state holi-
        days and on those occasions proclaimed by the President. On
        Memorial Day, the flag should be half staffed until noon.

                                    ***

        The flag should never touch anything beneath it, nor should
        it ever be carried flat or horizontally.

                                             ???

                                MORE FLAG FACTS

        $51.7 million: The dollar value of U.S. imports of American
        flags in 2001; just over half of this amount ($29.7 million)
        was for U.S. flags made in China. The bulk of these flags
        was imported in October, the first full month following
        Sept. 11, when $34.8 million worth were brought into the
        country.
                                    ***
       
        $511,000: Dollar value of exports of U.S. flags in 2001.
        Mexico was the leading customer, purchasing $162,900 worth.

                                    ***

        Besides the Fourth, other days the flag should be flown
        include: New Year's Day, Inauguration Day, Lincoln's
        Birthday, Washington's Birthday, Armed Forces Day,
        Memorial Day (half-staff until noon), Flag Day, Columbus
        Day, Navy Day and Veterans Day

                                         ???

      "Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit
       of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed - else
       like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither
       and die." 

      ANSWER: Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969), U.S. President and
              Five-Star General.
       

      ==================


      If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts
      to our children, how much more will your Father in heaven give
      the Holy Spirit to those who ask for Him.      --Luke 11


      ==================

      If you stop believing what your professor told you
      had to be true and if you start thinking for yourself
      you may come to some conclusions you hadn't
      expected. You may find the Bible makes more
      sense than you thought or were told to think.
      Allow yourself to be ruined, ruined with regard
      to what you always thought could be true. Can
      you believe what you don't understand?You
      and I believe everyday what we don't understand
      unless it comes to the issue to salvation.
                 Dr. Woodrow Kroll

      ==================




      WHY COLLEGE WOMEN AREN'T READY TO MARRY

      The culture gives lots of reasons young women shouldn't marry.
      But are they the real reasons?

      http://www.boundless.org/2002_2003/departments/beyond_buddies/a0000708.html


      ==================


                                            

      Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
         life. Is this true, Doc?

      A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it,
         don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
         Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's
         like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it
         faster. Want to live longer?  Take a nap.



      ==================


      *Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may
      have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
          --Colossians 3  

      ==================

                            
      KIDS' SITE: HELP YOUR CHILD EXCEL IN SCHOOL
      http://www.familyeducation.com/channel/0,2916,66,00.html
      This site has great tips and activities to help your child excel
      in school. It's targeted to grades 3 through 8.

      ==================

       
      DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID. Think about it...


      ==================


        YOU KNOW IT'S A UNC grad..

      When he thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.

      When he thinks a quarterback is a refund.

      When he suggests you meet him at the corner of
      WALK & DON'T WALK.

      When on his job applications, he puts "Hooked on Phonics" for
      education.

      If it takes him two hours to watch "60 Minutes."



      ==================



      "That from these honored dead we take increased
      devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full
      measure of devotion, that we here highly resolve that
      these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation
      under God, and that government of the people by the
      people and for the people shall not perish from the
      earth."  --Abraham Lincoln, at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania



      ==================
               
      "How to Be Sure You're
      a REAL Christian"
       http://www.actsweb.org/htbs1.htm
      or     1-888-NEED-HIM        (24/7 - free call)

      ==================


      If you are driving at the speed of light and
      you turn your headlights on, what happens?


      ==================

      One of the reasons for the success of the internet is its open,
      peer-to-peer nature. All computers on the internet are equal,
      and in the past it hasn't mattered whether your computer is
      a 386 in Nguru on the end of a satellite phone or a big monster
      in a New York rack. If that ever changes, I think we will lose
      part of the essential, vital character of the internet. Doug Winter

       
      ==================
       
      Patrotic Songs by John Wayne:
       http://www.wavethemes.org/~usa/index.html
       
      ==================


                :
      Words to patrotic songs:    
       http://usinfo.state.gov/usa/infousa/facts/symbols/songs.htm#MS
       
      ==================

      Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic in the best of minds. 
      Men and women live on the brink of mysteries and harmonies
      into which they never enter and with their hand on the doorlatch
      they die outside.         GK Chesterton

      ==================

       
       Who is Jesus?  (http://www.ccci.org/whoisjesus/interactive-journey/)                        

      ===============



      The people of Hollywood want to secede from Los
      Angeles and be their own city.
           I'm thinking of new names, and I just can't
           decide between "Sodom" and "Gomorrah."




