Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.
 

***Thought & Humor*** Jan 7, 2004 Edition - Please Forward To A Friend/Prof/Congressperson

Expand Messages
  • Howdy
    Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper featuring Thought & Humor by Howdy =============== A UNC grad placed the following ad in the paper: WANTED: 250 acres in
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 5, 2004
       

                
                           Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper 
                                featuring
      'Thought & Humor'
                                                                     by Howdy
                      
                                         
       
                                                         
       
      ===============

       
      UNC grad placed the following ad in the paper:

      "WANTED:  250 acres in Alaska to lease between
      November and March.  Want to raise frozen vegetables."
       

      ===============
       
          
          Riddles:



      1) All that I see, is all that I want
         Yet what I see is nothing I need
          I am pleased with nothing, and so seek I must do
          Until my desire is quenched, I'll never be through.
       
                      What am I?  

      2) I am as light as a bird and as lovely flower.
            I sometime last from year to year,
            and sometime but an hour.
            I stop the swiftest railroad train,
            I break the strongest tree
            but yet I am afraid of fire.
            Children play with me.
       
                         What am I?

      3) I dig out tiny caves, and store gold and silver
          in them. I also build bridges of silver and make
          crowns of gold. They are the smallest you could
          imagine. Sooner or later everybody needs my
          help, yet many people are afraid to let me help them.

                     Who am I?


      4)  Over on the hill there is a little green house.
      Inside the green house there is a little white house.
      Inside the little white house there is a little red house.
      Inside the little red house there are a lot of little babies.
       
                            What is it?
            

      5) To some I can hold treasure,
                To others most displeasure.
                I am always near you,
                Yet always far.
                I am done when I begin,
                And begin when I end. 
       
                     What am I? 

      6) If you have it you want to share it. If you share it you won't
      have it. What is it?


                                              (Answers are located below)
                                       If you can't find the answers below:
                                 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/howdy_text_only/messages

      ===============


       

      ===============
       
      UNC Prof:  I want you to spell Mississippi.
      UNC Student: The river or the state?
       
       

      ===============
                             
                                
      Read what you have time for below & save the
      residuum for a snowy/blustery/dilatory time since
      the resplendent & effulgent foliage has cascaded
      to its wintry haven...


      ===============

       
      Dear Howdy,

      I would like to continue receiving Thought & Humor.
      I have not received it in some time.

      John F., MD
      Assistant professor
      Michigan State University
      Colleges of Medicine



       

      ===============

                       

      *A MAJOR DECISION

      With as many as 77% of moms reporting their wish
      to stay home with their children and forgo employment,
      deciding what to study in college may be more important
      than you realize. You, or your future wife, are not doomed to a
      nine-to-five job like some would have you believe. You do have
       
      {Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line}

       
      ===============



      Subscribe:  Join the jollity by sending an e-mail to:
                                                        your-bestfriend4u@...
                                                  (Place "SUBSCRIBE" in the subject).
                             (Open To ALL - Even Your Roommate/mom/friend/professor)

                           You may subscribe ANY friend you wish to beguile/regale.
                           They will be sent a confirmation warning them that smiles are in their future.
                                                 (You may remain anonymous if you wish.)
       
      ===============


                                                         

      But as it is written: "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
      Nor have entered into the heart of man The things
      which God has prepared for those who love Him."
                    1Co 2:9 - Show Context


       

      ===============

       
      ***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***
      This material is not suitable for those who are deficient in humor
      or thought challenged!!! Do not read any further - you have been
      warned. Preconceived ideas and biases could be endangered.
      A unique blend of the jocular with provocative rumination is just
      ahead for your divertissement!?! "UNSUBSCRIBE" communiqué
      located below.
          Even French students can do it...



      ===============

                             

       
      Two hunters who were UNC* grads were dragging their
      dead deer back to their car.
       
      Another hunter approached pulling his along too.  "Hey,
      I don't want to tell you how to do something...  but I
      can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer
      in the other direction.  Then the antlers won't dig into
      the ground."
       
      After the third hunter left, the two UNC grads decided
      to try it.
       
      A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know,
      that guy was right.  This is a lot easier!"
       
