I received a reply to your review from Annette:
"I was very appreciative of Ralph's comments. At least he didn't say my effort was rubbish, so please thank him for me."
If any other members have read the chapter, could you please consider adding some comments as well. It will help encourage a new author to write fanfics, and that's never a bad thing - especially if they know how to write.
She tells me she has an idea for a post DH fic featuring a number rarely used (in canon) characters and spells...
--- In Thoughts_of_Pudding@yahoogroups.com, "Ralph S." <ralph@...> wrote:
> Dear Annette,
> first of all, kudos for being descriptive - something that, sadly, seems
> a bit lacking in the world of fanfiction as everyone just wants their
> quick fix (either reading or writing). It's a nice change of pace,
> having to slow down, being able to sit back and actually /read/ rather
> than skim. Or skip to the end, even.
> This includes, but is certainly not limited to, all the little extra
> details; be that bits and pieces of an overheard conversation not at
> all relevant to the plot (such as football games), or a quick mention of
> facial expressions, mood changes, or even a paragraph or two describing
> the general stage.
> This, above everything else, is why I'm in firm disagreement with one
> Bob (from the Bob&Alyx team) who claims "everyone can write fiction"; in
> all honesty, that's like saying a monkey can write novellas. Sure it
> might be able to get the pen to paper - or quill to parchment, in this
> case -- but I don't have to tell you there's far more to telling a
> story, do I?
> The most obvious "problems" in this particular chapter -- if you want to
> call them "problems" --- are the pre-determined names. For example, it's
> "Voldemort" rather than "Voldermort", "Weasley" rather than "Weazly" or
> "Gryffindor" rather than "Griffindoor". But, in my opinion anyway, that
> doesn't detract from the overall storytelling itself (although others
> are wont to disagree). It is, I imagine, not so much of a problem when
> one is able to invent -and use- own names.
> Also, but I imagine that's a case of personal preferences, I notice you
> start out with Luna as protagonist, but then seem to fluidly move over
> to Harry and back again to Luna before eventually settling on Harry.
> Personally, I think that can get a bit confusing - if I want to identify
> with the protagonist, even if it's only for a chapter or even just a few
> paragraphs, I won't be able to do that if there /is/ no clear
> protagonist. For example, Luna cannot know what Harry is thinking while
> she is protagonist; she can look at his face, his expression, his stance
> and all the other nonverbal cues. She cannot know Harry "doesn't have
> the slightest clue what she's talking about" and certainly cannot
> "mistake" anything. This is /her/ point of view; Luna can take his
> hesitation to mean confusion on his part and that therefore she should
> explain, or she could even feel encouraged to continue if we assume
> everyone else always cut in, or told her to get lost, or ran away. But
> if she *knew* Harry didn't have clue, she'd be able make an informed
> decision. It would also mean she'd be reading his mind.
> In conclusion, and I imagine this may sound strange... I'd like to see
> this continued but would prefer it if it wasn't about Harry, and Luna,
> and Hermione, but about your own characters. To be perfectly frank, I
> was a bit surprised when I realized that myself.
> Because when it comes down to it, there's nothing left to talk about in
> the universe Mrs Rowling provided us with - more than half of us
> fan(fiction readers / writer)s are firm in our support of "this
> particular pairing" and won't read about anything else. Needless to say,
> quality tends to fall on the side; people will shun excellent work
> because it's about "that other pairing" and instead prefer the dregs if
> it supports "their" pairing.
> No real point in sitting down to write when you can expect your work to
> be judged based on the characters you use rather than all the time and
> energy you spend to get single paragraphs just right, or the sometimes
> weeks it takes to properly convey a particular mood.
> -- Ralph
> Thoughts_of_Pudding@yahoogroups.com wrote:
> > Hello,
> > This email message is a notification to let you know that
> > a file has been uploaded to the Files area of the Thoughts_of_Pudding
> > group.
> > File : /Annette - HP & Thoughts of Pudding Ch1.doc
> > Uploaded by : bjdibbins <bjdibbins@...>
> > Description : Annette's rewrite of Thoughts of Pudding, Chapter 1. Comments please!
> > You can access this file at the URL:
> > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Thoughts_of_Pudding/files/Annette%20-%20HP%20%26%20Thoughts%20of%20Pudding%20Ch1.doc
> > To learn more about file sharing for your group, please visit:
> > http://help.yahoo.com/l/us/yahoo/groups/original/members/web/index.html
> > Regards,
> > bjdibbins <bjdibbins@...>
> > ------------------------------------
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