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****Thought & Humor**** Sept 3, 2003 Edition - Back To School Issue

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  • Howdy
    Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper featuring Thought & Humor by Howdy =============== The billy goat stood contentedly chewing his way through what was left of
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 3, 2003
                                                 Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper
                                                     featuring 'Thought & Humor'
                                                                    by Howdy
      The billy goat stood contentedly chewing his way through
      what was left of the DVD.  His wife came up behind him
      and asked, "Do you like that DVD? 
      He stood there munching for a moment and then said,
      "Nah, the book was better." 


      1) My voice is tender, my waist is slender and I'm
          often invited to play. Yet wherever I go I must
          take my bow or else I have nothing to say.
          What am I?

      2)  We travel much, yet prisoners we are, and close confined
      to boot. With the swiftest horse we keep pace, yet always
      go on foot. What are we???

      3)  What can wear away stone
                with the drip of a stream,
                Cripple the oldest of anything?
                What will go on forever,
                yet never began,
                The ruler of the world
                with an iron hand?         

      4) If athletes get athlete's foot, then what do astronauts get?

      5) How does Mickey Mouse get around during the winter? 

      Answers are located below or check (tonight):


      Double click below to see this great color cartoon:
      I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.


      Read what you have time for below & save the
      residuum for a rainy/blustery/dilatory time when
      the resplendent & effulgent foliage is cascading
      to its wintry haven...


      Dear Howdy,
      I used to recieve Thought and Humor, and I have really missed
      it since I have been deprived of it.  Please add my address back.
      to your mailing list.
      Waylon (Arkansas)



      There are no real moral skeptics. Supposed skeptics
      are only playing make-believe, and doing it badly.

      {Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line}

      Subscribe:  Join the jollity by sending an e-mail to:

                          (Special of the week: FREE)


      One of the grandest art museums in the world is The Louvre
      Palace and Museum in Paris. It houses one of the world's
      most famous paintings -- the Mona Lisa, by Leonardo da Vinci.
      This is just one of the hundreds of thousands of works of art
      displayed. Thanks to the Web, you don't have to fly to Paris.
      Take a virtual tour, read the history and find out about
      upcoming exhibitions.



      This material is not suitable for those who are deficient in humor
      or thought challenged!!! Do not read any further - you have been
      warned. Preconceived ideas and biases could be endangered.
      A unique blend of the jocular with provocative rumination is just
      ahead for your divertissement!?! "UNSUBSCRIBE" communiqué
      located below. Even French students can do it...


      A UNC* grad took her dog to the vet for its annual check-up.
      "Your dog is overweight," the vet said. "You should cut
      back on his food a little and make sure he gets some
      exercise. Try playing fetch with him."
      "That's impossible," the grad replied. "I can't play
      fetch with my dog."
      "Why not?" asked the puzzled vet.
      "Because," the grad said, "he can't throw."

      *UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
      Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
      B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C.
      (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
      for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
      unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
      learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.


      'Thought & Humor' -  often polemical but
      never tasteless/unrefined/uncouth/ribald.


      Q: Why did the UNC prof. disconnect his doorbell?
      A: He wanted to win a Nobel prize.


      Address Change

      Don't be without 'Thought & Humor' this Autumn should
      your address (college students, military, rich people, etc.)
      change. Subscribe your new address by sending an e-mail
      from your NEW address to:


      It's hard to impress the opposite sex without 'Thought & Humor'
      combined with moonlight, candlelight dinners, ocean breezes,
                                  and Howdy...



      Match the words in the left-hand column with the correct
      definition in the right-hand column. The answer key is
      listed at the bottom of this newsletter.
      1. afflatus           A. A maze; confusion, bewilderment
      2. congeries      B. To concede
      3. vetust             C. Old, ancient, antique
      4. ersatz            D. Marked by care and persistent effort  
      5. raiment         E. Being a substitute or imitation
      6. yette              F. A divine impartation of knowledge
      7. peccadillo    G. To move majestically; prance
      8. mizmaze       H. Clothing in general; garments
      9. sedulous        I. A collection; an aggregation
      10. pronken      J. A slight trespass or offense

      (answers below)                     


      Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
      humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
      & Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
      of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
      of your choice from the list below:

      1) French university students
      2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
      3) Any accredited high school or middle school
      4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
      5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
      6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
      to Duke, NCSU, JSU, MSU. UGA, or FSU.