      "Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from
      the truck...."
       
      ________
      *UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
      Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
      B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C.
      (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
      for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
      unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
      learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.

      ===============

                                       
      'Thought & Humor' often polemical but
      never tasteless/unrefined/uncouth/ribald.



      ===============

       
       
      Undoubtedly America’s fastest growing sensation online,
      'Thought & Humor' has arrived after winding its way
      through the Internet’s highways and byways to your e-mail
      address. We welcome all our great readers to another unique
      blend of the jocular with provocative rumination for your
      weekly entertainment - usually platitudinous & bromidic 
      but never nefarious, prurient, besmeared, or perfidious
      and delivered gratis to offices, homes & dorms ubiquitously....

       
      ===============
            
               

      Address Change

      Don't be without 'Thought & Humor' this Winter should
      your address (college students, military, rich people, etc.)
      change. Subscribe your new address:

      your-bestfriend4u@...


      It's hard to impress the opposite sex without 'Thought & Humor'
      combined with moonlight, candlelight dinners, ocean breezes,
                                  and Howdy...

       
      ===============


        * ARE YOU READY TO TEST YOUR WORD KNOWLEDGE? *

      Match the words in the left-hand column with the correct
      definition in the right-hand column. The answer key is
      listed at the bottom of this newsletter.
       
      1. pightle             A. Anything desired 
      2. doch-an-doris  B. A woman whom one is in love with
      3. desideratum    C. An extravagant or absurd report or story
      4. oikofugic         D. A parting drink; a nightcap
      5. canard            E. Misconduct or corruption in public office
      6. aosmic           F. A small field
      7. inamorata       G. Obsessive wandering
      8. malversation   H. Odorless

                                 (answers below)                     


      ===============

      Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
      humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
      & Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
      of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
      of your choice from the list below:

      1) French university students
      2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
      3) Any accredited high school or middle school
      4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
      5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
      6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
      to Duke, NCSU, JSU, MSU. UGA, or FSU.

      ===============





                      
           A Week's Worth Of GREAT Reading Just For You!!!
                                    Howdy's address:
                          your-bestfriend4u@...





      ===============
       
                          
       
      "Thought & Humor" has been  read in all 50 States,
      70 Countries, 7 Continents, many Island Nations,
      Oxford, Cambridge, every Ivy League School
      & all major American Universities including UNC!!!
       
       
      ===============


       
       
      Q: Did you hear about the UT student who stood in
      front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
       
      A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
       


      ===============

                             
       
      If you would like to write Howdy (he reads all of them),
      send an amicable, meticulous, penurious or factious e-mail to:



       Howdy's address:       your-bestfriend4u@...




      Please tell us your general location (State, School, Country).
      All letters sent to Howdy might be printed unless you
      request otherwise. Letters marked "anonymous" may be
      printed but without the name. Your e-mail address will not
      be shown. Tell us what's happening in your locale!!!


      Dear Howdy,

      Is it possible to get Howdy Monthly instead of weekly? 
      No way can I read all of this every week!!
       
      Thanks, 
      Tom Hayes
       
      +
       
      Hey Tom,
       
      I wonder if "Time" or "U.S. sNews"
      ever receives this request??? Just read
      what you have time for now & save/delete
      the rest:O)
       
      Your Devoted Friend,
      Howdy

      +++

      Hello Howdy,

      I appreciate your web evangelism. What a response
      you seem to get from your emails.  Praise God.

      Take care, 
      Bryan C
       
      +++
       
      Howdy,
      That's fantastic!   You are obvious a big part in the
      Army of  God!  You are blessed!

      Paul H
       
      +++
       
      Howdy,
       
      I don’t know how I even got subscribed to your list.
      Usually I get subscribed to something and just end up
      getting’ peeved b/c I don’t know how I got subscribed
      and end up unsubscribing.

      However, call it divine intervention, this happens to come
      at a time in my life where my faith is growing stronger and
      in return Becoming more and more fuzzy.  But isn’t that the
      way it’s supposed to happen? It only makes it stronger, and
      what is doubt but faith seeking a deeper understanding?  But
      however I got subscribed to your list…I like it.  I like the
      challenges and answers it gives.

