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Catholic school test

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  • Shdowwolfz@aol.com
    Catholic School Test     Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible, even a little, you ll find this hilarious! It comes from a
    Message 1 of 2 , Jun 4, 2004
    • 0 Attachment
      Catholic School Test
       

       
      Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know
      the Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a
      Catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about
      the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible
      were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e.,
      incorrect spelling has been left in):



      1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the
      world, so he took the Sabbath off.

      2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan
      of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

      3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

      4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with
      the unsympathetic Genitals.

      5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
      Delilah.

      6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

      7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
      which is bread without any ingredients.

      8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up
      on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

      9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

      10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

      11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in
      the battle of Geritol.

      12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand
      still and he obeyed him.

      13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought the
      Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

      14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

      15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
      Carta.

      16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in
      the manager.

      17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

      18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

      19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before
      they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.

      20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
      tombstone off the entrance.

      21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

      22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

      23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

      24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,which is
      another name for marriage.

      25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.







      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    • George Deveau
      That was great I thank you for the laugh I needed it badly Shdowwolfz@aol.com wrote: Catholic School Test Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If
      Message 2 of 2 , Jun 5, 2004
      • 0 Attachment
        That was great I thank you for the laugh I needed it badly

        Shdowwolfz@... wrote:


        Catholic School Test



        Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know
        the Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a
        Catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about
        the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible
        were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e.,
        incorrect spelling has been left in):



        1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the
        world, so he took the Sabbath off.

        2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan
        of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

        3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

        4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with
        the unsympathetic Genitals.

        5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
        Delilah.

        6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

        7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
        which is bread without any ingredients.

        8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up
        on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

        9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

        10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

        11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in
        the battle of Geritol.

        12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand
        still and he obeyed him.

        13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought the
        Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

        14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

        15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
        Carta.

        16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in
        the manager.

        17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

        18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

        19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before
        they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.

        20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
        tombstone off the entrance.

        21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

        22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

        23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

        24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,which is
        another name for marriage.

        25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.







        [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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