           A Week's Worth Of GREAT Reading Just For You!!!
                                    Howdy's address:

      "Thought & Humor" has been  read in all 50 States,
      70 Countries, 7 Continents, many Island Nations,
      Oxford, Cambridge, every Ivy League School
      & all major American Universities including UNC!!!

      Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields.
      The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is
      really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard
      it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
      The other cow replied, "Shoot, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks." 


      If you would like to write Howdy (he reads all of them),
      send an amicable, meticulous, penurious or factious e-mail to:

       Howdy's address:       your-bestfriend4u@...

      Please tell us your general location (State, School, Country).
      All letters sent to Howdy might be printed unless you
      request otherwise. Letters marked "anonymous" may be
      printed but without the name. Your e-mail address will not
      be shown.

      Dear Howdy,
      Please subscribe me to your newsletter.
       Director of Development
      School of Education
      5998 Alcala Park
      University of San Diego


      We have actually just come out of winter in Australia
      so I spent most of it snuggled up in front of a warm fire.
      Looking forward to Spring and Summer now.
      I hope to receive a mind-blowing newsletter from you
      soon. Nothing like a good bit of trivia to activate the mind!
      University of Southern Queensland


      Hey Howdy,
      I'm glad I read through the latest email 'cause
      I didn't want to lose my subscription to your
      humorous enewsletter.  Please resubscribe
      me and keep up the good work!  Thanks for
      the entertainment and the spiritual banter. 
      My daughter is now a new freshman in college
      (University of Portland) and your newsletter was
      one of the first things I emailed to her! 
      Have a great day!
      Cathy in Washington State


      Dearest Howdy,
      i would love to keep recieving this!!
      it makes my busy weeks go by so much
      Centenary College


      Dear Howdy,
      Please send me Thought and Humor.   
      Jim M.
      Student Academic Services
      Calvin College
      Grand Rapids, MI


      Dear Howdy,
      OK  You win, I can't live without your humor. 
      Please keep me alive !    Thank You.


      Dear Howdy, I would not open all your email until a friend said it was OK. 
      He sure was riight.  Thanks for humor and messages.  Having a husband with
      Alzheimer's disease, I need all the daily humor and inspirational messages
      from the Lord that I can get. Have a Happy New Year,
      God bless you,
      Dear Howdy,
      I can never find the answer to your riddles where are they Btw very good
      paper can always make me laugh no matter how corny the jokes are. Whats
      up with all the jokes about Unc students. Are they really that bad? Keep
      up the good work.   
      Dear Howdy,
      How Alcoholics Anonymous Doctrines Compare with Scripture
      Dear Howdy, You are so amazing!!! Thank you so much for your
      help!  It was not necessary at all but it is much appreciated!! 
      Oh, and I am a sophomore to answer your original question. 
      Thank you so much again!
      Dear Howdy,
      My family and I attend  "H___ United Methodist Church" in central
      AL. Howard (friend) has been forwarding me articles from time to time that
      he receives. I enjoyed the article and wanted to be put on your mailing list.
      Dear Howdy,
      (if thats even ur real name......lol) could u please send T&H to
      my friend? her e-mail is
      su__87@____.com   and my other
      my_____@... thanx a lot. im always forwarding T&H to them ,
      so i thought i should just subscribe them to it.
                           lots of luv,
      Dear Howdy, I have not sense of humor, so PLEASE, do not
      send me your messages any more, it will be greatly appreciated
      Thank you,
      Dear Howdy,
      I love to read your e-mail newspaper.  It is great and humorous.  
      Also I have a new fast computer. Keep up the good work.

      Dear Howdy, 
      Thank you.
      Prof. T.J. Smiley (Cambridge)

      Wendell and Jo Ann Mohr

      Dear Wendell,
      O.K. - I do!!!


