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Six Key Ways To Resolve Conflict

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  • GraceWatcher@aol.com
    Six Key Ways To Resolve Conflict Adapted from The Instinct to Heal, by David Servan-Schreiber, M.D., Ph.D. (Rodale Press, 2004) Here are the six key points
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 2 7:30 AM
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      Six Key Ways To Resolve Conflict
      Adapted from "The Instinct to Heal," by David Servan-Schreiber, M.D., Ph.D. (Rodale Press, 2004)

      Here are the six key points of an effective nonviolent approach to handling conflict. It may offer
      you the best chances of getting what you want at home, at work, with the police, and even with
      your car mechanic.

      In conflict you have a choice of only three ways to react in a situation of conflict: passivity
      (or passive-aggression), the most common and least satisfactory reaction; aggression, which is not
      really any more effective and is a lot more dangerous; or "nonviolent assertiveness" in other
      words, nonviolent emotional communication.

      The six key points of nonviolent communication bear the acronym S T A B E N and here is what they
      mean:

      S for SOURCE.
      Make sure, to begin with, that you are dealing with the person who is the source of the problem
      and has the means to solve it. Naturally, facing the person is a lot harder and you might not have
      any desire to do it. But it is the only approach that stands a chance to improve the relationship.
      You must go to the source of the problem.

      T for TIME and PLACE.
      Make sure the discussion takes place at a favorable time in a protected, private place. Choosing a
      place where you can talk in peace and to make sure that the other person is fully available.

      A for AMICABLE APPROACH.
      If you want the other party to hear what you have to say, you first have to make sure that this
      person is listening. There is no surer way of guaranteeing failure than adopting an aggressive or
      peremptory tone at the onset. Make certain that the other person feels at ease from your very first
      words.

      We are more receptive to our name than to any other word. Thus, whatever you intent to say to your
      disparager, begin by addressing him by his name.

      B for OBJECTIVE BEHAVIOR.
      Next, you must get to the heart of the matter. Explain the behavior that motivates your grievance,
      while confining your description to what happened, and nothing more, without the slightest
      allusion to a moral judgment.

      E for EMOTION.
      After the description of the facts must come the emotions you experienced as a result of them.
      Here, you must avoid the trap of talking about your anger, which is often the most obvious emotion.
      Anger is already an emotion directed toward the other, not the expression of an inner hurt, and it
      is likely to evoke defensiveness.

      N for NEED.
      You may stop once you have expressed your true emotion, but it is even more effective to mention
      your disappointed hopes or the need you feel that has not been recognized.
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      From the Desk of Anyeot GraceWatcher of Sakin'el
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