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***Thought & Humor*** Sept 4, 2004 Edition - Happy Labor Day - Special Hurricane Issue - Read By Candlelight

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  • letshavefun2day@juno.com
    Welcome to the most censored & attacked surreptitious newspaper on the internet. I wonder what s below that various indomitable individuals are afraid for you
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 2, 2004
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      Welcome to the most censored &
      attacked surreptitious newspaper
      on the internet. I wonder what's
      below that various indomitable
      individuals are afraid for you to
      read??? Surely not the award
      winning humor!!!
       

                
                           Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper 
                                featuring
      'Thought & Humor'
                                                                     by Howdy
                      
                                      
       
                                                         
       
      ===============

       
      Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her
      (UNC grad) husband, "I'll bet you don't know what
      day this is."

      "Of course I do," he answered acting as if he was
      offended, and left for the office.

      At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the
      woman opened the door, she was handed a box of
      a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m.,
      a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite
      chocolates was delivered. Later, a boutique
      delivered a designer dress.

      The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.

      "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then
      the dress!" she exclaimed.

      "I've never had a more wonderful Labor Day in my life!"
       

      ===============
       
             
             Riddles:



      1) What country is hidden in the paragraph below?

      As defendants, we deny all involvement in the
      unscrupulous dealings which have come to light
      in the recent government investigation.

      2) The first is foremost legally
      The second circles outwardly
      The third leeds in victory
      The last twice ends a nominee
      What am I?

      3) What is the only 11 letter word in the English  
           language that ends with the same three letters  
           that it begins with?   


                                              (Answers are located below)
                                       If you can't find the answers below:
                                  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/howdy_text_only/messages

      ===============


       
                'Text-Only' Edition has no color cartoon here - and it was funny...
      ===============
       
      The Bureau of prisons just announced the release of a serial  
      bank robber who had looted over 30 banks before his capture.  
      The parole board says he is completely rehabilitated and has  
      found employment at his home in Prague. Yes, that is correct.  
      They were able to right a bad czech.  
       
           

      ===============
                             
                                
      Read what you have time for below & save the
      residuum for a stormy/blustery/dilatory interval
      while the charming/exquisite/vernal/aestival 
      season is bursting out all over. Our goal is to
      promote a non-threatening and productive
      office & university environment and to establish
      language that is gender-neutral, ethnic-neutral,
      and age-neutral while celebrating our spirit  
      of diversity.  


      ===============
       
       
       
             
       
      A UNC grad spent all day making his funny money. At the
      end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.

      He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this
      batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too
      bright and change his phony money for real cash.

      He travels to a small town in the backwoods and walks into
      a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man
      behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for
      a $15 bill?"

      The old man replies, "I sure do. How would you like that?
      An 8 and a 7 or two 6s and a three?"
       
       
       

       
      ===============

       
       
      ***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***
      This material is not suitable for those who are deficient in humor
      or thought challenged!!! Do not read any further - you have been
      warned. Preconceived ideas and biases could be endangered.
      A unique blend of the jocular with provocative rumination is just
      ahead for your divertissement!?! "UNSUBSCRIBE" communiqué
      located below.
          Even French students can do it...


       

      ===============

                    
       
         

      Most sources claim that the first motorcycle was built by Gottlieb
      Daimler, an assistant to Nicholaus Otto (who invented the Otto cycle,
      a kind of engine).  In 1885, Daimler added a gasoline motor to a
      wooden bicycle, replacing the pedals.  Daimler's motorbike was
      propelled by an engine, but it was not the first motor-driven cycle.

      Actually, the first motorbike was built seventeen years earlier in
      1868.  It was not powered by a gasoline engine, but by a steam
      engine.  Its builder was Sylvester Roper.  His steam-powered bike
      did not catch on, but it anticipated many modern motorbike features,
      including the twisting-handgrip throttle control.

      History of the motorcycle:
      http://www.motorcycle.com/mo/mcmuseum/firstbike.html
      http://www.uh.edu/engines/epi1286.htm
      http://www.uh.edu/engines/epi921.htm
       
      {Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line}
       
       
       
       

       
      ===============
       
       
       
       

      Motherhood ~ If it was going to be easy, it never would
      have started with something called labor!

      The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them
      while they are still on your side.


      The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home
      a pleasant atmosphere and to let the air out of the tires.


      The right temperature in a home is maintained by warm
      hearts, not by hot heads.

          
      The joy of motherhood: the time when all the children are
      finally in bed.

          
      Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like
      trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.

         
      Oh to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was
      when he was small, and half as stupid as my teenager now
      thinks I am.

       
       
       
       

       
      ===============


                                                         

      ***Warning***Warning***Warning***Warning***
       
      AOL is attacking our mailing list once again. Others ISP's
      have tried the same. If you do not receive an issue each week
      write me and let me know. I would hate to loose you forever
      in the dangerous cyberspace world!!! Write me:

       your-bestfriend4u@...

