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Valentine From a Plaintiff's Attorney

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  • Lawrence Rogak
    Dear Readers: I wrote this valentine for plaintiffs attorneys to send to their sweeties: Dearest darling, hear my plea This is what you are to me: You re my
    Message 1 of 2 , Feb 14, 2005
      Dear Readers:

      I wrote this valentine for plaintiffs' attorneys to send to their
      sweeties:

      Dearest darling, hear my plea
      This is what you are to me:
      You're my sidewalk with a crater
      You're my plunging elevator
      You're my fat and heart attacks
      From a diet of Big Macs
      You're my car with failing brakes
      You're my surgeon with the shakes
      You're my subway platform gap
      You're hot coffee in my lap
      You're the black ice on my stairs
      You're flammable underwear
      You're my keloid-scar-on-face
      You're my no fault threshold case
      You're my lead-ingesting child
      You're my vicious dog run wild
      You're my mold-infested house
      You're my Coke with head of mouse
      You're my boss who grabs a breast
      You're my blatant false arrest
      You're my old and shaky ladder
      Causing roofing men to splatter
      You're my pratfalls, screams and squeals
      From well-placed banana peels
      You're my pilot with poor vision
      You're my nineteen-car collision
      You're my double torn meniscus
      You're my herniated discus
      You're my bar that sells drunks liquor--
      Few things bring on lawsuits quicker
      And you hold up very nicely
      Next to crosswalks slick and icy
      You're sudden acceleration
      Crashing cars around the nation
      You're my broken stoplight, honey--
      Turning pockets green with money
      You're my alley strewn with trash
      Causing falls, producing cash
      You are every kind of woe
      I can wangle into dough
      Like an misdiagnosed tumor
      That I turn into mazuma
      Like a fall that hurts your head
      That produces lots of bread
      Like a crippled caballero
      Who can win mucho dinero
      Like an injured little cutie
      Who produces lots of booty
      Like a simple fender bender
      That produces legal tender
      Some call what I do a racket
      My response is, "Kiss my assets."
      People's woes bring me such glee
      You mean all these things to me
      So, my dearest, lest I sue
      Let me hear these words from you:
      "Be my Valentine, by heck
      Mark it settled, cut the check."

      copyright 2005 Larry Rogak
    • Lawrence
      Yes, it s that time of year again, so it s time for me to republish my annual Valentine poem...... Valentine From A Plaintiff s Attorneyby Larry Rogak I wrote
      Message 2 of 2 , Feb 13, 2013
        Yes, it's that time of year again, so it's time for me to republish my annual Valentine poem......

        Valentine From A Plaintiff's Attorney
        by Larry Rogak

        I wrote this valentine for plaintiffs' attorneys to send to their sweeties:

        Dearest darling, hear my plea
        This is what you mean to me:
        You're my sidewalk with a crater
        You're my plunging elevator
        You're my fat and heart attacks
        From a diet of Big Macs
        You're my car with failing brakes
        You're my surgeon with the shakes
        You're my subway platform gap
        You're hot coffee in my lap
        You're the black ice on my stairs
        You're my flaming underwear
        You're my keloid-scar-on-face
        You're my no fault threshold case
        You're my lead-ingesting child
        You're my vicious dog run wild
        You're my mold-infested house
        You're my Coke with head of mouse
        You're my boss who grabs a breast
        You're my blatant false arrest
        You're my old and shaky ladder
        Causing roofing men to splatter
        You're my pratfalls, screams and squeals
        From well-placed banana peels
        You're my pilot with poor vision
        You're my nineteen-car collision
        You're my double torn meniscus
        You're my herniated discus
        You're my bar that sells drunks liquor--
        Few things bring on lawsuits quicker
        And you hold up very nicely
        Next to crosswalks slick and icy
        You're uncontrolled acceleration
        Crashing cars around the nation
        You're my cell phone accident
        That will pay my office rent
        You're my broken stoplight, honey--
        Turning pockets green with money
        You're my alley strewn with trash
        Causing falls, producing cash
        You are every kind of woe
        I can wangle into dough
        Like an misdiagnosed tumor
        That I turn into mazuma
        Falling bricks that hurt your head
        And produce a lot of bread
        Like a crippled caballero
        Who can win mucho dinero
        An untimely NF-10
        That produces lots of Yen
        Like an injured little cutie
        Who produces lots of booty
        Like a simple fender bender
        That produces legal tender
        Some call what I do a racket
        My response is, "Kiss my assets."
        People's woes bring me such glee
        You mean all these things to me
        So, my dearest, lest I sue
        Let me hear these words from you:
        "Be my Valentine, by heck
        Mark it settled, cut the check."

        Happy Valentine's Day!
        Larry Rogak
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