      I thought you'd like this written in the same riddle fashion that
      you post with, so don't jump to conclusions as you read it through...
      I have no idea how I got on your list.  It's probably been a couple
      years now, I don't know.  I went through the time period when you
      went into hiding, when it seemed that...
      a) the Howdy Hunters did get you.
      b) you graduated with your BA in basket weaving after 8 years
           from UNC, and had to learn how to work for a living :-)
      c) you took a summer job between semesters, and couldn't work
          and publish "Thought & Humor" at the same time.
      d) all of the above
      >Well actually we've been putting 'T & H' out weekly
      for over 6 years. We've only missed 3 or 4 issues during that
      time. Incidentally it takes me about 70 hours per week per issue.
      *** Then you appeared back on air ***
      Every time your post comes in, I am barraged with a whole new
      slew of SobigF virus postings.  It is as if your mass mailing/sending
      attracts them.  It's like when those huge killer whales swim around
      and all of those tiny little fish that swim along with them are right
      along side your post.  You appear and swim by, then immediately
      I get the others swarming with you.  The scenario takes a couple
      days to taper off, until there are none after about 5 days, and then
      it starts all over again.  The disturbing point is that most of the
      e-mail adys look legitimate, and the suffixes are invariably
      (say 80%) from obvious educational institutions.
      I have your adys saved in my own "Humor" folder.  So, I am going
      to unsubscribe for a couple of weeks (especially since I know that: 
      A) the Howdy Hunters haven't gotten you; B) you'll NEVER graduate :-] 
      C) summer's over and another summer job can't possibly distract
      your editorial efforts anymore;  D) all of the above)
      In a few weeks I will resubscribe, just to see if the rash of
      SobigF virus parasites goes away or comes back.  I thought you'd
      like the heads up.
      >Well, they caught the guy who was responsible & he was 18
      years old & 300 pounds. - I'm not 18 :o)
      Although not all of the "humor" or philosophy is exactly
      scintillating to me, it is entertaining, riddles bore me, but
      I wade through them anyway, and I warm to the idea that
      a fellow Christian endeavors to produce something of
      value and impact, in a particular vein where he (or she -
      it has never been definitively said what gender Howdy
      is :) feels led to proselytize.
      Press on dear one (read the scripture as part of my auto
      sig line - BTW, among other things, I race cars, thus the
       tag lines in my auto sig line).  And, since alphabet soup
      seems to impress the ivory-tower-set, from which you
      have sprung forth...
      I have a BS in AE&ITS from MSU, an MBA in BM&ES
      from CBNU and in business I am Alpha Capital DBA
      in TX (though originally from NY, graduating from HHHS
      with a RD), with all of the sheep skins to prove it (that
      should keep you guessing for at least 5 seconds :). 
      If you could fill in all of the letters correctly, I'd send
      you a gold Howdy Star :D)))
      Now go exterminate that virus that is bothering all of us.
      meaningful auto sig line follows...
      >Well Jebby, I don't have a clue what those letters stand
      for but I have an advanced degree in APE from UNC's
      rival. Do you know what those letters stand for (neither
      do I)???
      Your Devoted Autumn Friend,
      P.S. Don't lose my address.
      P.P.S. I like your humor...


      Please note that our policy allows for us to receive
      threats on alternate Tuesdays when the Moon is waning only...


           When that terrorist bomb ripped apart the Federal Office Building in
      Oklahoma City on that infamous April 19, Mark was on the scene within ten
      minutes. Today that scene of horrendous carnage and violence is a tranquil
      Memorial Site in downtown Oklahoma City. One night when I was speaking in
      that city, Mark -- who is a police officer -- took me there for a personal
      tour that was deeply moving. Gesturing toward the quiet memorial area that
      stands where the building once stood, he showed me where the nursery had
      been, from which he had carried the youngest victims of the bombing. And he
      pointed to the area where he had assisted in the dramatic rescue of a woman
      who thought she was going to die but who was brought out alive by some
      valiant rescuers. Mark remembers making a quick call to his wife that day,
      telling her and his daughters that he loved them, and not expecting to ever
      see them again. As he and the men around him looked at the sagging wreckage
      over their heads, Mark said to his supervisor, "I think we're going to die
      here." They must have all thought that. But they refused to leave because
      lives were at stake.