      Your Devoted Autumn Friend,

      Howdy


             (Please save this notice)
       
       
       


      ===============

       


       
      Undoubtedly America’s fastest growing sensation online,
      'Thought & Humor' has arrived after winding its way
      through the Internet’s highways and byways to your e-mail
      address. We welcome all our great readers to another unique
      blend of the jocular with provocative rumination for your
      weekly entertainment - usually platitudinous & bromidic 
      but never nefarious, prurient, besmeared, or perfidious
      and delivered gratis to offices, homes & dorms ubiquitously....
       
       
       


      ===============

                            
       
       
       
       


      Two young men who had just graduated from UNC* were
      excited and talkative about their future plans as they
      got into a taxi in downtown Chapel Hill.  After hearing
      them for a couple of minutes the cab driver asked,
      "You men UNC graduates?"

      "Yes Sir!  Class of '04!" they answered proudly.
      The cab driver extended his hand back to shake their
      hand, saying,  "Class of '66."
       
       
      ________
      *UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
      Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
      B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C.
      (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
      for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
      unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
      learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.

      ===============
       
       
       
       
       

                                       
      KIDS' SITE: BUILD A ROLLER COASTER
             
      http://virtual.questacon.edu.au/rollercoaster/

      Design a roller coaster and watch it run. It uses lifelike
      physics, so if you don't design it properly, you might get stuck!

       
       



      ===============

       
       
       
      Did you hear about the UNC student that stayed up all
      night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her.
       
       
       

       
      ===============
            
               
       
       
       
       

      Just Think About This

      If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
      doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
      musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
      deposed and dry cleaners depressed?  Laundry
      workers could decrease, eventually becoming
      depressed and depleted!

      Even more, bed makers will be debunked, baseball
      players will be debased, landscapers will be
      deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded,
      organ donors will be delivered, software engineers
      will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed,
      and even musical composers will eventually
      decompose.

      On a more positive note though, perhaps we can
      hope liberal politicians will be devoted.


       
       
       

       
      ===============


        ***TEST YOUR WORD KNOWLEDGE? ***
                           
      Match the words in the left-hand column with the correct
      definition in the right-hand column. The answer key is
      listed at the bottom of this newsletter.
       
      1. frisson               A. Direct and deliberately hurtful  
      2. ensorcell            B. An authoritative statement  
      3. screak                C. To enchant  
      4. diaphanous        D. A flustered or agitated state  
      5. supererogatory   E. To pass into use  
      6. dictum                F. To produce a screech  
      7. probity               G. More than is needed or required  
      8. swivet                 H. An emotional thrill  
      9. trenchant            I. Tried virtue or integrity  
      10. inure                 J. Allowing light to pass through  

                                 (answers below)                     


      ===============

       
      Movie & Video Reviews: http://www.pluggedinonline.com/

       
      ===============
       
       
       
       
       
      -- Charles Bronson -
       
      Died August 30, 2003  
      Born November 3, 1921  

      Actor*. Best remembered for his roles in the movies "The  
      Great Escape," "The Dirty Dozen," and the "Death Wish"  
      series of movies. Born Charles Buchinski in Ehrenfeld,  
      Pennsylvania, to a family of Lithuanian immigrant coal  
      miners, he followed his father and brothers into the coal  
      mines after high school, until World War II, when he joined  
      the Navy, serving as a tail gunner aboard aircraft carriers.  
      When the war ended, he used his G.I. Bill to study art in  
      Philadelphia, and while working as a set designer, he  
      discovered he had a flair for acting, and began studying  
      acting in Pasadena. He obtained bit parts in many B movies,  
      mostly playing tough guys and mobsters, and later, Indians,  
      finally becoming noticed in "The Magnificent Seven." His  
      solid role of claustrophobic tunnel digger Danny Velinski  
      in "The Great Escape" brought him better roles, such as "The  
      Dirty Dozen," but in 1968, he headed for Europe where he  
      became a star. Returning to the US, his popularity grew much  
      slower than in Europe, but he finally hit big with "Death  
      Wish," which was followed with four sequels. He continued to  
      make movies, branching out into "made for television" movies,  
      until 1999. He died of pneumonia in 2003.  
       
       
       
       
       

       
      ===============





          
      The hottest flames known to science are made by burning a mixture of
      oxygen and acetylene (C2H2).  The flame of an oxyacetylene torch can
      reach a temperature of more than 3300 degrees Celsius (5972 F), hot
      enough to melt metal even underwater or in the extreme cold of Antarctica.

      Why does acetylene produce such a hot flame?  The secret is in the
      molecule's structure:  It contains two carbon atoms joined by a high-
      energy triple bond, with a hydrogen atom capping each end of the
      molecule.  When the triple bond is attacked and broken by oxygen
      atoms, a very large amount of energy is released.

      Because of its extremely high energy content, acetylene is also one
      of the most explosive gasses.  Even a small amount, if it explodes,
      can create a shock wave intense enough to kill a person and flames
      hot enough to inflict severe burns.