      ===============
       
       
      America's Christian Heritage:
       
       
       
       
      ===============





      "Almighty God, Who has given us this good land
      for our heritage; we humbly beseech Thee that we
      may always prove ourselves a people mindful of
      Thy favor and glad to do Thy will. Bless our land
      with honorable ministry, sound learning, and pure
      manners. Save us from violence, discord, and con-
      fusion, from pride and arrogance, and from every
      evil way. Defend our liberties, and fashion into one
      united people the multitude brought hither out of
      many kindreds and tongues...all of which we ask
      through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen."
      --Thomas Jefferson


       

      ===============

       
      A stewardess approached a gentleman who was voicing his
      complains rather loudly. "Yes, Sir?"
      "I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly,
      I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie, and
      there are no window blinds so I can't sleep."
      "Captain, shut up and land the plane."


      ===============


      Keene State College Newspaper interviews Howdy:

      http://www.keeneequinox.com/news/412633.html?&mkey=613569



      ===============
       
       
      Singer Kate Smith introduced "God Bless America" during her radio broadcast
      on Armistice Day, 1938. The song was an immediate sensation and its sheet
      music was in great demand. As a result Berlin soon established the God Bless
      America Fund, dedicating the royalties to the Boy and Girl Scouts of America.
       http://www.wardell.org/jotd/america.htm

       
       
      ===============


      A luxury automatically becomes a necessity ---
      when you find you can charge it.

      If mankind profits from its mistakes, we have one
      glorious future ahead of us!

      On what do you BIAS your opinion?

      Many college students look at college as a four year
      loaf made out of daddy's dough.

      A key chain is a wonderful gadget that allows us to
      lose several keys at the same time.

      If you want to forget all of your troubles, wear
      tight shoes.

      The honeymoon is really over when he telephones to say
      he'll be home late for dinner, and she's already left
      a note on the table saying it's in the refrigerator.

       
                                    
      =============== 
       
       
       
      As a schoolboy in Vincennes, Indiana, one of Red Skelton's teachers
      explained the words and meaning of the Pledge of Allegiance to his class.
      Skelton later wrote down, and eventually recorded, his recollection of this
      lecture to which you are now listening. It is followed by observations of
      his own.
       http://www.wardell.org/jotd/pledge_of_allegiance.htm

      ===============

      "In sincerity and truth, let us then rest humbly in
      the hope, authorized by the Divine teachings,
      that the united cry of the nation will be heard
      on high, and answered with blessings, no less
      the pardon of our national sins..."
      --Abraham Lincoln


      ===============
       
      Please note: If you see a UNC student
      or a liberal reading 'Thought & Humor',
      please explain to them which is thought
      & which is humor. They always get it backwards.......
       
      ===============

      AMERICA ARCHIVED
      http://www.archives.gov/
      This government site offers access to historic documents.
      View the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.


      ===============

      Please tell me if you can figure out this person:
       
      From: Vickie Deane, Realtor
      To:
      mlh123@...
      Sent: Tuesday, May 20, 2003 3:34 PM
      Subject: humor


      We would like to keep receiving thought & humor. Thanx

      ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

      ----- Original Message -----
      From: Vickie Deane, Realtor
      To:
      howdy_your_friend-owner@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Monday, June 30, 2003 10:38 PM
      Subject: unsubscribe me now you ___  _____


      I AM TIRED OF YOUR BULL____ ____ EMAILS, YOU ___, GET A LIFE!
       
                  (She had been a subscriber for several years)

      ===============
                 

      If I Knew...

      If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep,
      I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord your soul to
      keep.

      If I knew it would be the last time that I would see you walk out
      the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one
      more.

      If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up
      in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play
      them back day after day.