             Standing next to a man who had risked his life on this very ground to
      save other lives, it struck me full force -- a rescuer forgets about
      himself. Or he'll never take the risks to go in to save a life -- someone
      who will die if he doesn't. And I thought about what it is that keeps most
      people who have been rescued by Jesus from trying to rescue other
      spiritually dying people. We're so focused on ourselves that either we don't
      care about those lives at stake or we're paralyzed by our fears of how they
      might react if we told them about Jesus -- who is heaven's Rescuer. In
      either case, we do nothing because we're all wrapped up in ourselves. The
      exact opposite of a rescuer, who abandons his self-interest because someone
      will die if he doesn't.

              In a sense, all of us who know Christ are actually "Esthers." She's
      the Jewish girl who became the queen of Persia without anyone ever
      discovering her real roots. Then came the day when a shrewd conspiracy
      caused the king to approve a decree for the slaughter of all Jews. Mordecai,
      the man who had raised Esther, sent her a message, urging her to go to the
      king and plead for the life of her people. She was fearful because the law
      of the land dictated that anyone who entered the king's presence unbidden
      would be executed -- unless he extended his golden scepter to them. In
      Esther 4:14-16, Mordecai appeals to her with this plea: "Who knows but that
      you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther does go to
      the king, uttering this courageous declaration: "If I perish, I perish." The
      heart of a rescuer. It doesn't matter what happens to me -- it matters what
      happens to the people who will die if I don't do something. And her people
      were saved.

              Like Esther, you have been assigned where you are -- where you work,
      where you live, or where you go to school -- to help save the lives of the
      people there. People who, without a relationship with the Man who died for
      their sins, face an eternity in hell and no hope of heaven. And you have the
      life-saving information about Jesus that can rescue them. It's not about
      changing their religion or winning an argument. It's about whether they have
      a chance to know the only Person who can save them -- Jesus. You're afraid
      of what might happen if you went in for the rescue. It might damage your
      relationship, and you might mess it up. Would you think like a rescuer --
      fearing more what will happen if you don't attempt the rescue than what will
      happen if you do?

              Jesus abandoned Himself completely to rescue you. There is no rescue
      unless the rescuer forgets about himself or herself. Someone's eternity may
      depend on you doing just that. God put you where you are so they could have
      a chance at heaven. Don't fail them. Don't fail the Rescuer who died so you
      could live.
      Ron Hutchcraft

      Send any comments for Howdy to:
      If published in 'T & H', millions
      could see your annotation.

      Listen with RealAudio!

      To subscribe to "A Word With You," send a blank email to:


      To find out how you can begin a personal relationship
      with Jesus Christ, please call:

      1-888-NEED HIM.


      A couple drove several miles down a country road, not
      saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
      argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. 

      As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife
      sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"

      "Yep," the husband replied, "Inlaws."  


      Your very own library



      Please forward this newspaper to your colleagues,
      friends, and family, and let them know they can
      subscribe by sending an e-mail to: 



      Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon


      Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!"
      First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997
      Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture


      The hard working staff at 'Thought & Humor'... 



       "It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, to own
      their dependence upon the overruling power of God
      and to recognize the sublime truth announced in the
      Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those
      nations only are blessed whose God is the Lord."     
      -- President Abraham Lincoln

      If you think your problems are behind you, chances you
      are driving a school bus.

      If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

      Horse sense is what a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.

      Pharmacist to customer: "Take these pills as often as you
      can get the cap off."

      After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was
      a fool when I married you."
      The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."


         The banana is the world's largest herb.


        Tornadoes seem to be an almost-exclusive American
        phenomena; they occur more often in the U.S. than
        anywhere   else in the world.


        The lungfish can live out of water in a state of suspended
        animation for three years.