      A prize-winning essay about acetylene:

      http://www.chem.yorku.ca/hall_of_fame/essays97/acetylene/acetylen.htm        
          


       
       


      ===============
       
                                  
       
      'Thought & Humor' has been  read in all 50 States,
      70 Countries, 7 Continents, many Island Nations,
      Oxford, Cambridge, every Ivy League School
      & all major American Universities including UNC!!!
       
       
      ===============

       
      A note left for a pianist from his wife:
      "Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet."


      ===============

                              
       
      If you would like to write Howdy (he reads all of them),
      send an amicable, meticulous, penurious or factious e-mail to:



       Howdy's address:       your-bestfriend4u@...



      Please tell us your general location (State, School, Country).
      All letters sent to Howdy might be printed unless you
      request otherwise. Letters marked "anonymous" may be
      printed but without the name. Your e-mail address will not
      be shown. Tell us what's happening in your locale!!!
       
      Warning: Please do not send political correspondence - these sometimes
      slip stealthily past our editor.  We have a very strict policy forbidding
      posting of any political material in this section.  If your copy contains
      such, please be advised that your copy may have been an early
      edition and that it was doffed from all ensuing editions.




      Dear Howdy,
       
      THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS !!!!

       HUGZ AND BRIGHTESS BLESSINGS  ,
                                       DAWN

       

      +++

      Howdy,
       
      Rachel S. from the UMASS must be a big John Kerry fan.
      She may be only one of hundreds there that receive it and true to
      the far left leanings, she will deprive everyone of your letter.

      Bill
      Fort Worth, TX
       
      +
       
      Dear Bill,
       
      That's how liberals work - that's why 'T&H' is the
      most censored newspaper on the web!!! Must be
      the humor part???
       
      Howdy

      +++

      Dear Howdy,

      UNSUBSCRIBE ME FROM THIS TERRIBLE NEWSLETTER.

      Lisa M. (MSU)

       
      +++
       
      Dear Howdy,
       
      Ban the Christians, kill the Bushites! 
      This should find a place in your comments on UNC.

      JB
       
      +++
       
      Dear Howdy, For some time now I have been
      guilty of just skipping (deleting) the T&H msgs.
      I must not do that from now on. Yesterday I
      laughed so much  and that was good free
      therapy!! I even forwarded. Thanks for keeping 
      them clean--- there is really no need to dirty good humor.
      Pamela.
       
      +++
       
      Hi Howdy,
       
       
      +++
       
       
      Howdy,
       
      I don't know how my email address got on your list, but I have
      immensly enjoyed every email I have received from you since. 
      The riddles are fun, the humor is great, and the controversial
      topics are enlightening.  My friends all enjoy reading these
      emails with me.  Thank you so much for all your hard work in
      making "Thoughts and Humor" the one email I look forward to
      receiving every day.
       
      Anonymous,
      University of Missouri - Rolla


      +++
       
      Howdy, 
          I have to admit how much I love your humorous
      and challenging newsletter. At first I did not believe
      "Thoughts and Humor" would be of any interest to
      me, but I do enjoy the links to the politically concerned
      web sites, which voice their sometimes useless opinions. ;-)
      I also find the riddles and jokes to witty and comical. 
      Hey at least your are not making a mockery of Florida
      State University. Thanks for giving me something to look
      forward to during my summer of tanning and partying. XOXO
      Elizabeth
      Florida State University
       
      +++
       
      Dear Howdy, To begin, I am the most computer-illiterate
      person on the planet....when THOUGHT&HUMOR gave
      instructions several months ago I freaked...I just don't know
      how ... then  when you came out with further instructions
      I threw me for a loop so here's the deal: I would love to
      keep getting THOUGHT&HUMOR....I adore the newsletter
      and love the Christian emphasis....so, yes, please include
      me....I'll get somebody to help me figure it out...finally, where
      do you send a donation? I think yours is a ministry and I'd love
      to support it...cheers!
       
      roy in chattanooga
       
      +++
       
      Dear Howdy,
       
      For those you who didn't know........


      John Kerry's Votes For Higher Taxes
      Kerry Voted 98 Times For Tax Increases Totaling More Than $2.3 Trillion.
      Kerry Voted At Least 126 Times Against Tax Cuts Totaling More Than $5.3
      Trillion.
      Kerry Voted Against 2001 And 2003 Bush Tax Cuts.
      Kerry Voted Twice For Largest Tax Increase In U.S. History.
      Kerry Voted For Higher Taxes On Social Security Benefits At Least Eight
      Times.
      Kerry Voted Against Marriage Penalty Relief At Least 22 Times
      Kerry Voted Against Expanding Child Tax Credit At Least 18 Times.
      Kerry Voted For Higher Gas Taxes On The Middle Class 10 Times And He Once
      Supported A 50 Cent A Gallon Gas Tax Increase.

      Please  pass it on  to others so they will know  Sen. Kerry's  voting
      record( the 24% of the time  he was there to vote)

      Brenda (TX)
      +++
       
       
      Howdy,

        Here's some fun trivia for T&H.  I'll keep it's sender
      anonymous

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