      If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute
      or two, to stop and say that "I love you,"  Instead of assuming that
      you KNOW I do.

      If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share yourday,
      well, I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let this one slip
      away.

      For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight,
      and we always get a second chance to make everything all right.

      There will always be another day to say our "I love you's"
      And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything
      I can do's."

      But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like
      to say how much I love you and hope we never forget.
      Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And
      today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved ones tight.

      So, if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
      For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day,

      That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, a kiss,
      And you were to busy to grant someone, what turned out to be
      their one last wish.

      So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear,
      Tell them how much you love them, And that you'll always hold
      them dear.

      Take the time to say "I'm sorry" "please forgive me" "thank you"
      or "It's ok"



      ===============

                        
      The other day, I went to the local disco, and I showed the
      doorman my driver's license and one of the wheels off my
      car. He asked what the wheel was for. I said, "the guy on
      the radio said you were checking . . . ID's and a tire."


      ===============
                               
       
      Definitions~~~

      Twenty Something  -- The cost of a sitter for Saturday night.

      Fancy Restaurant  -- One that serves cold soup on purpose.

      College  -- The four-year period when parents are permitted
      access to the telephone.

      Hors D'oeuvres  -- A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

      Kissing  --  A means of getting two people so close together
      that they can't see anything wrong with each other.

      Emergency Numbers  -- Police station, Fire Department
      and Places that deliver.

       
      ===============

      KIDS' SITE: LEARNING FUN!
      http://www.eduplace.com/kids/index.html
      Even though school's out for summer, your brain doesn't have to go
      on vacation, too. Play educational games, puzzles, quizzes and more!
       
      CONTEST SITE: CATCH THE US OPEN!
      http://www.lincolnmercury.com/promos/03USOpen/
      Win a hotel stay and two tickets to the men's finals of the US Open
      in New York City. Must be 21. Deadline: 7/31/03.

      {Double click on the web address above for additional information:} 
       
      ===============

      The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who
      can understand it?  "I the Lord search the heart and examine
      the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according
      to what his deeds deserve."     --Jeremiah 17

      ===============
       
       
       
      What is the most historically significant event of 1776?
       
      As an American, the signing of the Declaration jumps to mind.  Arguably,
      America influences the shape of the world today and the destiny of the
      world tomorrow.  And the global influence of the American experiment began
      in 1776.  Constitutional democracy has swept the world over the last two
      centuries from India to Chile to Russia, American democracy has inspired
      as much as it has been emulated.  That certainly qualifies the Declaration
      of Independence as a significant historical event of 1776.
       
      Yet perhaps there is another plausible contender for this title: the
      publication of Adam Smith's work Wealth of Nations.  Just as democracy
      has swept around the globe in the last two centuries, with equal pace and
      force, the ideas of Smith have gained sway.  Smith's economic theories
      are the foundation for modern capitalism, which has gained currency from
      the markets of Nairobi, to the financial centers of Hong Kong, to the
      skyscrapers that line Wall Street.  Unquestionably, Smith's work is a
      major shaper of our world today.
       
      Given such enormous competition, could a third contender even be seriously
      considered?  Mark Noll, the pre-eminent evangelical historian, thinks so.
      In a lecture at Harvard Divinity School, Noll made this startling
      statement:
       
      I say with calculated awareness of what else was going on in Philadelphia
      [the signing of the Declaration of Independence], and in Scotland, where
      Adam Smith published his Wealth of Nations, that of all world-historical
      occurrences in [1776] the publication of August Montagu Toplady's [Rock of
      Ages] may have been the most consequential. (Footnote 1: Mark Noll and
      Ronald F. Thieman, Where Shall My Wond'ring Soul Begin? (Grand Rapids, MI:
      Eerdmans, 2000) 12.)
       
      The first and most reasonable response to such a bizarre statement is:
      what in the world do you mean, Professor Noll?  How could a hymn be more
      historically significant than the Declaration of Independence?  How could
      song and verse be more historically potent than Smith's Wealth of Nations?

      Noll does not explain his surprising remark, but rather leaves it for the
      theological imagination of his audience.  So imagine with me how this
      could be true.  
       