      As Christians, we shouldn’t be completely willing to just take
      EVERYTHING on blind faith…or at least searching for answers.
      Even if that means coming up with none.  And I’m always glad
      when someone else questions me or my faith…it only makes me
      stronger.
       
      In it. 
      Zach P
       
      +++

      Dear Howdy,

      Thank you so much for the newsletter you
      send out - it's hilarious. I'm a missionary in Poland and
      don't have access to much Enlgish material -
      especialy much English humor.  So, thankyou for the laughs -
      it's one of the things that make it possible to do what I do for our Lord.

      In His Embrace,
      cory
      Poland

      +++

      Dear Howdy,
      I am in my new job in DC.  Please add me to T&H (again). 
      I sure missed it during the move.

      Ed

      +++

      Hello Howdy, 

       my good man, I get awful buloxed when
      it comes to this email thing. But, boy, oh, boy, I sure
      do enjoy howdy and all its info.  I am amazed that you
      have the time to compile and send what you compile and send.

      God bless you.  And always remember, use enough gun! 
       
      Dale

       

      Please note that our policy allows for us to receive
      threats on alternate Tuesdays when the Moon is waning only...

                                       
      ===============




                Somewhere on cable or late night TV, you might run into my old hero.
      He's a masked man who rides on a white horse, who shoots silver bullets and
      always brings in the bad guys. Every episode ends with someone asking, "Who
      was that Masked Man?" And as the exciting William Tell Overture crescendos
      in the background, someone will say, "It's the Lone Ranger!" I'm getting all
      emotional here. Now there was one other thing about the Lone Ranger. He
      had a faithful sidekick, that Indian man in buckskins, Tonto. He's the one who
      got famous calling the Lone Ranger "Kemo Sabe." I never did know what that
      meant. Maybe the Lone Ranger didn't know either. Maybe that's a good thing.
      But there is one thing about the Lone Ranger that always seemed a little
      hard to understanding - even the Lone Ranger wasn't alone.

            
      Actually, there were never meant to be any Lone Rangers. Let's go all
      the way back to the original Lone Ranger - Adam, the first man God ever
      created. As the Creation saga unfolds in Genesis 1, the Bible uses a phrase
      repeatedly to describe how God felt about what He had been created each
      day - "And God saw that it was good." Genesis 1:31 says, "God saw all that
      He had made, and it was very good."

              There was, in fact, only one thing in Paradise that God said was not
      good. Our word for today from the Word of God, Genesis 2:18, tells us
      what it was. "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.
      I will make a helper suitable for him.'" And along comes Eve, and the
      rest is history.

             
      But the point is really important - none of us is created to be
      alone. God says it's not good. But right now, you may be at a point where
      you're feeling pretty alone. I want you to think about this for a moment -
      extended loneliness is often a choice you make. See, all too often, we're
      lonely because we make choices that are cutting us off from people. Like
      withdrawing because you're wounded, going into self-pity mode, insisting
      that it can only be a certain person or persons who you will allow to answer
      your loneliness.

              It's not good for you to be alone. So instead of waiting for
      something or someone magical to come in and end your loneliness, would
      you take action to break out of Lonely Island. God will give you the strength,
      but you have to take the step.

              You may need to open up those feelings you've been burying, even
      if showing your feelings isn't usually your style. You're a prisoner of
      yourself. You have to do what you may not feel like doing, and that's to
      reach out to people when you feel like crawling into your cave. Maybe it's
      time to broaden your world, to risk moving beyond the small circle you've
      been depending on to meet all your needs. There could be a broken
      relationship you have to start to restore. Look for some people who need
      your love and attention. Your community is full of lonely people who need
      you. And treat people as you would like to be treated, not necessarily the
      way people have treated you. Remember, that's the Golden Rule.

              Don't allow yourself to remain alone. Give yourself completely to
      the Savior who says, "I will never leave you or forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5).
      And then, with your trembling hand firmly holding His strong hand, venture
      out of the cave called Loneliness into the light called Loving Others.
      Remember, even the Lone Ranger wasn't alone. And your Lord never
      meant for you to be either.                          Ron Hutchcraft
           

      Send any comments for Howdy to:
      If published in 'T & H', millions
      could see your annotation.