        According to the Sporting Goods Manufacturers Association,
        clothing with team logos accounts for 60 percent of licensed
        pro sports merchandise sales; 45 percent of Americans own
        at least one item with a team logo on it.


                       THAT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD RATE
        Abraham Lincoln signed the first federal income tax law.
        The tax was 3 percent on incomes over $600.

                            1 MILLION STRONG

        The first city to reach a population of 1 million people
        was Rome, Italy in 133 B.C. London, England reached the
        mark in 1810 and New York City, USA made it in 1875. Today,
        there are over 300 cities in the world that boast a
        population in excess of 1 million.


      "Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
      ANSWER: Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821), historical
              French leader


      Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
      Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl mistakes!


      If you stop believing what your professor told you had to be true
      and if you start thinking for yourself you may come to some
      conclusions you hadn't expected. You may find the Bible makes
      more sense than you thought or were told to think. Allow yourself
      to be ruined, ruined with regard to what you always thought could
      be true. Can you believe what you don't understand? You and I
      believe everyday what we don't understand unless it comes to
      the issue of salvation.                - - -  Dr. Woodrow Kroll


      Will you emerge from the hungry years as an armchair
      quarterback or a leader?



      To crack a whip, you move it in one direction then pull it sharply
      back in the opposite direction.  A wave-like curve passes down the
      length of the whip, getting smaller as it goes.  When the wave
      reaches the end of the whip there is a loud popping sound that can
      release as much energy as a firecracker.

      The cause of the sound is the speed of the whip's movement through
      the air.  As the wave travels down the whip it becomes compressed
      into a shorter length of ever-narrower whip.  The compression and the
      narrower material cause the wave to speed up.

      The crack happens when the wave nears the tip.  By that time, the
      movement exceeds the speed of sound.  The crack is actually a tiny
      sonic boom, a shock wave just like the one made by the Space Shuttle
      as it re-enters the atmosphere.

      More about shock waves:


      A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone's attention.
      "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?"

      "What's he look like?", asks one shoddy-looking cowboy.

      "Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper
      waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants,
      and a brown paper jacket."

      "So what's he wanted for?", asks the same cowboy.



      --J.R.R. Tolkien -
      Born January 3, 1892
      Died September 2, 1973
      Writer. As a writer of imaginative literature, Tolkien is best
      known for "The Hobbit" and "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy,
      tales which were formed during his years attending meetings
      of "The Inklings," an informal gathering of like-minded friends
      and fellow dons. The common thread that bound them was that
      they were all adherents of Christianity and all had a love of
      story. Having heard Tolkien's first hobbit story read aloud
      at a meeting of the Inklings, friend and famous fellow author
      C.S. Lewis urged Tolkien to publish "The Hobbit", which appeared
      in 1937. A major portion of "The Fellowship of the Ring", the
      first book in the trilogy, was also read to The Inklings before
      the group disbanded in the late 1940's. He was at the height
      of his fame as a scholarly and imaginative writer when he died
      in 1973, though critical study of his fiction continues and
      has increased in the years since. The continuing popularity
      of Tolkien's work evidences his ability to evoke the oppressive
      realities of modern life while drawing audiences into a fantasy world.


      Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were
      led down to the room in which they would each die. The priest had
      given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden,
      and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden,
      turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last
      request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music.
      Could you please play some COUNTRY MUSIC for me one last time?"
      "Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked,
      "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please,"
      said the condemned man, "kill me first."


      Depressed, Troubled, Worried???
      Big Problems???
      Want to talk with a LIVE trained counselor???
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      (Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')


      *When the man came home, his wife was crying.

      "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed.

      "My mother?  How could she do that when she is on vacation
      on the other side of the world?" the man asked.

      "I know.  But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived.
      I opened it because I was curious."


      "At the end of the letter it was written:

      PS.  Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter, don't
      forget to give it to my son." 

      "How to Be Sure You're
      a REAL Christian"
      or     1-888-NEED-HIM       
      (24/7 - free call)


      FAITH . . . IN WHAT?
      Everyone’s got some kind of faith. They just don’t always
      admit it.

      {Double click on the web address above for additional information:}

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