      Imagine what occurs when through a hymn countless men and woman are
      confronted with the love of God and His redeeming work on their behalf.
      Imagine thousands of hearts made tender in the sway of a tune.  Imagine
      legions of transformed hearts singing, "Nothing in my hand I bring, simply
      to the cross I cling." Imagine God on the move.
       
      Remember, God does not just save souls for the hereafter but redeems lives
      on this earth.  Maybe that is how a hymn can matter so much. Keith Cox 

       
      ===============
       
       
      Options~~~

      General Motors has added wires to the rear window to clear fog and frost.

      Chrysler has added heating elements under the wipers so they can be freed
      when frozen and not burn up the motor.

      But Renault is adding the wire elements to the bumpers on all of their new
      cars. Seems that keeps your hands warm while you're pushing...
           
      ===============

                           

      WORD-MATCH
                               ANSWER KEY

      1. inimical                  I. An enemy; unfriendly; unfavorable
      2. exheredate           D. To disinherit
      3. palpable                F. Capable of being touched and felt
      4. captious               J. Finds fault or raises objections
      5. soporific               A. Causing sleep; tending to cause sleep
      6. exigent                 H. Requiring immediate aid or action
      7. schadenfreude    B. Malicious satisfaction
      8. concomitant        E. A companion; an associate
      9. superlation          C. Glorification
      10. tyro                    G. A beginner in learning; a novice

      ===============

       
      Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one
      day when he came across a ticket from the local
      shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket
      showed that it was over 11 years old. They both
      laughed and tried to remember which of them might
      have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a
      decade ago.

      "Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?"
      Arnold asked.

      "Not very likely," his wife said.

      "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
      He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove
      to the store.

      With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the
      man behind the counter. With a face just as straight,
      the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these."
      He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the
      shop.

      Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"

      "No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who
      would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."

      The man came back to the counter, empty-handed.
      "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
       
       
      ===============


      "Not being on the air, that's not important. But I'd like
      to be in the newsroom helping set the agenda."

      Retired CBS Anchorman Walter Cronkite

      {Dear Walter, Fair news knows no agenda - Howdy}


      ===============



      Answer:    
       
      The letter 'e' is never used in the sentence          
       
       
      ===============


      If blinking only takes a fraction of a second, how are
      the majority of people able to capture someone doing
      it at least twice on a 24 picture roll of film?

      =============== 

      Bible - God's Word in different languages...

      http://www.scriptures.com/

      ===============


      Goodbye for now, God Bless America & Happy Birtday USA!!!

      Your friend, confidant, & cohort,
      Howdy
      (probably spurious)
       
      P.S. To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.

       
      DEDICATION: Caroline & James in Florida



      ===============


      Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long?
      A: All newspapers & magazines are long!

      Q: What if I can't read all of it?
      A: Delete it. Most folks don't read every word in every newspaper/magazine either?

      Q: Am I required to memorize each article?
      A: Nope! Delete what you don't have time for or save for another time.

      Q: Is 'T & H' Spam?
      A: No, it's made entirely of ham.

      Q: Can I forward to friends & family?
      A: Please do.

      Q: How many people have had opportunity to read 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers?
      A: Well over 1 million + many forwards by you.

      Q: Who is Howdy?
      A: We let him think he's the boss...

      ===============                                                                                       


                              
      Four important things to KNOW:

      1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
      Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons,
      Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God.

      2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation
      from God, & damnation) but the Gift (Free & at No Charge to you) of
      God  (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in
      union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah,
      Prince of Peace & Savior).

      3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims,
      Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
      Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten
      (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living)
      believes  (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have
      eternal  (everlasting) life (heaven).

      4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female
      - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian,
      European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to
      the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name).

      This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -
      (Rev. 3:20)

      {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are
      not requirements for becoming a Christian however they are great afterwards!!!}
      http://www.gty.org/IssuesandAnswers/archive/baptism.htm

      Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction
      (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it.  But small
      is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
      forever with God), and only a few find it.                 --Matthew 7:13-14


      ===============

      If spiderwebs are made by spiders, what makes cobwebs -- cobs?

       
      ==============


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