      Listen with RealAudio!
      http://www.gospelcom.net/rhm/sounds/awwy/awwy4343.ram

      To subscribe to "A Word With You," send a blank email to:
      awordwithyou-subscribe@...

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------

      To find out how you can begin a personal relationship
      with Jesus Christ, please call:

      1-888-NEED HIM.



      ===============

               
      A self-addressed envelope would be
      addressed to "Envelope," right?
                   

       
      ===============

      Your very own library

       http://bible.crosswalk.com/

      ===============
       
       
       


       
             Please forward this newspaper to your colleagues,
            
      friends, and family, and let them know they can
             subscribe by sending an e-mail to:
       

        
             your-bestfriend4u@...






      ===============



      Don't have time to go to a museum but want to expand your horizons?
      Today's cool site shows the link between science and art through
      different "exhibits." For example, you can find out how one famous
      painting was painted over by another artist. Discover how color is
      perceived and what it's like to be colorblind. Do you know why we have
      Daylight Savings Time?
       
      This is great site to visit when you want to put on your thinking cap.
       
       http://webexhibits.org/

       
      {Double click on the web address above for additional information:} 
       


      ===============
       
       
                                    

      Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!"
      First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997
      Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture


      ===============
       
       


      Oh Yeah???
       
      "The dream of some Zionists for the restoration of Hebrew as a living
      language has as little chance of success as the dream of the restoration
      of a Jewish state in Palestine."   read more  
       
       
       



      ===============

       
       "It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, to own
      their dependence upon the overruling power of God
      and to recognize the sublime truth announced in the
      Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those
      nations only are blessed whose God is the Lord."     
      -- President Abraham Lincoln
       
       
      ===============
       
       


      For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ,
      for it is the power of God to salvation for every-
      one who believes, for the Jew first and also for
      the Greek.
            Ro 1:16 - Show Context
       


      ===============
              
        
                                   TRIVIA:

       The most common place name in Britain is Newton, which
        occurs 150 times.

                                   ***

        More than 40 percent of the women in the United States were
        in the Girl Scouts organization. Two-thirds of the women
        listed in Who's Who of Women were Girl Scouts.

                                   *** 

        More than 45,000 pieces of plastic debris float on every
        square mile of ocean.

                                         ???

                             KETCHUP DOLLARS
       
        Sweden is the biggest user of ketchup spending $4 a year
        on it. Australia comes in second with $2.50 spent on ketchup
        each year. Third place goes to the United States and Canada
        who spend $2.20 a year on ketchup. How do other countries
        stack up: Germany $1.70, United Kingdom $1.60, Poland and
        Japan $1.40, France $1.20, and Russia $0.90.

                                   ***

                              A DEADLY RECORD
       
        Tangshan, China, suffered the deadliest earthquake of the
        20th century on July 28, 1976. One quarter of the pop-
        ulation was killed or seriously injured, with an estimated
        242,000 people killed.

                                   ***
                  
                                WHO CARES?

        If you stacked one million $1 dollar bills, the pile of
        money would weigh 2,040.8 pounds. If you used $100 dollar
        bills, the stack would weigh only 20.4 pounds.



       
       

      ===============
       
       
                                         

      Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike.
      Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands
      are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket
      signs!"

       
       

      ===============

      If you stop believing what your professor told you had to be true
      and if you start thinking for yourself you may come to some
      conclusions you hadn't expected. You may find the Bible makes
      more sense than you thought or were told to think. Allow yourself
      to be ruined, ruined with regard to what you always thought could
      be true. Can you believe what you don't understand? You and I
      believe everyday what we don't understand unless it comes to
      the issue of salvation.                - - -  Dr. Woodrow Kroll

      ===============


       
      Would Jesus also call us fools and hypocrites
      for not recognizing that we are living in the
      “last days” on the basis of the signs we have
      been given? 

      read more     http://www.thebereancall.org/weekly-email/2003/1-2004/segment_4.htm





      ===============
       
      <

      (Message over 64 KB, truncated)
    Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.